Honing my skills to be better

I had a great day yesterday. I went to HD brows head office and attending a ‘Pro’ course to enhance my knowledge and learn some new techniques to make my work even better. I really enjoy being in the trainers company and there is such a buzz at Nilam Patel’s Dermaspa. I went there feeling really nervous. I knew I would have to do models whilst there and I cannot stand being watched. Once I did the first model I was fine although I was a bit shaky. Silly really as I do brows most afternoons every week. I did really well and the reports from the trainers were good so that made me feel great.

I got to meet some other therapists there who have been following me on my facebook page. Great seeing them in the flesh… They are a few of the 1200 followers I now have. It feels good knowing they find my posts positive and motivating.

It was odd talking about how I’m doing as I could feel some other staff and the girls looking at me as if trying to work out if I have an illness or not. That’s what is still so very odd to me even today. I feel in myself really good. It is completely surreal to tell people or even tell myself that I apparently have an incurable disease. I am blessed not to have any illness or symptoms and long may it continue.

I received a questionnaire in the post this morning from Reading university and Oxford hospitals. A student there is doing a PHD and needs patients like me to be part of his study. The study is the effect herbal medicine has on chemotherapy if any. I had to list what treatments I have as well as the supplements and herbal remedies I take. It asked if I would be happy to have them assessed by a professional to tell me whether they were conflicting with my medication in any way. I am intrigued to know so I said yes.

Busy busy busy day doing clients today and having finished them I now have tomorrow and the weekend to get everything all sorted and organised before we go away for a lovely quiet week together. I’m a bit excited actually. I haven’t packed yet in fact I have no idea what I am taking as yet. I must not pack too much stuff! Yeah yeah….

My last client was a friend of mine whose daughter has been diagnosed with cervical cancer at a young age. Her world has turned all topsy turvy in the past few months. I spent quite a lot of time discussing diet and other ways to take some control back of her life and help herself. I even received an email from another triple negative patient too who at only 27 years old wants to make positive changes in her life. Hopefully I have helped. It feels like a blur and a bit of a bubble that I live in. It doesn’t feel like me that is ill. It all comes crashing back though when I realise it is only about 11 days till my next ct scan… the dreaded scan… ha ha! Looming as always…

So off to get ready, get the house cleaned, beds changed and to hopefully finish this dratted book that has been hanging off me for a few weeks. I have to admit The Power of Now has been mind boggling. I am not sure I understand it all. Maybe one to re read at a later date.

I had some nice snuffles from all my ‘people’ as I call them, again this morning. The cat sat on me whilst I was being hugged by the Bear. Mornings and Nights are my favourite time. Roll on tonight!

I’m getting into the ol’ coffee enemas now. I’m preparing another one as we speak. Mmm the smell of coffee Ha ha! I’ll leave you all with that thought!

Following Fitness and Health gurus online…

This morning I did another coffee enema… This time I decided I would use less coffee as the last time I felt too wired. Maybe I went too far the other way? I didn’t have any buzzing effect at all and actually the liquid looked a bit clear. So next time I will go half way between and get it right. It was a success though and as for clearing out the bowels wow. This time it had a very clearing effect!

I’ve been thinking a lot about family recently what with the young royals having their first baby yesterday… Families are funny things. I am not terribly close to mine. In fact so casual am I to some of my immediate family they may as well be distant relatives. I must be that prevalent in their mind that even my dad forgot my birthday this year. Ho hum. I don’t take it to heart. It’s just a shame that that we weren’t bought up with family values being an important element for us. If I could have my own little family this would be different. I would bring my kids up to want to be around all the time, Christmases, Sunday afternoons and definitely birthdays. I decided to ring my dad today seeing as I hadn’t spoken to him since before my birthday sometime I can’t remember when. It was always nice to catch up, but we don’t really have much to say. But then who does? I’m closer to my mum than my dad. I like chatting girly stuff and visiting when I can. I love it when she comes to stay too as she is quite content pottering around. I like asking for gardening advice and doing things her way… Her house always seems to be cosy just like I remember when I was growing up…. J

I’ve been following quite a lot of nutritional bods on twitter and facebook recently. Francesca’s Fit Kitchen (www.francescafitkitchen.com), Polly’s Path (www.pollynoble.com) and Nics Nutrition (www.nicsnutrtion.com) to name just a few. I feel the daily input helps me stay motivated and gosh, there are a lot of healthy people out there!

