Doing things out of my comfort zone.. Modelling for Nicola Jane lingerie!

Yesterday was a great day at home and my mum arrived for the afternoon. Lovely to see her as always. She had come up to stay overnight as today we had a bit of an adventure…

The day started very early getting a train to London at 7.30am. We headed all the way to Camden in London where I was taking part in a photo shoot.. Yep. you read it right… me modelling!! A few weeks ago I went to London to have a casting and said I’d reveal all later.. well today was it.

A few months ago I was shopping for lingerie online at Nicola Jane mastectomy lingerie and noticed that they use real life models so I decided to contact them and offer my services. I wasn’t sure if I would be good enough or what they were looking for but there were a few reasons for wanting to do it.

What I have noticed when trying to buy lingerie now that I have had a mastectomy is that as lovely as the bras are I really felt that they were targeting an older market. As we all know breast cancer affects all ages and now many younger women are sadly within this age range. I thought that by me doing it may make other women who are similar age feel more comfortable about buying mastectomy underwear.

The other reason was to do something that I wouldn’t normally do; try to go outside of my comfort zone and do ‘once in a lifetime’ things. As we know make the most of the days you have on this earth count. Also what are the chances of me ever being able to model in any other circumstances?!

After having contacted them and sending pictures to them they actually asked me to model for them along with another lovely lady called Suzie, madly enough also from Oxford. Well that was months ago and today finally came, I thought to myself what have I let myself in for?!

Part of me was ok about it all as I didn’t have any expectations but then on arriving and seeing the studio and the gorgeous professional model making it look all so easy I started to feel a tad apprehensive shall we say. I’m much better at ‘doing’ rather than waiting..

After being made over by the make up artist and having the bras fitted and about 3 hours of photos I can honestly say it well worth doing and something I feel proud to have done. I couldn’t wish for a better group of people taking care of us.The hardest part was being ‘relaxed’ and not twitching round my mouth when I smiled! I cannot believe how hard it is and it’s so weird with a group of people watching you!

Throughout the whole experience everyone was supportive telling us we looked great and that we were naturals. The photographer, art director, the boss and all the girls from Nicola Jane were just unbelievably accommodating feeding us, watering us and generally making us feel great! And to top it the photos that I did see looked amazing. (Oh and mum got in a few of them too! Can’t take her anywhere! ha ha!)

The catalogue is out in January 2013. In the meantime though if you want to check out their lingerie go to

To wet your whistles here are a few snaps that we took whilst there. I hope you like them and don’t be disturbed by the fat I am wearing a bra and a pair of jeans with baseball boots. (Rocking a great look!)

I got home in speedy time and mum went home as I went onto collect my lovely friend from the train station. She has decided to have a weekend of Bear and Kitty, good food, drink and laughs with a bit of healthy living thrown in; meditation, juicing and yoga. Then Sunday, we get the Christmas tree and have some fun singing carols.. Excited.

Just home with Leanne, had some tasty food and shared the gorgeous bottle of wine with her that everyone at Nicola Jane had bought me. What a treat and a great way to start the weekend! Hoping my Bear gets home from his night out with his work wife (Adam.. bromance!) soon.. I’m feeling very sleepy and want to dream of the great day that I had being a model! Ha ha! I cannnot take it seriously…

Goodbye to Stan – Hello home!

Today I had my third and final session with Stan Dawes for reiki. As usual he was bright and breezy and as generous as other days he worked for almost a whole extra hour on me.  I simply cannot believe how quickly two hours goes!

This morning I thought to myself that I would really make an effort with focussing whilst I was recieving reiki as I really find my mind races at times. So I repeatedly said my affirmation, ‘ I lovingly forgive and release myself of the past. I fill my world with joy. I love and accept myself’. I really did find it helped me stay centred.

At the end Stan asked what I experienced throughout the treatment if anything. Well today even I was surprised. At one point Stan had his hands over my eyes and I clearly had my eyes closed anyway but I had a flash of light that got increasingly brighter, a bit like I was looking into the sunshine. I so confused and surprised by it that I wanted to open my eyes to check but it kept pulsating. It happened two or three times throughout the treatment. I experience colour often but not like this. I also had a pain in my right arm almost like a dead arm throughout. I can’t explain why but it did make me think of the theory that the right side of the body represents the masculine and the past. I kept thinking of ‘letting go’.

