What ever the weather…..

We drove down to the coast late last night and had supper before going to our boat bed. Pete sleeps the best here. we were really excited at the weather forecast of a great day ahead and time to go out and be free for the weekend – stress free. We were wokemn by rain and then the forecast on tv was plenty of sunshine except a few spots of rain here and there. How can they get it so wrong?! pete made a snap decision there and then and before I knew it we were packed up going home for Pete to go back to work. He said he had too much work on and was feeling very stressed by it all so couldnt afford the time to simply just sit around. I know what he menas but I really think the best for him woudl be to have some time off. The pressure of finding money to take me to Germany can be immense. We are not made of money. It all comes from hard graft and running his own business is tough to say the least in todays climate.

I have spent all day looking at forecasts and I cannot help look at what the weather like back down on the coast. It’s like chasing the sun. I had hoped pete would finish work early then maybe we would head down there again but one things leads to another and in fact he now will be late home from work. Bless him. The weather here hasn’t improved and to be honest i have been left feeling quite down about it. I understand pete’s need for sunshine especially as it’s been lovely all week. What to do though? Stay here or go to the coast. Guaranteed the weather will be better where we are not. Pete calls him ‘lucky’. Ironic eh?

To be honest I could really do with just lying down and dooing nothing. I want to eat. Comfort eat and I want him to come home. When today is over the better it will be then we can hope for a bright long weekend like last weekend. Fingers crossed it is great for my Bear.

Time to contemplate, breathe and read….

Poor Old Bear has been poorly sick the last day or so. A tummy bug in the middle of the night. It started with chills then progressed onto projectile vomiting and diarrhoea.. Thank goodness we have a wet room! It makes a change to be the one that takes care of someone (even though I am well I am the one constantly taking tablets and being assessed at hospital) I don’t think Pete likes my kind of care giving. I told him to be quiet when making groaning noises. I didn’t mean it the way it came out. What I meant was that if he stopped groaning he would sleep and he did!

Needless to say it’s not nice seeing someone you love sick. Then to top it off his wisdom tooth cracked and fell out. So off to the dentists he went. Returning with a hamster face, bless him.

I on the other hand am feeling tip top. Chemo started and touching everything wood, I’m feeling brilliant. A bit tired but was from being up with Pete in the middle of the night. I made up for it by going to bed at 9pm last night. Rock n roll! I couldn’t even stay awake for my favourite American TV shows.

Again the weather has been beautiful so after being the dutiful wife doing chores for ray our elderly friend I have spent the afternoon basking in the sun. It gives me much time to breathe, contemplate and read.

I’ve now got to the nutrition chapters of ‘You can conquer cancer’. A subject I really believe in and feel you can have some control over. So far it’s the same as Kris Carr’s advice and I’m feeling slightly chuffed that it reinforces what I’m already doing. I’m feeling healthy mentally this week too. I’ve been particularly good with my meals, not eating excess amounts and really trying to listen to what my body needs.

Spending all this time in the garden I get to see things change daily. I can hardly believe in 4 weeks it’s a year since my ‘bad’ news or life changing news to make it more positive.

I’ve been getting new bookings this week for my business. I’m always amazed that if I ‘put it out there’ I usually get more bookings. The Universe usually gives you what you need.

With all the sickness I think we are going to be having a very quiet weekend. Pete has been burning the candle and needs to ‘love’ himself. That pleases me. I love downtime. Let’s face it, my whole life is quite chilled these days…Just like I like it.

Bloods taken in preparation for chemo cycle 9

Another beautiful day to wake up to and I’m now really pleased we decided not to go away this week. Of course I love being alone with Pete in some exotic location but seeing as he needed to work we couldn’t have asked for better weather home here.

I had an early start at the Churchill hospital having my bloods taken in preparation for starting chemo tomorrow. Round 9 I believe. It was nice enough to drive in my convertible with the top down… so novel in this country!

I got back in double quick time as I really wanted to spend as much time outside again like yesterday. I did some weeding, washing then settled down to sunbathing and reading. I am slowly getting through my book which is progressing onto some really interesting subjects. I read a lot of info on mental imagery which I have been trying to be proactive with whilst laying in the sun…Sometimes it’s hard not to get distracted or fall asleep!