I’m considering having more green juices through the day. At the moment is the perfect time for it as it’s hot and sticky. People need to keep their fluids up much more. The problem is that I don’t like the taste that much and it has quite an effect on my digestive system so to speak! That’s why since I first started last July I haven’t had many juices throughout the day. I’d need to stay near the loo! Had a few tweets from Francesca Fox today and she would like me to keep a diary of my diet. I could really do with some guidance. I am stoked!

I’ve had acupuncture today and I really like my new acupuncturist. It’s totally different from before but I feel instantly relaxed when I get there. The therapist energy is so calming. She worked a lot around my lower legs and feet today. The right side felt much more sensitive than the left. I felt my legs buzzing too. Oo it’s exciting. I generally feel great. Another three weeks till my next session. I love having therapy! Ha ha! I need it.

Only two weeks away from my next CT scan. In fact it’s the day after I get back from holiday. Gulp…. In my head I no longer have canSer. I honestly keep imagining the day they say to me there is no sign of disease… or spontaneous remission (Yeah right, we know that means they won’t give me credit for it going! But who cares…) if only that day would come true! I am Miss Impatient! Be thankful what I have got…. remember, remember, remember……

I have an exciting day tomorrow. I visit HD brows head office for a day’s training to be a HD brow pro. Not sure what I am going to learn but like a good girl I have done my homework of five case studies. Actually I have done more than was asked (Didn’t you hate people like me when you were in school?! J) I have an early start so another early night tonight. When don’t I have an early night?

Ciao for now!

Three day weekend….

I’ve had a three day weekend. Not only does it feel like I have been away for ages… it’s amazing what you can do in three days! But it’s been jammed packed with fun as well as ample chill out time. Friday we headed down to London and met friends to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. We felt that as it was five years, which have flown by and what with all the crappy stuff happening in the last few years that we would celebrate it in style with friends too. The afternoon we lazed in Hyde park with a picnic of fresh watermelon and coconut water and the odd Pimms and lemonade thrown in. Then we all got ready and met for pre dinner drinks. Everyone had really made and effort and the mood was buzzing.  Going back to where we had our wedding reception was amazing. The room is so ornate and unique. The food was divine and the drinks flowed. Perhaps a little too much. We had speeches from our best man and from Pete which was as usual tear jerking.

Pete always does such a great speech and this time our lives were likened to different film genres. Horror, rom-com, drama, action and adventure and so on… He had everyone in tears and almost cracked himself a few times. I become very steely with my stare as if I were to blink the flood gates would open!

Five years feels like nothing and I can’t wait to do it all over gain a hundred times. As much fun as the doo was I still love having my bear to myself and I am already planning next year’s anniversary to be a private quiet one… J

Then on for some dancing in the basement nightclub until the heat finally got too much and we headed back to our hotel where the party continued into the early hours. I have to admit I was slightly jaded on Saturday morning but we all got together for a big hearty breakfast then we all went our separate ways.

We headed down to Brighton to take advantage of the continuing heat wave. It was a bit overcast but that was fine as I decided a siesta was the way forward. It turned into a mammoth sleep only being woken to get up for dinner! A few hours later and I was back I bed sleeping some more. To be honest I don’t think I would’ve got up on Sunday had I not been woken but the day was glorious and toasting. I did my usual stance of prone sunbathing. We took the boat for spin then basked in the sun and ate lovely fresh salad.

Back home last night to a very weird greeting of a very disturbed robin red breast in our house (caught by our killer kitty- who clearly couldn’t be bothered to finish it off- thankfully), piles of cat sick (kitty had clearly got upset and overeaten) and the sound of bag pipes being played in a neighbouring garden! I know weird right?.. but oh so great to be home again. Back in our bed for another very hot night…

Today I’m back to my usual rituals and looking forward to bed already! Ha ha! Rock and Roll…I know there is a pattern here… eat and sleep just like a real kitty!

I’m all ready now for a busy day with clients and then quite a busy week too. Not so much sunbathing for me this week I doubt. Never mind we are off on our holibobs soon… J

I just want to thank my wonderful Hubby for making me so very happy and love him more every day.. If that’s possible. XXX


Happy Anniversary Bear..Where has the time gone?

How time has flown but yet feels like I have been with Pete all my life. We have decided to go back to where we had our wedding reception with friends and celebrate in style. The weather is till baking so we have drinks and a Frisbee to play in Hyde Park in London too. Yet another fun filed weekend ahead as we take advantage of the sun we are back down to our little boating retreat, Brighton. I’m really getting a taste for it.

Anyway all the details and more to come on Monday. I’ve got to get myself on the road! Cheerio!


How I love my best friend and husband! Happy Anniversary bear. X

There’s a first for everything!

