I think it’s good news!

Yesterday I had a great day at a colour analysis class. My friends spoilt me at Christmas and bought me the day as a gift. I went along and with three other women learned which colours suit me the best. We had make up put on us and then shown swatches of colour. I am what’s known as a Sultry Winter… Rrrarr… this means the colours that I look the best in are dramatic colours including black. I cannot tell you how happy I was when I got told black was one of ‘my’ colours! I love black. Most of my wardrobe is black. I’ve saved Pete a lot of money! Ha ha!

It was a real treat doing something so different and a once in a lifetime thing.

I decided to email the hospital and asked if they would email the CT scan results to Pete as I simply cannot stand going to the hospital and Pete would find a way of breaking the news to me, kindly. He would find some positives and be really thoughtful as to what he told me…

Surprisingly I got an email first thing morning telling me the Prof had agreed and an email had been sent to Pete with my results attached.

Unfortunately Pete left at 5.30am today to be at an important conference. I certainly didn’t want him to open it there and tried to calm myself by thinking I can wait until tomorrow as Pete wouldn’t be home tonight.

My heart was in my throat and adrenalin was coursing through my veins… I was overreacting, who says it has to be bad news?
I thought to myself it doesn’t matter what the news is because we will keep on doing what we are doing and it’s fine. Why should I suppose its bad news? Calm myself I thought.

I got on with my juicing and then got all comfy having a coffee enema. Is that even possible?!

Then Pete rang…with what I would say is good news!

The scan report said that overall there has been slight disease progression. There has been a mild increase in the tumours in my right lung. The left lung has had no change! Subcarinal node- slight increase and hilar node no change and looks less necrotic and the precarinal node stayed the same. No evidence of metastatic disease anywhere else! They have mentioned an adnexal cyst with follicle abutting. These may be physiological in nature.

I have obviously googled adnexal cyst and it seems that it is something to do with my uterus, fallopian tubes or ovaries. It can be nothing, a cyst, or it can be cancerous. Of course I am hoping for the best. They say it could be physiological in nature. I am guessing that it could be nothing to worry about. Therefore I won’t.

I have also got an ‘atelectactic band’ extending from the right upper lobe lesion to the pleura. Again I have googled it.

Atelectasis – collapse of a part of the lung due to a decrease in the amount of air in the alveoli resulting in volume loss and increased density. It could be seen as all sorts of things and again I won’t worry about this at this stage. It is actually on the same side that the pain I had in my ribs, chest and back recently. I wonder if there are connected? The pain is no longer but sometimes I do feel when I take a very deep breath pain right underneath. It does feel like muscular pain.

There is no sign of any new disease or spread. This is awesome. I had worried that it would spread…Overall I am stoked with the results. Pete is also very pleased- he cannot contain himself… shame we are apart tonight. But it makes even more exciting for tomorrow.

I think I am so pleased, firstly because the canSer hasn’t effectively exploded out of control. I have no new tumours and despite the new little odd things, the tumours that have grown aren’t massive and some of the tumours have actually stopped growing!

Let’s face it, I haven’t had any chemo for a few months and have only been eating well, taking my supplements, having coffee enemas, had one visit to Nesselhut and been doing GcMAF. Something is working to a degree.

All that time on chemotherapy especially in the last six months and the growth was potentially quite dramatic. Then stop the chemo and do other things intermittently and there is less growth and even stabilised some of the tumours!?

I am thrilled… I know it’s still growing. I just need to get a hold of it now and stop it in its tracks.
That’s what the ablation and vaccines are meant to do….


So back to the ablation. I still have no date booked. No confirmation, nothing. I have emailed Prof Dalgliesh so many times and he has replied yesterday and today saying he will chase. A little more would be helpful.

Yesterday I had a feeling that whilst I was in my class that I would get a call. I picked up my phone whilst on silent and a ‘no caller id’ was calling. I dashed out of the room and it was Kathleen, Prof D’s secretary. She said she had confirmation… of the vaccine. At least it’s a start she sad. I am due to go on Thursday at 2.30pm to the London Clinic. Great… she’s right it is a start…


But then she said,’ It’s not us. ‘I know but how do I contact ’them’ myself? No reply. She said once they had a patient who was living in Malta or somewhere who was on the NHS. He had to wait 7 weeks to get in. I told her I am private and paying myself surely it should be quicker? And let’s face it it’s already been about 3 weeks! She said that it takes up quite a big chunk of time in theatre. I know, surely they can look at the diary and book it?!!

I am hanging on here… The vaccines have been accepted based on the ablation. So it needs to happen.  I have to be patient.  Again…

I feel really good. Maybe I shouldn’t be this excited but the fear of new tumours and spread has really worried me and I kind of knew it hadn’t but seeing it in black and white really helps…

I would prefer if the new anomalies would go away but I once had pericardial effusion and the next scan it was gone. Let’s hope that happens this time.


I want to thank all the positive thoughts that people shared with me. It worked. I feel like I have a future and I am not completely terrified about dying and not living forever. I know we are all one step closer to death anyway… I just feel like having extra time is brilliant. I can see the next few years could be symptom free…and I know that there are always options…

Anyway who knows what’s working exactly. I just know I ordered more GcMAF. Maybe there really is something in it…

One more client today then an evening in the bath and chilling on the sofa watching old NCIS’s. I miss my Bear…..

