You gotta have faith!

The journey from home to Hanover to Duderstadt was seamless (as I always say, like a well oiled machine!)

It’s funny when you live in the present- fear and worries disappear. The weather has been bright and the German countryside looks amazing. It feels a bit like home; same faces, same hotel.

Pete was waiting for me after my treatment and said that something odd had happened. He seemed really stirred up and emotional. The lady who runs the coffeee shop (who gave the angels to me- we shall call her the ‘Angel Lady’ from now on) approached him.Β  Now I am not mad, crazy and I am not a total airy fairy nutter but I do believe in energy and I am open minded. Pete is less spiritual (no surprise there especially with the hardships he has encountered throughout his life).

Pete said to the ‘Angel Lady’, “The angels are working” (because I am feeling so well). She said, ” How do you know they are working?…” Pete replied, “Sorry?” She said, “Because you don’t pray enough to your angels.” Pete said,” Which angels?” The Angel Lady replied, ” You have two angels and your wife has three.” Pete was now a bit confused and asked, “How do you know that?”. “Because I can see them”, she said. (Boy I’m never going feel the same going to the loo again!) Pete asked, “Are they people that I might know?” He was thinking about his mum and dad. She said, “Of course you know them, they are with you all the time”, which didn’t sound like someone he’s known but a presence in his life. The Angel Lady said,” They’ve told me your wifes’ going to healthy again but you have to pray more. (But she didn’t say to God) “They are not happy that you don’t talk to them but the big thing is that you have to keep your faith. Faith is the key. Do not lose your faith”. This was strange as we had a conversation the night before that both of our belief was struggling. Pete said it felt like she had spoken straight to his soul. One line keeps ringing, ” I know for sure she will be healthy”. She said it in such a way, like it was obvious. The Angel lady then walked away.

Pete left feeling moved and a bit mad all at the same time. The thing with this kind of thing are the signs- whether you look for them or just think they are coincidence as I’ve said before. Just as he was walking up the road to meet me two dragon flies flew over his head together.- what are the chances of that?!

This story did move me- of course it did. I don’t want people thinking I’m losing my mind but it made me think of a ‘strange’ sight on Sunday.

Travelling home from the weekend three white doves were sitting in the road and flew away right in front of us. Pete said even then ‘How strange – Why would there be white doves on the A34?’ At the time I thought it odd and wondered what sign it could be but questioned if it was for meas Pete and two friends were in the car and why should I assume it was a sign for me? Or was it nothing at all?

Now I’m thinking- wow… my three angels were showing themselves? I was having a really tricky day doubting my faith …

Believer or not I’m not taking any chances. I’m praying baby!

Pete says that he has seen many things around the world. Incredible feats of strength and achievements purely because the individual was motivated and believed they could do it. The power of the mind -and maybe this gives new meaning and different view of Point Two of the Ten Point Plan- Mental Strength.

For now I’m going to get Pete to start praying to his angels and I’ll sing ‘Faith’ by George Michael to myself! πŸ™‚ X

All packed and ready for the off… after yet another hospital visit.

Yet another appointment at the hospital today to see Professor Middleton. I wasn’t sure if it was worth going since I’d already spoken to a doctor about possible clinical trials previously. Pete really likes Prof Middleton so was keen to go and see if he had anything to offer…and he did- mainly advice and a different perspective.

He asked what treatment I am having in Germany and I explained that Prof Harris has said in 6 weeks I should have another CT scan and that if the disease has grown by 25% or more then I should stop that treatment andΒ  start chemotherapy again. He is a very calm chap with good energy. Down to earth and a believer in new things (or else he wouldn’t suggest trials!)

He suggested asking Dr Nesselhut when he would like me to have a CT scan. personally Prof Middleton thinks I should wait til the course of immunotherapy finishes UNLESS I start to get symptoms and ill health.

Her said that the CT scan only shows small blobs at the moment. The thing with the immunotherapy/ dendritic cell therapy is that tumours can actually look larger as it could be full of T-cells (the cells that try to stop the cancer) making it appear bigger. A scan can’t determine that.

We questioned the necrotic node. He said it’s neither good nor bad. The node has had it’s blood supply cut off which could mean that it is out growing the area however, if they had been treating me with chemo, for example, they’d probably give themselves a pat on the back for having achieved that result!

