Ah, what a weekend…

This weekend was brilliant. Brilliant weather, great mood, fantastic experiences and most of full of love.

I met with friends on Saturday and had a girly lunch at Blenheim Palace. Not your every day destination but truly fun, then I was picked up by my man and taken to our friends house where we had a lazy afternoon and evening with yet more friends having a huge BBQ! Highly impressive. All this eating is amounting to weight gain I hasten to add.

We got home early yesterday and had a day of sunning ourselves planned in the back garden but as ever we cannot sit for five minutes and before I knew it I was painting and Pete was mowing the lawn. By the afternoon we sat back with huge satisfaction that the garden looks great. We then had the pleasure of Pete’s sister joining us for a brief catch up. I think for once both Pete and I can safely say we had enough sunshine. For that day anyway! I am little pink today.

The vaccination that I had on Friday has certainly grown in size and resembles the last one. It looks pretty angry so I think we can safely say it has responded well again.

Today I have used the nebuliser with GcMAF. I currently feel great I just hope my insides resemble that feeling.

I am still waiting for a response from the clinic in Germany regarding the EBV vaccination. They have said they need to speak to the doctors before they can get back to me. Well go speak to them?!

I feel all over the place today. I am working and trying to plan future trips as well thinking about cleaning the house! Ha ha…


The higher you build your barriers…. Ooway ooway…

The weekend was probably one of the times I have been most proud of myself and my friends.

As mentioned in my previously blog Pete had offered our ‘ support to three girl friends who are going to be doing the Three peaks challenge, which is climbing Ben Nevis, Scarfell Pike and Snowdon in 24 hours for our chosen charities. In preparation for this they have been doing smaller climbs/walks in training. Pete suggested Pen Y Fan in the Brecon beacons.

We all met at our house on Friday night and in such excitement got chatting and drinking… uh oh… An early night was planned but we got to bed at midnight. We were leaving at 6am the next morning. This would have been fine had we not decided red wine and hot chocolates (mit rum) were a good idea! What did we expect really? We haven’t seen each other in a while and really have no self control! Ha-ha.

This didn’t stop us. Dragging ourselves out of bed and having my great man by our sides, he drove us three hours to Wales. I was dreading it. I am not a natural walker and having never climbed anything steep since Ayres Rock when I was 21 years old. Things didn’t improve my outlook when we arrived it was very cold and damp and the visibility was not good at all!

But onwards and upwards, we began our walk with high spirits. It didn’t take more than five minutes before I was completely puffed out and I had a good old moan all the way up! The girls didn’t appear to be out of breath at all and Pete just continued slow and steady. He just kept saying, ‘One foot in front of the other, that’s all you’ve got to do’.

We made our way up to a plateau where we came across a big group of men who said the conditions were pretty nasty ‘up there’. We carried on and sure enough conditions were nasty. The wind was howling and blowing us over and the rain was hitting us sideways. But we made it to the top!




The walk down was just as hard and now very slippery but I was so much happier having made our way up there. It was a great achievement for me and I think the girls now realise how hard their challenge is going to be. It gave them a chance to feel it in bad conditions and gave them a chance to see how their kits coped. Not very well in some cases… boots had puddles of water in.

Have a look at this video of our day here;



We were so please for our warm, dry car and for thankful Pete driving us home.

We got home, had hot showers, changed our clothes and just chilled the rest of the day grazing on tapas and celebrating with pink champagne.  What a weekend!

So what did you with yours to make it memorable?



This week I had decided not to work quite as much as the last. I thought I had kept plenty free and booked myself to go and have lots of therapies. The only thing is I know realise I haven’t left myself any time to get ‘stuff’ done. I have this list of things to get done that have been bugging me. Things you really need to have a clear head and be in the mood for. But by the time I have been returning from my ‘therapy’ session I realise there is barely any time left after doing chores. Oops. Maybe I should have really left some time free.

Yesterday I went for reiki to a lady called Silvana. A lovely lady whose cat seemed to take a shine to me. (Hear that kitty? A cat actually liked me and sat on me!) It was a very relaxing experience and during the session I had a jolt in my tummy which seemed to shoot up my chest. I have never experienced anything like that before. The therapist suggested I try not to give the canSer my energy. I know what she means but I cannot simply not think about it. If I do that then how do I focus on being canSer free?  I didn’t experience anything else and slept reasonably well last night. I don’t however feel completely rested when I awake. Strange.