Disturbing the peace…

I spent quite a few hours on Thursday night trying to get to sleep. It wasn’t jet lag keeping me awake but thinking that if only I could have some good news on Friday. The good news for me would be confirmation of ablation and vaccination trail being booked.

I really tried to put as much energy into thinking the Universe would grant me some positive results.

Friday I even took it a bit further in trying to let the Universe give me good news by calling Dr Grubnic, the specialist radiologist, at St George’s hospital who I am waiting to contact me. It’s the only details I kind find for her. I even called and spoke to her secretary, who I would like to add is another very miserable individual. They don’t know how lucky they are and also who they are dealing with. Where is their compassion? Well that’s another issue… but for now I was met with a dead end. Dr Grubnic’s secretary simply said if it’s a private matter then I will just have to wait for her to contact me. I emailed her hopefully getting my message through and I also emailed her secretary hoping that he would perhaps help me by passing on the message to her. Well so far nothing.

I have emailed, called and left messages with Prof Dalgliesh and his secretary and still nothing…

Blimey if  customers who paid for a service were being made to wait like this I am sure they would be going mad at the lack of support and communications. Oh wait I am paying for it! I have felt really uptight about it. I know it is taking my peace away and I know it will happen but I can’t keep waiting.

I am meant to start vaccinations Thursday coming; surely I should have had confirmation by now? I know it’s not me being difficult and expecting too much.

It’s disturbing my happiness and actually that combined with the thought of my ct scan results you can imagine my insides are a mess. But I am the only one that deals with this. I don’t have to feel this way. It’s if I let it happen.

Thankfully I have heard from Doc Nesselhut, in fact I think their communication issue has been sorted now. I am  booked for bloods and DC therapy. I have booked hotel, flights and car hire. So that’s’ one thing ticked off.

Yesterday I used up my last GcMAF vial by inhaling it with the use of the nebuliser. It is kind of good timing if everything does fall into place with ablation and vaccines.

I have decided that in a few days I will start using naltrexone again and up my dosage to 4.5ml per day.

This weekend has been lovely… as per… I had the best sleep last night and feel completely rested. I have been to the garden centre and done normal housey things… now we are watching all important rugby on TV. It’s the normal things that make me happy. I hope it continues this way…

Three months already.. another CT scan..

I have been out of communications for about a week. If you were wondering where I had gone well never fear… I was abroad enjoying myself. Pete and I took five days and spent them in New York City Baby!

We had planned to visit there a few years ago but with everything going on had to cancel it and didn’t want to jinx it this time so kept it a little quiet. We also decided not to share much on here or social media because we felt we should try to enjoy each other and the place more. It was a fantastic thing to do and I would highly recommend others do it too. It gives you such a sense of freedom.

New York was sensational. Despite aching legs and feeling tired, we walked miles every day really taking in every inch of the city. We did the touristy things as well as go off the beaten track and thanks to recommendations from friends who have been there and friends of friends who have lived there, we had the time of our lives. I’m a real sucker for TV programmes like Friends and Sex in the City and was thrilled to eat at  the same restaurants and have photos taken at the same fountain.. Sad I know… but simple things please simple people! Ha!

I found plenty of vegetarian and juicing places and had a lovely green juice every morning. There were durg stores selling every single supplement you could find. Amazing!

I totally felt free. The first time in ages I barely thought about canSer and it is was a bit of thud coming back to reality. Yesterday, we felt so tired on our return we had to go to bed for a few hours. To be honest sleep hasn’t been my friend the past few weeks what with the pain in my side and now a chesty cough.

I am so happy though that the pain has lessened in my side (therefore it must be muscular) and although the cough is annoying I don’t feel ill. It’s just sleep has been really problematic and I have been a bit of a zombie since.

I hoped on my return I would have an inbox full of emails from radiologist specialists and dates with vaccination details and so on in them… but sadly no. I am once again chasing and wonder how hard can it be?

I am due to start chemo at my NHS hospital tomorrow. I won’t be going. I am putting it on hold so that I can attend this vaccination trial but I really would feel a 100% happier if I just knew when I had ablation booked. All this waiting around makes me nervous and I try to take on board the teachings from my meditation challenge which says filling your heart with love doesn’t leave room for anything else like fear. Easter has put a bit of kybosh on things I know and people have been taking their well earned holidays including the radiologist consultant. I really hope I know by the end of this week.

Today I had a CT scan. It’s been three months already. To say I am dreading the results is an understatement but I have such positive responses from my facebook page. Over a hundred people all wishing me positive thoughts and sending them my way. And I think I feel it too. CT scans are a doddle but today was a more fun experience with a goofy Australian guy jacking me up with the CT contrast… small things that make things seem better eh?

I don’t know when I will get results. I am booked to see Prof Harris on the 13th May but think I may be away again. And surely waiting all that time for results is so unfair! I am also tempted not to go and get my results. I hate it. I don’t really hate anything but I do hate waiting in the waiting room for results. I would rather they sent them to Pete. He can digest the info and find the good in them.

So lots of things potentially going on. I have to admit I am quite tempted to go and have chemo. It’s the only thing that is solid right now. Everything else is flaky. I so want ablation. I want the little buggers blasted..