The comment that stood out for me is this, ‘ If I didn’t believe that expermiental new trials worked I wouldn’t do them.’ That was great to hear that actually new, apparently non scientifically clinically proven treatments, are accepted treatments that may work- that there is no reason for them not to…

So off to Germany tomorrow. I will discuss with Dr Nesselhut my forward plan and also the new antigen from Australia known as nf-P2X7 (very catchy title). I will explain more about it when I know more. But essentially it is to do with cells having death receptors which cancer cells have abnormal ones. The new antigen antibodies attach themselves to these abnormal receptors and this combination then appears to result in death of the cancer cells – perhaps by re-initiation of normal apoptosis, perhaps by another mechanism such as attracting lymphocytes and macrophages which are involved in killing cells.

Prof Middleton also mentioned a new trial starting in December with something that involves the SRC gene (sounds like sarc). Maybe thats another option if required.

All in all a good meeting with a genuine friendly doctor. He said we could go and see him any time… Cooolll . πŸ™‚

Just want to add one of the many things I have been thankful for today. We have the best neighbours ever. They are so friendly, kind and generous. I have never lived somewhere before where I have been able to chat over the garden wall and feel safe in the knowledge that when we are not around they are watching over our home and our kitty. OO plus I am very grateful for the courgettes that they grow! Mmmm organic and home grown.

Right where’s my husband? We need to get on the road soon.

X

Sun, sea and girly chats

This weekend has been a weekend with the girls. Both Pete and I spent the weekend with our ‘bessies’. The boys went off on the boat and no doubt had lots of banter and laughs, whilst us girls chilled in Poole. Saturday the weather was amazing so we spent our time walking on the beach, watching people, getting plenty of vitamin D and unusually there were lots of butterflies. I took that as a positive sign, angels whatever you want to call it. I am bagging anything I can get!

The afternoon we spent grazing on vegan foods and discussing almost everything – it was nice to express how I’m feeling and found that my friends feel I am being too hard on myself. The constant need to feel like I am getting everything done and seeing things that should be every day rituals as chores and putting more pressure on myself rather than going with the flow. My friend Emma has loaned me her book, ‘Dont sweat the small stuff’. At a glance it is so me. In todays society we just keep loading ourselves with more and more commitments and anxiety increases causing symptoms such as stress, irritable bowel syndrome and so on. A lesson so many of us should learn is to not sweat the small stuff and learn that let life flow. That is essential in dealing with cancer and even preventing cancer I believe.

I indulged in some ‘bubbles’ and let my hair down (so to speak). Proper girly togetherness is so soulful. I think it is a must for every relationship to have down time with their friends. I have to admit though I missed my Bear at night. Back home now and planning the week ahead. Pete looks tired but has a wry smile on his face with memories of the weekend. ‘What happens on ‘Sunny’ stays on ‘Sunny’!’ Off to Germany Tuesday for my next round of immunotherapy. I have a feeling of excitement as I really want to believe that the treatment is working but I want it to work fast!

Time to catch up some Bear cuddles.

Fifteen minutes of Fame

Found out last night that Pete and I are featured in the local newspaper. Pete went straight out this morning and found the article which had been written about us in the Oxford Times Limited Edition magazine. I hope you like it. I don’t think my kitty wanted to be part of it! Ha ha!

We want to raise awareness of this website and hope that we can draw many references and experiences so that it may help people like me with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. If we can get more intel and hopefully achieve in stopping the spread of canSer then we can help many many women before they get to my position.

Let me know what you think and go out and buy it or tell everyone you know and let’s get a huge following and strength in numbers!! Whoop!!

What Supps!?

Spoke with Dr Kate James, the integrative practitioner yesterday. After having discussed my scan results with her we decided I would try some chinese medicine such as Reishi mushrooms. There has been many studies into these mushrooms and their anticancer abilities.

Reishi is a popular Chinese mushroom with an impressive array of reputed health benefits, including antioxidant properties. The dried powder was popular as a cancer chemotherapy agent in ancient China. Reishi is also known as Ganoderma lucidum – Lingzhi – or Ling Zhi.Β  Reishi clearly demonstrates anticancer activity in experiments with cancer cells and has possible therapeutic potential as a dietary supplement for an alternative therapy for breast and prostate cancer. And, it may enhance the immune response in those with end stage cancer. Study results showed that reishi mushroom and its polysaccharide constituents, especially triterpenes, inhibit the proliferation of a highly metastatic lung cancer cells through “apoptosis induction” and cell cycle arrest. Apoptosis, or programmed cell death, is a normal process that rids the body of unwanted, genetically damaged and cancerous cells.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/466509-reishi-mushrooms-and-cancer/#ixzz26QS8wvCd

 

It may sound like a lot of supplements that I am taking but my body has been through so much and now it has to fight! I have 6- 8 weeks to make a difference and now I have been taking many supps for almost 3 months my body should definitely be resonding postiviely to it. I certainly feel well so that’s a great sign.