Today, I went for pranic healing. I really like Les, the healer. He is so optimistic and really believes that we are ‘getting there’. He suggested that I put the doctors that make me feel anxious in my Soul Forgiveness Prayer. He thinks letting go of anything negative really would serve me well. I tend to agree with him. I do feel up tight and I feel it is wasting my energy.

I received an email from Prof Dalgliesh this morning. I thought, ‘OO!’ But needn’t have bothered. He emailed to say the radiologist was off last week and hopefully they will look at my scan today. That’s nearly three weeks of waiting….

Anywho…. The afternoon is sunny and I have been reading a little and had the pleasure of my kitty’s company. Life really isn’t bad when it’s like this, is it?


You never know what tomorrow may bring…

The weekend was unexpectedly great. I knew we had a fun time ahead as our friends were coming to visit but sometimes it’s great to having any expectations and it turning out lovely.

It always surprises me that you never know what tomorrow may bring. The weather was gorgeous and we had plenty of time revelling in our back garden. Friends arrived and cooked us a tasty Chinese meal, then sang round the chiminea until about midnight. (Sorry neighbours!) It was so relaxing and probably one of the most memorable evenings in ages.



I had no particular plans for Sunday. Once our friends left all I thought was that it would be really nice to relax reading in the sun, hang out washing in the fresh air and take it all in. Pete had other plans and off we went to a big DIY store apparently to look at prices. We came home with a power jet wash and got to assembling it and then ‘trying’ it out. Oh my god… it is so satisfying watching each every patio slab and decking plank change from grotty black to bright natural sand and brown colour! Once I started there was no stopping me and by the end of the day I had completed the job. This had been on my list of to-dos for ages and I didn’t really ever expect to achieve especially I had no idea we would buy some decent kit to complete the job.

I felt a natural high and I can’t stop looking outside at the wonderful results… How funny that something so mundane to most seems so exciting to me!

But it all comes down to not knowing what each day brings and keeping an open mind and going with the flow.

I spoke to my friend yesterday who has been to see Professor Stebbing, a triple negative specialist in London. I have been recommended to him over a year ago but never went to see him. I recently felt the urge to get an appointment but hadn’t had any reply. As usual I thought this was just how it is as all other doctors don’t usually reply at any great pace or I get ignored completely.

Spurred on by my friend I made the decision to email him on a Sunday never expecting to get a reply. I did and his PA emailed me too. I have finally got an appointment. Yay!

I felt quite excited by it as I have been told he is very committed and caring. He believes that secondary cancer will be classed as chronic disease within two years. Well I best stay alive another two years at least then!

A delivery of books arrived at the weekend also and I started reading about having a charmed life. It’s a bit like, once you start looking for the positives and the little miracles, they start coming all the time. I guess that kind of happened this weekend in more ways than one. The more you look for them there they are. It has really perked me up and I feel like I am living much more in the present. I am back to feeling like I have drive and less afraid.

However, I still feel a bit unsure about what to do with regards to treatment but in the meantime I am pursuing GcMAF homecare. I have successfully injected myself and today I have used the nebuliser. (Actually feel a little light headed)

But I will proceed with booking for Germany. Saturday morning, the first day of the week that Pete gets a lie in we both strangely wake at 4am. We both got chatting and I felt it was a good time to discuss my worries about what to do treatment wise. We both agree that doing immunotherapy with Doc Nesselhut and then TACE with Prof Vogl is necessary… my reservations are whether I should simply stay here in the UK and have chemo on the NHS. Pete says that we should keep that as a back up and get going with Germany. So I have provisionally booked hotels but not flights yet. I am booked to see Prof Dalgliesh this week and I wonder if he might be able to shed some light, steer me in the right direction or something!

My friend counselled me at the weekend by saying that I should follow my gut. My gut isn’t totally sure at this stage. I think this one will take time to organise but I only have a few weeks. Eek!

All I know is right now at this moment in time I feel good and I have to hang onto these times. I must not take for granted feeling well and symptom free.


Got that Monday feeling… Happy!

