Some days things just don’t go as planned.. then the next it does!

The last couple of days have been suitably busy with hospital appointments and clients as well as my own treats that I really look forward to.

I had my 6 week clinic appointment on Tuesday at hospital. I had a few issues getting there on time (My car decided it didn’t want to open!) but the traffic was kind to me. It must have been one of those days as I arrived to be told there was two hour wait! My heart sank. Using my time wisely I collected my prescription and had blood tests. For once I came prepared and relished in the thought of reading my Zest magazine from cover to cover. I haven’t had time recently at home so this was a great excuse to take time for myself. I did eventually see Prof Harris who apologised for the delay. It seems he had many new cancer patients that day and they require more time, understandably.

He was very nice to me and did a thorough examination and we also discussed what happens when we get the next scan results. He thinks it is unlikely to have changed much. If that is the case then he wants to continue with capecitibine. If there has been a dramatic increase then he thinks we need to discuss another type of treatment and also discussed me going on a trial. I obviously don’t want to think about that option. I am happy on capecitibine and hope to God that that it is really good news. What disturbs me slightly is that if there is a dramatic increase that he wants to trial drugs on me. Surely this is a bigger risk of it not working… I won’t expel much thought on this and will just wait and see what happens… There is no point worrying about something that may not happen.

Yesterday I had a lovely afternoon having my nails done. I so look forward to my little treats and it seems sometimes they come all at once. Today for instance I am going for reflexology. Yay! I lurve my reflexology treatment.

It’s funny how different days can be. I got up early today and have flown through my morning rituals and also done a coffee enema and neti pot. I feel clear headed and very excited about things…

I had blood test results yesterday in order for me t be able to start my 17th cycle of chemo. The nurse told me that my blood count was very good and that my bilirubin levels were on the high side. Apparently the top level is 17 and I am 20 but still fine to carry on with treatment. Always interested in knowing what things are I researched what bilirubin is. This is what I found;

Capecitabine can cause higher levels of bilirubin in your blood. Bilirubin is a chemical that is released into your blood, which results from the breakdown of red blood cells. Bilirubin is used by the liver, to make bile. Your doctors will be monitoring your levels of bilirubin in your regular blood tests before each chemotherapy session.  Higher than normal levels of bilirubin in the blood suggest that either larger amounts than usual are being produced through unusually high levels of blood breakdown called haemolysis, or that the normal drainage of bile containing bilirubin is being prevented.
It doesn’t worry me because the nurse told me that my levels were much higher on the last blood test I had. It’s weird that things can be going on in the body and I am totally unaware of it.

I started my health coach course yesterday. It involved watching and listening to many presentations on my iphone and one being by Alicia Silverstone, the actress. She discussed her awakening to diet and lifestyle changes. She follows a macrobiotic diet. I am always interested into different diets. They intrigue me but one thing always follows suit…That having a mainly fresh vegetable and wholegrain diet is healthy for you and reduces the risk of so many diseases and eases symptoms of them too.  I’m not sure about following that diet but it was very interesting.

If you would like to know more click the link:

Time to get go for reflexology… and relax…..

Every girl loves a little green box….

This weekend was a real treat. After having taken all my crystals away and hidden them and also removed the crystals from my body including my engagement and wedding ring we decided that I couldn’t very well wander around without anything on. I felt naked without them. So we decided to take a trip to London together. A little Sunday mooch around the shops but had one in particular in mind! Tiffany’s… every girl’s favourite store.

I didn’t want to spend much money as I am very aware of expenditure on everything like treatment and supplements and so on. But I did find something suitable and the hubby said I had to have it. I am so pleased he did.  I love the hearts on it. I think it’s so right for me and reminds me of all the love heart pictures everyone sent my last year. I like to think of it as my light and love ring. I’m a lucky girl….

Last night was quite turbulent in more ways than one. A storm hit the south coast last night then made its way to us by about 3am. It was noisy and a little bit scary. I had visions of the chimney falling down. I’m not sure if it was the noise and distraction but I had hot sweats all night long. I felt yucky. It’s the only way to describe it.  I am not sure why I am having these as I am not currently taking chemo as it’s my week off it. I hope tonight is better….

