Think your life is dull, think again…

I warn you now.. This is going to be emotional and a long one.
2016 had started a little bumpy with the worst cold I ever had arriving on the first day of our Christmas holiday. Then banging my head and having whiplash didn’t help the matter. Especially due to the fact we were heading to Frankfurt to see Prof Vogl for surgery known as microwave ablation.

I wasn’t looking forward to it anyway because of only having a local anaesthetic. I did not want to be awake during the procedure. This was obviously made worse having a terrible cough and head full of green stuff! But I had to have it.
The journey by car was actually amazing. We had to drive as the treatment involved piercing my lung and flying would be dangerous. We were so lucky with the weather and we tipped our heads to the Universe and God for helping us get there with no major issues, especially the weather keeping dry.
The next morning I arrived the hospital at 6.30am as required and Prof Vogl sat with us just before I went in. He assured me everything would be ok and showed us a print out of the tumour as it was last time. He said ‘This is the enemy’. We were surprised because the tumour wasn’t where it used to be. The one I knew I had that was problematic had always been close to the outer lung therefore making it dangerous to work. This one was in the middle of my lung! This means the old one had gone! I have never been sure of radiologists but this just confirms they don’t really spend much time looking through previous notes and images to compare.
I immediately went in, had a quick CT scan and was told there and then the procedure was going to start! Oh no! I thought, I haven’t been to the toilet! Haha…. I didn’t have time to blink. They gave me drugs to feel sleepy. Oh I loved them and then Prof cracked on with surgery. I wasn’t aware of much except the need to cough all the way through. Prof wasn’t bothered by it at all. After I did ask why I was coughing. He said he had been working very closely to the bronchus so it irritated it. Ok.. Good.
The next four hours were good. I slept and relaxed. Had another CT, saw the prof and he said that I didn’t have any pneumothorax so could return to my hotel. I chilled for the rest of the day trying to get rid of the cold that was still lingering.
The next day I had an MRI with contrast and saw the Prof who said that I was the first of 2016 to have the surgery and also the most complicated and dangerous. I asked why? He said the tumour was actually two little ones connected about 2.5cm by 1.5cm. He blasted them and the active area to the size of 6cm. It was very close to blood vessels and could have caused a lot of trouble for me.
Wow. Now I simply wait and have scans in a few months and hope they have gone and no more have grown. He said whilst I was leaving, ‘You have a terrorist in you. You have to keep alert’.
Thanks Prof.
We hopped in our car and headed back. The drugs must have started to wear off and I started to feel feverish. Pete had packed the car full of duvet, pillow, blankets, food, everything. SO he rugged me up and drove like the wind and got us back to Calais, the Eurotunnel. The weather and traffic being really good again.

When we got home Pete sent me straight to bed and he unpacked the car and got ready for work the next day.
I had developed another cough which was really hurting under my shoulder blade and under the arm where surgery had taken place. I filled myself up with pain relief and have been on it really ever since.
The next few days I spent on the sofa and in bed just trying to feel normal and not cough as it causes so much pain. The cough was producing a lot of bloody lumps, sometimes choking on them in bed. They have subsided somewhat but in the morning I am still bringing some blood up. This I have been advised by the Prof is normal for a week or so. I still didn’t feel right and needed some pain relief to get me through the day.
All I thought was please let me get better uber fast as we were travelling yet AGAIN to Germany on the Monday. This time it was my 8 weekly visit to Dr Nesselhut for dendritic cells, nivolumab, ipilimumab and so on.

