CanSer doesn’t own me…….

Happy Sunday! We’ve been having a lovely weekend with my Pete’s youngest son and luckily for us the sun has come out to play too! We did a spot of retail therapy yesterday followed by sunbathing in the back garden. Bliss. The evening followed with good food and a movie then off to bed for a very hot night. It’s unusual to have such humid weather here in the UK (I’m not complaining). I slept like a log although a bit disturbed right through till 8am again this morning. I’m sure I wouldn’t wake till ten am if Pete didn’t get up!

There have been lots of Google alerts on some research found for triple negative over the last few days. It seems there is an enzyme called CD73 which makes breast cancer more resistant to anthracycline chemotherapy, a treatment that works by killing tumour cells and activating the body’s anti-tumour immune response.

More importantly, the study revealed that over expression of CD73 stops the body’s immune system from responding to cancer. Additionally, elevated levels of CD73 bring about a higher risk of distant metastases, the principal cause of death in patients with breast cancer.

By examining its effect on laboratory animals, Dr. Stagg’s team discovered that the combination of anthracycline and anti-CD73 therapies prolonged survival by over 50 per cent. However researchers have to investigate further to see whether or not anti-CD73 treatments are effective with other chemotherapy treatments. Human trials of CD73 inhibitors may begin within as little as five years, bringing hope to the thousands of women and men battling breast cancer presently and in the future.

This research was jointly led by Professor Mark Smyth of The Queensland Institute of Medical Research, Australia, and was funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, the Cancer Research Society, the National Health and Medical Research Council (NH&MRC) of Australia and the Susan G. Komen Foundation, USA.

This is exciting news as it seems this keeps coming up in the news.

Also a lady who has been reading my blogs has contacted me regarding dendritic cell therapy and some info she has found online from an Australian company.

“In order to make a dendritic cell therapy vaccine, tumour associated antigen needs to be obtained. This can be either from a biopsy of the tumour or part of a specimen removed at operation. Or, it can be obtained from the urine during any treatment programme, which destroys tumour cells, such as chemotherapy, or in our case at our clinic, we use high dose intravenous vitamin C and Ukrain (Chelidonium Majus and

In conventional chemotherapy maximal tumour cell death occurs from one day to six days after a chemotherapeutic dose. It is during the first two days of this that the patient is instructed to save their urine and by a special filtration process saving molecules of a particular molecular weight, we are able to isolate tumour antigen specific to that particular patient and use this in order to make a dendritic cell therapy vaccine.”

“Therefore I would advise any patient following a conventional treatment programme, to save the urine and deep freeze it during the time of maximal tumour cell destruction and to look into having a dendritic cell therapy vaccine made, as this lessens the chance by
approximately 50%, of tumour recurrence. Just stimulating the immune system is too crude, in dendritic vaccines you stimulate the immune system to recognise specific tumour associated antigens, that is the key. General immuno-activation may not work. It has to be specific against that particular tumour, in that particular patient.”

I will ask Dr Nesselhut what his thoughts on this are in due course. I am sure Dr Nesselhut knows what he is doing but it’s always worth asking.

How do I feel today? Good… I have been considering my daily routine with the diet and exercise and everything else and wonder if it’s something I can continue forever? I think the motivation for it is there but keeping it up is another thing. I like change and the feeling of growing and improving myself and wonder if doing this is enough?

Am I missing anything or is my body getting used to it and therefore not responding as well?

I have adapted my morning juice as mentioned before to get the best of both worlds of juicing and smoothing. I am going to call my Smoouice! Ha ha! I can’t stomach having powders in my juice so I have been juicing cucumber, ginger and celery then adding that juice to the blender with spinach and avocado with flaxseed and my other powders. It looks good and taste pretty good too. I think this is a good compromise and since I have been doing it I haven’t had an upset stomach. Phew.

Sometimes I think I just want a break from it all. But I can’t stop now. I still have fleeting thoughts of what’s round the corner and keep reading that stage 4 triple negative survivors are living longer but not going into remission. Maybe there are some out there but I am guessing they don’t bother going online telling people about it once they have become well. I don’t blame them. Living and breathing canSer is consuming. I’m lucky as I don’t feel ill and I don’t worry like I used to but I cannot believe it has almost been a year since the day they told me it is ‘incurable’. Pah. I still think it. How can they know with all the treatment that I am having that I will not be cured one day?  But that’s the thing with canSer. Are you ever cured?