It has been a mad few days and I guess that’s not a bad thing and means that I am blessed to have many friends and family to see before Christmas.

Friday night we got glammed up and went to Pete’s work Christmas party. The team at VTUK this year have been amazingly supportive and remain my biggest sponsors for my chosen charities.  There was much banter and dancing with great food and company.  It was another opportunity to be in a situation without the need for alcohol too. It was lovely to wake on Saturday feeling fresh.

Saturday we hopped in the car and visited my oldest friend and her husband in their new home. We had a quiet snugly day watching reality TV shows and having home cooked vegan cooking. It was very welcome as I have a huge appetite at the moment! I think I have hollow legs.

Yesterday was a real treat too. We were meeting friends in London at Winter Wonderland but luckily had an impromptu meeting with my mum and sister who were up for the weekend as well as my aunt and uncle whom I rarely see. We walked around the streets of London taking in the Christmas decorations whilst Pete went off on his own buying me a few Christmas pressies! Eek!

In the afternoon it was as if we were back in Germany when we visited the Bavarian Great Hall with our friends that we met in Ibiza this year. It’s so surreal to be sitting there when we had only met a few months earlier abroad. We sang to dodgy après ski songs and Pete had a cheeky bratwurst with mustard.Ha ha!

Sigh… what a fun filled weekend.

This week is my last week of working before Christmas and I am feeling the pressure a little. There is so much to be done but I am certain it will all pan out just fine. I also have to fit in doing this week’s module for my health coaching course.

The course has been going well and I am really starting to enjoy it. Last week the module was made for me with the diet focusing on the benefits of veganism. It stated the risks at eating any animal products but especially red meats. There is scientific evidence that eating meats can increase your risk of canSer. We also covered the benefits of mushrooms… See my earlier blog for the information on that; http://www.triplenegative.co.uk/blog/post/2013/12/11/Shrooms-the-power-house-of-beating-canSer.aspx

As part of my course I have to have 6 conference calls to America which are known as coaching circles. I join other students and the conversation is led by our mentor. I was very dubious about this and actually a bit nervous. I didn’t think I would gain much from it but being the good student I joined the call. I have to say I found it really interesting hearing other peoples stories and also shared my own. I am looking forward to the next one and I think it will be really helpful as the course gets more complicated to bounce questions off each other.

I’m feeling a little tired today. I am still full of cold although I don’t feel ill. (It’s very sticky! Too much information?!) We didn’t sleep very well last night so I am hoping after an Epsom bath tonight I will have a sound night preparing me for tomorrow.

I have been noticing a lot of triple negative news has been focusing on immunotherapy and dendritic cell therapy. I have been doing a bit of research and notice there are many studies around the UK for other canSers using DC therapy. I am keen to ask Prof Harris and Dalgliesh to see if there are any that I can go on. Failing that maybe there is someone on the UK doing it now as it looks to me like it is possible to patent the vaccinations as seen from the US. I am trying to make life easier and as much as I love going to Germany money doesn’t grow on trees. I am also going to dedicate time to seeing if there is any way I can get funding of any kind to help with my treatment costs.  I will keep you updated with anything I come across.

Right well, I best get on as I have now done my coffee enema, heat and air, rebounding, yoga, meditation and had my juice and supplements. Phew! It feels like I have been up for hours… oh I have! Ha ha!

Here’s a challenge for you. Why not name today Meatless Monday? Following the module last week going vegetarian or vegan may too much for you to take on especially if you love your meat! But how about introducing one day a week, let’s say Mondays, as being completely meat free! There are plenty of websites with vegetarian recipes on or alternatively replace meat with organic soy or fermented soy such as tempeh, or alternatively opt for a lovely soba noodle stir fry with lots of fresh veggies.

One last thought for the day… Be happy.  This is my favourite song right now. I challenge you not to be happy after listening to it!

Here it is: Pharrell Williams- Happy


Have a great day!

Light and Love



3 days in prague!

We have been in Prague for 3 days… How time flies. Our journey from Germany looked very straight forward but no… Nothing is that simple. The main motorway all of a sudden stopped and we were taken off it and into the depths of the Czech Republic. Now I don’t know if I am ‘fuller’ than normal but this made me ultra-stressed. The sat nav was taking us up little dirt tracks and at one point took us to a dead end where it actually though a road went. I could feel myself getting hot and flustered and tempers flared. Thankfully the motorway reappeared and the end of the journey into the city was actually quite painless. I laugh at it now but at the time I felt sick with stress.