I keep thinking it has been two months of no treatment. But then I remember I am still having GcMAF after having had a week intense treatment as well as DC therapy from Nesselhut. I hope, with every part of me crossed that I can report back to everyone with a good result… and also a bloody date for ablation!! Please please please don’t the let the canSer have spread out of the lung area. I need this ablation.

The vaccination trial is called IMM-101: Heat killed mycobacterium obuense. I am not quite sure what it is but once I read more on it and Pete explains it to me I will post in detail for you. But let’s just say its immunotherapy and they have been trialling it on advanced pancreatic patients. I should be starting that next week sometime.

Pete is still very keen for me to have more Dc therapy with Nesselhut and I have been contacting them to go back and have a top up. Pete has been dreaming about it and really feels that I need to keep my body fighting fit and this is the way to do that… OK I hear ya loud and clear…

I’ll leave you with some shots of me in NYC…

Gamma Delta cells and Aspirin as possible cures for triple negative breast canSer

I’ve got back from my fourth vaccination session this year. We left for Germany early Sunday morning and were happily exploring Kassel near Gottingen by the afternoon. It’s crazy to think that we have only been away three days. It feels like weeks. We made sure we did as much as possible as well as using the hotels facilities. We attempted to sue their gym but on finding it was closed due to flooding we decided to go for an early morning run. Then yesterday we began our day with a swim followed by sauna, steam and salt oasis. I could manage that every day!

I feel extremely tired today though. I was flagging by the time I got back last night. BA has changed their flight times so our flight was an hour later than normal which meant we didn’t arrive home until 11pm. I’m normally ok but today I feel all a bit unsettled. I decided to give exercise a miss this morning I feel a bit like I have a lot to do or could be doing. Everywhere I look is a mess and a job that needs to be done and I feel that the house is taking me over. I would really love for it to be spring cleaned but I don’t want to do it! Cupboards are untidy and things really need sorting out. Well today in my head they do. Tomorrow they will be probably be fine again when everything is in perspective. I always feel like this when tired. I’m suffering a bit of an upset tummy too so maybe that is why I am not thinking clearly.

Yesterday was a  revelation when we saw Dr Nesselhut. He gave me my vaccination intradermally and intravenously. This is my last until I have my next ct scan and then I won’t be back there till the end of June so they can decide what to do next and if the protocol needs to be changed. Dr Nesselhut told us that he had been doing a presentation in Salzburg and wanted to show us the success of treatment he has had using Gamma Delta cells this year. It is completely new and almost trial like at present but thinks if my results aren’t as we hoped then this could be something I may have.

Ok this is where it is all technical but I currently have alpha and beta t cells when having immunotherapy but apparently gamma delta cells are amazing! I would need to get these cells from someone else like Pete and then they could be cultivated for me to have and use in order to kick cancer in the butt. Dr Nesselhut showed us images of two patients he has treated since January this year. One lady had lung cancer so severe that she was using oxygen to breath. Her image showed her lung full of canSer. Within two months of having immunotherapy using gamma delta cells it has completely gone! So far Dr Nesselhut has only used this protocol on people who have no other options. This is because it is still very experimental but he feels that he will soon have a good protocol tried and tested and says that I could potentially have this treatment too. Wow! Pete seems excited and also pleased that he would be able to help me by offering his cells.

We discussed with the doc also the news we had been receiving in the last few days about aspirin being able to prevent canSer and stop the spread of canSer. This has been explored since the 1980’s but has only just been back in the news recently for triple negative breast canSer. The idea is to use a low dosage every day such as 75-100 mg only. The doctor agreed that I should start taking this too. I am feeling like I am rattling from everything I now take but if it helps then I’m in!


So much to be excited about! I’m going to attempt to get lots done today but I am really not feeling it. If it as sunny i would bask in the sun. As it isn’t then I have to get on with jobs…..

The Adventures of Cancer Maverick….

Today was reasonably eventful. Further to my thoughts of going to Germany to have TACE with Professor Vogl I had the opportunity to speak with another person who has been treated by him. Patricia peat from cancer Options gave my number to one of her patients. A lovely lady called me and we discussed all about her and her treatment. She has received 8 TACE sessions which is highly unusual as three to four sessions is usually the maximum. However, Nina needed that many because the cancer was quite advanced and already within her breast, chest, spine, liver and lungs. Phew and I think I have it bad. It makes me realise how bloody lucky I have been so far.


Like me Nina didn’t want systemic chemotherapy and opted for Professor Vogl. She said he is great and put my mind at rest and I thought, ‘Right I am definitely going to go and have his treatment. ‘


That was until we met with Professor Dalgliesh this afternoon. Prof D has been on our team since I was first told the canSer was incurable. He was the one that referred us to Doctor Nesselhut and introduced us to immunotherapy and the world of vaccinations.


We decided that it was about time we had a meeting to discuss what could be done and also to sound off about our recent experiences at Doc N’s clinic in the last six months.


We expressed our passion for immunotherapy and that even though in the last six months the tumours have continued to grow despite the vaccinations we do believe that it is keeping me well. My blood tests whilst on chemotherapy never show to be that of someone on chemotherapy! That must have something to do with that treatment.


