triplenegativecancer_home

I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.....

by Claire17. December 2014 17:44

 

It’s been a long week and as usual we are glad to be home especially as it’s only a week until Christmas!

Pete thinks it has been the hardest trip we had in Germany primarily because I was unwell for most of it. Nothing specific really other than suffering diarrhoea, nausea some days, totally unexplained. I think maybe due to anticipation and anxiety of what was lying ahead of me. I also had trouble taking my tablets, again due to my head stopping me. My appetite suffered some days and then I started treatment at Dr Seibunhuners which entailed infusions of artemesinin, DMSO, B17, and incorporating insulin using the insulin potentiated therapy.

Firstly my veins in my left arm are suffering and I feel every prick of the needle so much so at the moment. The DMSO stinks and I immediately wanted to throw up. Not very nice for anyone there. I calmed myself down and got on with it but to be honest that stuff does my head. It’s supposed to enhance the intake of treatment but boy, I really hate it. Pete isn’t a fan either as I smell of rotten cabbages for days. It’s like when you eat garlic it lingers for days and washing, spraying perfume doesn’t disguise it. I oozed cabbages.. Brilliant.

Whilst having the infusions and IPT I also had oncothermia like that at Dr Nesselhuts. It took much longer this particular day than it did the first time I visited.  I don’t like change and I was getting frustrated with the lack of consistency. Every clinic and hospital does things differently. It takes a lot of getting used to.

Prior to this we had spent a lovely weekend in Cologne, and although we have been to the Christmas markets there before, we believe they are the best in Germany. So classy, have so much to offer and a real delight. The food is immense and the atmosphere is second to none. I would highly recommend going.

Yesterday we got up early for the first appointment available with Professor Vogl for TACE. Guessing I was first on the list I assumed I would be finished earlier than normal and we could be driving back to the Eurotunnel to catch a late train to get home. Although we love it there Pete really needs to get back for the business and to earn money to pay for this treatment.

Because we wanted it to happen it didn’t. I waited for hours in a bed before they took me into theatre. They then got me ready for Prof Vogl and left me there on the table on my own with no one in sight for about twenty minutes. Despite knowing I am English and all speaking perfect English and having met me three times now almost all members of staff kept talking to me in German! It was driving me insane! This time the procedure really hurt. I felt the cut in my skin and the tube being pushed but no flub dub in my heart. So strange. The drugs they gave me made my head spin... Again it felt so inconsistent to the time before. Once I had rested for three hours had to have my CT scan before seeing the Prof and getting on our way. Well it’s the law of attraction isn’t it? We were sat there for hours and despite me asking to be seen so we could go home they just left us there. The CT scan took 1 minute. Speaking to the Prof took five minutes. Seriously, I was so frustrated. No matter whether you are a private patient spending thousands on every visit, it doesn’t seem to matter. I am still treated just the same. I expect more. That’s just me.

On looking at the site where the procedure was done I do have more cuts and bruising and discomfort this time. I don’t know why or what was different. I do know the Prof is very pleased with the results so far and has suggested one more TACE then we ablate or use LITT which is a laser version to get rid of the largest tumour in my right lung. Pete and I told him that it had already been ablated. He said it didn’t work...

Whilst at Dr Seibunhuners the day before in my head spinney state after having no sugar or food since the night before I got a call from Dr Lim at St Barts. I was told that my tumour sample had returned negative and also due to the positive results of my recent CT and MRI scans that I was no longer accepted on the trial for PDL1. I hate being put on the spot and in my state I didn’t really have much to respond with so once I gathered my thoughts I sent Dr Lim an email.

I basically expressed my confusion as that I simply couldn’t have waited two months to start treatment and had to have radiotherapy and something to reduce the cough and the growth in my lungs. I wondered why I wasn’t accepted based at the time I went to see them? I wanted to know what was I meant to do? The reply I got was could I go and see them... Seriously? I replied telling her my time and money was precious to me and it would so nice to be able to receive treatment in the UK without having to pay for it like we are at the moment. I reluctantly agreed to visit her and Prof Schmid today.

Following that I waited to see Dr Seibunhuiner who wasn’t free so we decided to leave. We met with friends in Frankfurt and it was just so lovely. But I started to feel flu like and aching in my hips and lower back. I had gone a funny colour of white and felt freezing cold. Pete took me home and got my rugged up in bed. I eventually warmed up then became really feverish. Now I always believe that these could be good signs that something is working, or at least happening inside me! The next morning I felt much better before going to see Prof Vogl.

 So we belted it all the way to the Eurotunnel hoping to arrive by the skin of our teeth. We don’t make things for ourselves! We would have been fine had a car not set on fire closing our motorway! Argh... being calm we just sat there whilst the road was closed and then got back on our way. We somehow did make it to the train and then got back to Blighty. The journey in England was worse than the journey in Europe. Motorway slip roads were closed, there was so much traffic and this was at 11pm! Finally arriving in the early hours we got to bed and felt thankful to be home.

Pete got up early as usual eager to get things sorted in the office and I got up and got myself on a train to London. I did see Prof Schmid quite quickly but as I expected it was to tell me that I wasn’t going to be accepted on the trial. Pete thought they would be accepting me because surely they wouldn’t get me to go all the way there when they could have emailed me this information?! Don’t be silly. They just added insult to injury.

 Pete and I are sure that immunotherapy and PDL1 and PD1 are really something that could be a game changer for triple negative. There have been great results on the studies and things are really looking up. The problem is to get it privately we are looking at £150,000!

 Prof Schmid as lovely as he is, said that he believes that PDL1 could be more harmful to me than my current treatment, although he did seem very negative about TACE. He just believes in chemo and all the other pharma type stuff. It’s to be expected really. I can keep in touch and there may be something that will come up for me in the end. But it was made clear that the current treatment I am on will one day stop working like all other treatments. He also said I can’t keep having radiotherapy so if the brain tumours grow I would be put on medication. BUT to stay on the positive side as things are currently working.

I may sound a bit down. This is due to a bit of tiredness and mixed feelings. Female hormones don’t help either. I’m feeling very hormonal. I actually cried when I came out of the theatre yesterday. I felt like a second class citizen. No one really cares. They treat me like a lump of meat. They don't care about the outcome or my life or the impact it has. I felt all the effort all the people like me are going to, to extend their lives and to be the miracle they hope they can be, and no one really cares. Prof Vogl barely makes eye contact and doesn’t give much time. But that’s him. To be honest I feel that’s what most cancer doctors are like. They forget you in a flash, they want your money and what they say goes. The only one I think that does actually care about me currently is Professor Harris. He genuinely seems interested in me and my plans for future treatment. I still have trouble convincing people to help me with further treatment if it isn’t simply chemo and I really get the feeling that time is running out and treatment is limited. They don’t want to hurt my feelings but I can see it.

