Haemoglobin levels look so good you wouldn't know I am on chemo!....

by Claire16. April 2013 13:48

I had an early appointment at the hospital today. It’s a week earlier than normal as we of to Germany next week. I was told that I would be seeing Dr Minawi and as I sat in her treatment room waiting for her I was then told to move to Prof Harris' room. It seems he wanted to see me?! Any who in he trots as jovial as ever and said that I looked really well. I told him I had a cold. He didn’t seem at all concerned and said that the chemo wouldn’t affect me whilst having a cold. I told him I wasn’t concerned. I didn’t mean for it to sound quite so blunt but I meant it. I am not concerned.

He said that he has been looking sat my blood tests and they look great. He said that my haemoglobin levels look fine and that you wouldn’t even know I am on chemo! Wow! I am well chuffed with that. That’s’ so encouraging. Right now I feel just snotty and rough round the edges but I am sure by the weekend I should be feeling better.

I am back at the hospital Thursday or Friday to have another blood test and to pick up my next course of chemo. That will be round seven. Prof Harris knows my scan is all booked and it seems I have a month till I get the results.

Some really exciting news... Pete came across some more research yesterday that sounds just unreal! Here is an excerpt of the article;

....’fortunately, better drug therapies may be on the horizon. UCLA researchers and collaborators led by Dean Ho, a professor at the UCLA School of Dentistry and co-director of the school's Jane and Jerry Weintraub Center for Reconstructive Biotechnology, have developed a potentially more effective treatment for TNBC that uses nanoscale, diamond-like particles called nanodiamonds.

Nanodiamonds are between 4 and 6 nanometers in diameter and are shaped like tiny soccer balls. Byproducts of conventional mining and refining operations, the particles can form clusters following drug binding and have the ability to precisely deliver cancer drugs to tumours, significantly improving the drugs' desired effect. In the UCLA study, the nanodiamond delivery system has been able to home in on tumour masses in mice with triple negative breast cancer.

Findings from the study are published online April 15 in the peer-reviewed journal Advanced Materials.

"This study demonstrates the versatility of the nanodiamond as a targeted drug-delivery agent to a tumour site," said Ho, who is also a member of the California NanoSystems Institute at UCLA, UCLA's Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Centre and the UCLA Department of Bioengineering. "The agent we've developed reduces the toxic side effects that are associated with treatment and mediates significant reductions in tumour size."

The team combined several important cancer-fighting components on the nanodiamond surface, including Epirubicin, a highly toxic but widely used chemotherapy drug that is often administered in combination with other cancer drugs. The new compound was then bound to a cell-membrane material coated with antibodies that were targeted toward the epidermal growth factor receptor, which is highly concentrated on the surfaces of TNBC cells. The resulting agent is a drug-delivery system called a nanodiamond-lipid hybrid compound, or NDLP.

When tested on mice, the agent was shown to notably decrease tumor growth and eliminate the devastating side effects of cancer treatment.

Because of its toxicity, Epirubicin, when administered alone can cause serious side effects, such as heart failure and reduced white blood cell count, and it has been linked to an increased risk for leukaemia. In the study, all of the mice that were given Epirubicin alone died well before the completion of the study. But all the mice given Epirubicin through the targeted NDLPs survived the treatment, and some of the tumours even regressed until they were no longer visible.

"Triple-negative breast cancer is often very aggressive and hard to treat, making aggressive chemotherapy a requirement," said Dr. Edward K. Chow, co-first author of the study and an assistant professor at the Cancer Science Institute of Singapore. "The targeting and therapeutic efficiency of the nanodiamond-lipid agents were quite remarkable. The simultaneous tumor regression and improved drug tolerance are promising indicators for the continued development of the nanodiamonds toward clinical translation."

The research team is now studying the efficacy and safety of the NDLPs in larger animals. Additional research objectives include determining whether nanodiamonds can enhance the tolerance of a wide spectrum of highly toxic drug compounds, which may improve current treatment options and outcomes. These discoveries will serve as precursors for human trials, the researchers said.

"The nanodiamond-lipid hybrid developed in this study is a modular platform," said Laura Moore, a graduate student in Ho's laboratory and a co-first author of the study. "Therefore, we can easily bind a wide spectrum of targeting antibodies and drug compounds to address several diseases."

Dr. No-Hee Park, dean of the UCLA School of Dentistry, noted that the research will provide a foundation for future clinical applications.

"This pioneering study conducted by Dean Ho and his team provides a better understanding of the capabilities of the nanodiamond material to address several diseases," Park said. "Their work is of paramount importance."

There is more exciting news featured on my forum about another potential cure for triple negative breast canSer. Take a look:

This news is amazing. It is abundantly clear that there isn’t going to one thing that cures canSer. It will never be cured with on drug alone. It seems everything should be complementary and will work in synergy together. But how encouraging is this news?

Back home from the hospital and I am working today again... Big smiles and lots of feel good feelings! Although, in order not to spread my germs I will be wearing a mask over my nose and mouth!




Triple Negative

I must be doing something right?!

by Claire15. April 2013 15:45


Mondays... don’t you just love them? I do. It’s the day that you get everything all back to normal from the weekend and get ready for the week ahead. The house is cleaned from top to bottom, the washing done and bits and bobs all organised. It’s very cathartic and de-cluttering for the mind.

I have done all of the above today and I must admit I feel a bit pooped. I have a stinker of a cold now too. Friday I had a sore throat and thought that I wouldn’t let it get me but by yesterday the nose started to run and I was sneezing like a goodun’! I did the usual panic moment and had to ask Pete if everything would be ok. I always dread getting any illness whilst having canSer as I can’t help but suspect it could be more sinister. Pete said he thinks it could be a good thing. Gettting the immunity to have a response could be the thing that helps rid me of canSer.  I have to admit in my gut I think it isn’t anything to worry about. I don't feel that ill. It’s simply a head cold. Picture me with a streaming nose and eyes! It’s not going to stop me from working tomorrow or going to my hospital appointment either. In fact I feel well enough that I did some light exercise this morning and yoga too. I believe that when exercising the body releases good hormones and I think that can only help my body recover from this cold quicker.