I explained that TACE with Prof Vogl and Doc Nesselhut and further DC therapy was booked for the beginning of April but were wondering if there was anything in the UK we could be part of instead of having travel to the Fatherland. Prof Dalgliesh is of course the head of the Cancer Vaccine Institute and if anyone knows about vaccinations and trials in the UK it is him. He explained that there were no trials for this kind of canSer but, and this is a BIG but (I like big BUTs and I cannot lie… Ha) he did start thinking out loud. We discussed that radiofrequency ablation could be an option and quite effective in my lungs and despite the fact that blasting tumours would mean sending fragments to settle and grow elsewhere combining it with immunotherapy could actually mop the fragments up!


He said that he would ask the board and tell them my situation and show them my scan and hopefully I could start that in the next few weeks.


I asked how it would work. He said that I would need to go every two weeks to begin with then monthly then two monthly and so on. During which time I would have RFA (radiofrequency ablation)


Well Pete and I were all wide eyed and happy at the thought of having treatment in the UK. Whether we pay for it or not it would be load off. The pressure of travelling and being out of work and away from home is a lot to handle but of course essential if it means I can stay well.


Prof Dalgliesh said that I was looking great… Yes I have heard that a lot… Ha ha.. Let’s keep it that way!


I did explain to him that I had been having GcMAF and he knew all about it. He didn’t have much to say on the matter. He did however say that Professor Vogl is well esteemed and highly rated as an academic, not like Doctor Nesselhut who is lovely and is ground breaking but is not as academic as Vogl.


The thought of treatment in the UK left me reeling. What if the board turn me and I have cancelled my trip to Germany? I am obviously very aware that apart from GcMAF I am not having any treatment and technically the treatment I have been having in the past few months have not been working. I am worried that the canSer is growing and that it may spread. I am touching wood as we speak and being ever grateful that thus far it has not got further than my lungs and chest lymph nodes.


I am however secretly excited that I am looking to have another month of non invasive treatment (well except RFA but I can handle that!) Prof D said that if we go ahead with his idea that Prof Vogl would be a great back up. This is it then. The Plan.


Pete seemed really happy and I feel pretty good about it. I have everything crossed that they accept me and I can get started ASAP.


Whilst there we discussed other treatments and the Prof suggested that I ask Professor Harris, my usual oncologist if he can arrange for me to have Zometa infusions and interleukin2 on a regular basis as this would really help.


He also mentioned low dose naltrexone. I am already taking that. And actually received a prescription for the next three months from the UK distributor I mentioned the other day.


So all in all a great result. I now hope that I am not left hang8ing for weeks as, bless the Prof, communicating with him can take time. Something I do have but time is of the essence for me. If I want to stay well and not have any spread then I have to crack on.


I want to add that Nina Joy, who I spoke with this morning, has blown me away. I have been reading her blog and her picture shows a beautifully strong women. Wow, what a gal. She has written a book which has just been published. I am going to buy it. If you are interested in her story then please check out;


The Adventures of a Cancer Maverick by Nina Joy




Her blog is www.ninajoy.com



So once again a lot to think about but it just goes to show that the options are still there.  There is still hope too even when the disease has progressed because after speaking with Nina I now realise you can still feel great and symptom free despite having many tumours. It’s living with canSer not dying from it that counts. I intend on doing just that for many years by which time there will be a cure or at least a treatment that will mean I can live until I am old grey  with my man by my side.


What a lovely thought…..Night all. X

I asked the Universe for a gift…

The last few days have been glorious and as I sit here now I keep looking into the garden thinking just ten more minutes till there is no more sun left…

I have been trying to take things steady since Sunday and have laid off exercising properly. I have done some stretches and a little plank here or there with some squats thrown in for good measure.

I have been busily getting my house in order and preparing for trip… But this time it is a trip for fun not treatment. I’m a little bit excited. The Easter weekend is here and I am spending it with my man. My favourite person…

But even though things have been ticking along steadily there have been things nagging at me.

The pain in my side, I thought was healing. It is only by the time I go to bed that it really plays up. But yesterday I was in agony from about 6pm. It’s so debilitating and if this is a muscular injury, boy, I don’t want it again thank you very much! I don’t take pain relief usually as I would rather feel the pain and let it go naturally but last night I took 1000mg of paracetemol, 600mg of ibuprofen and 20mg of codeine. And even then the pain didn’t go fully. I did sleep though but awoke in pain again. Every deep breath and cough makes it hurt.

I noticed today though that the pain is directly under my mastectomy scar and it does feel tender to touch now, like it is muscle pain. But weird that it is right where the scar tissue is. Pete still thinks stress is a major factor. Its funny where we hold tension and he should know as his back goes almost every time we are due to go away.

But I guess that’s how the body manifests ‘stuff’. It’s trying to tell me something and I know what it is… patience! And that the Universe will guide me once it is good and ready…

Well I have been patient but I wasn’t going to wait for the Universe to present things to me so, in my impatience I decided that I would call Prof Dalgliesh. I had emailed loads and it seemed that I wasn’t getting heard. On calling I was met by Prof D’s secretary. She is very short with me on the phone and said, ‘Oh, you have been accepted’. What?! Yes, they have accepted you for the vaccination trial. Oh right, well thanks for informing me.