A saying came to mind whilst away and I emailed it to Dr Lim, 'I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t'. I just don’t seem to get the luck. If I waited to progress and get worse then I could be in a very sickly state, near death maybe. So I proceed with getting better and then I am told I can’t have treatment because I am doing well. I am over the moon that I am doing well. But we just needed a bit of help and some time away from travelling abroad and costing us so much in finances and upheaval. Also making changes to treatment really keeps canSer on it's toes. But I am grateful that I can go abroad. I thank my blessings every day that I can. I just wish it was better for Pete. He didn’t sign up for this. I do sometimes wish things could be different.

This blog isn’t currently full of Christmas cheer but it will be! It’s not like I am sleep deprived so I apologise... We had a lot of brilliant sleep. I will give that to Germany. Their beds and duvets are the best!Laughing

It’s good to be home even if it is brief. We need to organise next month’s travel but right now I have a kitty on my lap purring whilst I type. I intend on getting festive watching old Christmas movies and just want to plan for 2015 which is going to be equally good if not better than the previous 4 years!

I am going to make some tasty vegetarian food, I am sure Pete could do with avoiding sausages and pork for a few days; he must have the meat sweats! Tomorrow is another day and if we get to see it then we are blessed.

Light and love. X

Tags:

Triple Negative

PDL1 negative....

by Claire12. December 2014 09:53

The weekend is looking exciting with German Christmas markets to enjoy. The only issue is a storm heading in to cologne.. Boo...
I have received confimration from St Barts that my tumour sample does not express the protein for pdl1, however they are still interested in me going to see them next Thursday as I may be able to get on the trial anyway.
I can't decide if I feel sad or happy? I looked at the info online and it isn't necessary a bad thing that I may not express the protein. It's so complicated it makes my brain burst but all I know is that it is still potentially a really good option. What bothers me a bit though is that if I get all the way to St Barts next week to be told no. I don't relish in the thought of getting up at the crack of dawn, fighting for a seat on the commuter train, if it arrives on time, waiting for ages to be seen at the hospital to then be told no. They may not find quite such a happy go lucky girl if that doesn't happen. But I guess if I do make the effort I can plead with them and try to change their mind.
They have asked for copies of my scans and reports which the Churchill have done for them.
I hope they don't just read the summary of the reports which never really summarises what the prof tells me.
Who knows? This one is on the lap of the gods... What will be will be and then I will make my plan based on the outcome. 
For now I know I have a few days of intense treatment and hope that my scan after this will be even better than last weeks. 
Let's hope if they are down by 50% then we can be down by another 25% or more. The largest tumour in my lung is now less than 3cm and the lymph nodes are less than a 1cm as are the ones in my brain. Tiny.... Tiny, tiny,tiny.
Today we hope to dodge a storm that is descending on Germany and make our way to Cologne.
We have also been sent some really interesting information from our friend in Australia regarding timings of treatments and immunotherapy. He has suggested I have a certain blood test three times per week prior to the trial drug being administered. I will have to speak to all the doctors regarding this but mostly the ones at St Barts as this could really assist their studies.
I am intrigued to know if success is due not to just the treatment but when a person responds to it.. It could solve the questions as to why a year ago I was practically clear of canSer but despite all the efforts this year it has increased and spread?
Yesterday I got a bit down and was questioning my body. 
I don't understand the why my body is anaemic and why my my platelets are so high making my blood sticky and therefore a risk of thrombosis? 
I had a chat with a doctor from the care oncology clinic and they're not too concerned as to the levels and said they are not that bad... Ok that's good. 
Regarding the anaemia though; I looked at when the levels started changing and it was around the time I stopped juicing. In my juices I always had a high level of vitamin C and green powders. This could be one reason why my blood is less oxygenated and also why I am losing iron. Or could it be the enemas? It's time to start monitoring now I introduce these elements and changes into my life. 

I am also intrigued as to why the tumour markers are dropping.. I mean this is great isn't it? But what am I doing to make this happen? And if I get below the normal point does that mean that canSer will stop growing and spreading? 

Sometimes having too much knowledge is a hindrance. It is for me anyway. Ignorance is bliss!

Today my face looks puffy again. I think so anyway. My appetite has changed and I feel full and fat. My weight however was the same as normal when I went to hospital on Tuesday. It's so strange the effects of treatment and medication on my body. 

Anyway happy Friday everyone and keep warm and stay safe in the crazy weather we are all having.

Xx


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Triple Negative

Results.. the quick version or the long?

by Claire10. December 2014 13:52

 Today was the day that was looming. Despite being calm and brave I did feel sick to my stomach again getting ready for the hospital. I simply can't help it. Pete was the same although he probably wouldn't admit it.
Prof Harris was on form as usual and asked about my henna head and seemed really tickled by it.
He immediately said its good news.... It's so good that he knows us now.
The suspense kills us!
He said it was a bit complicated to explain but he sort of stammered his way through it. Nothing is ever black and white is it?
What I would love to hear is you have no cancer Mrs Grant.. You are in remission!
But sadly life isn't quite as cut and dry as that and I am not one of those miracle remissions that you read online... Don't know why.. That's triple negative for you.
BUT! There is loads of amazing news.
The lesion in the lower right lobe has reduced from 33 x 27mm to 27 x 15mm.
The lesion in the right upper lung now measures 38 x27mm which was previously 40x39mm.
The small bilateral nodules have also reduced in size.
The left lung looks stable except the lower nodule apparently has increased by 1mm.. Hmm really?
There were areas of lymphangitis carcinomatosa!? And pleural thickening... These have all now been resolved.
The pericardial effusion/ fluid around my heart, has all now gone too! Woo!
The lymph nodes, a huge area of concern for me, has all now halved in size!
 
Earlier this year they picked up on an ovarian mass and told me it wasn't cancerous from the way it looks. They now are unsure if it is cancerous or not, however, this has reduced in size too so they do not feel it is necessary to do anything about at this stage.
 