The cold has probably been brewing for a while but thankfully I didn't really feel it too much over the weekend as we had our new friends visit. We met them whilst skiing in Austria in February and this is the first time since we got back that we have seen them. We had such a laugh and felt very relaxed with them. Some people are no effort at all and being around them is so very relaxing. That’s how it was this weekend. We had so many laughs (being complete goons!) I am sure our neighbours must love us ringing a fire bell at midnight! I know, I know why have we got a fire bell? It’s a long story but let’s just say our house is full of fun and surprises! I am sure the late night on Friday didn’t help my cold but life is for living. I am kind to myself as much as possible but sometimes I simply cannot miss out on all the fun!Sealed

I have been chatting today with a friend about canSer and how it affects the individual. We both agreed and believe that canSer is about ‘letting go’. Of course there are the physical elements and factors to be taken into consideration but letting go of the old stuff, the old you, the old habits, is the only way to evolve and the biggest part of healing is on the inside and in the mind. It’s funny because I have been thinking this a lot recently. I feel like a different person that I was 9 months ago. I can honestly say life is great. I know there are things we would all rather not have to endure and to put up with and always think things could be better, but actually my life is just peachy. Yesterday afternoon when our friends had gone and Pete and I were having our afternoon TV snuffle, I couldn’t help but tell him how very happy and grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. I said that when we are old and grey we would still be tucked into the corner of the sofa holding hands and snuffling closely. Pete interjected and said that he is already old and grey! Ha ha! But I corrected him by saying old is when he is 95 years old. I honestly believe that we could both live to that ripe old age and if we get that opportunity to be together for that many years then boy, life has been wonderful. I hope that the Universe lets that happen and we live healthily for many many decades yet.

Just think by the time I am 95 years old there will definitely be a cure for every canSer going. It’s inevitable. Its right under our noses I think. Drugs and treatments aside I believe the cure is right under our noses anyway. Unlocking the mess we hold inside is the first step to our future health...

Tomorrow I am at the hospital for my next clinic appointment. I received a letter last week for my next ct scan which was booked for Monday 22nd April, but as I am going to be having treatment in Germany I have now postponed it until the 8th May. I am sure Prof Harris won’t be too pleased as he has wanted the scan done of the past five weeks but the radiology department must be busy. I don’t mind waiting. It gives me almost a month of hard work, focussed visualising and really being good with my diet. Pete and I have both decided that being vegan for a while is good way of cleansing ourselves and almost like a bit of a detox. By the time I have the scan it will be about 12 weeks since my last one.

The last few months have been really great. We haven’t been away on any little trips other than Germany and instead we have been spending lots of time with friends. I never realised how important they are in my life until now. The rest of April is the same and I am really looking forward to catching up with friends old and new. I feel blessed that they like spending time with me and my Bear.  One of the most important things for canSer patients is support and to live a normal life. I think I have the balance down to a tee. I simply do not let canSer rule me anymore.

Thankfully, as with the last 6 cycles of chemo, this cycle has been pretty much the same. I have felt great and I haven’t had any side effects. Phew.... I must be doing something right!



Triple Negative

There are more Bears out there...

by Claire12. April 2013 09:35

 I don’t know what is wrong with me but I only slept for 3 hours last night. I am at this moment a bit jaded. Although, first thing this morning I was wide awake and raring to go... Don’t ya just hate it when that happens? I don’t think I am preoccupied but I must have thought about absolutely everything last night.... such a shame. I feel cheated. The night before however was a completely different story. I had to go to bed at 8pm. I was falling asleep trying to watch a TV show. I just didn’t feel right. Every day is so different. I think I am very sensitive to what my body needs and when I need to sleep I just have to listen to it and go for it. I had such a good day though with my clients. A whole afternoon of working and I loved every minute of it. I really do look forward to my next day of working.

I definitely feel that I am eating too much at the moment too. I’m not sure if I am doing it out of boredom or what? But I don’t like it. I like eating only when I am hungry and I don’t want to let my head take over and get the better of me. It’s my head that got me into this whole mess in the first place!

Yesterday was a good day, after seeing Ray for a visit I had my reflexology session. It was amazing as usual... I simply can’t get enough of it. She really feels things are working well and that my lungs are good. That’s what I like to hear. Needless to say still no appointment for the CT scan but that’s ok as I am in no hurry to have one!

It dawned on me today that all I ever wanted was control and the more I tried to control things and my life the less I had. In fact all I had was anxiety and would rush around like a looney. Now I am trying to control everything in my life less and I think I have more of a handle on it... weird how things go...... A good example is my kitty. I tried to make her a lap cat for so long and would grab her for cuddles and she hated it, and me! Now every morning she leaps on top of me in bed and sits facing me with a big smile on her face. All the years I have had her and all I wanted was to have a lap cat. I stopped trying and there I go getting what I want. There’s a lesson in there. Laughing

You know it has made me think would it really matter if the canSer didn't go fully? I will still have to have a CT scan regularly and as long as I am well I will be fine. I am starting to understand that canSer is a chronic illness not necessarily a life threatening disease. That's a real thought.....


Today we have friends visiting from Nottingham. They are staying with us for the weekend. If the weather looks good tomorrow then there is nothing better than punting and swigging champagne out of the bottle but I fear we may need to take a brolly or do something more suited to the weather. It’s been raining here all night long. I don’t mind as my garden needed it but I could do with some bright warmth. I feel like a wilting flower. I am striving to go into full bloom but without the rays it ain’t gonna happen!

I saw this link today and thought I was the only lucky girl in the world to have a bear but it seems there is another lucky triple negative survivor with a Bear.

This article featured on American news is really heart warming...

‘Pandora's Josh Huffman was one of five people honoured Wednesday in Columbus as one of Stefanie’s Champions.

The program annually honours those whose dedication and strength were powerful influences in the lives of cancer survivors. Huffman was nominated by his wife, Laura, a breast cancer survivor.

This is not the first time Huffman has been honoured. In August 2007, he was recognized for saving a woman and child from a van submerged in a flooding river near their home.

“I felt his strength and calmness … it went straight to my soul during a time when my strength and sense of peace was nonexistent,” Laura Huffman said about Josh. She did not tell her husband she was nominating him for the award.

“If she would have, I would not have let her enter my name. I like to stay in the background,” Josh Huffman said. He learned about being selected as one of the champions on Valentine’s Day. “She gave me a card telling me about the award."

Laura said she learned about the award while reading a book by Stefanie Spielman. Speilman wrote about how her husband, Chris, went above and beyond his role as husband to care for her throughout her battle with cancer.

“It embodied everything Josh was for me,” Laura said. “Josh didn’t skip a beat. He learned everything about breast cancer including the terminology and treatment plan. He always was able to tell me what to expect and what was next.”

At age 31 with a husband and three small children, Laura was diagnosed with advanced triple negative breast cancer. Laura said Josh was at every appointment, making the drive from Pandora to Columbus, regardless of work commitments or how big or small the appointment was.