Today I have been busy with clients but that’s never a complaint as I love my work. Before my first client I had a Skype meeting with a lady called Patricia Peat from Cancer Options. After many years as an oncology nurse Patricia saw the need for people to have access to good quality information about all approaches to treatment so they could take charge of their cancer decisions. Cancer Options is a private cancer consultancy where you can obtain information and advice on all different cancer types and cancer therapies.

The reason I wanted to talk with her is to get a ‘professionals’ view on what she would suggest I should have. Pete and I throughout this whole thing have found treatments and made our own decisions. Ok they are working but sometimes it would be nice to know if there is anything we are missing and also what is cutting edge. Someone like Patricia speaks publicly and knows of many doctors and integrative approaches to cancer. I was specifically interested if she knew much about triple negative breast cancer. As it was our meeting didn’t last long what with technical issues her end but she seemed lovely. We will be talking again but in the meantime she is going to email me her thoughts and treatment options. I had already divulged my whole medical history and what I am currently doing. She actually seemed impressed and wasn’t sure she could suggest much else. But I have questions for her on things like mistletoe therapy and haelan 951. She did seem to have knowledge of triple negative so I think I will pursue that line of questioning next time we speak. So far though I am pleased that I have found her. I look forward to hearing more advice from her in due course.


Last night we made a delicious vegan meal. It was our take on chilli con carne. We used organic soya to replace the meat. I don’t usually have soya because of the implications with it but this was a one off. We also replaced the rice with   cauliflower that had been whizzed in the food processor. It was amazing and such a great alternative. Pete says he preferred it to the real thing! Feast your eyes on this….

Mistletoe, Fermented Soy and Cannabis? Whatever next..Well if I must, in the name of research!

When you embark on the canSer research route there are many claims as to what is the cure for canSer and it is usually something natural and nothing to do with the big Pharma companies.

I am true believer of having an open mind and I am still coming across information of things that are beneficial. In the last couple of days there have been a few things that have sprung out at me.

Mistletoe therapy is the first one. Mistletoe extract has in fact been used for centuries to treat illnesses such as hypertension, epilepsy, headaches, menopausal symptoms, infertility and arthritis. And more recently it has been used to treat those diagnosed with cancer. This isn’t what I do with mistletoe… Kissing comes to mind!

The treatment was first introduced by Rudolf Steiner and Ita Wegman in the 1920′s and since then, a number of research projects have been undertaken to investigate the effect of using mistletoe on tumours in animals or plants, in vitro, and on cancer patients.

What’s so good about Mistletoe?

  • Extracts of mistletoe have been found to kill mouse, rat and human cancer cells in lab tests
  • Improves immune function
  • It has anti-tumoural effects when administered either directly into the tumour or systemically
  • It is classified as a biological response modifier (a substance that stimulates the body’s response to infection and disease)
  • Extracts of mistletoe have been shown in the laboratory to prevent the growth of new blood vessels needed for tumours to grow
  • MT can be used safely alongside conventional treatment such as chemo, radiotherapy, hormone therapy and targeted therapies such as Herceptin or Avastin
  • MT has an excellent safety record and is widely used in Europe as a “complementary therapy”
  • Protects the DNA in white blood cells in the laboratory, including cells that have been exposed to DNA-damaging chemo drugs

How is it administered?

MT typically starts with low doses of Mistletoe administered intravenously gradually over time working up to higher concentrations. The aim for using higher doses is to jump-start the immune system and help it to recognise any foreign bodies such as rogue cancer cells.


Then popped up something called Haelan 951. I came across this on another blog from someone who has been using it for ovarian cancer.



The fermented soy beverage, Haelan 951, has, over the last 20 years, shown that it will significantly improve a cancer patient’s clinical conditions and quality of life,’ says Don Lofquist a representative at Haelan Products Inc, ‘The product has reversed some Stage IV cancers where other treatments could not.’

Haelan 951 is a fermented soy product which isn’t easy to get hold of and apparently tastes terrible.

The history of it stems back to 989 Lesley Todesco learned of a fermented soy product from China that had worked wonders for a friend of hers.