I have just read on my visitor’s page a lady who has got secondary canSer ten years after having breast canSer. That sucks… but I guess it’s a constant reminder that you never know what’s round the corner. All I know is that I don’t want this illness any more. I don’t want to live on red alert and always wondering if I am going to be well in six months time.

I suppose I am in control of all of that. CanSer doesn’t own me I own it and as far as I am concerned it has lost the battle and I fight to live another day better than the last. So there!

New development; Dendritic cells primed with tumour cells… the way forward?

Back up the hospital today having my bloods taken in preparation for my next cycle of chemo. Exercise was hard this morning but at least I am having good amounts of sleep! Luckily everything went my way today. Despite there being a car accident I sailed through the traffic, was seen almost immediately and then went to the pharmacy thinking I would be waiting for the usual hour for my drugs to be prepared but NO… they actually had them ready for me.

I should have started taking chemo on Wednesday but as we were away I couldn’t have a blood test .I am not overly concerned about it and I think I will start after the weekend. I’m not going to have the full two week cycle either this time. I’m being a bit cheeky but it will give me a little extra time to recover I feel.

I called the radiology department when I got home and talked about having my ct scan moved to August instead of July.  They were reluctant to do it as the doctor had recommended it but I explained that I have them every three months and there is no reason why I should have it any sooner I feel. She agreed and we have moved it to when I get back from a week in Spain… That’s something to look forward to then!

I bumped into a friend at the hospital who has just been diagnosed with canSer. I feel gutted for them. Such a nice person and it makes you realise that canSer really does strike anyone. I hope to be able to impart some comfort by sharing my knowledge but also by being me. I figure if I look well it keeps other people positive and maybe it will give them the focus and energy to have a brighter outlook on their own situation. It does make me think though, why does it happen to such nice people? But that’s life I guess. One learns from these life experiences. I could do without it to be honest but let’s face it it has been the making of me. I’m so much more grateful and thankful now for the life that I have been given. I work hard; I play hard and love even harder! Ha ha!

A lady who has been reading my blog emailed me some really interesting information this morning. It is an article on how doctors in the U.S have been using patients own tumours cells to prime their dendritic cells in order for the body to fight back and kill the canSer. I knew vaccinations would become more popular. This just proves it. I sadly cannot have this kind of treatment as I cannot have a biopsy but there’s hope for many others! We are getting ever closer I am sure of it.

Here take a read;


This weekend we have Pete’s youngest coming to stay. So a weekend of rugby, cricket and any other kind of sport I am sure!

Back from our exciting European tour…

This is the longest I haven’t blogged before but it has been a busy week. Having friends over last Thursday our little trip and ‘holiday’ started with a lovely meal that evening. Friday morning we had a really early start to the Eurotunnel hoping to hop on an earlier train. Sadly it was ultra busy and we didn’t get to France until about lunch time. We decided this time for our visit to Germany for my treatment that our friends could come too and we could make a little ‘holiday’ out of it. Of course the trip took many hours in the car and I was happy for someone else to be navigating!

We had a day in Brugge where we took a horse and cart ride and climbed hundreds of steps up the clock tower, ate chips and mayonnaise (apparently that’s important in Brugge) and drooled over Belgian chocolate!

The next day we drove to Reims the champagne region in France. Here we went to the Notre Dame cathedral and took a champagne cave tour… oh and drank champagne!

The day after we took a long journey into Germany and stopped in Heidelberg a bustling touristic town and had a break in the sun (albeit fleeting) then we cracked on our way to Duderstadt where we would be for the next few nights. There was a small hiccup as the hotel didn’t have our bookings but luckily they had two rooms for us… phew…

During all of this there was plenty of banter and many laughs. Pete seemed so happy touring around and didn’t once get tired… bless him.  During our visit to Duderstadt we showed our friends around the local town and we made use of the spa… bliss. We travelled to the Harz Mountains, ate German sausage and went back to the river that Pete and I found last August. It seemed different though this time. It was incredibly peaceful with little movement and very little water. Many rocks were exposed so we decided to climb across them and have a little explore. It was here that all the excitement started. I noticed that another part of the river seemed much more energetic than where we were and then I noticed that it had gotten really noisy where were standing.. Thinking nothing much of it we heard someone shout from above but didn’t understand what he said. Then Pete noticed that water was rising and that the channels we had crossed were filling up! Making a dash for it across slippery rocks we made our way back to safety but only just. Pete got a little caught up in it and wanted to save the camera rather than himself! It was exhilarating but scary at the same time! Right before our eyes the river started to fill up. Then the rain came and we got soaked. It was moving being back there again after the year we have had… Pete and I had a cuddle and soaked up the atmosphere of our little special place.

