Wear it Pink Day- Pink boobies, Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry!

Friday was Wear it Pink Day for Breast Cancer Awareness month and I couldn’t wait to be part of it.
I got up early (for me) and headed to Peters office. Everyone there was dressed in pink- All different levels of pink… standard splash of pink right up to full on Mr Blobby!
We all had our faces painted- again different degrees of face painting from the tasteful to the downright ‘in yer face!’ look. Haha…
There was the Great VTUK Bake Off and the judging was hilarious to watch whilst Pete and his colleague Adam pretended to be Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry. The competition was steep and the flare of the bakers was brilliant! The cakes ranged from boob cupcakes with nipple piercings, a smartie pouring cake, macaroons, cheesecake, minions cake and something we are not sure we can describe on here. But it was all very funny and soo tasty.. I cheekily had a taster.
Best of all… we all had a complete laugh and raised money for the charity Breast Cancer Now. Between us we have raised £450! Wow… well done guys and gals! Awesome. And it really made me happy. I haven’t laughed so much in ages.
I was so excited with my face painting seen below that I kept it on all day and that included my visit to the supermarket. I hoped it may spark some smiles and cheer some people up but all I got was eyes averting and looking down to the ground. I wondered if it was because I was in pink or if it was the bald head and ‘kitty’ face. I continued on my shop round Tesco when a little Tesco worker walked past me and miaowed. Cheered me up a treat! Ha-ha!12019992_917341238363924_8631057113408566454_n12019992_917341238363924_8631057113408566454_n
I want to thank everyone at VTUK who always commit fully to our fund raising efforts for the charities we have chosen to support. They raised £450! Well done guys!
Not only do we feel good mainly from laughing after these events I am left feeling with so much gratitude to each everyone who takes their time, money and effort to be involved. It is never taken lightly and I am so humbled by the team who year on year make such an effort and a difference, not only to the charity but to me and Pete.
Here are some images from the day;

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I just sneezed….a really good sneeze…

Yay it’s Friday! I know I shouldn’t really mind what day it is because I don’t currently work therefore making me a lady of leisure however Friday means that tomorrow is Saturday… and that means my Bear isn’t working. That then means a little snuggly lie in and lots of snuffles on the sofa! Yay again…

It’s true, life troubles can make or break couples and for me and my man it has just made us stronger. Every single day is different. I mean life’s a battle anyway. I never know how I am going to feel, and that can be hormonal or just because things don’t go as planned, and motivation isn’t bursting out of me. For Pete, his business proves challenging every day, I would imagine. But having canSer or any other long term illness, every day can be a struggle. I spend so much time thinking about how I am feeling and what I am going to do that day such as preparing food, meals etc. I think I am too self involved. It’s ingrained into me now. I need to be very aware of how I am feeling just in case I am missing something. But what I hadn’t noticed is how I feel when I start feel better.

There is no wonder Pete can get down by my constant observations of every little niggle, feeling of nausea, pain in my head or ribs, you name it I’ve had it! He loses sleep and it has a snowball effect.

But yesterday I realised I had sneezed. A really good sneeze. And I hadn’t doubled up in pain, almost passed out and collapsed on the floor. (Ask my friends and family. I am not exaggerating!)

Yes, I had sneezed and felt very little discomfort! What?! In the months that I have struggled turning over in bed (I sound like a little dog being trodden on- haha!), I haven’t been able to do abdominal exercises (this has pained me as I love having great abs!) and felt complete agony doing the hike in Yosemite as I thought my lungs were going to burst as I couldn’t take deep breathes in as my ribs were aching so much.

This is something to celebrate. But it got me thinking. What other things hadn’t I noticed?

Well let’s start at the top eh?
My hair is growing nicely. It looks odd being patchy and dark in colour. My last pelt grew in the summer months so came through sun bleached but hey ho it keeps things exciting and new. Every time it grows back it is different, all except the cow’s lick that continues to show itself off proudly.

I haven’t had any tingling sensations, numbness, headaches, flashing lights or anything remotely head related, therefore making me believe that the little brain tumour gremlins have gone.