She proceeded to give me a few details of when it would start but I asked her to let me know as much as possible as I know nothing about it. She said I may be starting on the 1st may. She did try to get it on the 24th but they are too busy.  She said that even though it’s a trial and should be free because it is administered at eth London Clinic they would be charging me for every visit. She wasn’t sure of costs but would find out. She do you know anything about the trial? No! Oh, haven’t you had a patient brochure sent? Well who was going to send it to me? Anyway that has now arrived.

I asked about ablation. She said flatly that she doesn’t deal with that. Well who does? She said they should be contacting me. How? By email, letter, phone? And who would be contacting me? I again explained that I have no idea what’s going on and someone needs to help.

Once I received the patient brochure I emailed her to thank her for her time and explained that my brain was going to pop with anxiety and stress if someone didn’t help me. I got a reply saying she would email the consultant. I then got a further email to say that the consultant is away until the 22nd April… FFS. Well at least I know.

So good news I think! Well at least we are getting there. i still feel uneasy and lots of loose ends but surely this is good right?

Apparently the vaccinations will be every two weeks, then if I tolerate that well every month and so on. I will post the information regarding the vaccine once I have digested the information.

It’s funny because I am reading Pam Grouts book, E Squared and in it the first exercise is to ask the Universe for a gift within 48 hours. This is to prove that the Field of Potentiality, Source, God or whatever, exists.  I asked yesterday at 12.55pm. OK, so I had to chase the gift but I got it didn’t I? So just over 24hours isn’t bad at all eh?

One more thing… I actually have a bit of a sun tan…. I love the sun!

Phew what a weekend…

Phew a few hectic days…

Friday I had a brilliant acupuncture session with a new therapist recommended by a friend. He did auricular therapy on my ears too which was highly enlightening! It was interesting when he worked on my right side there was a definite resistance but when he placed a row of needles along a corresponding meridian the area was supple and relaxed. Amazing.

I felt great and very chilled after.

BUT then Friday night I awoke with immense pain on the right side of my chest and under my shoulder blade. It got a little worse when I breathed in deeply. I was highly stressed and at 2am awoke Pete who went into calming mode. He said it all sounded muscular and could feel very sensitive. We had tea and put the heat lamp on it. I went back to bed for a few hours before our weekend was upon us.

I was feeling particularly sensitive generally I think. That day I had news that my friend’s canSer had progressed further and it really upset me. I think more so because I haven’t had any conventional treatment and have no idea if GcMAF is working. I didn’t realise I was such a sensitive flower but your mind plays games with you.

Prof Dalgliesh had emailed Friday to say that hopefully by Monday he would know whether I can go on the vaccination trial and that he is still waiting to hear about the ablation date because a theatre needs to be booked for two hours with two surgeons.

I felt really bad about waking Pete up on Friday night as we were both so looking forward to having a lovely lie in since Pete gets up at 5am every morning for the gym before going to work.

During the day on Saturday I took plenty of pain relief to see me through. I felt fine and we had friends visit, so went for a lovely super food salad lunch. In fact it was a day of amazing food as we went to a fine dining Indian restaurant in the evening.

That night I awoke again in immense pain but kept myself calm and tried to stop my mind worrying. At one point I coughed and it felt like a sense of relief. But getting up I felt terrible. Pete said I should call the doctors and get some piece of mind but he still felt it was muscular as I wasn’t having any trouble breathing.

The GP I saw was brilliant and I had my first ever ECG! She felt I should have an x-ray as she couldn’t be sure if I didn’t have a pulmonary embolism.  What?!

We had a quick brekkie with our friends and then spent the rest of the day in Emergency Assessment Unit. After many questions, blood taking and then finally an x-ray it showed that all the pleural spaces are clear, no infection, no collapse and in fact it doesn’t appear that there are any new tumours. In fact it looked like there was almost nothing in my left lung. The right lung you could visibly see tumours in the top and bottom lobe.  Of course a ct scan is better for this but as I have one booked on the 24th April I convinced them to let me go home. They are none the wiser what’s wrong with me but they know what I don’t have. I am relieved as I am going to taking a flight this week and now I know I can relax.

The sun had been shining all day and I felt terrible that poor old Pete had been cooped up with me in doors. Luckily we got back for a few hours of sun and chilling in our blissful garden then got cracking with some work. We mowed and strimmed the lawn washed our cars and made some delicious fresh stew. But we were wrecked. We both had an Epsom salts bath, soaking for twenty minutes then we had to go to bed.

8.30pm and I was sound asleep. I didn’t wake with any pain, although I had taken a 1000mg of pain relief. And this morning it feels much better. To the point where I felt I could do some stretching, yoga and even some cheeky little squats with weights.

I have put on quite some pounds recently, which is good everyone keeps telling me. More of me to fight the disease.

I have felt fine for most of today and have a really busy day working with clients but I now feel drained and my energy is quite shaky. I have a sore throat and feel like I am coming down with something. I know it’s from stress, all bought on by myself. I have been worrying myself senseless.

The next few days I am not working as much and I plan on doing minor chores and getting ready for a trip away. But most of all taking it a bit easy.

I am always surprised with life throws at you and you can never tell what tomorrow may bring.

I kind of think that it was a good thing having this pain in my side and the visit to hospital. I know my lungs are functioning just fine and I feel even more determined that ablation is the correct route for my treatment plan.

