Today started again with my rituals and being joined by my friend who today was feeling the pain in her back and hips from all the sitting and stretching. Then she tried rebounding.. it’s so much fun and such hard work!
Then… we went and bought our Christmas tree! EEK! We played Christmas songs, drank mulled wine and decorated the house. This year I am so very excited about Christmas. I have decided not to feel overwhelmed with the buying of pressies and to simply enjoy the time as if I were a child again. That’s when everything seemed so magical. True to his tradition Pete lit the first candle on the advent kranz (that’s wreath to anyone that’s English!) and we sang chrismtas carols (much to the bemusement of our firend I am sure!) on the first Sunday of the advent. This will be done each Sunday in the advent leading up to Christmas. I love Pete’s German traditions. My favourite is celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve and in the past would have been the german sausage with potato salad! My bear has been absoutely wonderful this weekend. He is the host with the most. Bless him. 🙂
We took our friend to the train station this evening and as usual it was sad to see her go. It’s never long enough….
So tomorrow I am going to have a huge clean and then to start preparing myself for the CT scan on Tuesday. Urgh.. It’s weird actually as I have been dreading it for months. Part of me needs to know obviously and the other part of me doesn’t wan to know as I have been feeling so well. I don’t want to feel disappointed and upset if things aren’t the way I want them to be and in particular I don’t want to feel afraid again. I don’t know if it’s the naltrexone that I have been taking which has an uplifting effect apparently but I actually feel pretty calm about it today. Last week I was really starting to stress and I almost didn’t want to post it on here. I guess because if the results aren’t good then everything I have been doing is for nothing? I believe in my gut and in my heart that I am well. Anyway there is really no point in worrying about it as I won’t get the results for a week.
I am going to have one last blast with visualising and have a good pep talk from Pete tomorrow. I am also going to continue reading a book I started recently by Dr Bernie Siegel who is a doctor and has written about exceptional patients, the ones that don’t sit and wait around to prove the doctros right with their diagnosis. I reckon I can call myself an ‘exceptional patient’. Reading stuff like that just reinforces that self induced healing can be achieved and that the ones that do cure themselves aren’t just ‘miracles’ and ‘lucky’. They are the oens that doctors shold be doing stats on as they could hold the answers to the cure for future patients.
I have a good feeling. I think that the combination of the body, mind and spirit work that I have adopted has changed my life forever. I will never be the same again and I have to thank canSer for that. There is still much work to be done but I am definitely on the right track. I don’t feel upset like I used to. I don’t feel resentment and anger as much as I did. I definitely see the good and positive in all things.
I am not sure if I thought to myself that I would be really good as if training for an event right up until the scan date but I actually think I have done the opposite. I have relaxed. I haven’t been hammering the visualisations or been massively strict with not drinking alcohol, for example. I have just let go and enjoyed myself and I know I have said it once but I’ll say it again.. I have done the best I can do at this present time. I have made the best decisions for me, right now. That’s all anyone can do. I am not going to sit here and say I should have done better. If it isn’t the results I want then I will simply carry on until I do get them.
For now I can just be happy with the great memories of this simple weekend and exciting week I have had.
Off to bed.. X