They did find the following though;
A broken rib on the right side of my body! Pete was right! I knew I was in agony when I coughed and sneezed a few weeks ago. I felt such a drama queen rolling around the floor in pain and not being able to cough properly. Well now I know I had due cause for it! A bloody broken rib! That explains why sitting and lying down having scans at Prof Vogl's and Dr Seibenhuners was such a challenge...
The other thing they have detected is a bit confusing;
A new 21mm mixed sclerotic and lytic lesion in the left side of the body of t8 and a similar lesion on t9... So canSer had spread to my bones... Bugger...HOWEVER, Prof says that it actually means that the CanSer started to grow but now it looks like it is repairing and that the bones are hardening.. So it is getting better.
This obviously disturbs me but does make me think back to October time. I was lying in bed many a time and had a feeling of there being a hole in my back. I remember saying that I feel like my energy was pouring out of this hole. The discomfort and pain kept me awake quite a few nights and now I know it was that. I don't have the pain or discomfort any more... Bizarre but brilliant!
So Prof says carry on as I am and the only new introduction is that he wants me to start a new drug for the bones. It is not to stop canSer but assist the bones is staying strong. It is called denosumab. I am to have it injected and it will be organised by hospital at home. I am happy to inject myself. I will also need to have calcium and vitamin d. Well I have vitamin d already. However I had reduced it since I was tested and told it was seriously high.
The MRI scan results were equally as good. All tumours have reduced by 50% and should continue to reduce in size. I am to continue on the low dose of steroids for now.
As well as this news Prof gave me a chart of my blood results over the last few months.
It shows that my platelet count has increased above a normal level. He says it could be due to the chemo treatment I am having. It increased from about August so this doesn't correlate with that but maybe with other treatments.
It showed my haemoglobin levels have dropped at the same time. He says there is now a risk of thrombosis and I should be careful when flying.
The other thing he pointed out was the CA -15-3 in my blood. This is actually the amount of cancer cells actively circulating. A normal person’s level is about 30 iu/ml.
At the beginning of July time mine was really high at 60iu/ml. It has gradually decreased to 45iu/ml.... This is so exciting! It's reducing.. If I can get it low enough canSer may actually stop growing and leave my body!
 
Pete and I are over the moon, but we have such a long way to go and it does drive me on to really blast it at my next visit in Germany, then hopefully the trial with the pdl1 in London will be the thing that blasts it.
We have been receiving so much info through email and Google alerts about immunotherapy and timings. It seems things work better when administered every two weeks.
We are still gathering information but once we do we will post on here all the details.
 
I can't say initially I was jumping with joy because it's a lot to take in and nothing is ever simple, then Pete came home work and we decided that a celebration was due and cracked open a bottle of champagne. It felt fitting that we should enjoy ourselves and give ourselves a boost for the next chapter, 50% left to go.....
 
Today we leave for our road trip to Germany... It's going to be a long few days but worth it. Plus I get to chat to my Bear for hours if I can stay awake! Haha....


 
Xx

                          

Tags:

Triple Negative

Just being happy....

by Claire8. December 2014 17:43

The weekend was as expected; fun filled and full of laughter and maybe too much fun! Is that possible? It always is leading up to Christmas. So many people to see and try to spend time with before the big day.

As usual I pushed it to the limit and felt absolutely 'cream crackered' Saturday but Sunday we had a big lie in and did lots of things around the house; cooking a tasty Jamie Oliver meal and doing chores and watching all the reality TV shows... It’s mindless rubbish to some but I love watching how much it means to the participants. It seems that everyone’s emotions are so full to the brim and close to the surface. I thought it was only me that wanted to cry at everything! Apparently not!

Despite having a restful day yesterday with Pete neither him or I could sleep last night. I think I kept Pete awake to be honest, although I think he has so much on his mind. As much as we think things are going well for me the looming results of the scans are coming.

We think things must be pretty good for me at the moment as I am barely on any steroids and I do not have headaches, migraines or neck aches. Plus there is no cough, touching everything wood.

Our trip to Germany is also imminent. I am not being ungrateful and we will have fun in between having treatments but I really would rather stay at home. I know once I get there though the call of the Christmas markets will keep me entertained.

Pete tries so hard at making everything a lovely memorable occasion.

So back to last night and lying there awake. I wasn’t even thinking about the scan results, but actually dictating a blog/journal.

As mentioned many times before I am finding it hard with the nutritional side of things recently. There are so many do’s and don’ts. What is best to eat and drink and to avoid and so on. But as we know canSer is different for everyone. What if for me, right now, I just need to be happy. And to be happy I need to accept myself for whom I am. Throughout my life I have always battled with what is best and having to exercise every day and having to meditate daily makes me a better person. But what if right now I just need to listen to my heart? What if right now being me and eating whatever comforts me and nourishes me enriches every cell in my body and doesn’t actually feed canSer?

We know the importance of happiness and less stress on our bodies. We know that the mind cannot distinguish between reality and imagination. I am certain that stress and anxiety is a major factor of canSer in my life. I have noticed even the other day having the contrast injected into my arm for the scan how shaky I became. I am so sensitive now to stress and anxiety and I truly believe that is what fuels the canSer inside me. If that is the case then I need to ensure I do things that make me feel calm and happy.

If eating certain foods and drinking juices make me feel nauseas then I shouldn’t do it. I am not suggesting I am going to sit and eat a plate full of biscuits but hey, if that’s what I choose to do then that’s what I will do and not beat myself up about it. As it stands my body’s cries out for what it really wants and so I cooked a kale and spinach soup today. It’s hugely alkalising and tastes really good!

So this got me thinking last night that I have to continue just 'being'. I have to accept this moment and to just 'be'. Once one accepts this, life is so much more fun.

The only thing I do continue doing despite not really liking it, is taking the handful of medication and supplements every day. I still battle with swallowing them down and keeping them down, but I do have a way of disguising this challenge by eating with them, which I never did before. It will be interesting to see if my change of diet and decision to be happy really has had an effect on this disease that plaques me.

I am still hopeful that one day I will be in remission. I still have a dream of having a baby despite our ages.  With all the  news coming in presently about big developments with immunotherapy and PDL1 I truly believe that within 5 years treatment for triple negative will be more targeted more than for positive breast cancers. I just need to keep going. And it is a constant battle. I want to do this so much for Pete too. I really want him to have a good life and to know that all the effort, work, money and commitment to me that he has succeeded. He deserves success.