On Saturday we had some good news via letter. Prof Harris, my onc, wrote to say he had received a letter from Prof Stebbing who has suggested I have gem/carbo regime and that I would be eligible for two of this trials. Prof Harris wrote that he thought this was a great idea and that we would save Eribulin for the future if needed. Bonus! Prof Harris had turned me down when I asked but now has changed his mind!

So if I do go down the chemo route then at least I am having what I wanted and hopefully no hair loss. I know it’s minor but small things make huge differences.

I just want to send my love to a dear friend who is starting a new regime today… she will feel rubbish apparently but it’s going to work this time!

When you are REAL you don’t mind being hurt….

Just a quick blog.
Firstly to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to Jake, I know you are reading and I know your birthday was on Tuesday but thought I would mention it on here for you…. Hope you had a great day!


Yesterday I finally got an email from Prof Dalgliesh. It was short and sweet, much like all the emails from the medical profession.

It said;

‘She has discussed with another colleague who feel that if you have no other disease outside the chest then this would be an ideal approach.
They will be getting back with dates asap.
They have seen responses in non treated lung deposits doing this in other patients of mine
so they are well primed.


I was a bit excited and also confused. What does this mean? I asked Pete if it is a good thing and he confirmed it was a great thing! We just need to know whether I should be having vaccinations before ablation and when, where and all that stuff.

So I replied with a few questions and have heard… nothing…

We also need to know if I should cancel chemo which is booked for a few weeks time.

Well at least I got some sort of reply… now do I wait another three weeks?!


My Bear sent me a lovely little excerpt this morning from The Velveteen Rabbit. He is such a softy. Love him.


“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’


‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.


‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’


‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’


‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”




Light and Love All. X

Morning minutes are magic minutes…

Today has been an odd day. Mainly due to me having lie in. The start of a day really has a major impact on how it will pan out. I now realise why Pete says, ‘morning minutes are magic minutes’. He insists on being out of the house before 7.10am. Any time after that then the traffic is awful and a chain of bad luck events happen. This inevitably puts him under pressure for the rest of the day. In fact that’s why he goes to work so very early. Bless him though he brings me a hot drink, cuddles me till my eyes pop out then wraps me back up, closes the shutters, turns of the TV and locks the front door on the way out. I love him. He only wants the nicest things for me. But that is exactly what happened this morning. He would usually get some sort of garbled conversation out of me whilst I pretend to be listening with my eyes stuck fast. I stayed there until just gone 8am! That’s a lie in for me. I am guessing Saturday night caught up with me plus I did a good hour worth of exercise yesterday. Today my muscles ache. I think it’s from yoga more than cardio exercise. My shoulders are really aching! It just goes to show how yoga really does work the body.

 I’m really enjoying the Tara Styles yoga DVD’s at the moment. I am getting stronger. I can now actually lower myself down without collapsing. This is great as my chest muscles have been weakened since I had the mastectomy. As well as that I find it very hard to raise my right arm fully above my head as my scar goes all the way under my arm almost to my back. The knack with yoga though is working alongside your breathing. This for me is still a challenge as I find me holding my breath as I contort myself into various positions.

 Once upon a time not so long ago getting up late would have had me in a flap. I didn’t feel particularly refreshed either which I find hugely disappointing. But once up my morning flowed quite nicely.  I finished the 21 day meditation challenge with Deepak Chopra, which actually ended up being a 22 day challenge! Well actually it took me about 28 days as I kept having days off whilst away from home, but I got there in the end. I would highly recommend any of his 21 day challenges. His lesson at the beginning really gives you something to think and focus on and makes so much sense. 

 I didn’t have much planned today and have felt a bit lost…It’s crazy that we long to have less to do yet when in that position feel you should be doing more. I know there are plenty of jobs round the house and garden to be getting on with but I am flatly refusing to do garden jobs when it isn’t very pleasant outside. The leaves will still be there in weeks to come and let’s face it no one really notices do they? It’s only for me and Pete to feel better. It’s about pride of where we reside.

  I have been shopping for the list of ingredients for the meals I planned for the week. I never thought I would see the day that my shopping trolley would be filled with mainly veg and fruit and all things healthy. It’s totally refreshing and I feel good about myself as I approach the check out. It’s funny because it is hard not to look at what other people are buying. They have their crisps, dips, chips and other processed foods. Then they give me a side wards glance and check me out once they have seen the conveyor belt full of fresh foods. I hope they think I reflect my healthy choices! Although at the moment I look a right spotty mess. It must be all the sugar and alcohol or maybe it is me touching my face too much. One tip for everyone; avoid touching your face with your hands as they are naturally oily therefore transferring dirt and oil from your hands to your face clogging up the pores. Hey presto a whole loads of spots! Just what you don’t want.

 After doing my household chores… (Honestly it’s never ending and there are only two of us in this house!) I felt like a loose end. Sure enough the rest of the week is busy for me with clients and reflexology and friends coming to visit but today I feel like I should be doing more to help me and my cause out.