Treatment went well as usual. Dr Nesselhut senior was on vacation so we saw his son Jan this time. He said that since I have been having two injections each time they will run out of my cells and serum to use after my next trip there. Because they hadn’t planned in advance I couldn’t provide any new serum there and then as they needed to do a hepatitis blood test again therefore I have to pay an extra 300 Euros for a donor serum. There are pros to this apparently. It seems by having a donor serum means they have different antibodies which could be very effective when trying to fight infection and of course canSer inside.

I have booked for August as I will now be going Bi monthly. They advised against monthly as this could over stimulate the cells in my body therefore creating canSer and seeing as it is working bi monthly is the way forward then this may be reduced to every three months. They have advised me that I am to provide more cells when I go back in October. This means that I am to have leukapheresis (remove all my white blood cells) all over again. Now I know what to expect I am little nervous! But I have plenty of time before that.

After our two days in Duderstadt we made our long journey back. We stopped off in Brussels the night before last and that should have been a lovely little evening in the city checking out their nightlife. The traffic however had different plans. Our seven hour journey ending up taking eight hours and all of us left feeling very fractious when our sat nav kept changing its mind. Sally Sat nag as I call her let us down… I was actually shaking with stress from it and Pete’s head was going to explode. Luckily for us Pete has a natural homing pigeon programmed into him and found his way round the city despite Sally Sat Nag.

We have driven something like 2000 miles in five days. I felt a bit bad for our friends who were really looking forward to a relaxing time away… I guess it was in many respects… sat in our car driving across Europe! We certainly squeezed a lot into a few days and it was a lot of fun.

I also made the most of our time away by breaking my dietary rules. I ate meat, I ate sweets and cakes and drank alcohol and as fun as it was at the time I feel rough. I did eat plenty of garlic though as mentioned in my previous post. This pleased everyone in the car for the last five days! Ha ha! My tummy has been in a state and I was so pleased to be back on my juice this morning. Yesterday we went shopping and bought a trolley full of veg…. mmmm. Oxygen rich foods that will cleanse my polluted body which has clearly put on weight.

Once we got home we got our lives back in order and Pete is now back at work and I have been back working with my clients. I love normality and I love coming home. Kitty has been ultra affectionate too. Leaving her with Aunty Sarah must be making her feel loved and safe. Normally the cat can be very feisty and weird on our return but she sat with me this morning during meditation, yoga, exercise and whilst I was having my heat and air. Bless her.

I have been feeling mentally a bit weak recently. I am happy and positive but I have been having confused thoughts too. What I want is to be told that I can be canSer free. I know it shouldn’t matter if it’s said to me or not as it’s up to me to keep that thought process but I guess I feel a bit beaten at times when doctors simply say that once canSer has spread from its primary site to other parts of the body it is incurable. I just find it hard to believe. I have read so many stories of those that have done just that; had incurable canSer and no longer have any sign of it in their bodies. I don’t know why it’s bothering me now though. I want to feel that I have a future and can plan my life for many many years…. I know it doesn’t matter as no one knows what tomorrow may bring but for all those with children you plan your life to bring them up and give them the best life you can. You never imagine that you may not be there for them one day. Life isn’t like that. I want to be living for 40, 50 more years well and happy. Its pointless thoughts but never the less I am not in the position that I was two years ago when I had the chance at being fully canSer free…supposedly.

It makes for planning your life and what you want from it so hard. Everyone rests easily or in ignorance that they will have their retirement plan and wherever they want to be all planned out. Most of the time I am like that now but I feel the nagging knowledge that at my next scan everything could be different. Pete just says to enjoy now and not think about anything else but my life has always been about the next thing otherwise what do you do you every day? What’s the point of working and doing courses if you live day to day? I think I need to work on my head and what really makes me happy. Maybe I am forgetting to be thankful and grateful and just really happy to be alive and well right now. I get a bit lost not having any major plans. And always being good and thinking about my diet and making sure I exercise although being really good for me sometimes I just want to forget it all. Just for a fleeting moment. What I need to do is actually just forget that I have a chronic disease. It’s by someone telling me that I have it that I know about it. Ignorance is bliss and it would be so good to not know….sometimes…… I need to read some positive books. Hey ho…..