For now I am going to enjoy all the Christmassy things occurring around me and look forward to a bright future being canSer free. There is so much to live for; maybe I have more to live for than most... I’m a lucky girl. Til tomorrow when hopefully good news comes in.

For now I want to thank all my lovely clients that have supported me this year...Here's looking forward to 2015!

X

                                     

Tags:

Triple Negative

Henna Crown fit for a Kitty princess......

by Claire3. December 2014 17:41

 

It’s officially the festive season... Now its December we have got our Christmas tree up and the house is feeling fully festive! I am actually quite excited! I’ve had a few days at my mums and conquered the Christmas shopping and have now completed the wrapping of all the presents. What a mission. But it’s now completed. The cards have been written and posted.... Phew...

Health wise I have been plodding on doing all the rituals and taking a handful of pills and potions every single day. Things are getting easier in that area. I know it’s all a mental thing. It’s the thought of taking them that makes me want to be sick.

Dietary wise I am still eating what makes me happy. I figure that forcing myself to eat what is apparently best for me isn’t currently doing me any good. I am putting on weight which is a good sign.

Yesterday I had an MRI and CT scan. It’s been two months since I was diagnosed with brain mets and I haven’t had any headaches and I don’t have any chest symptoms such as that pesky cough. Even after having had the MRI and slept last night, I didn’t experience any headaches, which the MRI can cause. My head was throbbing quite a lot whilst having the scan but the lack of headaches has to be good news! I have been taking my concoction of drugs and supplements and my regime is quite extreme when I am at home. Pete did say to me my only job these days is to get better. Right oh! Results, I hope, are going to be given to me next Tuesday when I see Prof Harris in clinic.

I am still waiting for the results of my tumour which has been sent to St Barts and now to the U.S to see if my tumour expresses the protein blah blah blah... whatever it is, it still hasn't arrived, HOWEVER, I did receive a message from the lovely lady at St Barts saying I may be able to get on the trial even if I am negative.. Hmmmm, interesting.... I still hope obviously that my tumour is positive. That would be a great outcome and the trial should be successful for me. I was asked to go to London and have ECG, bloods, and more scans done in preparation for me starting the trial.

Despite me having scans here in Oxford I still have to go there. I explained that I am pretty hectic the next few weeks and over Christmas so it has been agreed that I will go down and do all that in a few weeks then aim to start the trial in January. Let’s face it; I am yet to see what Prof Harris has to say. You never know, all the stuff I am currently doing could be working, plus I am due back in Germany for more treatment in a week or so with a little sneaky trip to the Christmas markets. Well you can’t expect a German bear to miss out on a bratwurst and gluhwein!

Today has been an exciting day. I went to Selfridges in London and met with Pavan, a henna artist. Actually she is the world record holder for being the fastest henna artist! She did a henna crown on my bald head... I was a bit nervous as it was being done at her henna bar in the middle of Selfridges and I wasn’t sure if I would like it or not. But seeing how confident Pavan was and how friendly she is, I totally trusted her. She said she would make it pretty and use glitter and gems.. I was totally sold. I love being glammed up and I really want to learn how to do henna crowns so that I can do them for other ladies in my position, hopefully at the Oxford Maggie’s Centre and at home here.

It didn’t take long at all and I also had a bindhi applied. I am thrilled with it and so were the spectators that had gathered round. On the train home an elderly lady asked if I was going to a photo shoot. When I said no she said that I looked amazing and should have a photo shoot! Bless her.

The henna crown lasts about 10 days and then fades off. I can’t wait to give it a go myself sometime. For more information on Pavan and her work please go to her website; http://www.pavanonline.com/

Here are some pictures;

                                                     

                                                      

                                                   

With Christmas coming there are so many people to see and many celebrations to be had. This weekend is crammed with fun with friends, starting on Friday. I can show my head off with pride.

Hoping everyone else is feeling the love, light and Christmas cheer.... XX

 

 

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Triple Negative

The Venetian Masquerade Ball was a huuuge success!

by Claire26. November 2014 14:19

I've been a bit lazy these last few days. I've been meaning to write and give an update but the weekend was manic to a degree and as usual I needed to catch up on things.
The big highlight of the weekend and well I guess for the end of this year was the Venetian Masquerade Charity Ball that my friends suggested to raise money for our favourite charities; Breakthrough Breast Cancer and The Cancer Vaccine Institute.


Pete and I had quite a lot of input and helped out quite a bit by obtaining auction prizes and selling tickets and so on, so we felt quite nervous and hoped it would raise lots of money. Of course as a typical women, the other big thing was what to wear... Argh! For me I hoped that I would have hair but of course that wasn't to be so my thoughts were, do I go bald or wear a wig or...?


The ball was being held at Caswell House, and the food and drinks and everything supplied from lighting, to the fun photo booth, to the dj, band, photographer and table centre pieces and everything were donated or provided at cost! My friends even paid for an additional photographer for me as a surprise! (Thank you ladies!)
As yet I haven't seen any official photos but there are lots of snaps from friends...

 

 

We arrived to a wonderful champagne reception with everyone fully glammed up and wearing masks.. I arrived in a red dress, red shoes, red and gold feathery mask and... A red sparkly bob wig! It was funny because some people didn't recognise me! For me it was a big thing.. I didn't want to look silly but thought it was a great opportunity to really be a bit extreme...


I have to say everyone excelled themselves. Every single man and woman looked awesome, so dapper and beautiful.


I simply cannot believe how quickly the night went. We arrived at 7.30pm and left at 1am! I wasn't ready to leave! The food was simply divine, the auctioneer/MC was so funny and handled the night brilliantly.

 

A highlight of the night was how much the auction prizes went for! I cannot believe the generosity of everyone and it was so exciting!


The stand out moment was Pete’s speech..Everyone was left teary eyed and it really focused our minds as to why we were there. I couldn't look at him for fear of really blubbing and ruining my make up! I think his message got home though. His main point was how much love there was in the room... The circle of love. I really believe that everyone felt it.


On the night I was being updated as to how much we were making.. I couldn't believe that £2000 was made on raffle tickets alone! My numbers were called out.. I won a lovely Christmas wreath.. It's on my front door now.

                                          

Yesterday I got an email from Kate at Caswell House to say after all costs that the total raised was £20,560.00! Oh my goodness!!!!!! This is an outstanding amount to have raised..