My cough has abated completely. I now cough as any normal individual does such as when something gets caught in there or if I inhale my food too fast!

My skin is really good. I have no sign of the dermatitis that I experienced earlier this year.

I can now deep breath without any being hindered by pain. This makes yoga and exercise so much easier. I am loving my little yoga practise every morning but really feel I have to learn more. I need a really good teacher locally. It’s on my to-do list.

I’m feeling more able to exercise since the nausea and feelings of being faint due to low blood levels have subsided. It’s made me feel more motivated to want to do more.
Pete and I went for a three mile walk/hike on Sunday and finished it by climbing Wittenham Clumps, a local landmark. Yes, it was hard but it so worth it. My little head and ears got cold but the views and the feelings of happiness so outweigh those little negative feelings. And the roast dinner to follow was such a lovely homecoming reward. Nom nom nom.

I recently have had damp issues in my house, my treatment room in particular. As I have been off work it has been a perfect time to get it sorted so the room has been turned upside down as we have waited months to let it dry out and finally the room has been completed. New floor, walls, and I have rearranged the furniture so that it feels fresh and inviting. And you know what? I think I am going to return to work part time. It’s such a beautiful space and I feel good when I am in there with the calming music playing, candles burning, twinkle lights twinkling and aromatherapy smells soothing the soul.

 

You can see where I am going with all this. Things aren’t always that bad. Yes I have canSer. Yes I feel terrible that my hubby, friends and family have to deal with the worry, the fear, and the turmoil every month such as I do. But right now, how do you feel?

 

There has to be a silver lining to everything. Actually even when I’m throwing my guts up and worrying Pete to bits, the upside is, the reason for the nausea is because I am having treatment which may not be clearing my body of canSer but is only maintaining it at a level where I have few symptoms and can live a normalish life (takes a deep breath…what’s normal anyway?) Well that’s something to celebrate too! I was told I have incurable life limiting canSer. But if we live in the present and be grateful for all the good things that come and go and let the negative things wash over us and try to see that every day of the week has something to feel good about then life isn’t ‘alf bad is it? (I’m speaking in my cockney accent now! Apples and pears an’ all that!)

I’m off to paint my nails pink in my new treatment room. ‘Pinking’ myself up even more, supporting Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

So today is a good day. It’s Friday. I feel like running along high fiving everyone!

Have a great Friday, great weekend and great life.

Love and Light, you lovely lot.

XX

 

October- Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month- as you all probably know. This is the month we all don pink and try to raise more funds for breast cancer charities. To remind everyone that it is the month when you wear pink; proud and loud, Pete and I decided to change our ‘drive dragons’ from being their sultry bronze to a very bright pink! Haha! We want to make sure that everyone gets involved and hopefully brings a smile to people’s faces.

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IMG_3153On Friday 23rd October it s wear it pink day. Check out www.wearitpink.org and get involved and have lots of fun raising funds for breast canSer charities.

As per usual my husband my hubby and his team are chomping on the bit to get involved and will be all wearing pink, having face painting and the Great VTUK Bake Off! Move over Mary Berry; make room for the brave contestants at VTUK property solutions. I simply can’t wait to see what they come up with. The rules stipulate it has to be a cake (um, ok) it has to be pink, and it has to feature a ‘boob’! hahaha…. Go guys.

Share with us your fund raising efforts and any pictures of you guys getting involved throughout this month by posting on my facebook page; www.facebook.com/TripleNegativeBreastCancer

X

 

 

TACE number 8….

Last Friday night was a night of glitz and glamour and time to spend with my husband’s colleagues. We attended a black tie event in London in aid of the Agents Giving Charity. Agents Giving is associated with members of the property industry from estate agents to suppliers. All people who dedicate their time and raise money for charities. It was really good fun and out of the blue VTUK, Peter’s business was mentioned, me included, for our charitable efforts. It was as expected slightly embarrassing but for once I didn’t recoil at the thought of having to go up on stage and accept an award. Of course I had Pete by my side who made me feel safe. It was actually fun! I did stand out a bit though with my bald head and an evening gown but I got many compliments.

