Bear Rock….


It seems things go wrong just when we are about to go away. This was the case at 4am this morning when we could hear a burst pipe or constant running tap. On investigation we couldn’t find a thing but the worry of the house flooding whilst we are away next week was enough for both of us to get up and start the day. The positive in it was that I got everything done very early and managed to exercise for longer as I felt I had more time. The issue is getting sorted and I feel happy that we won’t come home to a soggy house. Well not at least from a burst pipe. I’m not too sure about the weather though. Everything is damp and moist. (Moist is a horrible word eh?!)

Today I have been getting things ready for the off and have also been working all day with clients. I like to squeeze as much out of my days when I am working. It makes it worthwhile. It’s chemo day one cycle three today. I have reduced the anti sickness down further especially since finding out that dexamethasone affects insulin levels. So far I feel great and haven’t had any signs of an upset stomach at all. Yay!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of chatting to another TNBC survivor. Going back to what I said the other day about synchronicity, well this happened to be one of those moments. I ‘met’ a lovely lady whose story could have been mine. Same timings and exact same way that the canSer spread, to how we both felt in the beginning and the lack of changes we made then, to now. Of course talking to people in the same shoes as I can be humbling and I completely feel how they feel when they are going through mixed emotions and feeling vulnerable and the crazy thoughts that go through your mind such as throwing all your clothes away because you won’t  need them for much longer and so on.

But what it does make me realise is that we are all such normal (and may I say it about myself) ‘nice’ girls. We don’t want much out of life just to be happy. It’s not too much to ask is it?

It gets me every time to think where is the answer to this crazy disease? How can there be so many resources and experts looking for the answer for so many years but to no avail?

I still think the answer is probably staring right at us. Why haven’t we got any great inventors or scientists who can make that great discovery? People deserve to have a fighting chance. And this isn’t just for canSer but also for HIV and AIDS and other debilitating diseases such as multiple sclerosis. Life seems unfair sometimes… But then I think how lucky I am, then I am thankful again.

On chatting at length yesterday it was clear that my new friend has also bagged herself a ‘Bear’. My best friend bought my husband a Christmas present that was only delivered yesterday. It was a painting by an East London Artist, a girl from the area of my birth called ‘Bear Rock’. The picture portrayed a big bear head in choppy seas with a girl with a cat’s head sat on him. I couldn’t believe at how uncanny the painting was at depicting our life. Utterly awesome. But that makes me think that there must be many couples in such the same situation (and of course completely lucky to have themselves a Bear!)

One thing that cropped up during our conversation is how she feels bad and sorry that her husband has to go through all of this. I completely understand and I go through phases of feeling the same. But I think I’d go to the end of the Earth for my Bear, so why feel sorry or bad. We are dealt the cards it what you do with them that really matters. Love conquers all!!

I still have three clients left to do today then I really want to eat and go to bed. My bed has never looked so good! Ha ha! So Ta-ra! X

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