I have had the loveliest clients in today. They have all given me such a big kiss and cuddle. I feel very loved. It makes everyhting semm worthwhile.I can’t wait for my Bear to come home. More cuddles. X


Hit the road Jack!

I have had a great start to the day today. I’m not sure why some days are better than others but I had a real smile on my face. It may be because I have found a new way to have my essential juice and powders in the mornings without dreading them. As mentioned I always have vegetable juices as they are best for me and full of oxygen which is essential in my diet. The trouble is adding powders such as wheatgrass and Dr Schulz’s super food and linseed makes me want to wretch. Include that with my supplements and reishi well I am in a state some days, especially the last week or so. My tummy has been really struggling with it all and I have either had a major urge to rush to the loo for urgent number two’s or I have had a tummy ache. I know this means my body simply cannot hack it at the moment. Any signs like that and I am sure it’s not good for anyone!

So this morning I decided that I would have a veggie smoothie instead of juice. I find smoothies don’t make me cringe as much. The reason I go for juice is they are much better than smoothies but smoothies are still really good as alternative. But then I had an epiphany… why not add green juice to my green smoothie and have the best of both worlds/!

I always have to add some kind of liquid to the smoothie or else it will be lumpy and hard… so the anme smoothie wouldn’t be relelvant at all. So today I juiced up lots celery (which tastes bad in smoothies) cucumber and ginger and added it to my smoohtie. So this morning I had a jam packed breakfast full of everything green; avocado, spinach, celery, cucumber and ginger (ok not green but a must!) Genius… not sure why I hadn’t thought of it before… Now I am on a roll. This put me in a good mood.

I’ve registered on the Macmillan forum today. There were entries from other ladies like me who are terminal and all sorts of chemo’s all wanting advice. I thought if I shared my story then they may be inspired to read my website and possibly take something from it. That’s how I feel today… I want to inspire people.

So feeling all positive (a bit more than normal) I thought I’d text Nilam (founder of HD brows) and ask her what course she thinks I would benefit from next. I know she invited me to train but I think doing courses is good practice and really keeps you at the top of your game. Her husband, also Pete, replied on her behalf and has given me details. So without any thought I have booked for July for one of the courses then I will book for the master’s course in September. I love my job and I love doing brows. I want to be the best that I can be.  I’m still getting enquiries from new clients so I’m feeling really lucky.

I’ve been making a list of things I need to focus on more as I feel things are slipping recently. Here’s the list;

Eat more garlic and turmeric. This is essential and I don’t think I am consuming enough of the good stuff.

Try new vegan recipes out and post on my blog. Here’s a start;

Draw a picture every week. I haven’t done one in a while and I really get a lot from it.

Pranic healing. Book for regular sessions and see if this benefits me.

That’s it so far.. I have had a nagging feeling of wanting all this canSer stuff to be gone today. I just want to live my life without thinking about whether I will be well enough or will chemo get in the way etc. But then I read some posts on the forum and read what I already know. Incurable canSer is just like any other chronic disease. Living every day like this isn’t so bad… at least I’m well.

Right well I’m packed for my next trip to see Doctor Nesselhut.. Here we come. Luckily my kitty has a lovely ‘kitty sitter’ to take care of her and eat my home grown strawberries. Be back in five days. Hopefully I’ll get time to post whilst I am away. Love going a driving tour with my Bear… XXX

Ta’ra! X

I’ve won the lottery!

OMG… had 12 hours sleep last night and they were the best! Whoop! I got woken by my bear calling me on the way to work after going to the gym this morning. I’d like to say that I feel guilty lying in whilst he goes off early… today I didn’t! Bless Pete he’s been getting up at 5.30am every working morning to go to the gym and play squash and do weights. He is really making the effort and I hope that he feels better. I do when I exercise.

I tried out my DVD this morning- Box and Bound. It certainly works up a sweat and that combined with the muggy temperatures we are bizarrely having I was little bit Sweaty Betty. Love it!

Today has been quite leisurely and as I didn’t have clients till later afternoon decided to benefit from the good weather and do some reading in the back garden. Also I focussed on visualisations briefly – I’m trying to use my time as wisely as possible. I’ve been imagining that everything is surrounded by a blue forcefiled so that I cannot get canSer ever again. Any last canSer cells are being munched up by large healthy white cells. I have to keep working on it.