He rallied Laura through 16 weeks of dense dose chemotherapy, bilateral mastectomies, 38 radiation treatments and two stages of reconstruction. He started a binder, filling it with notes, asking questions and researching everything possible.

Josh Huffman said the hardest part about being a caregiver is seeing your spouse going through the treatments, pain and challenges of having cancer.

“The blessings we received though are all the help we had from our family, friends and church,” he said. “The good part of people around you shines through when you’re struggling.”

Prior to the banquet at Ohio State University's Archie M. Griffin Grand Ballroom, the couple were interviewed for several hours to allow the “Stefanie’s Champions” staff to prepare a video on their story. The video was shown at the banquet.

Josh Huffman was presented a glass plaque during the awards ceremony. Accompanying the Huffman’s to the banquet were their three children; Laura’s mother, Kathy Green; Josh’s parents, Charles and Jayne Huffman; and his sister-in-law Amber Huffman. Laura’s father, Don, was out of town and unable to attend.

“We had the opportunity to meet Urban and Shelley Meyer, who were the honorary chairs during the ceremony,” Josh Huffman said. “We really enjoyed that. Especially our children.”

The couple said they will continue to advocate for cancer research and urge their friends to get screened for early detection.’


Awww she is a lucky girl as am I. Bless our Bears. Light and Love. X




Triple Negative

Morning minutes are magic minutes...

by Claire9. April 2013 16:01

Today has been an odd day. Mainly due to me having lie in. The start of a day really has a major impact on how it will pan out. I now realise why Pete says, ‘morning minutes are magic minutes’. He insists on being out of the house before 7.10am. Any time after that then the traffic is awful and a chain of bad luck events happen. This inevitably puts him under pressure for the rest of the day. In fact that’s why he goes to work so very early. Bless him though he brings me a hot drink, cuddles me till my eyes pop out then wraps me back up, closes the shutters, turns of the TV and locks the front door on the way out. I love him. He only wants the nicest things for me. But that is exactly what happened this morning. He would usually get some sort of garbled conversation out of me whilst I pretend to be listening with my eyes stuck fast. I stayed there until just gone 8am! That’s a lie in for me. I am guessing Saturday night caught up with me plus I did a good hour worth of exercise yesterday. Today my muscles ache. I think it’s from yoga more than cardio exercise. My shoulders are really aching! It just goes to show how yoga really does work the body.

 I’m really enjoying the Tara Styles yoga DVD’s at the moment. I am getting stronger. I can now actually lower myself down without collapsing. This is great as my chest muscles have been weakened since I had the mastectomy. As well as that I find it very hard to raise my right arm fully above my head as my scar goes all the way under my arm almost to my back. The knack with yoga though is working alongside your breathing. This for me is still a challenge as I find me holding my breath as I contort myself into various positions.

 Once upon a time not so long ago getting up late would have had me in a flap. I didn’t feel particularly refreshed either which I find hugely disappointing. But once up my morning flowed quite nicely.  I finished the 21 day meditation challenge with Deepak Chopra, which actually ended up being a 22 day challenge! Well actually it took me about 28 days as I kept having days off whilst away from home, but I got there in the end. I would highly recommend any of his 21 day challenges. His lesson at the beginning really gives you something to think and focus on and makes so much sense. 

 I didn’t have much planned today and have felt a bit lost...It’s crazy that we long to have less to do yet when in that position feel you should be doing more. I know there are plenty of jobs round the house and garden to be getting on with but I am flatly refusing to do garden jobs when it isn’t very pleasant outside. The leaves will still be there in weeks to come and let’s face it no one really notices do they? It’s only for me and Pete to feel better. It’s about pride of where we reside.

  I have been shopping for the list of ingredients for the meals I planned for the week. I never thought I would see the day that my shopping trolley would be filled with mainly veg and fruit and all things healthy. It’s totally refreshing and I feel good about myself as I approach the check out. It’s funny because it is hard not to look at what other people are buying. They have their crisps, dips, chips and other processed foods. Then they give me a side wards glance and check me out once they have seen the conveyor belt full of fresh foods. I hope they think I reflect my healthy choices! Although at the moment I look a right spotty mess. It must be all the sugar and alcohol or maybe it is me touching my face too much. One tip for everyone; avoid touching your face with your hands as they are naturally oily therefore transferring dirt and oil from your hands to your face clogging up the pores. Hey presto a whole loads of spots! Just what you don’t want.

 After doing my household chores... (Honestly it’s never ending and there are only two of us in this house!) I felt like a loose end. Sure enough the rest of the week is busy for me with clients and reflexology and friends coming to visit but today I feel like I should be doing more to help me and my cause out.

 I have been continuing selling the bracelets although this has had a slump in recent weeks and then I wonder what I should do next. Should I be doing more drawing, if so I want to have a plan, ideas of a theme to work on? Should I be working on more self development and things to improve my health and the outcome I want to achieve or should I be going to train as an HD brows trainer?
I want to do all of the above but I am not sure when......My health is good and as long as I am taking chemo, having immunotherapy and focussing on my rituals every day then I think I am doing the right thing. I don’t feel there is any avenue I haven’t explored and I don’t feel that I need to go for any more therapies where I need to research my sole and let go of old stuff that clogs up my mind. I think that right now I am in a good place. I feel balanced in my mind and heart. To be honest I really could do with some bright daylight and start getting out in the open. I feel I am lacking fresh air and vitamin d... Ok I am taking enough vitamin d3 but you can’t beat the really thing and I like pottering in the garden and I honestly think that maybe right now doing more training and taking on too much work could interfere with having a good summer! I know naughty eh? Lazy, cheeky or sensible? I think the latter. I am feeling well therefore I want to make the most of it and as long as the Earth catches up and we get a summer then I think I should really enjoy it!

  Living for the day really makes you forget everything you would usually feel guilty about.  I have already dumped the negative feelings that I had because of drinking too much alcohol and eating too many cakes last weekend. I don’t think about running around like a headless chicken anymore as I know everything will get in due course if it is meant to happen. I want to update my mood board but I don’t think I will do that now until it feels right. And when I do change the mood board I know I will feel really good about it but now is not the right time. Now I come to think of it there is so much I could be doing to enhance my life. I want to learn how to cook more..... That takes some organising for me as it doesn’t come naturally. Ok on my mental list of things to do...