As before I experienced a lot of heat from Stans hands and today I did not feel any popping in my lung area but I did feel the dragging and pulling sensation in my chest was so much that I almost wanted it to stop. After the treatment I felt so relaxed but like I have had a work out doing lots of press ups.

I asked what Stan says throughout the treatment as I can sometimes hear him whispering. He said he asks the reiki energy to unblock and balance ‘Claire Grant’ and freeze and kill any cancer cells present in the chest, lungs, lymph nodes, breast and anywhere in the body. Well all the way through the treatment I was asking for a sign that it had worked and then the big bright flash of light happened. I can’t express as to how odd it was but how bright it seemed. I initially thought I was going to have a migraine as they start with flashes of light then visuals like geometric patterns but it wasn’t. I hope that was the sign that it’s worked, working, going to work.. any of those.. 🙂 Stan is well worth the visit and I can’t recommend him highly enough to anyone that wants to see him. I want to thank Louise for passing his details to me.

Straight after saying good bye to Stan and his wife I jumped in my motor and drove straight back to the Shire.

Home! I am so pleased to be back. I will be even more pleased when I see the Big Bear, who sadly is out working until later.

Can’t wait for my own bed.


Second reiki treatment then a visit with my ol’ man!

Second day in Essex and I feel comfortably home! I’m an Essex girl after all! Stan was as lovely as usual. To look at him with his little tattoos on his forearms (that look just like my dads home made ones.. Strangely comforting!) we cracked on with the treatment and I made a firm decision that I was going to really try to focus and centre myself and not let my mind wander.. But it’s impossible. Maybe that’s what’s meant to happen?  I did feel like I drifted off more this time and the colours flashing in my mind were bright and sharp. I felt a lot of heat and it almost feels like hands go inside my chest and were pulling stiff around. I had a definite sensation of popping again and a general aching almost to the point I wanted it to stop.  Afterwards I feel quite heavy and like I have had a work out. When the session ended it was 12 o clock! It so didn’t feel like I had been lying there that long. Stan said I barely moved a muscle or flickered my eyes. Weird because I really felt every inch of me moving.

Stan is so sweet as at the end of the my visit he gives me a big hug. It’s like I’ve known him for years.

Straight after I drove to visit my dad and brothers. I had a missed call from one of them saying the floods had cut off my dad so I couldn’t get to him. I was gutted. I really felt that this visit was important to see how I felt if anything. I headed to my brothers house and I was greeted by them, my niece and my dad! I was confused.. One of the boys had walked across fields to get my dad and made him walk across country to where my other brother was airing to drive him back to his house. So pleased.

Three and half hours flew by and they all seemed excited to see me wanting to know everything about my diet, commenting on how well I look as well as all the details. My dad didn’t speak much… He didn’t get a chance! There is always so much laughing. My brothers are so light hearted. It’s breathtaking to be around. As the day light was fading my dad had to get back across the field to his home. There’s never enough time. I didn’t feel outwardly emotional just happy. I hope that any issues that I might have had has been dealt with when I did the focussing exercises recently.

On leaving we all decided we will see each other much sooner mainly for teeth whitening and hd brows but whatever excuse it will be great to see them.

Im now back in Romford staying at a hotel. Just chatted to my bear and had a little purr from the kitten, and I’m going to have a quiet little night, bathing, reading and watching tv. Last treatment tomorrow then back to the Shire. I can’t wait!

Went to meet Stan the Reiki Man

Today I drove to Romford of all places to meet Stan the Reiki Man! Yes a long way to go in the horrific weather we have been having but well worth it. I was a bit worried of what to expect but upon meeting him I instantly knew it was the right thing to do.

Firstly though driving all that way is a bit of a breakthrough for me as I’m not confident on driving on my own such a distance but what with driving to Farnham every week for acupuncture it has really given me more confidence.

I arrived early and as the appointment was an hour I was hugely surprised that I left over two hours later. After a full consultation I got ready for my treatment in a lovely little summerhouse at the end of his garden.