I’ve started getting myself ready for my trip to Germany. I’m really looking forward to it and really would like this weather to stay longer.

Pete found this research into triple negative online today. Apparently fat cells in breasts provide a crucial link between exposure to unrelenting social stressors early in life, and the subsequent development of breast cancer. That sounds so weird but it goes back to stress again.

“We found that exposure to the stress of social isolation leads to reprogramming of genes in fat cells in the mammary glands,” said study author Suzanne Conzen, MD, professor of medicine at the University of Chicago. “These fat cells then secrete substances that cause nearby pre-cancerous epithelial cells to proliferate more rapidly, accelerating the development of breast cancer. This local effect of fat cells in the breast was completely unanticipated.”

Here’s the link to the full article;


OO I‘ve just received an email regarding a lottery ticket I bought yesterday. Last night’s draw was for £122 million! I thought I could do with some of that. Less pressure on Pete, more funds for treatment and crucially more funds for vaccine research… Yay… I won…. £2.60! J

Greens, greens and more greens…..

This morning I dragged myself out of my snuggly bed and got ready to go to hospital for my clinic appointment-The usual appointment to see how I am doing before my next round of chemo. I didn’t see Prof Harris again today but another male doctor who seemed nice. I plucked up the courage to ask him if he thought it would be possible to make some changes to the way I take chemo. Maybe give a bigger gap between cycles or even reduce the dosage. He said that capecitibine is very good for old ladies as it is very well tolerated so I should be fine as long as I don’t have side effects to it to simply just continue with it. He suggested taking it for one week on one week off and that would be a better solution to taking it for two weeks on one week off… I think he was missing my point. He did say he had looked at my scan and there was practically nothing there! That said he feels that even though the CT scan cannot see anything it doesn’t mean canSer isn’t there and that if I was to stop taking the drugs that it would definitely grow back. Humph……

This is where all this gets very confusing and until I talk to Doctor Nesselhut I really don’t know what I should do. I know that at some point I need to know what is working one way or the other. I have a strong feeling that I don’t need to be taking chemo forever but if I should decide to stop I have to take the risk that the canSer will grow back. Sucks really… I’m not great at taking risks and this is one no one can know the outcome of. I’m off to Germany later this week as my next Nesselhut session is on Monday. I will speak to him and see what he says.

I have been reading about ellagic acid today. It is a compound ingredient in raspberries amongst other things like blueberries. Ellagic acid prevents the binding of carcinogens to DNA and strengthens connective tissue, which may keep cancer cells from spreading. Ellagic Acid has the ability to inhibit mutations within a cell’s DNA. Furthermore, it is considered to be a cancer inhibitor which has the ability to cause apoptosis or normal cell death in cancer cells. This is something I had heard of about six months ago but it has popped up again today. I may think about taking this as a supplement as I don’t have much fruit although I do love blueberries and raspberries….mmmm

I’ve been working today and although they say it is 20 degrees I am cold and wearing a cardigan. I have been feeling a bit washed out with a delicate tummy the last few days. I can only put it down to birthday celebrations taking their toll. I reckon a detox is in order but not the best time what with a road trip inbound.

I’m actually looking forward to going to Germany. I’m keen to have the next plan of action.

Whilst at hospital today the doc said that he wants to book me another scan for in July… we’ll see about that. I think I will make it August then it will be three months again. They don’t seem at all worried about radiation. To be honest all I feel when I am there is that they want to say something to me such as, ‘whilst you can tolerate the chemo ‘or ‘when the chemo doesn’t work anymore’… they have a look in their eyes that tells me that I am still a dead girl walking. I wish they had more positive things to tell me and give me. I’m sure they feel like that. NO point worrying about something that may never happen. I wonder if I am cranking up the healing enough or if I am becoming lazy. I think it is all because I find everything so routine these days. Should I crank up my diet and have lots more fresh juices? I currently only have one a day. I find that one has such a diuretic effect on me plus I don’t LOVE vegetable juices. I have to have it like medicine.

Maybe I need to have an evaluation and start readdressing things like making time for visualisations, working more on my diet and other elements.

For now I think I will just focus on tonight’s tea….. Greens and more greens!

P.S Just want to congratulate my friend Donna on completing the London to Brighton cycle ride in aid of my chosen charities! Whoop! X

Another year older….

So I’m a year older… I’m officially 38 years old. And I feel it. I am getting too old for partying! Ha ha.