This is where it got crazy. Pete was desperate for some time at home to rest and relax and I was certainly not feeling up to much. I was getting ready to pack and travel on Saturday and noticed I couldn’t find our travel wallet containing passports, credit cards, money, everything.
We turned the house upside down a number of times. I cried down the phone to my friend who immediately called a service station we had stopped on the way back on the M25. I called the Eurotunnel. It was a complete nightmare! The most important and expensive thing we had, I had lost. In the car I had put it by my legs but must have kicked it out by accident.
Oh my god what were we going to do? The passport office adviser said that he would email the London office and tell them I was an urgent request and I could I fax proof as to why I needed to travel on the Monday. Fax? Are we living in the 90’s?? I said we couldn’t and he suggested going there.
By now it was 12.30pm and we were told it would shut at 3.30pm. Pete drove like the wind. Like he really needed to drive anymore?! We arrived at 2.15pm and was met by a man who refused our entry! He said that they were shutting in 30 minutes and I didn’t have an appointment. I was very emotional and tried to explain but he wouldn’t have it.. Grrrrr. Luckily for me a lovely lady who was on security ran off and got her manager, Carl. Carl came out and saw me and I tried to explain there should be an email explaining my circumstances. He went off and found it! Phew… He then said I could go through and I said my husband needs the passport too as he is my carer. Poor old Pete at this stage had been told to leave the building!
We had taken proof of my illness and why I had to travel Monday at 8am. I didn’t have to say much to Carl. He sent us upstairs with a ticket and we were shortly seen by Dev on counter 10. This guy is a saviours. By now it is 2.20pm and they had 10 minutes to process stuff and said it wouldn’t ready til Monday sometime. We had to fill out new applications and I said was there no way we could have a document to travel for Monday only? He said no. I was already a quivering mess. He told us to take our time and fill the forms out. He went away and when he returned said he had good news. He was going to stay there and make sure he got it done for us before the collections office closed at 3.45pm. Pete and I instantly burst into tears. Thank you.
We had to pay and have photos done again. I looked a complete mess, no makeup and my hair manky and obviously a little grey from the traumas and illness. We were then told to wait in collections where that was the slowest 45 minutes of our life. We just hoped it wouldn’t go wrong now. At 3.15pm Dev appeared and said he had processed it and they were being printed and they would be ready by 3.45pm. And they were. Pete shook Dev’s arm off! Eternally grateful. We were the last to leave but with two new ten year passports! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
I have never been so grateful in my life. We were obviously happy but it had been very tense with lots of shouting and tears. I just couldn’t believe I had lost it.
Sunday I spent the morning trying to contact insurance companies and cancelling credit cards. Bizarrely the cards hadn’t been used? So far we had no luck getting everything else back including the cash from the services or Eurotunnel.

Monday we got up at 4am and got to the airport still bitter and sad that we had lost everything and the trouble that I had caused.
Arriving in Duderstadt I headed for my first appointment . The nurse was concerned as I couldn’t keep warm and took my temperature. It was 38.9 degrees. Far too high to have any treatment. That day I was due to have nivolumab and a blood test. Oh my God………. I was having the worst luck! I felt sick with worry. I couldn’t leave there after all the hassle we  had getting there, not to have the treatment.
I had to wait to see the doctor and during that time I willed my body to balance out. When I saw Dr Jan Nesselhut. I explained what had happened previously in Frankfurt and the stress over the weekend. He shook my hand as he came into the room and said that my hands were cold, that I couldn’t have a fever. So they took my temperature again. This time it was 37 degrees. He agreed that I was fine to have the nivolumab! Phew Bloody Phew!
I proceeded with my treatment and then headed back to the hotel, my favourite Zum Lowen beds, and tanked myself up on pain relief to feel calm and be able to try to repair myself.

During this I had a missed call and voicemail from lost property at the Eurotunnel. Someone had handed our travel wallet in! I desperately tried calling back but typically the reception was rubbish. Argh!! Was everything still in it?
Finally I spoke a lovely lady called Tracy who said that everything was still there including the cash! Oh my goodness…what a result. She was so lovely and actually said she would arrange for it to sent the following day by special delivery for it to arrive on Wednesday when I would be home. All at their cost. Wow again!
The next day I had my appointment with Dr Nesselhut and had my usual vaccination. He was as ever endearing and had so much time for us.