After learning more about the benefits of the product, Lesley and her husband Joe decided it needed to be made available in the United States.

The company now sells thousands of bottles a week to people all around the world.

According to, head of the Haelan Research Foundation, Walter Wainwright, the fermented soy product fights cancer through the following mechanisms:

* Anti-angiogenesis: When a cancer cell becomes deprived of its blood flow it secretes an enzyme, which causes new blood vessels to grow around the oxygen deficient cells. This process is called angiogenesis. Haelan helps cut off this blood supply.

* Promotes apoptosis: In other words Haelan helps cancer cells die. In one study Haelan 951 reduced the anti-apoptosis gene expression BC12 on breast cancer cells twice as effectively as chemotherapy (doxorubicin).  It also increased the pro-apoptosis gene expression 500% better than doxorubicin (without the risk of leukaemia, heart failure, infertility, vomiting and mouth sores that comes with taking the drug).

* Supercharges Immunity 700%: The fermented soy product has been shown to significantly boost the number of active macrophage – the large white blood cells that digest cellular debris.

* Slows Cancer Growth: Patients resistant to platinum chemotherapy have been shown to do remarkably well on Haelan 951. When one patient was treated with chemotherapy her tumour doubled every 30 days. But after consuming Haelan 951, for nine months, the tumour doubled every 365 days instead.

* Reduces circulating oestrogen levels:  Haelan has been shown to significantly lower the oestrogens which damage cellular DNA and increase breast, ovarian and other hormone driven cancers. Studies have shown an 81% decrease in the ‘bad oestrogens’for healthy women consuming this whole soy product.

Well for me this is exciting and as always I didn’t stop there. I have since found the European stockist who has emailed me and told me that I would need a bottle of this stuff every day for at least 20 days then half a bottle a day for another 40 days. The cost is as expected not cheap. One box with 20 bottles cost € 950 plus transportation € 70 to deliver to the UK. I am still deciding if this is something I should do… I feel spoilt at the moment as I try not to have anything that I don’t like. But I guess in the hope of being cured I have to man the hell up!

Then the last new thing is cannabinoids. After my friend posted me an article in the Sunday Times about a woman who has a brain tumour who should have gone blind, if not dead by now I decided to look into this further. She decided not to have any conventional treatment and isn’t afraid of dying. I am in awe of that attitude. Instead she came across the ‘Wizard of Woodacre’. He is a man who lives in California where cannabis is legal. But this isn’t cannabis as we know it. Imagine me sitting here with a spliff in hand… Yeah man! No I don’t smoke and I certainly don’t want to do cannabis! But this is different.
If you are looking for the latest advances in medical cannabis, then you need to know about CBD rich strains. CBD is short for Cannabidiol. It is one of the many cannabinoids that make up the medicine’s active healing properties. In order to qualify as “CBD Rich”, the product must have more than 4% CBD. Research has identified CBD as the main ingredient responsible for inhibiting the growth of cancer cells. In addition, CBD shrinks tumours and inflammation. CBD is also good for reducing pain and helps with insomnia. It has significant analgesic, antioxidant, and anti-inflammatory properties and helps reduction in anxiety and stress.

All strains that are CBD rich have a lower THC content. THC is the ingredient that makes one feel “high” or “Stoned”. CBD acts to mitigate the “High” of the THC. For this reason, most recreational strains have been bred to reduce the CBD content.

I decided in the name of research to contact the Wizard. I had a Skype meeting with him yesterday. He is a very calm humble guy who explained how they work with a very small number of people and the ingredients are all organic. The product is given in a tincture form. The tincture is made up of 190% alcohol and I would need to take 3ml of the blends 3 times per day for at least three months. The lady featured in the article has been using it since January. Again the cost isn’t cheap. Including shipping from the US I would be looking at approximately $800 dollars per month which is approximately £495. So this is food for thought. I am worried about side effects. The Wizard said I may feel a bit ‘high’ for the first few days as I would get some sort of effect from the THC in the tincture. However this would be rectified by the CBD’s in it. I have to admit I am not thrilled in the thought of using this but it’s an option and if I am to be pushed into a position whereby I am running out of options then all three of these things I would definitely consider. I really liked speaking to the founder of the product and can’t wait to speak with him again sometime.