So I did it! I tried the coffee enema. I followed Polly Nobles instructions; http://pollynoble.com/2011/10/how-to-do-an-enema-and-why/ and took the plunge. I bought organic ground coffee and prepared it as described. I was dreading it to be honest. The thought of putting something in that end didn’t fill me with excitement. I’ve never found colonic treatments that bad but then it’s not something I look forward to either! Anyway I had a few hiccups, leaks, spillages and so on but soon enough the whole 750ml went inside. I had no discomfort o0r anything adverse. 15 minutes passed quickly whilst I scanned facebook and twitter! There was a side effect though…. I was buzzing! To begin with I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d actually plucked up the courage to do it but soon enough I realised it was the effects of the coffee! It was just as if I’d drunk it! I was all over the place for a good few hours. Having been off caffeine for a year with only the odd coffee and tea my little body didn’t know what had hit it! I’m hoping it won’t be like that every time I do it. I think I might try to do it once or twice a week. Twice a day sounds extreme. The idea is that the toxins in my liver will be removed and therefore help me become less inflamed and become more alkaline and healthy. It’s odd because coffee is highly acidic but apparently the nerve endings in the bowels somehow means it removes the nasties. It can also stop symptoms and pain.

So that’s a first for me. I’m feeling very pleased with myself. Was it too much information to share?! Ha ha! X

What’s going on in my head?

Yesterday I drove early up to the hospital to have my bloods taken in preparation for starting chemo today. With the weather being so nice I drove in my convertible with the top down. It’s only in termperatures like we have been having when you can truly enjoy a convertible.  Having short hair helps as it doesnt get messed up!

It was the quickest visit to hospital ever. The blood test area is governed by a ticketed numbering system. On walking in I got my ticket and before I even sat down my number was called! Yay! Having bloods doesn’t get any easier and I was left with quite a bruised arm. The phlebotomist said sorry so he knew he had done something wrong this time.

I called the oncology ward this morning and after being asked many questions bout my bowels, hands, feet and infections I was given the go ahead to start chemo.

It’s hot, hot, hot today again and I must admit I am looking a bit red faced. I normally have a cheeky hour before clients reading my book before I start to work but today is toooo much!

I’ve been getting more emails from people on facebook who have been in the same situation as me or have relatives recently diagnosed. I hope I can still offer help and encouragement. I have been feeling doubt and fear in my mind the last few days to a week.

I had a chat with Pete this morning. I don’t want to worry him but sometimes I need to sound it out. I get that sudden feeling of, Oh my god… The enormity of the situation and the fear that it could be forever more that I will have to fight this disease. I get scared that it may well win. When I say it out loud it feels silly as I’m in such a good position right now. I don’t want to miss these good healthy times and create something that may never happen. Pete as always sounds it out for me. He said that I am doing everything right and things couldn’t be better than they were a year ago. It’s ok to have moments and some negative thoughts but not to let them take over. It’s also a good time to keep the body guessing, make some changes and really ramp it up a bit. I know he is right. I don’t know why I have been fretting but it crept up on me and starting eating away at my happy thoughts. I really don’t want to think about it. It doesn’t serve any purpose and doesn’t help in the long run. I just get afraid that I will one day find it has spread then if it ever takes over I could be in a hospice on my last few breaths. I don’t want that- clearly. I just feel that it is all so scary. I am fighting for my life. Technically. Every day is a challenge and having no idea what is going on inside me really. I need to tap into my intuition and start listening to the real me and not my worrying head. Meditation really helps and when I think of all I am doing I realise how much control I have over my life, without having control… if that makes sense!

Yes well.. Like I say saying it out loud seems ridiculous. I know what I must do and how I should be thinking but I wonder sometimes if I want to create drama as there is something missing. I haven’t had any major urge to know what the future holds for a while now which is a breakthrough for me. I’ve been enjoying life. I guess that I sometimes feel sad because everyone else assumes they have ‘the rest of their lives’ to do things and this saying means many, many years to come. I know none of us know how long we have but it’s hard being told that you have an incurable disease and that it is life limiting and to eradicate that wording.

Peter and I heard the other day that one of his friends wife, who we used to see at the hospital, was suffering from leukemia after having quite a turbulent time, has been told, after having blood tests, that there is no sign of disease… Miracles do happen! I want that. I want to be told when I go for my next scan that there is ‘no evidence of disease’. I’m not sure if I will ever believe it but I really have to shake this lingering disease off. It doesn’t serve me in any way. I don’t need it. It’s amazing how the doctor’s words get stuck in my head. If only they would say it could be cured and then the day I am told there is no sign of it that I would believe it. I just need to get that gumption in my tummy to say to every cell in my body ‘I will be cured, I am canSer free’. I do need to re centre myself and really get to grips with my inner self. I must believe that I am safe and I am well.  I want to be free…..