Overall it is such a relaxing experience. Reiki uses the energy of your body and by laying on hands this energy and good intention is used to heal symptoms as well as balance emotional feelings too. Stan started as a spiritual healer before learning reiki. He showed me the lineage of who taught him as well as certificates. He is very well qualified.

During the treatment I simply relaxed and tried to think clearly and let my mind go where it wanted to. My head was racing with different thoughts and Stan worked a lot round more torso, naturally. I really felt a strong dragging sensation and it felt quite draining particularly in my underarms. I also a feelings of heat, pulsing and popping in my chest. I also had lots of colours and pictures appearing in my mind particularly a tigers face. Apparently that means strength.. So that s a good thing. At the end of it all my body felt like a lead weight.

Having treatments like reiki are so subtle and I felt that I could just hop up and carry on with my day.

Stan is great especially as he is 72 years old. He has been healing since 1984!

After the lovely session I headed to my aunt and uncles for the evening. It was so kind of them to put me up for the night and so brilliant to see them and catch up. The banquet of veggie food was warmly welcomed! Especially since I had been given a choice of food and ate the lot! Ha ha! Also there was my cousin Chris, Cat and her gorgeous son Oscar.

I didn’t go to sleep till about 11.30pm- I don’t sleep well without Pete and I was worrying about the flooding in our area.

Today has been such an exciting and eventful day.. A lot to take in.

More tomorrow though.

I’m back baby!

This weekend has been lovely… apart from the horrific weather yesterday! Saturday morning I hijacked the Bear to go Christmas shopping!That was after having a visualisation session with Peter. He read a routine out a book where quantum field healing visualtions were featured. It’s where I visualise going into my body, into the cells, the DNA and the atoms. There I calm all the storms and say ‘it is done!’ As it only takes 5 minutes I really didn’t expect to feel anything but I had a real heat surge and a thumping of my heart or pulse. It was quite profound and I felt somehow better. I am going to keep doing it as it is only a short while now until my CT scan. I am not going to try and put too much into the forthcoming scan as I do not want to have any expectations (although that is so difficult as I feel I have done so well recently and I am feeling so well.)

We then went to visit friends and stay in the countryside. After a night of amazing food (especially catered for me- the very difficult vegan that I am!) and great banter with new friends as well lots of laughs with a very cute puppy we finished our visit with a stroll with the family. Children are amazing. Their innocence and intuition is so strong and I love being around them. This is how us adults should try to be- non judgemental and see the world with open eyes and hearts.

Last night I discussed my diet alot and everything else I am doing. I do not mind talking about it but it was very interesting to hear that some people think that the rituals and process I am following is simply for triple negative breast cancer. Of course this is not true. Much of what is present on our website is directed at the general public. The nutrition and lifestyle changes are targeted for everyone- those with any kind of cancer and those who simply want to prevent it or even other diseases or conditions. But for whoever find this information helpful it really is down to the individual to make their own mind up as to what works for them. I would welcome anyone who wants any advice to contact me and I will gladly help.

This afternoon we have been catching up on the sofa in front of the fire. I have packed ready for my trip to Essex tomorrow to have a reiki session with a highly regarded reiki master, then off to see relatives.

Today is the last day of the reishi  mushrooms and reishi spores as prescribed by Dr Kate James. I have completed 6 weeks on them and now I am to have 4 weeks off.

Another amazing thing happened too.. maybe too much information but as I am sharing.. here goes…. With chemotherapy all normal menstrual cycles cease. There is a huge chance that this will never return and many women my age go into early menopause. As it has been since April that I had ‘no action’ and after having two lots of different chemos over the last two years I had really thought that was it. No chance are they ever returning and more so that no chance that I will ever be able to have a baby when the canSer finally leaves me alone. But yesterday it happened! I’m back baby! This is not a delight for most women and I could be jumping the gun but I think that this is defo a sign that things are returning to normal for me.

So on that note I bid you ‘Adieu’ and I’m off for a himalayan salt bath with rose and frankincense and to drink serious amounts of water. I have seriously over done the mulled wine this weekend!