When it comes to cost and having an open mind I am so very fortunate to have Pete. He would happily find the funds for me to have any of these treatments. He weighs it up with the cost of other spending that we do or used to do, going out on a Saturday night for example and buying clothes.

I think I will let it all sink in a few days and maybe wait to see what feels right.

Ever since the pranic healing  and following his advice to remove crystals from my environment I have extracted every single one hanging, sitting and hiding around my house and from my being. I feel better, actually. I am convinced that canSer has to be treated on every level and that includes the etheric body. I will make a decision on the physical body in due course. If anyone has experience of any of these healing therapies mentioned please do contact me and share!

Light n Love… Man! He he!

Have a great weekend. Wrap up and bolt everything down because there is a storm coming!


A real treat delivered to my door!

Yesterday I had a real treat when a package arrived for me. In it were some gorgeous products given to me by Ila-Spa. I love anything made locally and even more so when they are so good for you!

Ila Spa are organic handmade luxury skincare and spa products from the finest, ethically sourced, natural plant and mineral ingredients. The founder of the business is Denise Leicester who is a registered nurse, aromatherapist and yoga teacher and healer.

In 2005, following two decades investigating the subtlety of being in the medical, holistic and spiritual worlds, Denise developed a unique concept of well-being that addressed the inner essence through the skin: an absolutely pure product range created in complete harmony with nature and delivered with conscious, healing intent. She named the brand after the Hindu Goddess of Truth and the Sanskrit word for Earth: ila.

Ila is made near my home in the Cotswolds. Their products are made by combining ancient traditions, ethical processes and untainted natural ingredients, to harness nature’s purest vibrancy in each and every product.

Central to ila’s healing potential is the high natural energy present in each ingredient. Absolutely everything in their products is from a plant or mineral- nothing else!

I had the pleasure of receiving a range of beautiful products including their best seller, ila’s ‘little miracle’ face oil is a cult product; facial oil for glowing radiance, bath salts for inner peace, body oil for vital energy, body balm for feeding skin and senses and incense for an aroma of purity and peace.

I simply cannot wait to try them all out. I have begun this morning by trying out the body balm after my shower. The products are in such good sizes which make them cost effective especially if you think £50 is expensive for a body balm. But it is 200g and will last for a good few months provided they are used every day. The body balm is to be used sparingly and feels amazing. I smell of roses!

Ila products are also used as spa treatments in well known salons and spas across the UK and even worldwide. Having taken a look I would absolutely love to try out the Ananda face therapy and the Ku Nye five element ritual just for starters. Just from the names you know they are highly thought out and going to leave you feeling out of this world. I am that tempted that I am thinking about changing my current range of facial products from Aromatherapy Associates to Ila. It is much more holistic and sounds so appealing… So watch this space!

Every time I try a new product I will give you the low down on what I think of them.

I would highly recommend you take a look at their website and feast your eyes on their extensive range;

I once again want to thank the Ila team for thinking of me. I’m overwhelmed!


Blueberries cause programmed cell death inTNBC….

Today has been another good day. After having pranic healing yesterday I was keen to know if I would ‘feel’ anything over night. Well what can I tell you? I didn’t feel anything because I slept so soundly! Ha ha! That’s a good sign I think. I do feel light though not wearing my wedding, engagement and eternity rings! It feels weird but good all at the same time. Pete has said we will find something to replace my wedding ring so that I don’t feel divorced! I am thinking maybe wearing something large and dressy… but then I looked on the Tiffany website. Oops! I shouldn’t have done that as I have now seen a beautiful band with hearts… It’s perfect for me what with loving hearts n all. (Can you hear the tone of my voice and imagine the expression on my face?! I look like a needy pet!)

Really it wouldn’t matter to me if it were a cheap ring having something on is better than nothing I say.