The last few days have been great with plenty of walking, sightseeing, learning about the history of Prague along with weird and wonderful foods and drink. I am now at a point where I am longing for ‘normal’ foods.

Sleep has been amazing… One of the best beds ever!!

We have walked for hours, slept plenty and enjoyed each other’s company immensely.

Our adventure takes us back to Germany tomorrow where my treatment continues on Monday.

I feel relaxed but odd at being away from home for so long. I miss kitty but I do relish my time alone with my man. I’ve always wanted to go to Prague so there’s another one ticked off.

I have the deepest voice… which although initially sounded quite husky and sexy is now rather annoying!

It’s been a few days since I have blogged and it’s crazy to think that I can’t really remember what I’ve been doing! Ha! Ok clearing my thoughts and working backwards I have regained my memory.. I must be getting old.  

Friday I went to Oxford to do some shopping…My best friend’s wedding is getting closer and I still haven’t got a dress for it so I thought I should get my finger out. Well it wasn’t very fun. I tried on hundreds of dresses but nothing is grabbing me. I love it when I find something that I love. I want to buy something that I can wear more than once. I did come home with something which is lovely but I got straight on the internet on my return and ordered a few more dresses! Either way I will be fine for Sundays’ wedding…Thank goodness for credit cards.

I felt much better today and far less tired… this I felt was a good sign so Pete and I had a quite night snuffled in front of the TV watching rugby. My favourite past time… watching men’s legs on TV! He… The problem was I fell asleep and missed it all. Oops…

Saturday we got up early and drove to the coast where our boat is moored. The weather was bright and it was so peaceful when we got there. Then we got on the boat… and it wasn’t peaceful! As per usual and despite all our efforts to get someone to look after the boat in our absence- there was no power. Everything had stopped working and we sat there scratching our heads. It was then we were told that the metre on the electric cable provided by the marina was faulty. Brilliant. So we couldn’t start the boat…… ho hum… it was still relaxing there. We drove back to an afternoon of yet more legs! Yeha.. And some sun in the back garden. I spent a few hours going through old photos and half watching Johnny Wilkinson’s team win.

I am amazed how much fun I have had in just the past few years let alone the past nine years with my bear. And what is really funny is how different I look through the years. I see pictures of me bald and think how weird it looks but at the time I thought I looked cool. Make the best of a bad situation and deal with it. That’s what I thought. It was quite liberating. I prefer having some fluff on my head now though…..

Saturday night we were joined by a friend as we watched the Eurovision song contest. Seriously why did we bother to waste three hours of our life?! It was mind numbing but weirdly entertaining at times. I have to say to drown out the noise we did indulge in my favourite tipple, champagne. A bit too much me thinks… uh oh.

Sunday was a very chilled day. It transpires that I have a chesty cough and my voice has nearly gone. I thought it odd that the very drained feeling I had been having all week… it must have been leading to this chest infection. Explains a lot. I also have been having diarrhoea. This is very odd for me but probably my body is being very sensitive and evacuating as much nasty toxins as possible. I do not believe it is side effects of the chemo. It has only just happened and much likely will sort itself out quite quickly. I don’t feel upset or drained from it so that’s a bonus. I wonder if because I am on a break of the reishi mushrooms and spores that maybe my body has been a little more susceptible to illness and stress. I never stop the green juice so this is all good…. it will combat any illness.

I had a cheeky afternoon nap before we went to meet new friends whom we met in Ibiza last year. Our friends had travelled from Cork in Ireland and happened to be in our city so we had some good banter and getting to know each other better. I love meeting new people. So much fun and promises of us going to Cork to visit them later in the year maybe. Good times.