 I have been continuing selling the bracelets although this has had a slump in recent weeks and then I wonder what I should do next. Should I be doing more drawing, if so I want to have a plan, ideas of a theme to work on? Should I be working on more self development and things to improve my health and the outcome I want to achieve or should I be going to train as an HD brows trainer?
I want to do all of the above but I am not sure when……My health is good and as long as I am taking chemo, having immunotherapy and focussing on my rituals every day then I think I am doing the right thing. I don’t feel there is any avenue I haven’t explored and I don’t feel that I need to go for any more therapies where I need to research my sole and let go of old stuff that clogs up my mind. I think that right now I am in a good place. I feel balanced in my mind and heart. To be honest I really could do with some bright daylight and start getting out in the open. I feel I am lacking fresh air and vitamin d… Ok I am taking enough vitamin d3 but you can’t beat the really thing and I like pottering in the garden and I honestly think that maybe right now doing more training and taking on too much work could interfere with having a good summer! I know naughty eh? Lazy, cheeky or sensible? I think the latter. I am feeling well therefore I want to make the most of it and as long as the Earth catches up and we get a summer then I think I should really enjoy it!

  Living for the day really makes you forget everything you would usually feel guilty about.  I have already dumped the negative feelings that I had because of drinking too much alcohol and eating too many cakes last weekend. I don’t think about running around like a headless chicken anymore as I know everything will get in due course if it is meant to happen. I want to update my mood board but I don’t think I will do that now until it feels right. And when I do change the mood board I know I will feel really good about it but now is not the right time. Now I come to think of it there is so much I could be doing to enhance my life. I want to learn how to cook more….. That takes some organising for me as it doesn’t come naturally. Ok on my mental list of things to do…

 Here is today’s research:

 Chloroquine anti-malaria drug kills autophagy-addicted breast cancers

  The process of autophagy cleans cells – they wrap up the bad stuff and then dispose of it. And so it stands to reason that inhibiting autophagy would make cancer cells less able to cleanse themselves of chemotherapy and so more susceptible to the drugs. That’s what the traditional anti-malaria drug, chloroquine, does – it inhibits autophagy. Existing clinical trials are testing chloroquine/chemotherapy combinations against breast cancer.

 Research presented at the AACR Annual Meeting 2013 shows that some breast cancer subtypes depend on autophagy more than others – and that inhibiting autophagy in breast cancers that depend on it may be enough alone to kill the disease.

 “When you inhibit autophagy either with chloroquine or with genetic switches, you see that some breast cancer cells don’t care. Some are only moderately distressed. And still others just die straight away,” says Andrew Thorburn, PhD, deputy director of the University of Colorado Cancer Centre and senior author on the study with first author Paola Maycotte, PhD.

 “Ultimately what we’d like to do is use this as the basis for a test to identify tumours in which autophagy inhibition is most effective. You find out what a cancer needs and you take it away – this is the model of modern, targeted therapies,” Thorburn says.

 With or without additional chemotherapy, identifying breast cancer and other cancer subtypes that are especially addicted to autophagy and so especially sensitive to its inhibition could allow an old drug to be used in a new, powerful way. For example, this study identified two likely sensitive breast cancer subtypes – basal-like and claudin-low – both of which are highly represented in aggressive, triple-negative breast cancers. The survival of triple-negative cells depends in part on the activation of the STAT3 gene, which is regulated by autophagy. It’s likely that inhibiting autophagy in these cells blocks STAT3 activation, which in turn results in the death of triple-negative breast cancer cells.

 “There’s more lab work to be done,” Thorburn says. “For example, we’re just finishing up work with autophagy inhibition in primary xenografts – taking the work from cells to mouse models. And other work presented at the conference by graduate student Rebecca Barnard is exploring when in the cell cycle is the best time to inhibit autophagy. But this is an especially exciting line of reasoning. What Paola’s data suggest is that for some breast cancers, just inhibiting autophagy may be enough to successfully treat the disease.”

 Source: University of Colorado Denver


Omega-3 fatty acids more effective at inhibiting growth of triple-negative breast cancer

  WASHINGTON, DC (April 9, 2013)—Researchers from Fox Chase Cancer Centre have found that omega-3 fatty acids and their metabolite products slow or stop the proliferation, or growth in the number of cells, of triple-negative breast cancer cells more effectively than cells from luminal types of the disease. The omega-3s worked against all types of cancerous cells, but the effect was observed to be stronger in triple-negative cell lines, reducing proliferation by as much as 90 percent. The findings will be presented at the AACR Annual Meeting 2013 on Tuesday, April 9.

  Omega-3 fatty acids are found in oily fish like sardines and salmon, and also in oils derived from plants like hemp and flax. Previous studies suggest these compounds can negatively affect critical mechanisms in cancer cells, namely those responsible for proliferation and for apoptosis or programmed cell death. Lead author on the study Thomas J. Pogash, a scientific technician in the Fox Chase Cancer Center lab of Jose Russo, MD, says the new work underscores the important role common compounds found in food may play in keeping cancer at bay.

 “Diet can play a critical role in breast cancer prevention,” says Pogash. “When you compare a western diet to a Mediterranean diet, which has more omega-3s, you see less cancer in the Mediterranean diet. They eat much more fish.”

  Breast cancer is a heterogeneous group of cancers comprising diseases that differ on the molecular level. Patients with different types of breast cancer respond differently to treatments. Four distinct categories of the disease are generally recognized. Two of those, luminal A and luminal B, grow in the luminal cells that line milk ducts in the breast and have receptors for estrogens and progesterone (prognosis is generally better for patients with luminal A than with luminal B). A third category includes tumours that test positive for the HER2 receptor.