Last night we watched a Panorama program on Burzynski, who has a clinic in Texas. It is very controversial as he claims to be able to cure cancer using antineoplastons.[if gte mso 9]><xml><w:WordDocument><w:View>Normal</w:View><w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom><w:TrackMoves/><w:TrackFormatting/><w:PunctuationKerning/><w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/><w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid><w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent><w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText><w:DoNotPromoteQF/><w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther><w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian><w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript><w:Compatibility><w:BreakWrappedTables/><w:SnapToGridInCell/><w:WrapTextWithPunct/><w:UseAsianBreakRules/><w:DontGrowAutofit/><w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/><w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/><w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/><w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/><w:Word11KerningPairs/><w:CachedColBalance/></w:Compatibility><w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel><m:mathPr><m:mathFont m:val=”Cambria Math”/><m:brkBin m:val=”before”/><m:brkBinSub m:val=”&#45;-“/><m:smallFrac m:val=”off”/><m:dispDef/><m:lMargin m:val=”0″/><m:rMargin m:val=”0″/><m:defJc m:val=”centerGroup”/><m:wrapIndent m:val=”1440″/><m:intLim m:val=”subSup”/><m:naryLim m:val=”undOvr”/></m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>

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Antineoplaston therapy is a complementary/alternative cancer treatment that involves using a group of synthetic chemicals called antineoplastons intended to protect the body from disease. Antineoplastons are made up mostly of peptides and amino acids originally taken from human blood and urine.

Of course there were many people on the program claiming he made them or their relatives worse. I think this is the case with any treatment. Some work some don’t. I guess the biggest thing with Burzynski is that he doesn’t tell you what is in the drug he administers and there is no published scientific evidence to back up his claims. You could say the same with a lot of other alternative treatments. I am lucky enough to have Dr Nesselhut who regularly discusses his treatment on public platforms. But let’s face it chemo and radiotherapies don’t work for very many people and if all Burzynski does is provide hope then isn’t that a good thing?

CanSer makes you do crazy things. The fear of dying and being in pain is so huge. You sometimes feel like it is taking over your life and you have no control. Thankfully I am not feeling like that now. I feel great. I also think I am zapping the last few nodules in my lungs. I can sense they are really small and I am certain they are going. I feel lighter. I am embracing the chemo cycle I start tomorrow. I think this could the last straw for canSer.

I have been visualising a blue force field around all my internal organs and feel protected that canSer will not get at any part of me again. I am conquering canSer I know it……

I’m either a solar panel, meer cat or sunflower….

The last few days have been well like summer! Fancy that?! Yay! Every morning I’ve woken to bright sunshine with blue skies pouring through my bedroom window. I seem to have done a lot yet very little all at the same time. Taking advantage of the weather I painted the garden f3ences to give them a spruce up as spray the4 dragons. (Long story- Puff, Billy and George were here when we moved in. I decided they needed to be brightened up so out came the gold spray. I love naff stuff!)

I’ve also had a weekend of visitors. My sister in law visited Friday evening. A flying visit leaving first thing Saturday morning only to be replaced with my mum.  It’s been great catching up with the girly chat as well as taking advantage of the visiting gardener (mum). My pots are suitable prettied and I can’t wait for things to grow and flower. Most of the weekend was spent lazing on my sun bed, drinking coconut water (and the odd Pimms) and eating healthy salads. I tried out the coconut water lollipops too… mmmm. This lazing around has given me time to read this month’s Zest magazine where there was a whole article on mood boards. They make suggestions to use them digitally rather than an actual board on the wall. Mood Pro and Corkulous are both apps that can bought from iTunes. It’s such a great way to keep you optimistic, focussed and happy. All part of 3 in the ten point plan- mental fitness. Also featured was an article on cervical canSer. The lady featured can’t have any children now and is considering adoption. I didn’t realise one had to be canSer free /in remission for 5 years before they are able to adopt?

Also the boyfriend of the lady featured said something that really struck a chord with me. You worry that adopting a baby wouldn’t be the same as seeing you’re on flesh and blood but her fella said, ‘Blokes don’t carry a baby. The bond grows after. Adoption isn’t any different. We’ll love our child, however the miracle happens.’ Ah bless him. But so true.

As I am writing this I am back in the garden soaking up the rays before my clients arrive. I’ve decided I’m either a solar panel, a meer cat or a sunflower. Give me sunshine and warmth!

I’ve really been paying attention to my affirmations in the last few days more than normal. ‘I lovingly forgive and release myself of the past. I fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself’

I love and approve of myself is the thing I am really trying to believe. I must listen to that. I must love myself no matter what size, shape, or position I am in.

For the first time ever I did yoga and meditation in the garden. My neighbours probably think I am doing downward dog and cobra but listening to the birds, bugs and feeling the breeze was brilliant. I urge everyone to try it.