Letter to CanSer

Acupuncture today. My energy is apparently better than before so the treatment was different. I had some points done in my hand that were working on both sides of my heart?!  Cool. 🙂

I have been saying my affirmations and really trying to say them like I mean it! I feel really well and I don’t want that to change.

I have decided to write a letter to canSer.. so here goes;


Dear canSer,

We have known each for two years now and I would like to take this time to tell you that I really do believe it’s time that we parted.

For the most part, I have felt very angry and scared of you and I refused to believe that you were part of me, that my body created you.

In the last few months I have learnt that I have been very angry and upset with my world and have wanted nothing more than to know what was going to happen and to control you- extract you from my life forever. You have dominated my mind and my feelings so much and still do in a way but in a different way- thankfully. I have taken my energy and utilised it to help me rather than help you get stronger.

I know that you will never be apart fully and you will always be a part of me somehow but I don’t think that’s a negative. I actually need to thank you now. It may have taken you a few attempts for me to really hear your message but thankfully with your perseverence; your nagging has finally got me to change my life for the better. I have never felt so good. I have learnt so much about myself, the world, people and what I truly want out of life.

For the biggest part I have never felt so much love; love for my Bear, my family and my friends and even complete strangers. As the song goes, ‘Love is all around us’.. not to make you sick but I love that movie! smiley-embarassed.gif)

I am sorry for having ignored you for almost two years and not taking you seriously enough before. I assumed that you would be removed from my life without any effort from me. How wrong I was and how utterly disrespectful of me.

For a long time I have been petrified of you and what you will do to me. I have never been so scared in all my life and I fear that the more I cried the stronger you became. I am grateful to you that you have taught me to be the person I have always wanted to be. I have done things I have never done before and have always wanted to like acupuncture, reflexology, eating really well (and losing weight so I don’t even consider the fat bits! I have never done that in my life.. It’s so refreshing!) I have been trying new foods and being more conscious to what I use and what effect it has on the world. I have been able to share what I have learnt with everyone and I get to write about my thoughts and feelings every day for everyone to see and understand. I have reawakened parts of me that I had buried and rekindled the love of many things like drawing.

I am still very afraid of you and I have a lot to learn. But what I have realised is that I created you, so the strength in this relationship is with me. I can therefore ask you to leave. I don’t do it with hate and I am not trying to kill you but I wish you to move on. I ask you with love. Please.


I will continue to grow stronger and my thoughts for you will become less and less once I know it doesn’t matter what the future holds. All I know is that I must trust myself and the Universe to take care of me. I am doing the best I can at this time and I am happy and at ease with every choice I make.

So dear friend.. please pack your bags and get yourself out of me- pronto! Do the conga should you wish.. I think that would be a great way to go!

Light and love

Not yours,


Childhood memories as a hula hula girl dressed in crepe paper!

Had an amazing night sleep…Today has been a day of organising myself and planning for the next week or so and can you believe preparing cards for Christmas! It has to be done at some point. 🙂

I have obviously been thinking about the things that happened in Germany. I am very excited by it all but still I have a mental battle at letting myself think 100% positively about it. I have the nagging fear that what if this,.. what if that? I know it’s wrong but if I let myself believe it is all going to be ok and it isn’t then I will be crushed.  Also I know that if I trust myself and my heart that everything will be ok. It might not be all done and dusted immediately but I have to trust that all will be ok or I am just wishing for what I don’t want to happen.

I have been thinking long and hard about the book I have been reading ‘You can heal your life’ by Louise Hay. In it she describes how every ailment comes from our own thought processes somehow and could stem back to our childhood or way back when something must have created the patterns in which we act and think now. I mentioned the other day how I don’t have many memories from when I was a young child.. or so I thought.

I was having my heat treatment on Monday and whilst lying there lots of little thoughts of living in London, the house, the rooms, my family, the garden, my primary school and much much more came flooding into to my mind. I must have had them there all along and for whatever reason have always said I can’t rmember anything back then. It was like picturing it all like photos from the 70’s and early 80’s. My mum always sending me to fancy dress parties as a hula hula girl ( made from crepe paper) now this has always been one lodged in my mind but then a Christmas present I treasured; My Airhostess. Oh my I wanted to be one back then! 🙂 I actually felt relieved that I could remember lots and lots. I had a sense of a break through and with it came some thoughts that must have troubled me as a child. I don’t think much of them now but maybe as a small child I was upset by them and this has rendered resentment and illness for all these years.