 Here is today’s research:

 Chloroquine anti-malaria drug kills autophagy-addicted breast cancers

  The process of autophagy cleans cells – they wrap up the bad stuff and then dispose of it. And so it stands to reason that inhibiting autophagy would make cancer cells less able to cleanse themselves of chemotherapy and so more susceptible to the drugs. That's what the traditional anti-malaria drug, chloroquine, does – it inhibits autophagy. Existing clinical trials are testing chloroquine/chemotherapy combinations against breast cancer.

 Research presented at the AACR Annual Meeting 2013 shows that some breast cancer subtypes depend on autophagy more than others – and that inhibiting autophagy in breast cancers that depend on it may be enough alone to kill the disease.

 "When you inhibit autophagy either with chloroquine or with genetic switches, you see that some breast cancer cells don't care. Some are only moderately distressed. And still others just die straight away," says Andrew Thorburn, PhD, deputy director of the University of Colorado Cancer Centre and senior author on the study with first author Paola Maycotte, PhD.

 "Ultimately what we'd like to do is use this as the basis for a test to identify tumours in which autophagy inhibition is most effective. You find out what a cancer needs and you take it away – this is the model of modern, targeted therapies," Thorburn says.

 With or without additional chemotherapy, identifying breast cancer and other cancer subtypes that are especially addicted to autophagy and so especially sensitive to its inhibition could allow an old drug to be used in a new, powerful way. For example, this study identified two likely sensitive breast cancer subtypes – basal-like and claudin-low – both of which are highly represented in aggressive, triple-negative breast cancers. The survival of triple-negative cells depends in part on the activation of the STAT3 gene, which is regulated by autophagy. It's likely that inhibiting autophagy in these cells blocks STAT3 activation, which in turn results in the death of triple-negative breast cancer cells.

 "There's more lab work to be done," Thorburn says. "For example, we're just finishing up work with autophagy inhibition in primary xenografts – taking the work from cells to mouse models. And other work presented at the conference by graduate student Rebecca Barnard is exploring when in the cell cycle is the best time to inhibit autophagy. But this is an especially exciting line of reasoning. What Paola's data suggest is that for some breast cancers, just inhibiting autophagy may be enough to successfully treat the disease."

 Source: University of Colorado Denver


Omega-3 fatty acids more effective at inhibiting growth of triple-negative breast cancer

  WASHINGTON, DC (April 9, 2013)—Researchers from Fox Chase Cancer Centre have found that omega-3 fatty acids and their metabolite products slow or stop the proliferation, or growth in the number of cells, of triple-negative breast cancer cells more effectively than cells from luminal types of the disease. The omega-3s worked against all types of cancerous cells, but the effect was observed to be stronger in triple-negative cell lines, reducing proliferation by as much as 90 percent. The findings will be presented at the AACR Annual Meeting 2013 on Tuesday, April 9.

  Omega-3 fatty acids are found in oily fish like sardines and salmon, and also in oils derived from plants like hemp and flax. Previous studies suggest these compounds can negatively affect critical mechanisms in cancer cells, namely those responsible for proliferation and for apoptosis or programmed cell death. Lead author on the study Thomas J. Pogash, a scientific technician in the Fox Chase Cancer Center lab of Jose Russo, MD, says the new work underscores the important role common compounds found in food may play in keeping cancer at bay.

 "Diet can play a critical role in breast cancer prevention," says Pogash. "When you compare a western diet to a Mediterranean diet, which has more omega-3s, you see less cancer in the Mediterranean diet. They eat much more fish."

  Breast cancer is a heterogeneous group of cancers comprising diseases that differ on the molecular level. Patients with different types of breast cancer respond differently to treatments. Four distinct categories of the disease are generally recognized. Two of those, luminal A and luminal B, grow in the luminal cells that line milk ducts in the breast and have receptors for estrogens and progesterone (prognosis is generally better for patients with luminal A than with luminal B). A third category includes tumours that test positive for the HER2 receptor.

 Russo notes that no targeted therapies are currently available for patients diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. Combination chemotherapies are the standard of care for early-stage disease.

  When a cancer cell digests omega-3s, the fatty acid is broken down into smaller molecules called metabolites. Russo, Pogash, and their colleagues tested the effect of large omega-3 parent molecules, as well as their smaller metabolic derivatives, on three luminal cell lines and seven lines that included basal-type triple-negative cells.

  Omega-3 and its metabolites were observed to inhibit proliferation in all cell lines, but the effect was dramatically more pronounced in the triple-negative cell lines. In addition, the metabolites of omega-3 reduced the motility, or ability to move, by 20-60 percent in the triple-negative basal cell lines.

  This study is part of a consortium between Fox Chase Cancer Centre and Pennsylvania State University under a five-year grant awarded by the Komen Foundation. Russo is the principal investigator of the project at Fox Chase. Andrea Manni, MD, leader of the Pennsylvania State University team, has extended this work to animal models, studying the anticancer effects of omega-3s and its metabolites on mouse models of triple-negative breast cancer.

  Russo and his colleagues are working on two related projects, one on the role of epigenetic events in the mechanism of cell transformation and another on the potential action of peptides of the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) on breast cancer prevention.

That’s amazing...All the more reason to eat fish and flaxseed then I guess and if you really do not want to eat it then get a vegetarian supplement!

Tomorrow I have an afternoon of clients again. It hasn't taken long for the word to spread and I have been getting messages all day from people wanting to book.... Exciting!

Light and Love. X



Triple Negative

Full of beans today following a day of being at Hangover central.....

by Claire8. April 2013 18:11

 Saturday night was great fun. After checking into our hotel and preparing for the night ahead we made it to our Vintage tea party-A gaggle of girls drinking jasmine tea champagne cocktails, eating scones and cream and tiny little sandwiches with fillings such as rose petals and honey. It was lovely eating things I wouldn’t normally eat and to be around such a great group of girls. Everyone had made such an effort dressing up in some vintage era from the 20’s through to the 70’s. We finished our night at a Brazilian themed club where we attempted to dance. I say attempted because the music was bizarre and we had all had enough to drink! My feet were killing me. I love wearing heels but they don’t like me.

I really enjoy meeting new people. I get a bit nervous beforehand but I am always so pleased I did. Their reaction to me having canSer was so positive too. I didn’t just dump that info on them, they already had been told of my background and some already follow me on my blog and facebook page. They all seemed to think that I looked well and healthy. That’s one thing I have got totally bagged at the moment. It was a great night... but sleeping with that much alcohol in me was a recipe for insomnia!