As expected I was tired again and headed for bed before ten pm. I slept really well until about 3am I had to rush to the loo with a bout of diarrhoea. So not feeling the best I slept till 7.30am and have had a day of trying to get better combined with house cleaning… it has to be done at some time and it makes me feel better knowing I live in a clean home, plus getting rid of dust is very important in my health and well being. I have the olbas oil diffusing as we speak and intend on doing an inhalation and bath later to really shift this lurgy. I have the deepest voice… which although initially sounded quite husky and sexy is now rather annoying! I’m annoying myself… ha ha


I have now had time for the scan results to sink in and marinade. I feel so empowered by the lack of information on the report. The fact that I have no tumours in my lymph is outrageously incredible. The lack of fluid round my heart is seriously exciting and the fact that the tumours in my lungs have had little change but are too small to assess makes me think that actually they have got smaller since February or else the radiologist is just too lazy to do his job. Then there is the good news of it not spreading to any other organ. Ye ha! I tell you i can deal with results like that but the summary of stable disease is exciting but I want more! I want it to be all clear.

I spent some time Saturday morning visualising. I now visualise the tumours to be incredibly small and that I can squish them with my fingers till they pop or I get a pin and burst them like bubbles. The white bloods cells are much bigger than the cancer cells and the pink cells carry the chemo drugs to gobble up the nasties. I have to imagine them not being there now too and to be sure I give the lymph nodes a once over too. You never can be too careful!

So for an afternoon of stuff…. I must get better quickly! More champagne to dinrk on Sunday! Whoop!

Met a friend who I haven’t seen for over 20 years. I’m not old enough!

Well it has been a few days since I have written my journal/blog. It’s been fun filled and entertaining as usual.

Friday was Rays’ (the fella we care for) 90th birthday! I have to admit I am surprised he has made it this far since he has been in hospital so much over the past few years but boy, he is alive and kicking and looking forward to life. I’ll give Ray his due he doesn’t stop thinking about the future and what more he can get out of life. I do think though he is a bit old and sometimes crazy in his thoughts. Such as thinking he can simply go out and start driving again and go off on trips when he can’t walk and doesn’t have a driving license but at least he has gumption. I like that word. He doesn’t stop dreaming and maybe that is why he is still here today. I personally would want to be more involved with other people to have friends. Ray doesn’t have any one but us but at least he has us right?

We bought him a cake (without 90 candles that would have been silly really!) then took him out for lunch. We actually had a lovely afternoon and bless him he was really pleased.

Then on into the weekend. Saturday was a special day for me. It had been in my diary for some months and although I was excited I didn’t have any expectations of what the weekend would be like.  Pete and I drove to Brighton to meet a friend I haven’t seen for more than 20 years! I know I simply am not old enough to have friends that long ago but sadly at nearly 38 years old I do! My friend Clare (another one- Clare’s were popular in my year!) and I used to go to school together. In fact in the last year leading to our gcses her parents moved to Wiltshire from Weymouth. So that Clare wouldn’t have to re sit her whole last year in a new school my parents said she could live with us. For six months Clare and I shared a bedroom. We had to laugh. My parents had a huge house which was a bed and breakfast yet Clare and I had the smallest room in the house. Clare’s bed pulled out from under my bed and I used to have to step over her to get up. We had a great time and it was bizarre what clare could remember from that era. My memory is terrible for certain things. Clare could remember dinners we would eat. My mum made things simple for us by always having the same dinners on certain days each week. Monday fry up night, Thursday was pasty, jacket potato and beans night ( except for Clare she hates baked beans and had spaghetti!) then Fridays was fish and chip night, Saturdays chilli con carne and Sunday of course a roast. Apparently Clare remembers Wednesday we would try something different each week. I can’t remember what Tuesdays were! I found that the fact that Clare could remember this amazing! Oh how we laughed. She remembers how mum would tell us off for having two showers each day! Sometimes three! Well at least we were clean. We did of course get up to mischief and luckily for Clare only got in trouble with my –parents for being a tad naughty every now and then. But saying that we always got our homework done first then went out to ‘play’! Clare was academically amazing, had big brown eyes and long gorgeous hair and a great figure. Sickening! I turned up at her front door on Saturday and there she was with three beautiful children looking as gorgeous and fit as ever. Yuk! We squealed for a while with all the excitement and woke the baby! Oops! Five hours flew by and we had didn’t stop chatting. We have so much in common. I definitely won’t be leaving it so long and can see a new friendship with her and her husband to come.

