Phew.... today has come and the dreaded wait for scan results is over. Before I give you a full break down of the results, I’ll just say that the last few days despite having this horrific wait and awful trepidation looming over me I have actually been feeling physically and emotionally so much better. I was trying to explain to Pete, I don’t know whether it is because I have had time to recover from the il2 injections or because the blue scorpion venom could be helping or because I have added more green tea in the form of matcha into my daily juices, or because of them all? But I feel I have more energy, more settled and more balanced.
But then they to throw all that off I have been waiting for CT scan results. I was fine, I thought, up until yesterday when I just fell apart. Not in the normal way, where you break down and cry and can’t keep it together. In fact I had clients and things to do but as the day wore on I could feel more tension, apprehension and my mind taking over. By the time bedtime came I was bewildered and scared. I cried, annoyingly, as I didn’t want to upset Pete, who all along kept telling me things are going to be fine. And you know everything will be fine but the mind does what it wants... It is afraid of what might not happen. Most times when we think these awful thoughts, they don’t ever come true. I think maybe I get so afraid because I want to prepare myself for the worst.
I woke up extra early and because I had the hospital appointment booked for this morning, I got on with all my rituals. I really needed meditation this morning, then followed by exercise, it really helped relieve some of the tension but by the time I left to meet Pete at his office I was grey looking and feeling very sick. On arriving at Pete’s office I was met by his newest member, a cat, who they haven’t named yet (and I am sure they shouldn’t be feeding). The cat has been frequenting the office and has been making herself right at home. She is beautiful. She is nothing like my little minx. She purred, snuggled, let me hold her and actually was a really tonic for me. I calmed right down and left for the hospital feeling much better than when I had arrived there.
Unfortunately traffic was a nightmare and we arrived a tiny bit late, but that didn’t matter because the clinic was 50 minutes delayed! Argh... more waiting.
Finally we sat in Prof Harris’ office and there we waited for another 15 minutes at least... Oh... my...god!
About to vomit on the floor in walks the Prof. He apologised for not having told me the results over the phone but he said they are quite complicated and not as black and white or as straight forward as they read. Plus he wanted to see my response and face... ha ha! That sounds really funny....
He was right, the way he explained it, it wasn’t straight forward. It was the longest report I have ever received. So as not to confuse you, Pete has written a piece that we shared with our friends and family earlier. As you all are family and friends to me, here it is;
‘We have received the most extensive scan detail ever. At first these seemed to be negative with the usual "DISEASE PROGRESSION". But all of a sudden, from the subs bench, we have been joined by none other than Prof Harris. This is like having Messi back on the team. With a cheeky smile he said "I wanted to talk to you personally as it’s very complicated and I have been doing some research"
It actually wasn't complicated at all, (if you have as much immunotherapy in CanSer research under your belt as Claire and I) but it was a huge relief to know that Prof had understood what we are achieving and he has turned the triple negative into a positive and is on board.
So firstly the two big tumours in Claire's right lung have got quite a bit larger, however, this is because they have died inside from the ablation and are effectively bleeding themselves to death and are full of fluid and craters - NICE ONE !!
The two tumours in the left lung are stable - YESSS
The lymph tumours have become necrotic (imploding prior to death). This is hugely significant. The lymph is the most active centre for our immune responses. Therefore if a tumour is surviving there (as these have done) you can be assured, that it is double hard, the meanest baddest tumour on the block - so if they are dying, the rest of the body should have no problems.
And then we have the big one NO NEW METASTATIC DISEASE !!!!!!
I am sure you all know that the last 6 months have been a huge gamble. The stake was Kitty's life and we have both spent hour after hour, deliberating on whether the ZERO approach to Chemo therapy was right. We spoke about the good friends we have lost and always had the incredible fear that we were letting the canSer grow.
GcMAF yoghurts, blue scorpion poison, raw food, 1000s of supplements and a regime of hard physical fitness and mental fortitude seemed no match for the nuclear power of chemicals - but thank God and the Universe is seems to be working.
As Prof proudly said to Claire, "You are officially my longest surviving non chemo patient"
I think we would both like to say thank you to all our friends and followers, who make such a huge daily difference and who are literally keeping Kitty alive with positivity and love. This is down to you and we could not love you more.
Light has illuminated the darkness xx’
So overall, we are really pleased. Despite the look of some of them being larger the Prof seems to think they could just be inflamed and full of oedema where they are dying from the ablation and immunotherapy. The lymph nodes are either smaller, necrotic or the same and the left lung is the same as before. And there is no new disease.... this is brilliant. My biggest fear is spread to other parts of my body. When Prof said that I was his longest patient without chemo, he seemed really pleased. He had a student doctor or someone in with us this morning and he seemed very proud and almost trying to take some credit for the outcome so far. I gave him a copy of my RGCC blood test that I had done back in March to show him the chemo’s that would be beneficial and the complementary things that look to work for me. He said, ‘I told you that carboplatin, gemcetibine and eribulin would work for you. You didn’t need to spend this money on the report, I have 30 years of experience’. So I kindly showed him that on the same chart that vinorelbine and capecitibine didn’t work for me yet he gave them to me anyway! That took the wind out of his sails slightly. Despite all the wait, worry and the torment of getting results face to face (my pet hate) it was actually still good to see the Prof and to know, as Pete says, that he seems to be thinking our way and that he really is on board with us.
We told the Prof I am taking blue scorpion venom. He always has a smile on his face as he takes down the notes of my newest supplements and ravings. We told him that Fidel Castro uses it. Prof said, ‘is he still alive?!’ Ha-ha. Yes because he takes blue scorpion venom!
I also told him that I have had a cough, not a chesty one, but a little tickle near my throat for about a month. He said that correlates to the lymph nodes on the extremities that are inflamed. Wow, that’s so interesting.
I can’t tell you the happiness that I feel right now. I know it’s not over. I know the results could have been better and clearer but small victories are worth so much. Deep in our guts we knew things were OK. It’s so hard imagining anything being in there when I don’t have any symptoms but keeping this well is the aim of the game.
My bear can’t get home quick enough. I just want to cuddle up on the sofa and have a big sigh of relief and go to bed knowing that we can rest easy, just for now.
Off to London tomorrow to collect more il2 injections.... Here’s to the next stage of whooping it’s arse!
Me and the new office Kitty. She's just like a Disney character.. look at her eyelashes!