Since this, I have been repeating the affirmation more and more; ‘ I lovingly release myself of the past, I fill my world with joy, I love and accept myself’. If Louise Hay is correct then letting go from these things will help heal me. I strongly urge anyone with any ailments to read her book. When reading the symptoms such as migraines, for example, it is amazing how much it links to patterns and thoughts that you have and makes you realise that everything is related to some emotional being within you.

Almost at the end of yet another week and I cannot believe how time flies..  Looking forward to seeing frineds this weekend. 🙂

I have lots of plans for pictures I want to draw. It seems everyone likes them. X

Clean Sheets.. Mmmmm

We had a mega long drive again today but we have finally got home. I have been feeling so happy today.. probably the thought of getting into my own bed with clean sheets (I had forward planning before we left!)… Back to my kitty and some cuddles!

Night Y’all!

Exciting day meeting Dr Nesslehut senior and good looking cells!

The second day of treatment followed an evening at the Hotel Kronprinzen where we stay every visit to Duderstadt. Last night was a huge highlight for Pete as the hotel restaurant was celebrating ‘Schlaten Fest’, which translates to Slaughter Fest! I know mental. Basically the meal consisted of meat, meat and more meat! I, of course did not eat that. But Pete was very happy.

I had my heat treatment with Cindy again today and we wished eachother a merry christmas before leaving. During the treatment I really felt the intensity of the treatment as it had been increased somewhat yet it still wasn’t uncomfortable. In between that appointment and my vaccination appointment Pete and I went to have some lunch and catch up with the ‘Angel lady’. It was lovely to see her and her family. We feel so welcomed now when we visit. She gave us big hugs and told Peter that her family had been praying for us. How sweet. She also said that he had been praying too!

It was fantastic to finally meet the legend that is Dr Nesselhut Senior at my next appointment. He is such a lovely man. His passion for cell therapy and his emminent position in the field was demonstrated over and over again. He explained how he’d worked with advanced laboratories around the world from Russia to the U.S. and in particular having pioneered P2X7 with Australian scientists. He had spoken to them after they were disappointed that their 100% results in animals had not been reflected in the first human trial (a young boy with metasised lung cancer), having only canSer remit in one of his lungs and the other still growing in his other lung. Dr Nesselhut advised them that by increasing the length of the amino acid (ok here it gets a bit technical!) that the uptake  increases from 30/40% to 90%. He therefore suggested an increase from 8 links to 44 links in the chain as this had proved highly successful in the cosmetic application he had developed.

Ok so what that means is.. An amino acid is a molecule that is the basic ingredient necessary to create a protein. Amino acids link together in long chains to form proteins. Some amino acids are created by the body. Amino acids, used both as the basic building blocks of proteins and an alternative source of energy in cells, are necessary to all cells of all known living things. (Deep breath)… Now my cells are trained to go inside me and not only teach my other cells that canSer cells are naughty and should be killed but they also kill them or should do. But by lengthening the amino acids that build those cells apparently they should work even better than before!

So guess who the first two people were to be given this amino acid extra long chain? The young boy mentioned earlier and… ME!

This time I was told I had 9 million dendritic cells made. Dr Nesselhut explained that quality of cells is better than quantity. He flicked to a page in my notes which had a picture of the cells created this time and said, ‘WOW!’ He’d never seen such good looking cells before. Apparently the more little tenticles a cell has the more effective it is! How exciting! He also said having a reaction to the injection is a good sign too. I was bit worried as I never have a fever once injected but my skin does get itchy and red. He said scratch it! it will help.. Oh OK!!

We had a more broad ranging discussion re DC therapy and sat open mouthed  with horror and joy at the revelations. On the positive side, when Dr Nesselhut started his lab the first thing he did was the regional parliament if it was something they wanted, feeling it was crucial to get their support. He said they have helped him all the way and after huge success this has culminated in the EU contributing some 1.5 million euros to his lab!