Yoga session tomorrow and I need it. After exercising this week I am so stiff!

I’m looking forward to the weekend with some girlfriends. I’m going to be chilling, eating and laughing a lot!

What a difference a day makes…

What a difference a day makes. I have to admit I have been feeling less than positive over the last few days. I don’t know why. I have had an amazing holiday and a wonderful weekend full of love and happiness with so much to take my mind off things but for some reason I had a massive feeling of fear consuming me. Until yesterday. Then it cleared. Maybe it was because of the knowledge that I now know what my plan is with treatment- Continue with immunotherapy and then in 8 weeks find out what the next step is. Maybe its because I am back at home doing my daily rituals; exercise, juicing, infrared, meditation, yoga, back in my bed! :0) Maybe its because despite challenging issues Pete still comes home cute and happy and puts his heart and soul into creating tasty vegan dishes and eats them too! Maybe its because everyday starts with a big bear hug (usually whilst I am asleep!) a cup of hot water and lemon in bed and it finishes with a big bear hug and the feeling of safety. Or maybe because my mum is here this week and it makes everything ‘alright’ like when you are a kid. Or maybe it’s everything combined.

Yet again I have been receiving so many supportive messages, heart pictures and even cards and heart necklaces in the post (Thank you Auntie Sandy and Uncle David πŸ™‚ ) I have constant postive feedback and support on Facebook and emails from clients. I have many friends arranging lunch dates and even one friend organising a concert to raise awareness of Triple Negative Breast Cancer (don’t worry- I’ll give you all a heads up in due course)

It’s amazing and fulfilling knowing in that just 3 minutes of informing clients that I am going to start work again and taking bookings albeit limited appointments, I had booked up a whole day.

I feel FULL! I am full of love and when I close my eyes all I can see are hearts…. Now thats a sign.

Talking of signs, on our holiday we met a couple at dinner one evening. Within 5 minutes we find out that the lady knows Michael my acupuncturist. Is that a coincidence, small world or a sign?

My mum came with me today to acupuncture. Lyn, Michaels wife was there. She is a yoga teacher and has also given me a healing session before. I always have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to hug her. When we left, mum said they felt like they had known eachother for years and felt so comfortable talking to eachother. How amazing. Some people are enriched with healing and goodness. I feel safe whenever I am there.

Long may this feeling of love, light and life stay. I just want to live and focus on the future. The Ten Point Plan. πŸ™‚

P.S Thought I’d share a really funny story. Today started even better than normal- this is a post I put on Facebook this morning;

Best start to morning ever. Bear wanders in from getting my hot lemon drink as always and says, ‘ Well that was an exciting start to the day.. Kitty(cat) and I were sitting in the snug when we heard some scratching on the roof. We went outside to see a stork on the roof and fly away into the sun!’ As they watched it go they saw two squirrels also watching the stork agog. Then they ran off with their tails fluffing. ‘It’s like Disney here!’. I then went downstairs and came back also stating what an exciting start to the day I had too. I went to sit on my study chair to check emails and found a big brown pile of diarrhoea on my chair! haha! πŸ™‚

Night Y’all. X

Professor Harris- Oh how I have missed him!

Started our day at the Churchill Hospital. If I’m honest I was dreading it as my experiences of late there hadn’t been altogether positive. The appointment was meant to be getting my results (but I had already been given them) and to see what the next route to take regarding chemotherapy should be.

We were greeted by Professor Harris. Oh how I have missed him. He is such a great specialist. We discussed the fact the canser has gotten bigger and is indeed affecting nodes. But he did say they are still extremely small and I am not experiencing any symptoms. He explained that as the growth in the time of my first scan to my last there had been more than a 25% growth that I really should have treatment. It was then that we mentioned the immunotherapy. He was very encouraging. Agreeing with Professor Dalgliesh, he said as I am feeling well doing trials and new treatments are a great way to go, HOWEVER, if by the next scan there has still been a further 25% growth then I should stop that trial/treatment and progress with laboratory tested, scientifically proven systemic treatment i.e.Chemotherapy. So there we go.. 6 weeks time I have another CT scan and 8 weeks I see Professor Harris again.