I was luckily feeling quite well when I got up and thankfully my wonderful man was picking us up the next morning. At this point I felt chipper and full of beans but after a few hours I think I got a delayed hangover. My man took us for a lovely veggie brekkie in East London before delivering us (the bride to be and my other friend and I) all to our respective homes and destinations. Once home I spent the afternoon on the sofa feeling a little sorry for myself. I felt hugely overtired and a little yucky in general. I can safely say drinking like that is no good for me! Luckily I have a Bear that loves looking after me and fed me up (he is a feeder! Ha ha!) And made me healing tea to flush it out of my system quick fast!

I would have thought bed time couldn’t come quick enough but once tucked up I couldn’t sleep! I hate that overtired feeling. You are so tired and sleep deprived you can’t relax. My body was quite shaky and I sweated for most of the night, it didn’t interfere much with sleep though and today I feel full of beans again!

I have felt on such a high for most of today. My mind has been clear and I have got lots of jobs done and things ticked of my ‘mental‘list. I am amazed I feel so well. I was expecting to feel sluggish and had planned on taking things slow today. But no need... I feel fab!

The day started with watching or rather listening to the news. I struggle to open my eyes in the mornings so listening to the breakfast news is as far as it gets. They told of a new trend in couples meshing their names. Instead of the lady adopting her husband’s name or going for double barrelled names they link and combine their names together. For example one couple names were Griffin and Pew so decided to become Puffin. This tickled me pick and I told Pete once he got out of the shower that as my name was Finch and his is Grant we would be Mr and Mrs Grinch!  Oh how we chuckled. He did say that it suited us! Pah! I don’t think so. We are the opposite of being Grinch –like. Still it is very funny.

I decided today that I would make a food plan for our meals this week. Pete is starting at the gym and he will be home later than normal so I think I should get on with cooking the meals. I ploughed through my new recipe books like Sexy Crazy Kitchen, Honestly Healthy and The Guilt free Gourmet and made a list of recipes that I would like to try this week. I have now made myself a shopping list and will buy everything tomorrow. I plan on making meals that will have leftovers for lunch the following day so that Pete can take some to work too. I think this is a good way of sticking to a healthy diet and one which means there is no hassle at tea time. I am very proud of my forward planning.

I finished my book, Thunk today too. It is quite a hard read as it’s all about clearing your mind using certain techniques and meditation. It has some really good pointers and makes so much sense but I think I may need to revisit the book when I do forget sometimes and become ‘cluttered’. Now on with the other ten books sitting on my shelf! Where to start?

 Today’s research: Pete found more interesting news today from researchers presenting at the AACR Annual Meeting 2013. Paragazole is a novel histone deacetylase inhibitor developed at CU Boulder in the laboratories of Xuedong Liu and Andy Phillips, being tested at the CU Cancer Center. HDAC -Histones play a critical role in cell cycle progression, and developmental events.  In this study, Diamond and colleagues tested the drug against a range of breast cancer cell lines with and without combination with chemotherapies paclitaxel, gemcitabine or carboplatin. Interestingly, it was specifically the cell lines that didn’t express oestrogen – the aggressive, triple-negative cells – that were most affected by paragazole.  

It seems ever since I started fundraising I have noticed there are so many other people making the effort to raise money for different causes too. I met one of the Hen’s friends the other night that is going to being running the London Marathon in a few weeks for Bliss, a charity for premature babies. As her baby was premature she felt compelled to help others. What’s amazing is that she has two small children and also works. She is Wonder Woman!
Here is a link to her blog and at the bottom of it is a link to her giving page if you would like to make a donation. I made my donation earlier today;
This is the charity she is supporting;
So go on spread the love and please help a worthy cause.

Here's a picture from Saturday night... Kiss



Triple Negative

Life's good and a hen night tonight to top it off!

by Claire6. April 2013 10:11

My day started early yesterday with a phone call with Mark Newey. He wanted to catch up and discuss things since I had the two days therapy with him incorporating hypnotherapy and life coaching and NLP. He had given me homework to do which comprised of me listing what my top ten values in life re. This may seem a simple task but you list about 30 to begin with then whittle them down to ten. My list consists of the following;

1. Happiness
2. Honesty
3. Gratitude
4. Intuition
5. Laughter
6. Fun
7. Peace
8. Motivation
9. Uniqueness
10. Courage

It's a good list I think. The list of values can change regularlgy too as I change. I think it reflects me at the moment. it's really worth trying and seeing what is most important to you. Most of the time the value that is the most important can be the one thing you lack most in your life and what you strive for. Mine is happienss. I certainly don't lack it anymore!
Other homework was to list all good and bad things that happened throughout my life on a scale of one to ten and also questions about cultural pressures. It was very enlightening. I had done the homework about a month ago so it was interesting to see how things have changed in just a month. Mark is so upbeat and it’s great to get someone else’s view on things and to actually let go of the old stuff that can linger there and be of no use to anyone. It puts so much in perspective. It was really good talking to him, a bit like an old friend and we have agreed when either are in the vicinity we would keep in touch.

The rest of my day was a really pleasant and easy one. In fact it was quite girly. I am going on my best friends hen do tonight so I spent time doing my nails, deciding what to wear and doing a tan. I have succumbed to the grotty weather. At the end of my tether with having no warmth from the sunshine and having no tan I decided to do myself a fake tan. 8 hours later and I have a healthy glow. It makes such a difference to my self esteem and I look even healthier! Ok I know the tan lotion isn’t completely nasty free but it doesn’t contain any parabens so it’s not all bad. (I use Fake Bake tan for anyone that wants to try it out!)

This morning I was woken very early by a big snuffling Bear. As much as I love my sleep I wouldn’t want it any other way. Being woken up with such love and happiness is the best thing ever and what a way to start the day. Smile I feel very sad for anyone who doesn’t have this much love in their life.

After mediation, yoga, heat and air and my supplements and green smoothie I decided it had been a while that I had used my neti pot. I have been suffering with rhinitis recently. I simply cannot stop my nose from running. It’s continuous and with the cold weather it’s worse now than when I was away in Thailand for example. I don’t think I am allergic to anything but maybe it’s a side effect of some of the medication I am taking. I’m not that hard done so it’s nothing to really worry about. However doing the neti pot ritual this miring was brilliant. I am totally clear, feel energised and for a brief moment my running dripping nose has stopped. (Nice mental image for you all!)