Friday evening I felt a little unsure as to what the weekend would hold for me. I knew my friend was coming to stay as we celebrate our birthdays together, being that her birthday is two days after mine. I had left the organising of the weekend in Pete’s hands but as nothing had been said figured that we would just be having a ‘quiet one’. Pete had said that he would be surprising me… I thought the surprise would be there was no surprise!

Saturday morning came and I had a lovely little brekkie of boiled eggs and dipping soldiers. I had decided that my juicing could go a miss for a few days whilst I enjoyed my birthday.

Around mid morn8ing my friends arrived then some other friends to watch the Lions play rugby. Then….. more people started arriving…. Friends who I didn’t know would be coming all the way from Brighton and some I haven’t seen for a while! It was lovely… not taking much notice of what they were wearing I hadn’t considered why they were all dressed scruffily. I thought that’s just how they dressed. The day had plenty of banter then we were told that we would be doing some activities and would get dirty… Uh oh. I wondered if Pete knew me at all! I hate being embarrassed, put under pressure to do things and generally be involved in group activities. I did grumble quite a bit but that’s just nerves. The afternoon was filled with archery, shooting and pilot racing! 12 of us all had a go and despite the weather trying to make it terrible it was actually a good afternoon and yet another surprise for us all! We got home and changed to party the night away. Pete and his sous chef made paella which was delicious and then birthday cake…another surprise!

A long and very funny day… I didn’t get to bed til 4am!

Yesterday was a bit of a struggle and I slept for a lot of it as soon as I had cleaned the house and made bacon butties for the masses. I have a smile on my face even if today I am still not feeling myself. All the excitement and birthday drinks me thinks! (3 magnums of champagne and cocktails!) I was spoilt rotten and bought some lovely thoughtful gifts by everyone. J

I can’t wait for bed yet again… ha ha! But what a wonderful birthday and so much trouble Pete went to keep it a secret from me. He’s a good man.

I’m working today and on my penultimate day of chemo. All has been going swimmingly…..Clinic tomorrow to discuss my next move.

Sharing the Nesselhut love….

Yesterday was a busy day finishing with a chat on the phone giving a gent some advice on going to see Dr Nesselhut… I felt quite excited for him and was happy to provide info on where to stay, what to expect and how to while away the days when the first visit is ten days. I would have liked someone to do that for me back then so I hope my new friend finds comfort in me giving them all this info. I have a feeling there will be many more people asking for my advice and for contact details on Dr Nesselhut.

Whilst chatting I found out about pranic healing. This isn’t something I have come across before and although I have had reiki this sounded just as spiritual. I am intrigued to try it out. Pranic healing is a simple yet powerful and effective no-touch energy healing. It is based on the fundamental principle that the body heals itself. Pranic Healing works on the principle that the healing process is accelerated by increasing the life force or vital energy on the affected part of the physical body. Sounds like reiki in many respects but apparently it works on your chakras. I have been recommended to go and see someone in Berkshire who has worked with lots of canSer patients. I ‘m well keen!

Today has been a day for me… to some extent. After getting up lazily I have pottered about doing shopping and having my nails done all ready for the weekend… My birthday!

Bed, you complete me…….

I completely forgot to write my journal yesterday. It’s so unlike me. I feel very calm and happy at the moment. A change from the weekend that I had. Sleep has been amazing and I am truly loving my bed. Pete showed me a cute picture of a cat face down on a bed with the caption saying, ‘Bed, you complete me!’  Ha ha! That’s me! I haven’t rushed to get out of bed this week so far and I have still got everything done with plenty of time. I have had lovely afternoons with clients and the same goes for today. I have an afternoon filled with clients and I have been getting more bookings for new clients too. It feels good.

I have been recently coming across lots of motivational images and captions which you can see on my facecbook page. I find they are really thought provoking and helpful.

I have a strong sense that the canSer has gone from inside me. I know I could be wrong but I am definitely feeling like I have ‘let it go’. I hope that I am right. And the thought of stopping chemo is playing on my mind. I really do want to stop to give my body chance to replenish. Chemo is well known in damaging the liver and also having a higher risk of heart attack and failure. Now I am not suggesting that this is going to happen as I feel so well  but I do think giving it a chance is right. Now then comes the risk of the canSer growing again. I guess I will be able to distinguish if there is anyone one thing working better for me than others. If I stop chemo for a month (Pete thinks more like 3-6 months and then I have a scan then I will at least know if the immunotherapy works. My worry is that it didn’t work on its own or that’s what we are lead to believe. But I do truly believe they worked altogether. And if it comes back what then? I have to do it all again. I do understand Pete’s angle. It makes sense. And he has every confidence in me and the treatment I am having. I think I will definitely talk to the docs about when I got to clinic on Tuesday.