Saturday evening we met one of our friends from home who now lives in Brighton. We went to a vegetarian restaurant (much to Pete’s disgust initially!) which was amazing! Terra a Terre is a must for anyone. http://www.terreaterre.co.uk/  We all loved our food and Pete had a veggie version of fish and chips with haloumi. He thought it tasted better than real fish and chips! We then went and partied to old 90’s tunes. Such a great night. We spent our night at the grand hotel overlooking the sea. First thing the next morning I opened the curtains and the door to see bright sunshine and listen to the seagulls going about their way. After a hearty breakfast we walked and sat in the cold spring sunshine watching everyone making the most of the weather. I simply cannot remember such a chilled out and happy weekend.

On our drive home I felt amazed at how I feel so lucky to have such great friends. I have known so many people over the years but never made the effort to keep in touch. Thinking I didn’t need them and not realising how important they are to me.

I have in the last year rekindled many friendships all of which were in my life 37 years, 23 years, 15 years, and 9 years ago. I know we will now keep in touch and spend lots of time together. I’ve never had this many friends at once. Happy girl.

To top the weekend, Pete has been extra specially lovely. If that’s at all possible? We had so much love and cuddles and he is generous and kind with my friends. He is so easy to with everyone and what’s funny is everyone thinks they kind of know him already from having read my blog. My big wonderful Bear.

So the excitement doesn’t stop there. This weekend coming is a bank holiday. As a surprise Pete has said we are going away and to pack for somewhere cosmopolitan. In a conversation though he accidentally told me we are going to Rome! Bless him. He was gutted he let it out. But I don’t mind! So exciting. It is on my mood board of destinations I’d like to travel to and I have always wanted to go there!! Whoop!

 It’s funny being so busy at the weekend in a relaxed kind of way I felt less tired than I had all week. And today I woke up with a song in my head and feeling very cheery. I don’t feel sluggish and I certainly don’t want to sleep.  I’m almost half way through this cycle of chemo and I don’t really have any side effects except dry hands. But nothing that cream won’t sort out.

All the years I have always wanted to make sure I look after myself, moisturise my body after showering, body brushing, exercising, eating well, reading and more. And now I do them all the time. Ok so it’s because I have been prescribed them or need them for well being but inadvertently I am being the person I always wanted to be but was too lazy to be. My hands and feet are being moisturised every day. It’s crazy that I needed to wait for this to be ‘good’.

 Research has been coming in thick and fast recently. It seems triple negative is really quite a focus for many researchers. This of course pleases me! Apparently copper depletion has been found to ensure triple negative doesn’t spread or reoccur.

Researchers studied 40 women with tumours that were likely to recur. When given a copper-depleting drug, known as TM, patients had a reduction in cells that promote tumour growth.

“For the vast majority of them, their tumor didn’t come back. Even in those that we would really 100-percent expect their tumours to come back,” Dr. Linda Vahdat, Director of the Breast Cancer Research Program at Weill Cornell Medical College said.

Two patients with stage four triple-negative breast cancer are disease-free at four and five years.  Most triple-negative patients with advanced cancer die within ten months and 85 percent of patients with stage three or four breast cancers were disease-free at ten months.

Martha is one of them. Her cancer is still in remission and she’s hoping it will stay that way!

An evolving understanding of how tumour cells spread and set up shop in other organs led to the study of TM to prevent relapse in high-risk patients.

In order for a breast tumour to spread, it needs help. Tumour cells can migrate freely in the blood, but they need a specialized group of bone-marrow-derived cells called endothelial progenitor cells, or EPCs, to grow the blood vessels that feed a new tumour.

“If a breast cancer cell decides to go to the liver or lung or bone, these EPC cells help with establishment of those tumours,” said Baar.

Copper is a trace element we all need in small amounts for the formation of red blood cells and bone, as well as the absorption of iron. It’s also critical to mobilizing EPCs — when there isn’t enough copper available, the level of EPCs in the blood drops significantly.

TM is a copper chelation compound used to treat patients with Wilson’s disease, a rare genetic metabolism disorder that leads to excess copper in the blood. TM binds the excess copper and is then excreted as waste.

In the Cornell study, about 75 percent of the patients achieved the copper-depletion target using TM after one month of therapy, and in these patients there was a significant reduction in EPCs.