I had an email from Les the pranic healer this morning and he has provided me with a forgiveness prayer and also advised me of a meditation cd he will give to me the next time I see him. One his patients who advised me to see Les said that orange is a really good healing colour. And that consuming things and surrounding yourself with these colours would be beneficial. With that in mind I made a large carrot, orange and ginger juice… Mmmm

I have been responding to many emails again today of people who simply want to save themselves and their families. It’s so touching hearing their stories and I can feel the desperation in their messages. I want to help everyone and wish every one of them the best. I wish I had a sure fire cure. In more ways than one!

One lady that has been emailing me has kindly shared another blog with me. It is called mum’snothavingchemo. And features a woman whose mother had cancer who decided not have chemo or other conventional treatment. (I guess that was clear to you by the title!) I have read a few features within it and I am really impressed at the depth of the research and how expansive it is. There are already a few things on there that have really got my attention. One thing that stood out to me is about blueberries and how they cause programmed cell death in triple negative breast cancer cell lines and metastatic cancer. This is a really interesting read on her page but also check out the links;


Pete has had more correspondence from Dr Baxter in Australia who has had a success using two drugs to break down the sheath that protects triple negative breast cells. Quite infuriatingly and saddening is that if the university in which the research is being carried out does not get any more funding the research will cease. Pete asked how much funding they would need to carry on, thinking that the costs would be £800,000 or more for the year… No £148,000. That’s all. This news almost bought Pete to tears. He simply couldn’t understand how little they require and yet they still may not get funding to continue such amazing research. The world we live in today sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out!

Here’s the Dr Baxters’ research;


Tomorrow is Wear it Pink Day 2013 in aid of breast cancer campaign. If anyone wants to get involved it’s not too late go to; I’ll post some pictures of Pete and his colleagues getting dressed up and raising money!

Today I tried out… pranic healing

I have had a day of me stuff today. I know it seems that every day is a ‘me’ day but I really got cracking with therapies for myself. I started the usual way although I was awake at 4.30am.

Sleep isn’t great for Pete lately and it goes to show how hard it is for loved ones living with canSer survivor. They worry about money, the future and losing the love of their lives. I feel terrible knowing how much it affects those that are close to me, most of all Pete. I only wish I could tell him that it’s all going to be ok. The treatment is Germany in expensive and money doesn’t grow on trees. There is always a fear that one day we won’t be able to afford to go and then that leaves us limited as to what we can do. It really is life and death.

Back to my day. Once Pete went to work at 5.30am! I thought as I didn’t have clients that I would try to sleep. Typical, the day I don’t have to get up I can’t go back to sleep. I did however laze with the cat sat firmly on my chest.

After my rituals and morning juice I decided to do a coffee enema to give myself a boost and a sense of clarity. I don’t get a head rush anymore after having one. I just feel really cleansed. Following that I used the neti pot to clear my sinuses and get a sparkle in my eyes. I felt really good.

The weather was atrocious last night but thankfully by midday today the sun had come out and it’s been glorious. It was a good sign as I had a drive to a new therapist today. I was recommended by a friend of a friend to try out pranic healing. I hadn’t heard of this before but was intrigued as the therapy involved working on the chakras and getting them balanced. That is all I knew about it.

On arriving at the address I thought to myself it looked unlike a therapist clinic but I have seen worse and to be honest I am not surprised by anything anymore. On meeting Les, the pranic healer I immediately warmed to him. He was very calming. He proceeded to explain how pranic healing worked. It is based on all the chakras and the energy of a person. Not just the common chakras we know but all of them including the front, back and in the hands and fingers too. Using a laser crystal wand he would work on my chakras by eliminating negative energy but also give good energy and try to heal areas. He showed me a book that explained the chakras and what they look like for someone with cancer. All of the lower chakras are enlarged and out of balance and the heart and third eye chakra are tiny. The aim is to reverse this. Once reversed the body will be healed. Pranic healing is not only for the physical being but emotional and mental health. The treatment doesn’t have any hands on so can be very odd to anyone that is pessimistic and a non believer. I stood in his room whilst he ‘worked’ on my energy and I have to admit I did have some odd sensations. I had a tugging on my lower back and a pressure on my chest below my throat, which did subside.