So I am all ready for my trip to London to party with my Boo and I feel really energised and happy. It made me think of an email my blog friend sent me the other day when she said, ‘You have a very powerful tool in the bracelets you have made for people. A little bit of your wonderful energy, spirit and kindness is in each and every one of those bracelets you have made.... so whenever you need it, picture every single person that has bought one wearing their bracelet, and that positive energy and power joining together and multiplying over and over..... It is far more powerful than any tumour out there, and you can harness that whenever you feel the need for that extra fight ‘. What a lovely thing to say and I hadn’t considered that before. It does give me strength and I feel really good.

Speaking of the bracelets and fundraising I was informed today that the total amount paid to Breast Cancer Breakthrough from my own donations and others charity initiatives’ is up to £5,240! This is great and there are still plenty of bracelets being sold and more charity initiatives in the pipeline. A member of Petes' team has decided that he is going to run a half marathon for our charities and his training starts Monday. Pete has agreed to train in the gym with him so its good news all round! I’m very grateful for the effort people are still going to. We won't stop!

So, leaving on a high note,  I am looking forward to a girly giggle tonight and then being back in my Bears' arms tomorrow watching legs and bums (rugby) on TV. I love weekends like this!



Triple Negative

See, I really am shallow!

by Claire4. April 2013 17:24


As predicted I slept like a log from 8pm last night till 7am this morning and even then I didn’t drag myself out of bed for another hour. Such deep sleep.... amazing. I must have needed it after my allergic ordeal the night before.

Pete sent me a message yesterday that he read on a forum from a lady that posted on there in 2009. It states that Xeloda (Capecitabine) is such a good drug and despite the side effects of sore and peeling hands and feet (of which I am not getting any symptoms) it’s worth it. This is a snippet of her post;

‘Love shoes! I went shopping and bought 4 pairs of lovely summer shoes and haven't been able to wear them as yet, still trying to get the Xeloda dose right for me to prevent the peeling feet and hands and feet from the Xeloda. This is a very effective drug, so hang in there. There are many new drugs in the pipeline for TNBC, women in America are very willing to share their TNBC journey, look at  it’s a huge site with latest research accessible from the home page. They have a forum devoted to TNBC which I visited when I misunderstood my tumour status.

Oncologists may indicate a 5 year survival period, but remember this is an OUTDATED average of all women, and is regardless of their other existing conditions, willingness to fight and ability to, or willingness to, undertake new treatments coming on line all the time.

Advanced breast cancer should be looked on as a chronic disease that can be continually treated, so start looking forward to, and planning to enjoy the future. More grandchildren? Weddings? Family get togethers?’

I love this post. It made Pete smile and gives us hope. The information that someone in my position can only expect five years at the most is so outdated. They said that five years ago and surely things have moved along since then? I totally agree with her when she says; Have you looked on the bottom of your feet for the stamped 'Expiry Date"!

No one can tell us how long we have left and I certainly don’t look like I am going to die anytime soon and God willing I will win this battle and be here to spread the news of my winning formula.

Pete, as ever, is still researching anything which is triple negative related, and sent me a link today on how researchers say one specific microrna promotes tumour growth and cancer spread. Researchers at Moffitt Cancer Centre have determined that the over expression of microRNA-155 (miR-155), a short, single strand of ribonucleic acid (which is a family of large biological molecules that perform multiple vital roles in the coding, decoding, regulation, and expression of genes) encoded by the miR-155 host gene, promotes the growth of blood vessels in tumours, tumour inflammation, and metastasis. As a therapeutic target, miR-155 could potentially provide a new avenue of treatment when targeted with drugs to suppress its activity. It also plays a critical role in metastasis, especially in triple-negative breast cancer. This makes miR-155 both a prognostic marker and a potential therapeutic drug target."
So, as suggested by Pete I have forwarded it to Prof Dalgliesh and Dr Nesselhut. Maybe it will help?!

My new friend (from reading this blog) sent me a lovely email last night as she felt I seemed a little vulnerable this week. She said that she had discussed about 'being present in the moment' and not trying to fight stuff all the time and always trying to see into the future and what might/ might not happen to me. She said it is very natural to feel scared and worried at times with what I have been through, and that actually I should spend time allowing my body to feel this way. (This doesn't mean wallow in it either) I should lie down quietly and let my body and mind freely experience feeling upset/scared/worried/guilty etc and just accept it is a natural feeling and allow it to flow through you. This is the most important bit - 'letting life's force flow through you' - the worst thing for ill health is letting these emotions get stuck in you and hidden away somewhere where they can fester.

 Once you have given them time to be acknowledged, you can then let go of these feelings and ask them to leave your body as you don't need them anymore. This is when you can then think of something positive - it doesn't have to be anything huge - just something that makes you smile, don't try and force it for ages and ages, just end on something positive and nice, so this is the last emotion flowing through your body whilst lying there.’


This is such good advice. I know I have been taught this too yet it is still so helpful to be reminded of it from time to time. It’s hard being perfect all the time! And on the outside and most of the inside, I do feel upbeat and happy and grateful, eternally grateful, for how good I feel and for how lucky I am to have this knowledge of life and what there is to offer. I like the fact that I’m allowed to be scared and tired and to allow myself to accept my lazy days. Thank you... for thinking of me Hannah. X


On with today, it’s snowing..... I have to admit this weather is really getting to me now. I have been saying all along, ‘It could be worse’. But I am actually longing for some sun on my skin and to look healthy with a sun kissed glow and to feel warm. I am with Davina McCall whom I follow on twitter. She says she’s not impressed by snow in April. Me either. I thinking about our trips that we want to book away but all I want is to bask by a pool and get a tan! How sad is that. With all that the world and life has to offer and all I want to do is read a book and smell of coconut oil! Ha ha! See, I really am shallow. J








Triple Negative

A night of antihistamines and imodium :(

by Claire3. April 2013 18:15


So the Easter break has passed and we are all back to our routines and reality. I actually like having a routine and as much as I never want to be alone and for Pete to go back to work it does mean I can get lots done and focus on my rituals. It was good to get back to meditating, yoga and exercise. Yesterday was a good day and it was lovely to have the sun shining yet again despite the frosty temperatures.