I just cannot believe firstly how up and down it has been and what an incredible start to the year we have had. I don’t lose things and I obviously haven’t been well or my usual self. I have never felt so much gratitude to strangers. The people that handed in our wallet, whom we do not know their names or details. We cannot thank them enough. To Eurotunnel staff for being awesome. To certain passport office staff (because they weren’t all helpful!) for going above and beyond the call of duty. To my friends who heroically made some calls for us and continued to calm us down and try to make us laugh. To my Bear for being an absolute legend getting me everywhere and looking after me (although it wasn’t really my fault.. it was an accident. My mum used to hear that a lot when I was younger! haha!)To the Universe for keeping us safe whilst we traveled and keeping the weather mostly dry and the traffic at bay. This has totally restored my faith in humanity.

Right now
I am still pretty unwell. Keeping Pete awake every night with my coughing. I did offer to sleep in another room but he said he didn’t want to be without me. Big bear love.
I am hoping the cough will be gone soon. It really does now only feel like a tickle except at night when I still bring up blood, probably from lying flat. I can now breathe though, as the head full of green stuff has left me! Yay! My ribs are still sore but I can deal with it. I am a bit scatty and I am feeling light headed but there is a lot going still.
I should now be able to have a few months off intense canSer treatment at least we hope. I will continue with my home treatments and hope that everything is gone. New old ones, no new ones. That is my aim. And Pete’s.
So there if you think your lives are dull, maybe consider dull isn’t so bad. We could’ve done without the drama. My poor stress levels and body simply cannot handle it. And Pete certainly doesn’t need any more stress than he already has!
Let’s hope triple negative breast cancer and all the metastases that it has bought will be gone…..
I am exhausted by this blog. I need a rest. Time for a cuppa.

Light and Love my lovely friends.
(Apologies if there are typos my head is like mash!)


A belated Happy New Year… Come on 2016!

I am so surprised how long it has been since I last wrote a blog. I guess that means I have had a lot going on and nothing major to report but actually I have written so many blogs in my head I wish they could all be done telekinetically!
I wanted to wish everyone a lovely Christmas and New Year but I simply didn’t find the time. Now that’s not something I am proud of as writing this blog is really important to me and I love sharing the love with everyone too. As I always said this blog isn’t all doom and gloom.
So let me take this time to say a big huge thank you to all my lovely friends and family and followers. Without you I wouldn’t be here.