Les asked me about my jewellery. He said that crystals magnify negative energy in the imbalanced chakras and that included diamonds. As I am wearing diamonds he urged me to remove them whilst trying to heal. I explained to him that I have crystals everywhere at home especially around my mediation station.  He said to wrap them in silk and put them away until I am better. He isn’t allowed to state he can heal people but he has treated many people with canSer. I believe.

Not only does he treat people but he is the only UK teacher. He has an interesting past as isn’t your usual type of therapist coming from an engineering background.

We didn’t have a lengthy consultation so I only briefly told him that I had canSer and where it had spread to. Whilst treating me he said that he felt my energy was stronger and more out of balance in one area of my lungs- the top right hand side. I was surprised he said this as this is where there are supposedly two tumours. I was starting to think this guy really knows his stuff.

I guess he must be good as he is so difficult to book. I have a few more appointments but hope to ensure that I get more in the forthcoming months. As for me I am going to be taking my jewellery off and hiding all my crystals for now. Let’s see if I can heal quicker?!

Tonight he said that I may have some sensations in my lungs as he had been working on the tumours. He also said not to shower or bath. I guess my Epsom salt bath will need to wait until tomorrow.

I am really pleased I made the effort to go today. I had been pondering as to whether it would be beneficial to me but the way I feel now about it. It was the right decision to make.

Been buying organic 100% natural products.. in bulk…..

I love my job… I have been doing facials and eyebrows all day. I love products too so having run out of body lotion I decided to scour the internet for some suitable organic 100% natural products. I came across Organic Surge. The products are really reasonably priced and there is large range to choose from. So I decided to buy in bulk and get myself set up for a few months!

Have a look for yourselves;

It’s feeling really autumnal so I have been deciding what to have for tea this evening. I love root vegetables and have a hankering for bean stew of some sort… I think I may be really organised and get to creating before the hubster arrives home. Mmmm I can imagine it already!

He has been feeling poorly recently and after a visit to the docs it seems that he has a lot of inflammation all over his body. It’s unknown what it is but I think first things first… he has to be become really alkaline! The thing with any kind of illness that causes inflammation there is always something that can be done to help yourself. He already dips in and out of my diet and juicing but I think being in Germany for a while has caused havoc with his system. That and worrying about me…Bless him. He gave me the best cuddles this morning again. I couldn’t be loved any more than I already am, but I actually think he thinks he can love me more! I am happy for him to keep trying. I just don’t think I can ever compare to that…. well its fun trying.

I have had a few people contact me since the article in the newspaper last week. I am so happy to be able to help other people and of course I am always keen to hear anything new. Hearing other people with triple negative breast canSer is very empowering. Most of the people that contact me are stage one or two and I often think to myself if only I were in that position. At least they can be cured at that stage and make so many positive changes to help themselves.I have also had a call from BBC Radio Oxford. They want me to go and have a ‘chat’ with one of the presenters… Ooer.

Pete received so many alerts on Google last night regarding news on triple negative breast canSer. After scouring through he found that there has been some really positive research in Australia of two drugs being combined. Being pro active and not letting things go by chance Pete has emailed the doctor in Australia today, who has replied! He says currently the results they have had are in mice and it will be awhile before they trial on humans but at least it is promising! We will keep in touch with him and hope that he finds us a cure!

Here is a link to an article regarding Dr Baxter in Australia;

Clearly we are always looking for ways to get rid of the canSer and to elongate my life. I have been reading more about cyber knife recently. We have gone down this road before but I think I will pursue it if things don’t look good in a few weeks time.

I’ve just had a happy message from a lady in Australia who has just been told her canSer is NED (no evidence of disease).. I’m so pleased for her!


Don’t know what I want.. live in the present or look to the future. It must be the Gemini in me!

Our first weekend home after being away for what felt like eternity was a real treat. I have caught up on the usual chores like washing and ironing. This bizarrely enough makes me feel really good. I like getting things done and being normal. It gives you a sense of what everyday life should be like.

I love my weekends as I get to spend it with my favourite person… my Bear. The weather wasn’t brilliant this weekend so we caught up (I am sad to admit) on TV programmes that we had missed. Now some may frown upon this as someone with my circumstances must want to do so many other things that be bothered by favourite TV programmes but it makes me happy and being happy is one of the ten point plan. In fact it is probably the most important element in healing. Happiness forces you to be stress free. You can’t be stressed and happy can you?!