I had my clinic appointment in the morning and it was very efficient and as usual was met with Prof Harris. My appointment was at 12 and I was seen at 12! Wow! That has never happened before. Prof Harris asked me questions about how I was feeling and other than feeling tired some mornings whilst on chemo there was nothing to report. He decided to examine my chest by listening through his stethoscope. I asked how it sounded and he said, ‘Clear as a whistle’. Great stuff. He asked if I had my ct scan yet. No. I haven’t even had a letter with an appointment date. He seems very keen for me to have this but it has only been 7 weeks so far since my last one. I had envisaged it being sometime late in May. But I guess if it comes sooner, then it does.. That’s all there is to it. I am not prepared for it to be sooner. I feel like I need to revise, swot up and put more hours of extra effort in. In what? In visualising and being ‘better’. If I had more time maybe I could have a few weeks of being really good and working every day to blast the little buggers from my body. I am still finding it hard to get my head round that all along I wanted not to worry so much and to have a normal life not worrying and now I am worrying because I’m not worrying! I simply cannot win! I won’t allow myself to be ok with this. I just don’t want to be caught out and crushed if the news isn’t what I want it to be. It’s a lot to go through every couple of months. It ruins the flow of life. I should correct that. I ruin the flow of life as it is me that’s worrying about it.

Anyway moving on with the day I was really looking forward to my tea as Pete was making us Tuna nicoise salad. I love Pete's food and cooking. The problem is the dish is never the same twice. He is very creative and you never know what flavours you may get. Last night was one of those. We both seemed a bit bemused with the taste of the salad as it was a bit bitter. I felt some tingling in my mouth and I thought it had chilli or pepper coming through. Straight after tea Pete said his eye was itching and it looked really swollen and the fleshy part on the inner corner of the eye had started to protrude. I thought it odd but nothing much else until I started to get a banging head ache. I thought it was really odd as I haven’t had a headache since last July. Then I began to feel really hot and a sense of blood rushing round my ears and shoulders. I looked at Pete and he looked the same too. This is where we began to Google our symptoms (as you do) and found we were having an allergic reaction to something we had eaten. The only things we could think of were coriander and mustard seeds. Apparently when combined with raw vegetables they can react to cause something called and Oral Allergy Syndrome. How weird for us both to get it though? Neither of us are allergic to anything. Our hearts were racing; our bodies hot and itchy and then we got the stomach upset. Then there were hours of diarrhoea. Wow what an exciting night! Eventually after taking antihistamines and Imodium we went to bed where we slept like logs, probably from our bodies trying to repair themselves. I felt terrible this morning. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed. I did eventually manage to do my morning exercise and felt ok.

I had my monthly acupuncture session today which I had been looking forward to for the whole month but I felt so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open to get there and back. In fact I actually had a nap on the treatment couch. I can’t remember feeling so tired. So tired in fact that today has been a spent trying to wake and feeling less than motivated. What I need is a great big sleep! I intend on having this tonight and then I have a lovely afternoon with clients. Yay!

Acupuncture was good (what I can remember of it) and many points felt very sensitive. Michael worked more on boosting my energy and balancing me. He did ask if I was having night sweats and hot flashes. This is worrying as he must tell something from my pulse. He is very good like that. He treats many ladies for fertility and can tell when they are about to have their monthly cycle. If he is asking me about that whilst feeling my pulse my guess is he knows something I do not. I am not going to let this bother me. It does fill me with sadness not having children of our own and in my head I still believe that I will one day stop chemo and be able to have our own. But as it stands I am not stopping chemo as it seems to be working.

I had to wait for my blood results from the hospital before I started chemo this morning. They came back fine as usual and there I go starting day one of chemo again. Fingers crossed that everything carries on as normal.

So tonight’s’ menu is something safe. I don’t want Pete and me to look all scary again tonight! Ha ha!


Triple Negative

April Fools Day... no fooling me.

by Claire1. April 2013 14:41

 It’s April Fool’s day today. The first of April and I have not been fooled! Woohoo!

The last day of our weekend off and it’s been lovely having the Bear all this time although the poor thing isn’t feeling well. I must have worked him too hard. Every single day this weekend we have been working on the house, decorating, gardening, sorting out things and it feels really good knowing that it is all done but it also feels that we haven’t had time to relax. The way I see it is we have plenty of opportunities to go away and this weekend would have been very busy and expensive had we decided to go away. I hope Pete doesn’t feel too hard done by. I have worked him ragged. Time for some snuffles me thinks.

It’s good looking at what we have achieved. I have a shiny new room waiting for furniture and flooring but I can’t wait till it’s all done and guests can stay in there. I want it to be like a hotel.  People already say it’s like staying at a B and B when they come here. Hopefully they will think it’s a bit better now. More boutique hotel or guest house! Laughing

Last night neither of us slept a wink. I feel terrible today but I know that tomorrow I will be fine. I lie there thinking of stupid things that need to be done but really don’t matter. I try to use my time lying awake to visualise but I just didn’t feel like it last night. It worries me. Blimey everything worries. But it worries me all the same when I am not feeling like I want to fight. I feel like I am being lazy again. I have to get it out of my head. But if anyone else was to embark on this journey of mine where I am meant to be ‘good’ all the time then it would get very tiresome all round. I reckon I am more ‘naughty’ than good but for some reason I can justify it. Well I have to because I’d feel guilty otherwise and this is negative and will have a negative impact on my health.

The weather is dreary today and my motivation is low. Since the long weekend began I haven’t meditated, done yoga, heat and air or exercise. I figured it was best to get to work so using my time wisely also that going up and down ladders, moving furniture and using a paint roller was exercise enough.  It’s mad how things are so psychological. It’s so much with how we feel in our heads and the body responds.

It has been 7 weeks since my last scan. I haven’t yet received an appointment for my next scan but I anticipate it will be in May some time making it probably 12 weeks in total from my last one. I think I am already starting to get a little anxious about it. The past 7 weeks have flown but at the same time it feels like it was ages ago that I had the good news. I think I feel anxious because I can’t tell how I am feeling. I can’t explain what I mean. I usually have a strong gut feeling and maybe I have lost it over the last few days but I can’t tap into it. I don’t know why I am feeling this way?
I need to focus a lot more on my head space and try not to get distracted with mundane tasks that aren’t really that helpful to me. That’s the problem with life is that it can be so distracting if we let it. I don’t want to take anything for granted and I want to continue to feel grateful every single day that the Universe allows me to have. Ok I get it. I am tired. I am over thinking things and allowing myself to feel exposed and vulnerable. There is a part of me that always feels I could do better. I reckon we are all longing for a change. I like change and that includes the seasons. We need spring now! I need to spend more time in Mother Nature and I need to feel the air and the warmth outside. I am a hermit!

It occurred to me the other night (whilst lying awake again) that the reason I am spending so much time doing my house up and I know how others may find it odd in my position doing such mundane things like sprucing the house up. But I know why I am doing it and will continue to make it better and nicer. It’s because we don’t intend on moving from here and I am going to be alive for another 60 years I reckon so the house has to be in tip top condition and I have to love being here every minute. It’s part of my biggest goal- to live till I’m 100! In order for that goal to be achieved I have to achieve smaller goals like getting my house sorted, my health sorted and making sure we can afford to live in our twilight years.... So there... J If that isn’t having a positive outlook then I don’t know what is!