The weekend was relaxing all except the England rugby team losing an important match on Saturday… Boo….I started to get a cold and cough and this really wasn’t great timing as we were heading off to Frankfurt on Monday for TACE.

The cold bought the pain in my ribs back hugely and I dragged myself out of bed Monday morning to open an email headed ‘Sad News’.
Gulp, that’s never a good start but I couldn’t believe my eyes. The email was from the husband of my friend, Lindsay, whom I met through another friend and we spent some time together in Switzerland when we were receiving GcMAF treatment last year. Another triple negative breast cancer warrior, she seemed bright, positive and loved her life and family. She emailed recently expressing the fact she had just been told she now had brain tumours. No problem I thought, she’s got this in the bag, just like I did last year. She started having treatment and was planning on going to Germany and so on….. But she never made it there. She had messaged to say she was really feeling quite unwell, and the next mail I received was Monday morning.

Shocked, saddened, beaten, gutted, are all words that just pop up when I think about it. It touches a nerve as I couldn’t help her more and she was just like me. I’m still here, despite everything, I’m still here. It doesn’t make sense and I am once again shocked as to how quickly one deteriorates. In just three weeks her health declined and she passed away. Oh my goodness. Of course Pete and I both shed a tear and passed on our condolences but what else can we do?

Well it gives me drive to make sure we get there. My drive for living a healthy and symptom free life carries on. Is that selfish? I so want to be canSer free. But shouldn’t I just be happy that I am currently well, no new tumours, no growth currently and without symptoms.

We hopped to Frankfurt to see Professor Vogl Monday and I was treated with my 8th TACE on Tuesday. Prof Vogl does make me chuckle. I had some weird things happen such as the numbing drugs kind of happened all at once, and I felt really woosy whilst the Prof was asking me questions, then felt completely drug free from that moment. It was a little tender this time but I was in and out of there by the afternoon. I spent a long time waiting to see Prof Vogl after the surgery and as usual he had all of about five seconds for me! Despite me stopping him and asking him more questions he just kept saying ‘Ok we see you next time!’ Now in the past this would wind me up, but I actually just find it funny now. It just makes me email him all the more and as he calls me his ‘number one emailer’ it makes me smile every time I press SEND. I did want to know whether I had any more miraculous events happen in the month since I had seen him. He said the tumours have got a little smaller but he seems more bothered that the ‘active zone’ seems really reactive. He thinks one or two more sessions of TACE then he wants to use LITT on my largest tumour in my right lung. LITT is basically laser ablation, I believe, done in one day as an outpatient. Gulp. I don’t like the sound of it but I am game. I asked about the tumour in my lymph node, the one that makes me cough when it is bad. He said it is still there but smaller. In fact he said, ‘You’re lungs are looking really clear. You should be running like a rabbit!’ Then out of the surgery room he walked. When I saw him later, he was wearing his apron that he wears when in surgery to protect him from the CT scan. I really smiled when I saw it had his name written on the front of it….Hahahaha! He found this funny also; well there was not much else he could do whilst I was pointing at him giggling.

OK I may not get all my answers out of him but I do feel like I am having decent treatment. I want to know if my lungs are looking clear, why do my ribs cause me so much pain? This I will find out in my next scans provided by my hospital locally. I have requested for them and await my dates.

Just like Dr Nesselhut, Professor Vogl seems uninterested if the tumours are shrinking. They seem more pleased there are no new ones and that I am living healthily and happily right now. And that’s when it comes back to the present yet again. I just think something has to give. How long can I continue to have these treatments without them having some dramatic effect and the canSer running for the hills? What am I missing? What else can I do? I guess I must be doing a lot right to still be here when there are those around me who aren’t.

I thank my blessings every day. My cold is abating, my ribs continue to hurt but it’s bearable, and bizarrely enough I don’t really feel too bad after having the chemo that I had Tuesday via TACE. So all is good quite frankly…..

I don’t know what else to say… I ramble on about my life and how I feel but to be honest all I am thinking about is the ones who didn’t make it. The pain their families and friends are going through and how living day to day is really all any of us can do. Life doesn’t get any easier unless you put love first and focus on this moment right now as your number one priority.

Light and Love magnified 100 fold……

XXXX