I want to thank everyone who came, who donated, who supplied and contributed in every way. I know the money doesn't directly help me but I hope that it helps so many ladies and their families and I hope that they will never be in my shoes... Bring on a cure.. Please.

The following morning we headed over to Witney to see our friends and my mum for breakfast then I think we all started to feel very jaded. Pete and I and our lovely friends Alex and Lee spent the afternoon watching rugby and eating! We chilled and laughed and generally felt very grateful. Sunday was very much the same for us when our friends went home. It may seem like we spend a lot of time doing very little but that's exactly what we need sometimes... It's so nice to wind down and be wrapped up in a soft blanket and have my feet rubbed by my Bear... I love him so much.
 

This week has been going well. I have nothing much booked in so it's brilliant. I have been getting admin done, doing my daily rituals and really trying to get on a roll.
 I've been exercising, doing yoga and eating very well. I still look very pale and have very puffy eyes. Nothing a bit of make up won't cure or a holiday..... He he... Which we have booked!
In true Pete fashion, he said that we have to keep living like we normally do. So despite having to travel abroad and go to hospital we should still book our trips away like we always do. We didn't want to hang around over the new year holiday period so have booked to go to warmer climes and get some vitamin d and bliss out. I was a bit

nervous booking a holiday but now I have done it I'm really excited! Whoop!
 
I have had confirmation from St Barts that they finally received my tumour sample and they have sent it to be tested. Hopefully this Friday or next Monday I should know if I'm eligible for the trial... Watch this space.

I have also had confirmation from the Churchill hospital in Oxford that I have an MRI and CT scan booked for next week, so the results should be with Prof Harris the following week when I see him. So that's good, I will at least know in detail what is going on and if the radiotherapy has worked. I have everything crossed. I have to say I feel better in myself. Still no cough, no headaches and now no shaking. That's got to be good news?!

I am definitely getting in the Christmas spirit. I have been doing all my shopping online...Sorry Mr Postman! This weekend I am going to drag Pete to buy a Christmas tree and then we can have our ritual of singing Christmas carols around the advent candle.... Bring on the mulled wine and sparkly lights! I have started writing our Christmas cards and I have drawn some Christmassy pictures... He he...
All in all this is a lovely week.

Bear and I are getting lots of sleep, eating really well and generally looking forward and loving to the max! We are spreading the love and feeling the love from all our friends and supporters... #circleoflove

Tomorrow I am being picked up by my sister, then spending a few days with my mum! We are going to finish the Christmas shopping and I get to be spoiled down in lovely Dorset by my mum....

Fun packed, love filled and generally looking forward to what’s coming next...


A massive light and love... XX

I would like to officially thank the following for their contributions and donations to making the charity ball a massive
success;  


My good friend Samantha, one of the Kitty's Climbers, who thought this idea up and grafted over the last 6 months,
To Kate and Steph at Caswell House for all your hard work and making it happen so smoothly.
To Amanda and Richard for letting us host the ball at your stunning venue.. Caswell House is gorgeous and I can't wait to be there again sometime!
To Jason and Nick from the Es Vive Hotel and Chic Villas in Ibiza for your generous auction prizes.
To Ivan and Harvey Nichols London for donating a wonderful cocktail masterclass
To the anonymous person who donated a signed arsenal shirt
To Nilam Patel for donating a spa day at her Dermaspa
To Marianna and Francesca at Soru Jewellery for donating the stunning rose quartz necklace
To Sarah Pooler and Ocean Beach Club Ibiza for donating a day/bed with cocktails

To all those who donated prizes they are featured on the ball programme attached...

Thank you to you all! You’re all amazing!

X 

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It's all about the money...

by Claire19. November 2014 17:07

 

I have been having such a lovely week. Slowly clawing my life back together again, I think.

I have exercised these past few days and boy do I feel it. I mean, I am doing light exercise; 20 minutes of yoga and then some boxercise. I am aching all over! I didn’t realise how unfit I had become! But it’s good. I need to get stronger and fighting fit.

I still look pretty scary. When at home I don’t wear make up and with my very pale head which is lovely and shiny since Pete shaved it for me, I have huge bags under my eyes... Thankfully I am still decreasing in the puffiness. I am now only taking half a steroid daily which amounts to 1mg.

I had an email yesterday from Prof Harris’s secretary telling me he will book CT scans for me prior me seeing him in December. Actually I had a really nice surprise. I am quite demanding and do really keep on chasing things when I want something. The secretaries do get bombarded with all my emails and requests. Yesterday this particular secretary said that she thought I was really sassy and inspirational... How nice?! I replied and said, ‘Not really. I am simply trying to stay alive and have the best life possible.’  It bought a smile to my face though.

The trial secretary at St Barts has emailed me to say that she has had contact with Oxford and hopefully my tumour sample is being sent down today. It then need to go to US to be tested. Boy, these things take forever....All this to find out if I am eligible.

 

I've been having a little dance today around the kitchen. Pete is an avid listener of music and at the office he plays all genres depending on his mood. He has started sending me playlists to play every day whilst at home. I love it! I have been having a good old shimmy. It’s funny as I was feeling a little rough then the music came on and my booty shook and the sickly feeling went away.Tongue outI'd highly recommend it!

 

When we got back from Germany last week, I was met with a letter on my doormat from a debt collection agency. They had been instructed by St George’s Hospital in London?! Apparently an invoice had been sent to me on the 24th June for the ablation that I had and I hadn’t paid. I have until the end of the week to pay. I immediately felt stressed. I know what these debt collectors are like. Dogs with bones!

There are two things that are wrong with this situation. Firstly I have never received an invoice from St George’s and secondly, I paid the invoice over a week before the ablation which was on the 19th June. I felt aggrieved that they hadn’t called me asking for payment and they had simply passed my details over to a debt agency. I now have a black mark on my credit rating. Not only that we all know that stress is major factor when it comes to canSer.  Pete said not to worry but I do. It did play on my mind for one night and then I got on the phone the very next morning.

The debt agency couldn’t even be bothered to answer the phone so I called the hospital. They looked at the records and it sounded like pennies dropping. Yes, they could see I had already paid and then they looked for the invoice that I had apparently had sent to me. Ah, they couldn’t see it actually going out. They hadn’t allocated my payment. I did express my concern to the fact that they hadn’t even called me before instructing the debt agency. All the lady could say was don’t worry I will get it sorted and make sure the debt agency are contacted and this is resolved. She promised to call me back. Well she didn’t. I called back the next day and she said she had been busy.... Really... I very much doubt she will get it dealt with and I certain I will be hearing from the debt agency again. I actually look forward to them taking me to court.