Part of me really wants to go and get more work done and the other part of me thinks it’s time to relax. Part of the ten point plan is making time for relaxation and me time. I think I have plenty of it but I am always busy. I’m back to the hospital tomorrow for my clinic appointment and bloods to be taken then I am back on chemo on Wednesday. The week off chemo goes so quickly. But if it keeps me well and keeps the canSer at bay then I have nothing to moan about do I?

Right that’s eat I am going to eat loads of homemade concoctions and snuffle up to the poorly Bear. He ‘needs’ me. That’s what I tell him anyway!

Anyway to finish off here's a good laugh. The top ten April Fools jokes of all time;


Triple Negative

Why do I want things I can't have?

by Claire30. March 2013 20:46


Our Easter weekend is filled with home improvements. I was told that Easter is the busiest time for the DIY stores, a bit like Christmas is for retail stores. Today we have been painting our spare room. I love making changes to things and making things ‘better’. For a while I thought what is the point of doing that? It’s a waste of time and money, especially in my circumstances but to make it normal and feel like I did before I think I have continue doing things that I used to do. And anyone that knows me knows that I am forever improving my home one way or another. I like to keep things fresh and I believe our house is really homely. (That’s another word for cluttered! Haha!) I like the idea of rooms being themed and this room is going to Balinese or Scottish themed. I know, two very different ideas but they are based around a British plum coloured feature wall.The best bit of DIYing is dancing to really good tunes at the same time! Ive been getting my groove on all afternoon. Amazing how 8 hours goes so fast!

We started off slowly today though. We had a bit of a lie in and needed to go to the shops to buy our materials. I always feel a bit rushed when doing these kinds of jobs. I just want to get them done. The great thing with painting is that it’s instant and you can see a complete change instantly. I am already thinking of the furniture it will need in there. And this frustrates me more as everything takes so long once ordered. I am not sure why I am feeling so impatient at the moment.

I’m also feeling a bit like I want to eat everything in sight and that includes everything I have been avoiding for some time. I feel like I am being a bit naughty every day one way or another. Maybe having a coffee or havinga hot cross bun (what? It fell in my mouth!) But I am aware that I should maybe try a bit harder. I watched Meatloaf on TV last night and he mentioned that he is avoiding gluten and potatoes and rice etc as he is trying to reduce inflammation in his body. This was a reminder of why I need to do that too. Chronic inflammation is what causes disease in our bodies. It sounds odd but it’s true. This is where the good ol’ alkaline diet comes in. And I do stick it profoundly but I have been feeling like I just want to eat different things. I don’t even like MacDonald’s but I find myself craving egg mcmuffins! I think it is because in my head I am well. I don’t have canSer and that now I can be a bit flexible in what I do. This scares me. I don’t want to let things go back to the way they were and I don’t know still if the canSer is there or not. In my gut it has gone but our bodies are sneaky things. We have no idea really what is going on inside.

This need to make changes and craving other foods is really causing me issues in the mornings. I have really gone off my green juices. I am actually starting to dread them and feel like they are medicine. They were never really tasty but I liked the way they would make me feel. I feel brighter and cleansed and full of energy but I don’t have any real boost when I have them now. I think maybe my body is used to them. The thing is my green juice is just that- full of green vegetables. I don’t like fruit in them as it tastes too sweet. But here’s another weird thing I am craving more sugary things. Kris Carr says in her books that sugar is like ‘crack’. It is, I know it is, but maybe because it is Easter I want a crème egg! I have my dark chocolate as mentioned before but it’s not cutting it. I know Pete feels the same. Despite him being a good boy I know he really wants one too. I don’t know where this need to feel like I am having a treat comes from as I constantly have treats. I mean it was only a few days ago I was in Germany having lovely meals out with my man. I think life is such a struggle for many of us these days that we now live in a culture of treating ourselves regularly. I mean I know many of us have a mid week drink and go out for dinner weekly. It’s common place to always be celebrating. Look at many pubs and they do 50% off champagne on Wednesday evenings! Who drinks champagne on a Wednesday just for the sake of it? Ok I did for many years but that was being totally decadent.


As well as this I have been feeling a bit off today. I feel like I want something and don’t know what. I think deep down I feel like wanting to know I haven’t got canSer anymore. A big ask I know. I’m not sure why? Of course the obvious but even if they told me it wasn’t any present more I still technically have canSer that could return at any time. Life will never be calm will it? Will there ever be a time when I can say, ‘bugger it I’m having a bit doorstop of bread with thickly spread butter? There is always going to be the question of what is working and what isn’t. I truly believe that diet is important but it’s different for everyone. Kris Carr knows that diet is the thing that has stopped her canSer progressing. But triple negative is different apparently. I am not totally sure that a little carbohydrate will hurt me anyone with triple negative. Surely she has some sugar sometimes as she has recipes in her books that are tasty sweet desserts and smoothies with fruits in. I think I need to stop thinking about food and worrying about what will be and go and find the Bear for a cuddle.

It dawned on me last night that I haven’t had any weird morbid thoughts recently. The ones that really bothered and I would picture the most random bad stuff happening to me. This was one of the things I went to see Mark Newey for and had hypnotherapy . He said at the time I probably wouldn’t feel any major changes and it would be subtle and then one day it would occur to me. Well it has. It has occurred to me that I do feel calmer and more level headed and those weird nasty thoughts no longer plague me. This is amazing! I never doubted the therapy would work but I didn’t have any high expectations either. Maybe that’s why I feel odd at the moment. For the past 8-9 months I have been battling every day really trying hard to make sure I am making every effort to heal myself one way or another. Now I think a lot of it is second nature. When I wake up I instantly think of my prayer and promise. Then whilst waiting for my hot drink in bed (I know pampered aren’t I?) I may do my visualisations.  My morning rituals are second nature now too. So everything I have been striving to do is being done. I suppose I am used to really having to make an effort for me to believe that I can get well again and now that I am not making an effort I am feeling like something is amiss. Maybe the something that is amiss should be replaced with the knowledge that everything is being done at the best of my abilities.  I do feel strangely relaxed. But I don’t want to become complacent. I can’t afford to. But I am having some much fun with life right now and having normality in it is comforting for me and my family and my Bear. God knows we need normality. Whatever that is! Here’s to having a normal life! Yeha!



Triple Negative