 Russo notes that no targeted therapies are currently available for patients diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. Combination chemotherapies are the standard of care for early-stage disease.

  When a cancer cell digests omega-3s, the fatty acid is broken down into smaller molecules called metabolites. Russo, Pogash, and their colleagues tested the effect of large omega-3 parent molecules, as well as their smaller metabolic derivatives, on three luminal cell lines and seven lines that included basal-type triple-negative cells.

  Omega-3 and its metabolites were observed to inhibit proliferation in all cell lines, but the effect was dramatically more pronounced in the triple-negative cell lines. In addition, the metabolites of omega-3 reduced the motility, or ability to move, by 20-60 percent in the triple-negative basal cell lines.

  This study is part of a consortium between Fox Chase Cancer Centre and Pennsylvania State University under a five-year grant awarded by the Komen Foundation. Russo is the principal investigator of the project at Fox Chase. Andrea Manni, MD, leader of the Pennsylvania State University team, has extended this work to animal models, studying the anticancer effects of omega-3s and its metabolites on mouse models of triple-negative breast cancer.

  Russo and his colleagues are working on two related projects, one on the role of epigenetic events in the mechanism of cell transformation and another on the potential action of peptides of the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) on breast cancer prevention.

That’s amazing…All the more reason to eat fish and flaxseed then I guess and if you really do not want to eat it then get a vegetarian supplement!

Tomorrow I have an afternoon of clients again. It hasn’t taken long for the word to spread and I have been getting messages all day from people wanting to book…. Exciting!

Light and Love. X

The higher you build your barriers…. Ooway ooway…

The weekend was probably one of the times I have been most proud of myself and my friends.

As mentioned in my previously blog Pete had offered our ‘ support to three girl friends who are going to be doing the Three peaks challenge, which is climbing Ben Nevis, Scarfell Pike and Snowdon in 24 hours for our chosen charities. In preparation for this they have been doing smaller climbs/walks in training. Pete suggested Pen Y Fan in the Brecon beacons.

We all met at our house on Friday night and in such excitement got chatting and drinking… uh oh… An early night was planned but we got to bed at midnight. We were leaving at 6am the next morning. This would have been fine had we not decided red wine and hot chocolates (mit rum) were a good idea! What did we expect really? We haven’t seen each other in a while and really have no self control! Ha-ha.

This didn’t stop us. Dragging ourselves out of bed and having my great man by our sides, he drove us three hours to Wales. I was dreading it. I am not a natural walker and having never climbed anything steep since Ayres Rock when I was 21 years old. Things didn’t improve my outlook when we arrived it was very cold and damp and the visibility was not good at all!

But onwards and upwards, we began our walk with high spirits. It didn’t take more than five minutes before I was completely puffed out and I had a good old moan all the way up! The girls didn’t appear to be out of breath at all and Pete just continued slow and steady. He just kept saying, ‘One foot in front of the other, that’s all you’ve got to do’.

We made our way up to a plateau where we came across a big group of men who said the conditions were pretty nasty ‘up there’. We carried on and sure enough conditions were nasty. The wind was howling and blowing us over and the rain was hitting us sideways. But we made it to the top!




The walk down was just as hard and now very slippery but I was so much happier having made our way up there. It was a great achievement for me and I think the girls now realise how hard their challenge is going to be. It gave them a chance to feel it in bad conditions and gave them a chance to see how their kits coped. Not very well in some cases… boots had puddles of water in.

Have a look at this video of our day here;



We were so please for our warm, dry car and for thankful Pete driving us home.

We got home, had hot showers, changed our clothes and just chilled the rest of the day grazing on tapas and celebrating with pink champagne.  What a weekend!

So what did you with yours to make it memorable?



This week I had decided not to work quite as much as the last. I thought I had kept plenty free and booked myself to go and have lots of therapies. The only thing is I know realise I haven’t left myself any time to get ‘stuff’ done. I have this list of things to get done that have been bugging me. Things you really need to have a clear head and be in the mood for. But by the time I have been returning from my ‘therapy’ session I realise there is barely any time left after doing chores. Oops. Maybe I should have really left some time free.

Yesterday I went for reiki to a lady called Silvana. A lovely lady whose cat seemed to take a shine to me. (Hear that kitty? A cat actually liked me and sat on me!) It was a very relaxing experience and during the session I had a jolt in my tummy which seemed to shoot up my chest. I have never experienced anything like that before. The therapist suggested I try not to give the canSer my energy. I know what she means but I cannot simply not think about it. If I do that then how do I focus on being canSer free?  I didn’t experience anything else and slept reasonably well last night. I don’t however feel completely rested when I awake. Strange.

Today, I went for pranic healing. I really like Les, the healer. He is so optimistic and really believes that we are ‘getting there’. He suggested that I put the doctors that make me feel anxious in my Soul Forgiveness Prayer. He thinks letting go of anything negative really would serve me well. I tend to agree with him. I do feel up tight and I feel it is wasting my energy.

I received an email from Prof Dalgliesh this morning. I thought, ‘OO!’ But needn’t have bothered. He emailed to say the radiologist was off last week and hopefully they will look at my scan today. That’s nearly three weeks of waiting….

Anywho…. The afternoon is sunny and I have been reading a little and had the pleasure of my kitty’s company. Life really isn’t bad when it’s like this, is it?