I received some info from Breast Cancer Breakthrough yesterday. A team of scientists from the Breakthrough Breast Cancer Research Centre at the Institute of Cancer Research and The Royal Marsden have developed a new ‘liquid biopsy’ which could identify women with breast cancer who would benefit from Herceptin, without the need for tissue removal.

Led by Breakthrough’s Dr Nicholas Turner, the research, published in Clinical Cancer Research today, was funded by the National Institute of Health Research, with additional support from Cancer Research UK and the Dr Mildred Scheel Foundation for Cancer Research.

This new test is designed to identify HER2-positive breast cancers, by looking for the DNA from tumour cells. This type of breast cancer is effectively treated with Herceptin, but the researchers hope it will in the future be adapted for other types of cancer.

Surgical biopsies are limited in that they only test part of the tumour, and it’s not possible to biopsy a tumour repeatedly. They are also invasive and often uncomfortable procedures to undergo.

The findings could mean that in the future more women with breast cancer could benefit from targeted treatments such as Herceptin.

“It’s not possible to take multiple biopsies from patients through their treatment course, but this study shows that we can detect HER2-positive breast cancers through a blood sample. That could allow us to regularly monitor women with breast cancer using simple blood tests and potentially increase the number who are treated with Herceptin. The test is at this time at an early stage and does require further assessment in clinical trials before it could become widely available.”

Dr Richard Francis, Breakthrough Breast Cancer’s Head of Research, said: “The findings of this research are very encouraging; we know that Herceptin can effectively treat HER2-positive breast cancers, and this new liquid biopsy has the potential to ensure that more women who could benefit from this drug receive it.

Professor Alan Ashworth, Chief Executive of The Institute of Cancer Research, said: “Personalised cancer treatments are becoming highly sophisticated and tailored to individual cancers so it’s really important that doctors can make accurate assessments of the genetic make-up of tumours. This new liquid biopsy has exciting potential as a means of analysing tumour DNA in the blood stream, allowing clinicians to track genetic changes as they happen and adjust treatment to them. By assessing quickly and painlessly whether a particular gene is activated in breast cancer, doctors will be able to choose the best targeted therapy for their patients.”


This is very exciting news and could be groundbreaking.

Also Breakthrough Breast Cancer has teamed up with Penguin and WHSmith to launch the new and exciting Read Pink. Make a Difference campaign.

Throughout the eight-week campaign they’re encouraging you to head down to your high street and pick up one of the selected women’s fiction books by bestselling authors including Marian Keyes, Sue Townsend and Jojo Moyes.

Each of the Read Pink titles carry a 50p donation to Breakthrough’s life-saving work and, with holiday season around the corner, there’s no better time to get involved in Read Pink. Make a Difference as WHSmith is offering a “buy one get one half price” promotion on the titles.

Here’s a link to the titles available to buy:


I have today updated my drinkaware profile online. I have been really keen to ensure I don’t drink too much alcohol and recording it is really making me more aware. Genius the clue is in the title! Ha ha! I am now and have been the last few weeks at ‘low risk’. This pleases me and I intend on using it continuously even if it is my birthday this weekend!

I have also decided to have a bit of a change for exercise. As I love Davina McCall and her DVD’s one of my friends inspired by this has downloaded her iphone app. I decided I couldn’t miss out on anything ‘Davina’ and have downloaded it. It’s brilliant. It has plenty of workouts that you can personalise for yourself and target specific areas. The workouts can be put to your favourite music and Davina even does little demonstrations. It’s timed and it’s short- only 20-30 minutes. Perfect for someone like me and those who don’t want to spend hours in the gym. I am going to start tomorrow.
Here is Davinas’ app:
As well as this I really want to get into rebounding more often. The DVD I have is quite hardcore so I have purchased another one. It’s called Box and bound. Following on from Davinas’ boxing influenced exercise this new DVD by Urban rebound is boxing on a rebounder. Got to keep interested and never get bored…

In the next few weeks there are a number of people doing charity events for my chosen charities. This Sunday my friend Donna is cycling from London to Brighton… good on her! And then in a few weeks there is going to be ladies versus men’s football match. The people involved aren’t close friends in fact I haven’t met most of them… I find this so touching and I wish them all the luck and to have lots of fun mostly.

