Today is a monumental day for me and my Bear. It's a year today we got the tragic news that I had incurable canSer. A year...Already! Oh my..
For me it feels like only yesterday but also a lifetime ago. I can vividly remember being at hospital then calling Pete. I remember the panic, the sadness and the look in Pete's eyes when he came in from work beside himself. It's weird I'm not holding onto that day and those memories so that I can relive them or be a victim. I want to let it all go so that I can move on. I don't blame anyone, most of all I don't blame myself. It is a distant memory and a time and date that year on year forever more I will look back and think that was the day my life changed forever. Strange then you'd think it would have been when I was told I had canSer first time round three years ago, but no. That day I didn't go home and think my life will never be the same again- for the better
This day last year was the day I came alive and woke up from my slumber of a life. Took the bull by the horns, picked myself up and dusted myself off. But if it sounds like I'm gung ho and strong I'm not. Without Pete, my Bear, my One then I am certain I wouldn't be sat here now blogging.
He is my inspiriation, my drive, my reason for living. He gives me strength every day. He brightens my world and gives me hope. And what would life be without hope?
Then there's everyone reading this including my mum, friends, family, friends of friends and complete strangers who have given me the passion to keep going. It's amazing how small simple comments, emails and entries on the visitors page make such a difference. Just knowing people want to know what's going on in my life, feelings, in my head and heart, inspires me daily. I want to thank everyone because without them, you I wouldn't be as healthy (as I can be) and happy.
I live a life without regret, blame, sadness and fill it with a future, hope, happiness and gratitude.
My health is better now than a year ago. The canSer is apparently still there but when it got worse last year I have batted it back and I believe that I am in a stronger position than that fateful day.
There have been many dark hours and days and who knows whats yet to come? But that's how exciting life is!
Ive had a year of opening my eyes, heart and soul. And so has Pete. I've learned about the need for a less acidic life physically and emotionally. I practise yoga, exercise regularly, take supplements, medicinal mushrooms, travel to Germany for immunotherapy and use heat and air daily. I have rekindled my love of drawing and getting back to work. I have had huge success selling wish bracelets for charity and been a lingerie model for the day. The most memorable thing is the kindness I have experienced and love from absolutely everyone. I hope I've helped teach people with my words and that I can offer some help to anyone who wants to improve their life and comfort to those in a similar situation.
So the last thing to say is Thank you!
I'm still away at Mum's house and hope my Bear can wait just a little while longer for a big old' squeeze on my return.. Not long now. Mmwwaaahhhhhhh! Xxx