This week has been the usual busy time. We had a great weekend working in the garden and doing more jobs at the new office. It’s really taking shape now. It felt good ticking things off the list. To be honest it can be quite simple to feel good. For me it is achieving things and making the pressure ease off. I spent plenty of time sitting by the fire and keeping warm- the true kitty that I am.

The weather may be nippier than normal but it has been really beautiful. Yesterday I needed to get out there and feel the cold but also to take in the autumn sun. The trees are so beautiful this time of year, so I went out for a walk. More than I can say for Germany. We headed over to see Dr Nesselhut for a vaccination for DC therapy. Either way, treatment. Their weather is very similar to ours but it was very grey and uninspiring, but I didn’t have much time to waste so it didn’t really matter.

I had the combination I usually have which includes oncothermia (local hyperthermia) which I quite enjoy as it makes me feel warm. I had an infusion of nivolumab and they took bloods in preparation for my next treatment. I was informed that my red blood cell count is down to 8.8 now. It has dropped very slightly again and my blood pressure is low. I was also given Rigvir a viral therapy in place of Newcastle disease virus which is now classed as illegal there.

We had a long chat with Dr Nesselhut. It’s great hearing all about everything and successes he is having. It sounds like most of the success is usually in people who are very advanced. They seem to have spectacular results such as complete remission. It makes me wonder if when the body is so full of cancer cells that the DC therapy works at its best. I really don’t want to get really close to death before it works.

Our flight was late home and then every road leading home was closed! I am unsure as to why they decide to close two major roads at the same time! That is why yesterday I was ordered to relax and take it easy. I didn’t get dressed until lunchtime but I ploughed on with some emails and washing.

We did have some laughs whilst away. We hired a car as usual but from a different company. We were a little surprised to be given a ten seater minibus! Haha. So off we chugged in our people carrier. It was actually a lovely smooth ride!

I have been feeling a lot more positive recently but I am worrying about my bloods being so low at 8.8 when it should be 10-12. Although not anaemic (I was told it went to 8.5 then I would be).

I am going to stop taking capecitabine after having TACE in a few weeks and then I am going to take a break if possible from treatments abroad until the New Year. I really I can afford to that.

I have my three monthly CT scan this afternoon, which I only just remembered!

Dr Nesselhut did give us some new information on a certain drug and how it works on canSer but I can’t explain it. I will need the Bear to explain. So over the next day or so I will get the information down and share it with you all.

Life is still very pressured. I am hoping things will calm for my Bear too. I know that life is putting too much pressure on him. Work is a heavy burden and obviously it is necessary to keep earning money to keep me alive. I know that if I can work hard at getting better then that would make him feel less stressed. I do worry about him. I want to take his pain away so badly and just wish things could be different. If only he didn’t feel unsupported. Who should he turn to? We always off load onto each other. And that’s what being married is like, but we are both so full of emotion it can be really stressful on each other. I know if I mention sadness or worry or pain that it really stresses him out. Which is the same when he tells me how he feels and what pressures there are at work. I am trying to be mindful and meditate but clearing my mind is so difficult and I don’t even know where to begin to help Pete when he is so stretched for time by everyone wanting a piece of him.

We love our weekends and our time together. I think the weekends are such a relief and being good to ourselves and nourishing our needs Is essential and we really enjoy it.

We plan our meals for the week and eat lovely fresh unprocessed foods. We make plans for the future and our next holidays and breaks away; which are skiing and Christmas markets.

We plan on making changes to our home, and current project is a new patio.

And then we just sit snuffling, cuddling and loving each other. My favourite time. X

 

 

 

 

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