He went on to tell us of when his ingenuity was praised but clinical process accused of lacking a standard at a leading conference in the U.S, his retort was, ‘They must be very fortunate in Heidelberg because in Gottingen where I live, it seems they have no standard patients but were constantly presented with ‘humans’ that were all different, which made his guiding principle to treat the individual not the canSer as a standard.

On the negative side he told us of clinics that charge over 100,000 euros for the treatment. His opinion on charging that kind of money was wrong and if you want to make money become a banker! They can charge what they like because it works and also how red tape has pushed the cost of the vaccine from 1200 euros to 4500 euros but worst of all he wanted to open a cell therapy lab in London with Professor Dalgliesh but was told by the council to build a 5 metre wall around the lab. Dr Nesselhut laughed and said it’s a sexcure lab not a nuclear power plant!

It seems the pharma companies controls are just as bad outside of the UK. After treating two diabetic patients, he passed his research on who after 800 patients who were all designated amputation were successfully treated with cell therapy without the need for any amputations. Pressure was bought to bear to stop this expanidng to other clinics. Dr Nesselhut noted that the average drug cost of treating a diabetic patient until death is 1 million euros. How can this be possible?

Proof is in the pudding as Dr Nesselhut had coronary disease and has treated himself with cell therapy which has cleaned his artieries so much that he now has no risk of heart attack. He also used this as a regenerative effect. He says he can now happily work 12 hour days, no aches, pains in his joints and physically it’s taken 10 years off him. He’s 68.

He also believes that from current tests he will be able to double the life expectancy of his patients that come to him for life extending treatments (that’s maybe so many super rich people go to Duderstadt) Pete fancies himself some of that!!

We continued to talk about reducing inflammation as this a huge factor in canSer and Dr Nesselhut advised me to take a drug used for heroine and alcohol addiction! It’s called Naltrexon. It’s a special low dosage according to the docs own recipe of roughly one tenth of the normal strength. It’s taken at night and works on the receptors of the brain between 2 and 3am when they are hunting for the drugs that we are addicted to such sugars, drugs, cigarettes etc. By masquerading, the body releases happy chemicals which are as a side effect prevent the inflammation that their absence creates. This is so dramatic that it  prevents joint pain, muscle stiffness and of course the growth of cancer but as a nice side effect keeps you happy and full of endorphins all day!

Phew what a lot of info but so exciting! we left today buzzing. What a day and how so positive and exciting.. A long ol drive to Venlo for the night then back on the road tomorrow for our journey home.. Can’t wait! Bless Pete driving all this way. X

Treatment number 4- Day one

We arrived in Duderstadt around lunchtime after a lazy weekend in Cologne. The weather is getting colder and feels like snow is on its’ way. Before my appointment at Dr Nesselhuts’ clinic we wandered around the little boutique stores and purchased our first Christmas presents. I’ve made a decision not to feel so pressured in the whole Christmas prep this year and to ‘go with flow’. It’s actually really satisfying buying things without a list and with love rather out of a need and urgency. I like it…..

Cindy treated me today. I find it hard to stay awake having the heat and air treatment these days but I did notice the intensity of the heat being increased every 15 minutes. It doesn’t actually feel hot but my body sort of vibrates and pulses in my gums etc. it’s not uncomfortable at all. The NDV injection on the other hand does! Yowzer! If I wasn’t awake before it, I am after!

I asked Cindy what happens after my last vaccination tomorrow. She said that if my scan comes back saying the canSer is stable then maybe in 3-6 months I may go back for another vaccination to give my immune system a boost. She said Dr Nesselhut would advise.

Back to our ‘home from home’ for a hearty German meal then an early night. I’m not sleeping well lately. I’m hot and sweaty (nice!) and having vivid dreams. A scary thought went through my mind that maybe it’s symptoms of the menopause bought on due to the chemo…I hope not. The thought of really having no chance of being a mum due to the menopause does put a bit of a downer on it. Of course it’s unlikely I can have a baby but who knows?!


Anyway one last thing- sad as it is we had English tv in Cologne. We again sadly watched the X Factor last night… What a complete farce!!!!! I’ll say no more on the matter.