I’m going to be working late today as I have my step daughter coming over to be beautified… I best get myself sorted… Ta ra. X.


I have never felt as alive as I did this weekend….

Well that was a weekend to remember. Leading on from my last blog and wanting to have a chilled weekend we decided to head back to our boat Friday evening with the pretence of going on a little journey the next morning. Having checked the weather forecasts, and got advice from experts (apparently) we were up and off before 7.30am on Saturday morning on our way to Brighton by boat. We had agreed if for whatever reason the weather turned bad in the Solent we would return to our boat home. It was a beautiful start to the day and I was hopeful that it was going to be a great journey.

How wrong I was! We got a place called Selsy Bill where it is a headland and lots of tides come together. The wind was blowing a gale and wind over tide made the sea state horrific, to say the least. In short the journey turned into a living nightmare! The waves were so big the water was coming in the boat. It was really hard for the boat to be controlled and we were forced to slow right down just stay afloat. I was in pieces. Anyone that knows me that I am a fair weather boater and it is only for the love of my man that I put up with going on it. I knew we were in trouble when my bear said, ‘I know my limits and I can’t handle this.’ All that kept going through my mind apart from; ‘Please god don’t let me die!’ was ‘How are we going to get the boat back?’

Even though conditions settled the further past we got from the headland it felt like it took forever to get to Brighton. In fact the journey should have been two hours it actually took over three! Even when arriving in Brighton the wind conditions were immense and I felt physically drained. I didn’t have the energy to moan, have at go at Pete or anything. Now anyone that knows me will be laughing about the boaty thing. It is my worst nightmare! Luckily the sun was still shininig and for a few hours after I was numb and just basked in the sun with a tonic water, although I think Pete had laced it with gin to calm me down.

I am surprised as to how it affected me. I didn’t have an appetite, didn’t want to go out and went to bed quite early. However that all changed when another gale blew throughout Saturday night keeping me awake whilst I relived the day’s events. Honestly I think I am traumatised! It’s funny now but at the time O-M-G!

Then came the dilemma of how to get the boat back. I flatly refused to go back and Pete and I sat trying to decide what to do. He said he would drive it back on his own. Well that was just a stupid idea, and then he thought about getting a friend to go with him whilst I drove their car back. We then wondered if our boat manager would collect it which he agreed. All the while we started chatting to the staff at Brighton marina who did a good job being very nice offering us a free night there. Well the long and short of is that our boat is now rehomed… in Brighton! My friend who we went to visit was made up and cannot believe we have now made such a big decision. It’s further to get to but what a beautiful lively fun place to stay at weekends. And the bonus is that I don’t have to go out on the boat if I don’t want as there is plenty to do there. Win win situation. So I guess I should be thanking the Universe for t he terrible journey. It could have been worse but wasn’t. It also made us make the decision to move the boat. I believe it is the right thing to do and we will be very happy there.

The rest of the weekend was great. I got to chat with friends and sunbathe at the back of the boat. I was a bit off colour but I feel much better today! We got home late and had the best night’s sleep… thankfully.

This morning was a struggle to get up but once up I have really enjoyed my day. I had a call from a lady who wanted her brows done who I met about a year ago who also has secondary breast cancer. I had thought about her often over the last year hoping that she would read my ten point plan and take the same route as me but I can only guide people not force them. She rang me to cancel her brow appt as the chemo she has started has meant she has lost her hair again. She is also terminally ill as they call it and although feeling well the cancer has grown substantially in her liver and spine also. The risk she has is will her liver fail due to chemo or cancer. She has spent the last year ensuring her family will be ok but now she has decided she wants to live and asked me my advice. I am thrilled on her decision and have emailed and talked a lot about Dr Nesselhut and reishi and supplements and other elements that will give her confidence, good health and most of all hope. I feel a bit like a disciple spreading the good word and giving hope. I want to be her friend and hope also that things turn out better for her. I will ensure that she is carefully guided and anything I can do to help I will.

I am working today and have the pleasure of new clients once again. Things have really kicked off for me and I am really enjoying my work life.

Funny how events in life change things suddenly eh? I have never felt as alive as I did this weekend being faced with fear and death. To be honest I don’t want to feel like that again but I am very grateful for the life that I have got and the love of my wonderful husband, family and friends. If I can return that in any way then I would feel amazing.