Today is my first day back at work. I work from home so it’s not really that much of a big thing but I do love putting on my uniform and going to work in my home salon. I have, sadly, had a few cancellations today though. Sometimes I try to see what opportunities these cancellations give me. Often I need the time off to get things done and have more ‘me’ time. I have to admit I am a bit disappointed that I am not fully booked as I can really do with the money what with all the treatments aboard and time off work. Plus I have goals to achieve like getting my kitchen done. I am a long way off of raising the money for that but I have to start somewhere.

But I am not going to stress about it. It has given me the afternoon to get other things done. I have been asked by Nicola Jane lingerie to write a piece on the day in my life so that they can add it to their blog. I found it quite therapeutic actually and enlightening.  My days are very different to most people as I spend so much time during the mornings on me. Most people don’t have that opportunity so I do feel really blessed to be so lucky.

What to do with the rest of my day? I am going to read some more chapters of my book by Dr Lissa Rankin, Mind over Medicine and also dust off the ipad and use my sketches app.

I had a friend come over today for her brows. She is a good friend who looks after my furry animal (not Pete!) when I am away, which let’s face it, is often these days! In return I do her eyebrows for her. A bit of girly pampering is so nice! She is currently training as a reiki healer and has trained as holistic therapist in the past. She said that she feels that I may need to visit or speak to Mark, the hypnotherapist I saw earlier this year. She has a strong feeling that I need let go of things to move on. I have to agree with her. I am dealing quite well with things but I do feel that there is something holding me back from really living. I still fear what is going to happen every three months. I try not to let it happen but I can’t shift that feeling of wanting things to change. In a good way. What I mean is that I would really love it if we didn’t need to go to Germany as much because there is no evidence of cancer. I think I could really feel freer than I am now.

It’s like a block. I have forgotten what life was like before I had this diagnosis. I am sure I worried about pointless things. I really do want to live more in the present. I want to be more mindful.  It’s so weird no sooner have I said I want to live in the present I have a longing to plan for the future! Is this the Gemini in me? Being flighty and needy? Ha!

I received a really lovely letter from a fellow triple negative survivor this weekend that really moved me. It’s so good to hear from others and know that my blogs aren’t boring them to tears. I love hearing about their supportive partners. I feel blessed having my Big One. He is the one that keeps me going. Maybe one day I will meet some of my followers….


New research could be a two pronged attack

Through our research and alerts, which are coming in thick and fast, Pete has been reading about the possibility of a drug that can break down the protein on the surface of canSer cells specifically for triple negative breast canSer. On thinking this through Pete said if they combined that with cell therapy it is logical that it could kill the canSer dead. The drug would kill the protein that protects the canSer making it sensitive to attack. The DC cells could then get in there and kill the canSer….

With this in mind we simply had to ask Dr Nesselhut about it. Unsurprisingly he knew the drug and explained that it is of a huge cost but combining it with DC therapy it could be an option. There are studies already being done into this. This makes so much sense to us. Combining procedures rather than looking for a one pronged solution; this is a two pronged attack.

We also received a link of research regarding a vaccine in Australia. It seems we could be on the right track.

Every new lead gives hope.

I was reading a letter by another canSer survivor in my therapist magazine. As a therapist with canSer she too has taken it head on and has her own blog called mommyoneboob.

I decided to contact her and share some news and basically say ‘HI’. She replied immediately and we exchanged advice and tips. Its comforting knowing there are many other warriors out there. In fact I think there are more and more warriors out there all the time. It seems every where I turn canSer survivors are getting savvy and making positive changes. I would almost say that the general public are becoming more conscious too, but not enough. CanSer is still spreading like a bad smell and it seems we all know many people with canSer now.

I will keep looking and informing as many people as possible of my findings and in the mean time I am trying to live without thinking about canSer too much. I actually want to try to forget about the disease so that I can live a full and happy life.

I’m over half way on this round of chemo. This is my 16 cycle now and I now don;t feel any major need to stop taking it. Of course I would rather my body didn’t have to have it but it doesn’t make me ill and I embrace the healing properties it is doing to my body by attacking the canSer.

