So the Easter break has passed and we are all back to our routines and reality. I actually like having a routine and as much as I never want to be alone and for Pete to go back to work it does mean I can get lots done and focus on my rituals. It was good to get back to meditating, yoga and exercise. Yesterday was a good day and it was lovely to have the sun shining yet again despite the frosty temperatures.
I had my clinic appointment in the morning and it was very efficient and as usual was met with Prof Harris. My appointment was at 12 and I was seen at 12! Wow! That has never happened before. Prof Harris asked me questions about how I was feeling and other than feeling tired some mornings whilst on chemo there was nothing to report. He decided to examine my chest by listening through his stethoscope. I asked how it sounded and he said, ‘Clear as a whistle’. Great stuff. He asked if I had my ct scan yet. No. I haven’t even had a letter with an appointment date. He seems very keen for me to have this but it has only been 7 weeks so far since my last one. I had envisaged it being sometime late in May. But I guess if it comes sooner, then it does.. That’s all there is to it. I am not prepared for it to be sooner. I feel like I need to revise, swot up and put more hours of extra effort in. In what? In visualising and being ‘better’. If I had more time maybe I could have a few weeks of being really good and working every day to blast the little buggers from my body. I am still finding it hard to get my head round that all along I wanted not to worry so much and to have a normal life not worrying and now I am worrying because I’m not worrying! I simply cannot win! I won’t allow myself to be ok with this. I just don’t want to be caught out and crushed if the news isn’t what I want it to be. It’s a lot to go through every couple of months. It ruins the flow of life. I should correct that. I ruin the flow of life as it is me that’s worrying about it.
Anyway moving on with the day I was really looking forward to my tea as Pete was making us Tuna nicoise salad. I love Pete’s food and cooking. The problem is the dish is never the same twice. He is very creative and you never know what flavours you may get. Last night was one of those. We both seemed a bit bemused with the taste of the salad as it was a bit bitter. I felt some tingling in my mouth and I thought it had chilli or pepper coming through. Straight after tea Pete said his eye was itching and it looked really swollen and the fleshy part on the inner corner of the eye had started to protrude. I thought it odd but nothing much else until I started to get a banging head ache. I thought it was really odd as I haven’t had a headache since last July. Then I began to feel really hot and a sense of blood rushing round my ears and shoulders. I looked at Pete and he looked the same too. This is where we began to Google our symptoms (as you do) and found we were having an allergic reaction to something we had eaten. The only things we could think of were coriander and mustard seeds. Apparently when combined with raw vegetables they can react to cause something called and Oral Allergy Syndrome. How weird for us both to get it though? Neither of us are allergic to anything. Our hearts were racing; our bodies hot and itchy and then we got the stomach upset. Then there were hours of diarrhoea. Wow what an exciting night! Eventually after taking antihistamines and Imodium we went to bed where we slept like logs, probably from our bodies trying to repair themselves. I felt terrible this morning. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed. I did eventually manage to do my morning exercise and felt ok.
I had my monthly acupuncture session today which I had been looking forward to for the whole month but I felt so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open to get there and back. In fact I actually had a nap on the treatment couch. I can’t remember feeling so tired. So tired in fact that today has been a spent trying to wake and feeling less than motivated. What I need is a great big sleep! I intend on having this tonight and then I have a lovely afternoon with clients. Yay!
Acupuncture was good (what I can remember of it) and many points felt very sensitive. Michael worked more on boosting my energy and balancing me. He did ask if I was having night sweats and hot flashes. This is worrying as he must tell something from my pulse. He is very good like that. He treats many ladies for fertility and can tell when they are about to have their monthly cycle. If he is asking me about that whilst feeling my pulse my guess is he knows something I do not. I am not going to let this bother me. It does fill me with sadness not having children of our own and in my head I still believe that I will one day stop chemo and be able to have our own. But as it stands I am not stopping chemo as it seems to be working.
I had to wait for my blood results from the hospital before I started chemo this morning. They came back fine as usual and there I go starting day one of chemo again. Fingers crossed that everything carries on as normal.
So tonight’s’ menu is something safe. I don’t want Pete and me to look all scary again tonight! Ha ha!