With canSer it’s all about the money.... It’s a disgrace.

 

Whilst in Germany I bought some new supplements from Dr Nesselhut. Boswellia serrata- otherwise known as African Frankincense. Its main benefit is reducing swelling in oedema in the brain and it also has anti carcinogenic properties.

 

Today, I have been making more of my charity wish bracelets in preparation for the charity ball on Friday evening....It’s getting ever closer and I am really excited to be getting dressed up and having a party with all my almost all my friends! I cannot wait! I am unsure what to do with my head at this stage. Wigs are so annoying and I fidget... Going to have my nails done tomorrow.....Eek!

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Triple Negative

Hair No More... Third Time Lucky....

by Claire17. November 2014 17:11

 

Monday already! The weekend was good... I went to watch England play rugby with my Bear and two of our friends. It was full of banter and laughter. Just what we both needed after a challenging week. To honest I didn't think I would be well enough as I felt pretty rubbish Friday. I suppose everything had caught up with me.


My hair has been driving me mad. Every time I move I can feel it fluffing my face as it slowly fell out. My pillow was hairy and when I had a little cat nap on the snug sofa I was surprised as to how much hair was on the cushion.... Been there before but it is so annoyingly itchy. I didn't want to get rid of my hair too soon though because if I was going to the rugby I wanted to have hair. Luckily I felt fine and looked ok too.


Sunday we got on with Sunday things and got to see our friend on her birthday. I felt pretty organised getting things done and not being under any pressure. Then Bear and I had hours in front of the box. TV is great leading up to Christmas with all the reality shows. I know it's not great intellectual viewing but it's great to take our minds off things.

 
 The problem was as the day wore I started feel rough again. I was shaky... Again. I just don’t know why. My appetite isn't right either. To be honest we both feel a bit under nourished at the moment. When I don't really feel like eating a full meal we just make do, so I am definitely not getting as much green veg inside of me. I figure I have to just chill out and go with the flow. Everything will work itself out and forcing things just makes me feel like I am not achieving what I should. But being calm and happy at the moment is more important than having spirulina and juices.
 
I suppose the main event of the day was that Bear shaved my hair off me.
Third time lucky. I don't think it gets any easier for him but as he says he would rather shave my hair off than not have me around. My scalp is still a bit itchy as it has some bumps and spots on probably from the radiotherapy sensitivity. I have been using cream on it ever since to soothe and repair it.

                                                 

This week we have made a decision to cleanse our systems and try to be kind to ourselves. This means plenty of water, green tea, homemade soups and things that don't aggravate us. Fresh fish and spinach, and hearty tangibles etc...We shall see how well that goes!

 

Today I had a Skype session with a spiritual guide who was recommended to me by my friend. I really felt I needed someone to talk to and perhaps lead back to connecting with my emotional and spiritual side. He was great; really friendly, and I felt so calm afterwards. He did some exercises with such as; letting go, God / universe is everything, and choosing five people I look up to and their qualities I admire. I won't go into detail how those exercises went but I did feel better...


I have also been catching up on the Deepak Chopra meditation challenge and have meditated 3 times today. For the first this morning I actually felt like I really meditated and didn't just think all the way through. That's been a while. Actually deep breathing can be quite painful for me still as my ribs are very sore, but I think they are slowly getting better.

 
It's so weird that I am typing this and its 5pm. I am not ready for it. It isn't cold so doesn't feel like November... Christmas is round the corner and I need to organised!
 
I have a relatively relaxing week ahead... I'm looking forward to it. I am going to introduce exercise in some form. I have to. I am so unfit and I can't allow myself to get sicker. Any kind of exercise, even light, will actually help tiredness from chemo and radiotherapy. I'll start tomorrow. :)

 

For now I have Friends on the TV and I am going to have a green tea.....

 

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Triple Negative

Four days of intense treatment......

by Claire14. November 2014 11:58

 

The last few days have been intense to say the least. We always knew it was going to be the hardest yet and it has been in many ways. We left home at 4am on Monday morning for our flight to Frankfurt. It's mental how any people are up and on the roads at that time of day!

 I had sort of planned everything as best I could but still didn't really know what was going to happen. We got our hire car and headed to the hotel. Thankfully our room was ready... Cool everything was going better than expected.

I had an appointment booked at 1.30pm with Dr Seibenhuner which can I say translates to Dr Seven Chickens! Pahahah! Love it... You gotta laugh when you can.

We were pleasantly surprised when we arrived at his clinic that it actually resembles a clinic; very clean, professional and well normal. 

We met with the doctor, who was a really nice guy.

I showed my RGCC blood test results so that he could see what things should work against the canSer I have. We spoke about IPT, insulin potentiated therapy which is promoted as a "kinder, gentler" approach to chemotherapy, with "little to none of the negative side effects of chemotherapy." It purports to use about a tenth of the usual dose of cancer treatment medicine. The effect of the chemotherapy is claimed to be magnified or potentiated by the use of insulin, which lowers the blood sugar. People who offer this treatment claim that insulin "opens up" the receptors on cancer cells so that more chemotherapy can get in.  The patient reports to an IPT clinic after having had nothing to eat or drink other than water for 6 to 8 hours. Intravenous (IV) fluids are started, and the patient is given a dose of insulin based on his or her body weight. For people with cancer, low doses of chemotherapy drugs are given a few minutes later so that they reach the bloodstream after the insulin has started to lower the patient's blood sugar. This is called the "therapeutic moment" by some IPT providers.

At this point, the patient usually has some symptoms of low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). These can be quite severe, especially the first time, because people can respond to a standard dose of insulin quite differently. The IV is switched to a high-sugar solution to raise the blood sugar. After the symptoms of low blood sugar begin to improve, the patient may be given food to raise the blood sugar further. During this process, the blood sugar may be checked by finger stick. 

We then discussed possible drugs/ infusions to use with the IPT. Based on my RGCC blood results we discussed B17, which is present in apricot kernels and illegal to use in the UK, artemisinin, which I take orally daily, DMSO, which has been recommended to me recently to enhance everything I take in the system, plus a few other things such as potassium and magnesium. As well as this I was to have local hyperthermia on my brain and my chest. I can't think if there was anything else. My eyes were wide and I was in a bit of a state anyway. Dr Seibenhuner said let’s get started... There and then. Wow.... This was amazing...