The countdown to my next CT scan is starting. Three weeks……

The weekend is inbound and I am looking forward to catching up on life and preparing for work on Monday…

We hot footed it back to Calais against the clock!

I am typing this blog from my study at home. A big sigh of relief and happiness to be here again.

After my last blog I got many messages from friends with words of support. I don’t realise what I type at the time. It is all very spontaneous and heartfelt. So I hope that I didn’t concern too many people. I think maybe it was all getting to be a bit much and maybe I was hungry! I always get a bit wobbly when I need to eat! Ha ha!

Yesterday was a mammoth day in so many ways. I had my last infusion of Zometa which was then meant to be closely followed by the gamma delta vaccination that had been donated by Pete. I was very excited as there have been such good outcomes so far. As usual the clinic was busy. In fact it seems there are bodies everywhere. The thing is that canSer patients generally take friends and family with them especially when they themselves cannot speak English. I have a feeling the clinic is at maximum capacity. I try not to get frustrated but being someone that wants control I find waiting and the relaxed environment shall we say, a little stressful. This is, of course, not good when I am trying not to have stress in my life at all!

After waiting for Dr Nesselhut for some time our nurse went and practically dragged him up to see us. He took us into his office. At that point I did think it was a bit odd but then again you learn to get used to the unusual. He proceeded to inform us that Peter’s gamma delta cells couldn’t be used as there weren’t enough. He said that it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with Pete and not to worry but both Pete and I could see straight through him and knew this was not good for him. Nevertheless we sat there stunned and thrown. As you know we hate change and this had been planned for some months with such high expectations. Bless Pete he just sat there with a stunned face and turned to me and said, ‘Sorry’.  He didn’t need to say that. There is nothing to be sorry for. I was just in shock and worry for him. Dr Nesselhut then got on the phone to his lab and asked if there were any donor gamma delta cells there that I could have? During the conversation it turns out that the last three gamma delta cells they had worked on had all had the same low results like Pete’s. They felt this was too much of a coincidence and think that something they mix with the cells to cultivate them must be faulty. Phew that’s a relief. Luckily we did not have to pay for that work.

Then I was told they had another person’s gamma delta cells that they could donate to me instead. Of course we said yes but this has left us very confused. I was led to believe that the cells should be from someone I know very well and have had close contact with, which is why I chose Pete. Things get lost in translation so we decided at this point not to question too much and waited for an hour for the donor cells to arrive.

So far things don’t seem too bad but all the while we were meant to be on the road to Calais to catch the Eurotunnel train back home that I had booked for us. My stress levels were through the roof. I was concerned for the inconvenience of it all. My illness, the changes that need to be made, the cost, the time out of work, the upheaval for Pete and his business. It just seemed so unfair. But through it all Pete said its fine. We will do what we can.

Within the hour the gamma delta cells arrived. I sat and had then injected into me. It’s all very risky really. I could get an infection. I am having someone else cells injected into me and I hope that they do the trick!

No sooner had the syringe been emptied we were hot footing it to the car and setting up the sat nav to get us the quickest route to Calais. Thankfully we were both in high spirits by then and feeling pretty calm. The journey was great and after about 7 hours of driving we made it to the Eurotunnel for our train. After the 30 minute journey then followed another 2 and half hour journey back to our house.

A very long day but it was so good to be home. Kitty was here wanting more food… I grabbed her for a cuddle against her will. She made a noise of disgust and wriggled away… Ah… no place like home!

Having such a late night Pete has peeled himself out of bed and gone straight to the office to get our lives back to normal. We have been told that we are to go back for another session in six weeks. This has left me feeling very confused as I had been going every two months approximately. I have emailed Dr Nesselhut to discuss this with him. As it stands I may be going back in December.

This treatment is not cheap. It is even more expensive with gamma delta treatment. It’s a constant concern but I don’t want to stop now. The proof will be in the pudding on my next CT scan. I may as well bide my time until I get those results.

Today is a day of getting my life back in order; washing, emails, blog, hoovering, food shopping and planning for next week’s clients. I am so happy to be home…….