Better when I am not thinking about it….

It’s been an up and downy few days. Ever since I got back I have continued to have head aches and whilst I don’t think there is anything serious to worry about I had to mention them to my oncologist.

I also mentioned this cough of mine. Prof Harris doesn’t think there is anything sinister in the cough but as expected says I have to bring my CT scan forward AND have an MRI scan. Boo!

I absolutely hate having MRI scans, mainly because I feel claustrophobic in the noisy tube. I know it’s not rational but then maybe it isn’t the fact that i am having a scan that scares me.

I completely understand why i have to have an MRI, I just don’t relish it.  Best to be sure though.

Saturday was a lovely day. I spent the day in London with my old school friend. We relaxed, had spa treatments and then went for a lovely lunch. Plans are already being made for the next trip…All the while I was there Pete slaved in the kitchen making foods that I can snack on and that are full of antioxidants. Love him.

 

I am struggling at the moment with letting you know how I am feeling. I feel confused. I feel so up and down that I don’t know myself. One moment I am feeling great, the next I feel rubbish, mostly I am feeling rubbish. I hate having nothing to report because I am so self involved and all consumed with myself. I want to be full of energy and loving life. And I do to some extent but when you have niggly little ailments such as headaches, they can really bring you down.

I go to bed with a headache, and then I wake up having visuals, the start of a migraine. I cannot explain it. I have back pain where I feel the headache is resonating from. It could be absolutely anything that’s causing it. Who knows what I am having pumped into my body? All I know is that once I have the scan results if it’s not the worst, then it can only get better.

I am better when I am not thinking about things. I am still struggling taking my meds and supps and I am really finding it hard to focus on the big things. They are more important to me than anything else. I just need to remember that.

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