Of course cost was running through my mind. Pete dealt with that side of things and was surprised as to how much it was. It was no way near as much as what we were used to paying... So that was a bonus.

Straight away they jacked me up to infusions, insulin injections and the hyperthermia machine. I was scared that my blood sugars would go so low I would go into shock. I was apprehensive about how all the infusions would make me feel. They assured me I should feel fine. They took blood samples and said they were to be sent away for testing to see if my cells did something?! To be honest I have no idea I just know I have results to come back. Hope they are good.

Two hours went and I laid there and got hotter and hotter. I didn't feel any more shaky than I already was. My blood pressure was monitored regularly. I don't suffer high or low blood pressure but that day my blood pressure was ski high. They also tested my blood sugar a million times. My finger tips are totally punctured. The interesting part was it started at 115 and they hoped it would drop to half that. But during the whole two hours it would only go as low as 89. I was worried that wasn't low enough and that it hadn't worked. I was assured that the reduction was fine. We asked why my blood sugars were so high. They think it could be stress... No really?!!! My body was vibrating from everything... The other thing is I stank. They hadn't told me that one of the infusions stinks... Honestly I stank of rotting flowers and cabbages for days. I couldn't smell it. Pete said that every time he walked in to the room all he could smell was me.. Brilliant. I am a smelly nelly. Boo!

So that was a success.. 

Day two- Professor Vogl and TACE

Having had this once I was nervous again. We arrived and I was taken straight into have an MRI. Pete went on his way for the afternoon. He had work to do but sadly money is the main objective to all these clinics. Despite having paid in advance and online the administrators hadn't bothered to check and demanded Pete prove he had paid. Poor Pete spent hours getting his bank manager to show proof and make phone calls and more.. Unbelievable. Are CanSer patients that unreliable?

All the while I am oblivious to this administrational nightmare.

Prof Vogl sauntered into the operation theatre where I was laid like a piece of meat waiting for him. I was hooked up to the ct scanner and my other images showed up too. Prof said that there was good news. The tumours in my right lung have reduced by about 20 per cent. Wow... Really? He said the lymph nodes not so much. 

He got started with the procedure and the worst part really is the anaesthetic injection and the little knick into my groin artery. There is one particular male nurse who preps me and is present the whole time and he always gives me a rub on the shoulder to soothe my pain. I watched on the screen as the tube goes through my heart in my lung area. The feeling in my heart is so bizarre. He did say my heart had reduced since last time too, so that means the fluid has reduced. I told him my cough has gone and told him about my other treatments that I had, but to be honest he doesn't seem to care.

That's the only thing. Every clinic and doctor gives such different standards of service. Once the procedure finished I had to lie there for three hours to recover. I don't know what they give, although I hope I will sleep and I never do, but when I finally got up my pupils were massively dilated. Brilliant, more drugs to make feel detached.

I sat then for about an hour to have another ct scan to make sure I wasn't bleeding to death and then I went to see the Prof. He showed me images from my first visit and that day and I could see the reduction in my right lung. I couldn't see the lymph nodes. He said the ones in my left lung are so small not to worry about them.

Pete and I were concerned as to how this treatment would be going. How many times do we need to go and how is it going to get rid of completely? In my addled state I was unsure what the benefit of that treatment was over chemo. Obviously, normal chemo kills all cells. TACE targets the specific areas and the side effects are minimal. I have to be honest I saw the chemo shoot through my lungs on the ct screen and then I am walking around feeling fine. I can handle that over systemic chemo.

Prof said in his limited fashion that we should continue making the right lung and lymph smaller and then he thinks we should ablate them with RFA or Laser treatment that he offers. Ok right. I think if I have any questions I will have to email. It's like getting blood out of a stone.

We hot footed it out there with mixed feelings. I should be over the moon that there has been such success in only one month! But in my drugged up body and the concern for just getting to the next destination all happiness is taken away. You can't really feel happy when you are being given news by a cold blooded heart less doctor. There is no emotion in some Germans! 

By now it's late afternoon on Tuesday. We jumped in our trusty hire steed and made a three hour journey to what I call my German home, Duderstadt.

There has been no daylight since we got here. That has made it worse. I feel like I am walking around in the dark and it's not very uplifting or inspiring. My body feels different every day. I'm reducing the steroids but my face is bloated now and I have puffy eyes. My scalp and forehead are itchy and my hair has started falling out from the radiotherapy, God darn it! I really hoped it wouldn't but I am gutted. I know it's not the end of the world but with a fat face I don't look good. I have aged with worry and have more wrinkles than before. I rocked the bald look years ago when I looked healthy. I do not look healthy. My mind is a mess as is my body. I'm a wreck!

We arrived at our usual hotel, the Zum Lowen and were welcomed to the first room we ever stayed in. Bliss! The beds are out of this world.. The bed covers, I have to have, are silky smooth and despite knowing I might not sleep very well, because I haven't lately, I didn't care. I knew lying in this heavenly bed would be just what Pete and I needed. I wasn't disappointed.. 

Day three- I got up yesterday with plenty of time before my first appointment at Dr Nesselhuts. I was having hyperthermia and more infusions. I decided to catch up on meditation and emails. Pete had lots of work to do so I made sure I kept quiet. I had a great morning. Off I went for my treatments. Putting needles in my veins is really getting to me now. I have great veins but my good one is starting to look a mess. 

I came back to the hotel and chilled even more. I felt all blurry.. My puffiness is getting right on my nerves. Pete and I try to be as normal as possible but really I just feel shaky the whole time. I'm worried it's my blood sugars or is the drugs or is it all of it?

Another great night in the heavenly bed. But I still wake up thinking half way through the night. I can't switch off my head but I'm not sure what I am really thinking about. I woke with aching ribs and a mild headache. The first headache in a while. I put the rib aches down to TACE. I remember feeling a bit achey last time from that chemo. The headache I hoped would be nothing. I haven't taken any pain relief and I feel just fine at present.

Day four- I'm up packed and ready to check out. I have another session of infusions and hyperthermia then to see Dr Nesslehut. I've booked the earliest appointment possible as we have to get back to Frankfurt for our flight. Bloody pressure! I know I could make it easier by staying an extra day but we have to get back. Pete has important work and that's how we make the money to pay for these crazy adventures. 