We discussed diet and supplements with Prof Harris as well as exercise. This time I wasn’t met with eat and drink what you like. He said he couldn’t really give nutrition advice but also didn’t pooh-pooh it either. He said definitely exercise will help. This was such a positive experience. He was firm in his decisions, certain of the next step and really reassured that the disease could be contained and treated but not cured. We mentioned that we had seen some research in Australia at the Garvin institute regarding a trial on something called the ‘Hedgehog’. Professor Harris is so very cool.. and said he assists in research with them!

Peter mentioned the fear I have been feeling especially with the time scales and life expectancy. The prof said the view I had been given was very pessimistic and been given as an average. Weirdly enough that was enough to make me feel better.

The prof mentioned that he was going to send to me for trials with Professor Tutt in London at Kings College Hospital. Now that’s a name we had both heard before. On looking him up it’s clear that he’s a boy to see too! He specialises in breast cancer, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. So maybe if required we will be seeing Professor Tutt at some stage.

We left both feeling uplifted. Unusual as we hadn’t really been told anything huge. It was just the way it was handled. I have complete faith in Professor Harris’ decisions and he seems so assertive. I really like the fact he knew about other treatments and was very open to having them and any route we wish to take. He reinforces the ‘ten point plan’.

At least for now I know I have to keep doing what I’m doing, hope that the immunotherapy really starts working and that maybe I won’t need any more treatment for a while. I still have everything crossed that I will be a miracle. For now I have to enjoy feeling well.

My lovely mummy is here with me this week. It’s great to see her and have some girly chatter, oh and get my ironing done for me! Thanks Mum! (She offered- I’m not a slave driver you know! Ha ha!) Off now for a big ol’ portion of lunch. Can’t wait for my evening meal either. Another exciting creation no doubt coming my way. Honestly I can’t get enough. πŸ™‚

Note to self- read my own blog! Happiness helps immunity….

I’m back! It feels like ages that I have been away and have written a blog. I felt relaxed, chillaxed and completely calm but then I let my head get involved and start wanting to control my life again. I keep forgetting that I can only do so much but relaxing and living is the most important thing. Note to self.. read my own blog! Ha ha!

Holidays are great at reminding you what life is about. The good times, expanding your mind, rekindling or reinforcing the love you have for your nearest and dearest and your better half. It’s also a time when most people get sick!

How many times have you heard of someone that gets the flu or a cold as soon as they go on holidays and they asume that they are winding down their body has succumbed to the illness? This is infact entirely wrong and Dr Steven Ray has conducted research which shows that itΒ  is the stress caused by preparing to go on holidays that weakens the immune system so that you then succmb to illness. He did this research by testing the immune response of his unwitting students. Half of the class performed the usual syllabus which although testing was was within the bands of their ability and throughout their immunity remained around 90 on a 0-100 scale.

The other half of the students started on a normal syllasbus with consistnet immunity but in week 4 unexpected by cadaver work and autopsy was introduced as a subject and they were told that 2 weeks later they would be visiting the mortuary for real body work. Over this period of 2 weeks as the stress increased their immunity was constantly measured and dropped steadily to a low of 10, on the actual day.

To put this in context, the immunity of someone suffering from HIV is around 65. Needless to say just after this half of the class called in sick and it took them weeks for their immunities to improve and return to normal.

This proves being happy keeps you healthy. Happiness is the cure to all ills! I need this tattooed on my forehead!

Back to reality today and marching forward with more appointments and planning the next route to my treatment.

Future planning.. Should I be?

Yesterday was a day filled with joy. We watched our friends be married surrounded by friends and family who were all so very lovely. As usual through meeting people I discussed my job and as most people that know me HD brows is a major part of my life and business. I can’t help ooze with excitement when encouraging potential new stylists. We also discussed living abroad as many of the people we met were ex pats. I got really excited as we toyed with the thought of our future and this was further enhanced when I had a message from Nilam Patel, the founder of HD Brows telling me if I felt well enough she would train me so I could train stylists in Marbella. Then I caught myself and thought, ‘ should I even be planning a future?’ No one knows what tomorrow brings despite what has been predicted. Positivity and future planning is essential no matter what a doctor tells you. This is key in the ten point plan. To be honest mental fitness as we call it plays one of the biggest elements in the art of survival whether you have canser( remember spelling it wrong makes it lose it’s power over me) or not.

All I know is that I’m very thankful for what life is offering me.