A quick synopsis of how 2015 ended. Christmas was great fun with my mum and step son here at home with us. We had the pleasure of ‘German’ Christmas on Christmas Eve with my step daughter and grandson! What a cutie he is. I had great pleasure in giving our gift to them; a toybox that I had made and decorated with dinosaurs. Something I hope that he loves and uses for many years.
Madly we decided to go away on Boxing day, the 26th, getting up at 3am. What?! I hear you cry. I know, it seemed like such a good idea at the time. That said who needs their bed when they are about to spend a week in snowy Austria.
Sadly, Austria wasn’t all that snowy when we arrived. However we were staying in a high resort and the pistes had been managed amazingly. In fact almost all pistes were open for the whole week. By the end of the week new snow started falling. Thank fully for them. That meant we got the best of it all to a degree. Bright blue skies, clear visibility, and warmth, so not having to wear so many layers. In fact it was positively balmy! Sunbathing at the top of a mountain is the simply the best! Go Tina Turner! I hadn’t forgotten how to ski and we whizzed around the resort loving it.
There were a few hiccups and hindrances however. On arrival as it was early our room wasn’t ready. That’s fine. We still went out and enjoyed the first afternoon testing all the pistes. The staff had said they would move our bags to our room. We came back asked for the room number and key and promptly went to our room to get ready for dinner. We walked in to complete darkness then heard a few foreign voices speaking to us! Whatttttt? We got out of there quick and trying not to blush too much went to reception and found she had given us the wrong room and room key! Ha ha.. how embarrassing.
The next night the fire alarm went off. In our daze we got dressed and went downstairs and stood out in the cold There wasn’t a fire. So with all the confusion I asked the receptionist what was going on? She said nothing. So we went to bed. Weird night.
On the day of arrival I started to feel really rough. Just a sore throat and stuffy nose I thought. How I was so wrong… For the rest of the stay I felt terrible. It was possibly the worst cold I have ever had. In fact I am still blowing the weirdest coloured stuff out of my nose I have ever seen. ( Too much information?) I blew my nose 7 times the other night in the space of one minute and it still wasn’t clear. I am right now so bunged up it is unbelievable.
The rule when we go skiing is that we never miss a day. The only reason to miss a day would be hangover usually from the apres ski the day before. No. Pete won’t allow it. And it was the same with having this cold. I tanked myself up on decongestants and pain relief. In fact getting out and about was the best thing we did all day. We did finish very early some days and I got tucked up in bed fully clothed as I couldn’t stop shivering.
The other downside to having a cold is that my appetite went through the floor. I came home lighter than I went and now I am not feeling bad about all the Christmas gluttony.
The weather being so warm meant the snow conditions were icy at times and then by the afternoon like slush. We are experienced at skiing and know how to handle this situation however one afternoon I fell flat on my face. I banged my head and really hurt the left side of my body. I was wearing a helmet thankfully but my head really hurt and then a few hours later my neck was absolutely killing me. Whiplash. Great, my week was going well. Luckily the head repaired quite quickly but it did give me migraines at night along with such sore muscles in the neck. The migraines and neck ache really scared me. It made me question whether the brain tumours are back. I thought in my gut- nope. But I had been having the odd migraine before the bang on my head. Why? I was worried of mentioning it to Pete as it scares the devil out of him too. But stupidly my mouth flaps too much and I divulge everything to him. I quickly back it up with details of how it was different the last time.
It sounds like I was just having all the ‘luck’. However Pete also wasn’t having the most ‘luck’ either. He fell twice during the week which left his bottom black and blue. He also got the cold and a cough he hasn’t been able to shift for months, once again got worse. What a bloody mess we were and still are, actually.
All the time this was going on, in our minds, all we thought was what are we going to do about going to Frankfurt next week. Earlier in December I was umming and arring about my next appointment with Prof Vogl for microwave ablation. We eventually decided sooner was better than later but then this cold and cough came. If it had been last week I definitely would have cancelled however as I am really feeling ok all except congestion we have decided to proceed with our plans.
It’s not how I really wanted the beginning of our New Year to go but I figure that I slam everything now that it could give me a chance of a GREAT 2016.

I want to take this opportunity to let my Bear know that he was an absolute star last week. I didn’t want to do anything. I cried most of the days and whined about how bad I felt almost 24/7. He simply hugged me and said we would have fun no matter what. Can you believe a cold reduces me to tears more than canSer?
I tried not to think about going to see Prof Vogl. The procedure is going to be tough purely because I am scared of being awake whilst he ablates the largest tumour in my right lung. It’ll take 15 minutes apparently. I just hope I don’t feel a thing. That is my fear.
We have to stay a little longer than normal and I am acutely aware of the pressure Pete is under to run the business and get the year started off fast and furiously. He seems very upbeat about it all. However we have to drive to Frankfurt this time. I am not keen on flying home when I have just had my lung punctured. However I hope that I recover as well as I did when I had radiofrequency ablation in 2014 as I am due to fly to Hannover the following week to see Dr Nesselhut for my usual cell treatment.
Oh the life of a triple negative breast cancer survivor eh?
I am of course blessed that I can have all these treatments and that despite a big snotty nose and a deep voice I am living well and symptom free. I generally nowadays don’t think about dying of canSer. I am certain I getting there.
So with you being completely updated I hope that 2016 brings everything you want and need. Most of all love and happiness and a cure for triple negative breast cancer and treatment to keep us living longer and healthier. Light and Love.