I feel ok. I'm shaky again and a little less puffy- yay! But I still feel like I am living in a parallel world. When I lay in the ward after TACE it was like being in a movie where a captive is taken and is being tested upon. Foreign language banding about and being prodded, poked and given, well it could be anything?! It does take the feeling of control away somewhat.

Pete just goes with the flow.

I saw Dr Nesselhut and we discussed future treatment options. He discussed ipilimumab, a drug that one of my friends had recommended. I didn’t even need to bring it up as Dr Nesselhut did.

Ipilimumab belongs to a group of cancer drugs known as monoclonal antibodies. Monoclonal antibodies are sometimes called targeted therapies because they work by ‘targeting’ specific proteins (receptors) on the surface of cells. Ipilimumab is a bit different because it works by attaching itself to normal immune cells. This changes the way these cells work and helps the immune system destroy cancer cells. Apparently it can be deathly and is very expensive, but if I go for it combined with CD80 then it could really do the trick.

I can’t remember the facts on CD80 but it is something to do with T regs. Honestly you need a degree in science. Ok so there is a plan for the future. We skipped out of there and drove like the wind back to Frankfurt dodging awful car accident after another. I don’t know how we did it but we got to the airport with hours to spare til our flight. Being cheeky we asked the check in desk if we could get on a earlier flight... Yes!

Boom we got back to Heathrow and then home a few hours earlier than expected and it made all the difference. We were in bed by ten and had unpacked and prepared for work today.

It’s amazing to be back even if I am walking around with niggles, aches, pains and a hazy head. Once I have done some admin I will meditate and really take some time this afternoon to just BE...

 

Pete squeezed me as hard as he could throughout the noisy rainy night and we woke up thinking our bed is just as good as the heavenly bed at the Zum Lowen. There’s no place like home. X

 

 

 

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Triple Negative

Dining with Davina and my favourite ladies....

by Claire9. November 2014 13:59

 

I had a brilliant ending to my week. Friday ten of us; me, my mum, my sister and some of my nearest and dearest friends went to a charity event hosted by my all time favourite person (other than my Bear of course) Davina McCall! I went to it last year and decided it would be much better surrounded by a table full of loved ones. There were 400 people attending, all women, so you can well imagine the energy in the room!

As part of the event we all got to have photos taken with Davina and she is so friendly and wonderful. It’s like you have known her for years and that you are personal friends. I showed her the card she had sent me and thanked her for brightening my otherwise crappy day following my visit to St Barts re gamma knife. I’m always a little lost for words and I don’t want to be really needy but I would love to have time to really talk to her. I love the fact my friends say that I remind them of Davina with my mannerisms. I’ll take that huge compliment- thank you!

 We had a wonderful 3 course meal and then I bought the photos that had been taken. Sitting at the table admiring them (well actually criticising my hair! I look like Mr Tumnus from Narnia with horns! I’m not complaining really I feel blessed at the moment that I have hair, it could be gone in a few weeks from radiotherapy) I felt two hands land on my shoulder, and a voice say; ‘Ah that’s a lovely picture!’ Turning, it was Davina looking over my shoulder. I was thrilled!  I hopped up and she gave me a big hug and my friend took a quick snap on her phone.

                                                    

I don’t know about you but Pete and I have a list on our board at home of people we would love to invite to the ultimate dinner party. My number one guest is Davina McCall. Naturally. I bet it would be a great night.

The fact is everyone on the table at the event on Friday love Davina and they all loved spending time together. I would love it to be our annual event. Any excuse to get dressed up and have a good girly catch up. We laughed, talked, danced and cried.... We are girls. They cry a lot!

 

                                        

                                         

 

I suffered for it yesterday. I would love to say it was probably from drinking alcohol, which I did indulge in but I simply didn’t sleep Friday night.

Of course I missed Pete. I chatted with my friend until 1.30am tucked up in bed but then a few hours later was awake with pains in my knees. This is new... What is going on? I took pain relief, a lot of it. And it didn’t touch the nagging aches. It’s so weird. One thing goes and another begins. I feel like a bloody hypochondriac.

 

We all stayed at the hotel and for breakfast bleary eyed faces appeared as we gathered for a right royal breakfast. I took advantage of it all! It’s odd though because I don’t taste things properly. I don’t have the same urges of what I really want to eat. I don’t have an on/off button. Days can be really exciting and full of clarity and others I can feel a mess. Take today. I woke up at 4am having had a day on the sofa yesterday. (Thank you Louise for getting me home and delivering me to my husband! Sorry for not spending time with you and your better half last night! I simply couldn’t manage moving let alone being any kind of decent company! Ha-ha!) I slept well up until then and then my mind was racing; in a good way.

I got up checked in online for our flights tomorrow and packed my suitcase. Then it all went wrong. I had the shakes, felt hugely emotional and can’t make out what I am meant to be doing?

 I have halved the steroids and hope the things I am feeling will subside quickly! I want ‘me’ back. Luckily for me I was on pretty good form on Friday. I chatted for England, danced and laughed and stored those memories with my ladies in a big gold memory box in my mind. That’s a keeper I will cherish.

 

We have a big week ahead starting with an early morning flight to Frankfurt tomorrow morning. We are off to Dr Seibunhuner to see what infusions he may recommend then Prof Vogl on Tuesday for TACE number two. Then Day three off to Duderstadt for more bits and bobs then drive back to Frankfurt for our evening flight home on Thursday.

I have to say I am not hugely looking forward to it but needs must. If I was on better form then it would be all ok but it’s a struggle. I am in danger of forgetting things and I don’t want to keep moaning about feeling under the weather to Pete. This is so hard on him.

Look on the bright side. I do not have a cough, and at the moment no headaches or tingling! Yeha!

This morning it is beautiful outside. The sun is shining. It isn’t raining and nature was calling us. We went out to a  Remembrance Sunday service and said the Lords prayer and sang the national anthem. It felt good. I feel blessed for the many amazing things in my life. I mustn’t lose sight of that.

 

Pete is cooking in the kitchen...although we have just had a disaster. We decided to have a hugely anti inflammatory juice to give us both a kick start. Turmeric, garlic, ginger and chilli were the ingredients or ammo! Sadly it ended in tears. Literally. We both vomited! Ha-ha. And now I stink of garlic and maybe a little bit of sick! Urgh!
Life’s about trying... and God knows Bear and I are doing a lot of that!

Happy Sunday, you gorgeous people. X

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