Right I need to remember the saying; Abandon Stinkin’ Thinkin’!

Oh the simple things….

We’re having a heat wave… a tropical heat wave… fa la la la…

Pete and I have had the best weekend. Driving through the traffic on Friday night we arrived at the marina where we would be staying for the next few nights with the promise of a sunny weekend yet again! Even better it wasn’t windy and the sea was really calm.

We slept really well Friday and woke early to get up and walk about half an hour into Brighton to the hustle and bustle and to soak up the atmosphere. After having a hefty veggie breakfast we headed back to our boat where we lay in our sun for the rest of the day. It’s always the simple things that make people happiest. Everyone was so happy. It completely lifts the mood having the sun out and prolonged periods of warmth and sunlight. So simple. I know I am happiest when I can bask in the heat.

Saturday evening we met our friend and had a tasty meal. We are getting to know the area and are having fun trying out many bars and restaurants.  I have already found a vegan restaurant and can’t wait to try a Vietnamese vegetarian restaurant next time we go. The night wasn’t too late but I awoke the next day feeling pretty rough. I couldn’t decide if it was a hangover despite barely drinking anything or an upset stomach from something I had eaten. It was a shame really as I wanted to be on top form for my Bears’ birthday. It didn’t stop us having fun. We took a ride out on the boat and moored in front of the heaving beach for the whole day. Bobbing …… is what we call it.

Pete was so happy. That’s his happy place on the boat with me tucked under his arm pit! Ha ha! We had such a nice day that we decided to stay another night and headed home really early this morning.

I sadly was sick for most of yesterday which is totally unlike me. Even by the evening when I felt ok in myself my appetite wasn’t right and I barely ate a thing. I feel better today but think I should be careful with what I eat and drink. I need to be kind to myself.

Yesterday was the local Race for Life for Cancer Research UK. It’s an ever growing charity event and my friend has done it every year for the last three years at least. She sent me a message after she finished it in only 38 minutes. Go her… she said she had been thinking of me the whole way round. Touched… J

I’ve been getting more emails from readers and facebook followers asking for my advice. I am feeling really pleased that I can do at least something to help other people in a similar situation. I would do the same if I could do it over again. To be stage one again and to make all these changes could be the thing that got me over it. Still I’m here now and I’m well. There’s really no point dwelling on the past.

The book I am reading The Power of Now really emphasises how as individuals we spend our time thinking about the past and looking forward to future events. Even things as mundane as things we think need to be done on a daily basis. The author tries to get you to understand and feel the moment that you are living in and really notice what’s around you. I’ve been trying to do it. It’s much harder than it seems. The mind wanders at a rate of knots onto anything and everything. Life would be far less stressful for everyone if we did try to live in the here and now and not be side tracked with things and wanting more and more.

I’ve got a busy day working again today so best get off and get ready for my next client and then an early night in my next favourite place… my bed with clean sheets on! Oh the simple things!

So much to be grateful for!

It feels like I have been away from home for ages already. Having got up at 4am on Monday to get our early flight I have to admit all I want to do is… You guessed it.. Sleep! That’s what holidays are for right? Relaxing, sleeping and so on. Luckily for us we have friends here in sunny Spain. We’ve already made the most of the sunshine.. As expected I’m in my element. Yesterday we met our friends and met new ones whilst chilling at one of Marbella’s beach clubs.

We ventured out yesterday to have our usual brekkie where they make me green smoothies… Sadly it doesn’t open at breakfast any more. 🙁 this posed a small problem so we tried a new location. On the menu was pineapple, mango and kiwi juice followed by a salad sandwich with seaweed! I would normally avoid fruits because of the high sugar content but in some situations you have to make the best options you can. Fruit juice was definitely the best option.

Walking along the beach is so therapeutic and I love being near the sea. Ok not on it in a boat but I do love it! Ha ha!

So far I haven’t exercised apart from walking, I haven’t done any beach yoga and I haven’t meditated. It truly is a holiday from everything. I have to be honest all I want to do is nothing!

Yesterday was my last day of chemo for this cycle. I can now relax knowing I have a week off. Got through unscathed again. Phew…

Today we are going to read, plan our next trips away and generally feel lucky to be alive! I may even try to have a nap.. True kitten style. Then we’re off to see some history and culture in Orange Square being shown the sights by our friends.

So much to be grateful for!

Ten year survivors…

Another busy working day yesterday but this week has felt really good. I feel quite evenly balanced and everything has been flowing. I have been looking on a website featuring women who have metastatic breast canSer recommended to me by a friend. It has real life stories on there about women who are still living with canSer ten years on once it has spread to other parts of their bodies. It initially gave me hope but then it dawned on me that I could live with this for the rest of my life. I am working hard in myself that I will beat this, that I will be a miracle and one day be told there is no sign of disease. But reading the life stories the women on there are all still taking medication and having to change every time something changes or doesn’t work anymore.  That fills me with dread. There was one story of a woman who has lived with canSer for thirty years. Amazing but she felt terrible for much of it due to the chemo. That’s not a good quality of life really. Then at the end of her story there was note saying that she had died recently. Well she was in her late seventies.

I don’t know why this is a revelation to me all of a sudden. I suppose I live in this bubble where I believe I am going to be like Ian Gawler or some of those other amazing stories and survivors.

Any way it brings it all back to not worrying about the future as you never know what is going to happen anyway. No point wasting time and energy on those thoughts. It just caught me out a bit that’s all. I envisage me being told one day that I can stop taking chemo but it looks unlikely as long as I choose to listen to listen to the oncologists. And let’s face it they know enough about it to know what I should be doing.

Maybe I am living in denial. I feel so well I find it hard to believe that I actually have an illness at all. Living with incurable cancer is hard to get your head round at the best of times. I thought I would feel inspired by long term survivor’s stories but actually I take more comfort reading about rare cases of when the disease has gone altogether and the individual lives on for many years.

I keep telling myself I am doing quite unusual things that others are not which could make all the difference. I know that we all have to die eventually and I know there is nothing to worry about but when I read online of people having their 54th wedding anniversary it saddens me to think that I may never get to be old enough to do that. What an amazing length of time to be with the one you love. Till death us do part. Sad really… I’m selfish but I don’t want to go!

Today I’m going for reflexology… can’t wait and I have packed already for the weekend by the beach. Off to Brighton to hopefully enjoy more of the same sunny weather. Yay!

It’s like living in a Disney movie…

I had my first appointment with a new acupuncturist who is closer to where I live than the last one. Her name is Mary Henagan and she is based at the Centaur chiropractors in Oxford. I will add her details to the resources page.

She did a thorough consultation asking me in depth questions about me and my life as a whole. She then read my tongue… This always intrigues me! Then she felt my pulses. She said my tongue seemed very pale in places which is common in women but generally means the blood is stagnant. Nothing too much to worry about. I explained that the tip of my tongue gets very red and sore sometimes as well having a few cracks in certain areas every now and then also. She said the red and soreness shows that there is a lot of emotion at times. Not always stress just a lot of emotion. The cracks she explained where they were placed were located right over my lung area! Well I’ll be… that’s weird right… a coincidence. I think not.

My first treatment was done sitting up and they usually start by slightly detoxing the patient to get everything ready to start with a blank canvas for the next visit. Needles were placed very gently in my points either side of my spine from top to bottom. Bizarrely enough it was very relaxing and even the slightest touch from Mary make want to sleep and I felt really calm. She explained that I may have a healing crisis and get a headache or even feel sleepy but whatever the outcome to go with it and not to be worried.

At the end of the session she felt my pulses again and said they had improved already and she seemed pleased. I have booked to go back in two weeks and I can’t wait!

Well I am not sure if it was from waking up at 4am the morning before but last night I slept like a dream! I had a good solid 8 hours. I love my bed, I love my bed, I love my bed! Waking up to birds tweeting, the sun shining in the window (much to my disapproval to begin with- I’d keep the shutters closed for as long as possible if I could!) and my Bear bringing me a mug of hot water with lemon to start every day. It’s like being in a Disney movie! Ha ha!

Today is going to be busy one again doing clients. I have had five new clients this week alone and have had three calls this morning. It’s so weird as soon as I think about working again I get new bookings. The Universe is good to me. J

I’m feeling really perky today too. I’ve painted my nails a coral colour. My favourite summer hue and have just got another new bikini from About the girl…again…my collection is growing. About the girl is a great online shop selling mastectomy lingerie and swimwear. www.abouthegirl.co.uk

The best part is that the swim wear is the Australian brand Sea Folly who have agreed to let Amy the owner adapt them by putting pockets in the bra tops. Genius and gorgeous! But I had to have it as it was… coral! All ready for my next trip away with my Bear at the end of the month.

So whilst the sun is shining I am going to have cuppa in the sun, get my vitamin D intake and then crack on with some big amounts of eyebrows to contend with!