Whoa! This is amazing news. I think I need to know more about this copper depletion…..

There are more Bears out there…

I don’t know what is wrong with me but I only slept for 3 hours last night. I am at this moment a bit jaded. Although, first thing this morning I was wide awake and raring to go… Don’t ya just hate it when that happens? I don’t think I am preoccupied but I must have thought about absolutely everything last night…. such a shame. I feel cheated. The night before however was a completely different story. I had to go to bed at 8pm. I was falling asleep trying to watch a TV show. I just didn’t feel right. Every day is so different. I think I am very sensitive to what my body needs and when I need to sleep I just have to listen to it and go for it. I had such a good day though with my clients. A whole afternoon of working and I loved every minute of it. I really do look forward to my next day of working.

I definitely feel that I am eating too much at the moment too. I’m not sure if I am doing it out of boredom or what? But I don’t like it. I like eating only when I am hungry and I don’t want to let my head take over and get the better of me. It’s my head that got me into this whole mess in the first place!

Yesterday was a good day, after seeing Ray for a visit I had my reflexology session. It was amazing as usual… I simply can’t get enough of it. She really feels things are working well and that my lungs are good. That’s what I like to hear. Needless to say still no appointment for the CT scan but that’s ok as I am in no hurry to have one!

It dawned on me today that all I ever wanted was control and the more I tried to control things and my life the less I had. In fact all I had was anxiety and would rush around like a looney. Now I am trying to control everything in my life less and I think I have more of a handle on it… weird how things go…… A good example is my kitty. I tried to make her a lap cat for so long and would grab her for cuddles and she hated it, and me! Now every morning she leaps on top of me in bed and sits facing me with a big smile on her face. All the years I have had her and all I wanted was to have a lap cat. I stopped trying and there I go getting what I want. There’s a lesson in there.

You know it has made me think would it really matter if the canSer didn’t go fully? I will still have to have a CT scan regularly and as long as I am well I will be fine. I am starting to understand that canSer is a chronic illness not necessarily a life threatening disease. That’s a real thought…..


Today we have friends visiting from Nottingham. They are staying with us for the weekend. If the weather looks good tomorrow then there is nothing better than punting and swigging champagne out of the bottle but I fear we may need to take a brolly or do something more suited to the weather. It’s been raining here all night long. I don’t mind as my garden needed it but I could do with some bright warmth. I feel like a wilting flower. I am striving to go into full bloom but without the rays it ain’t gonna happen!

I saw this link today and thought I was the only lucky girl in the world to have a bear but it seems there is another lucky triple negative survivor with a Bear.

This article featured on American news is really heart warming…

‘Pandora’s Josh Huffman was one of five people honoured Wednesday in Columbus as one of Stefanie’s Champions.

The program annually honours those whose dedication and strength were powerful influences in the lives of cancer survivors. Huffman was nominated by his wife, Laura, a breast cancer survivor.

This is not the first time Huffman has been honoured. In August 2007, he was recognized for saving a woman and child from a van submerged in a flooding river near their home.

“I felt his strength and calmness … it went straight to my soul during a time when my strength and sense of peace was nonexistent,” Laura Huffman said about Josh. She did not tell her husband she was nominating him for the award.

“If she would have, I would not have let her enter my name. I like to stay in the background,” Josh Huffman said. He learned about being selected as one of the champions on Valentine’s Day. “She gave me a card telling me about the award.”

Laura said she learned about the award while reading a book by Stefanie Spielman. Speilman wrote about how her husband, Chris, went above and beyond his role as husband to care for her throughout her battle with cancer.

“It embodied everything Josh was for me,” Laura said. “Josh didn’t skip a beat. He learned everything about breast cancer including the terminology and treatment plan. He always was able to tell me what to expect and what was next.”

At age 31 with a husband and three small children, Laura was diagnosed with advanced triple negative breast cancer. Laura said Josh was at every appointment, making the drive from Pandora to Columbus, regardless of work commitments or how big or small the appointment was.

He rallied Laura through 16 weeks of dense dose chemotherapy, bilateral mastectomies, 38 radiation treatments and two stages of reconstruction. He started a binder, filling it with notes, asking questions and researching everything possible.

Josh Huffman said the hardest part about being a caregiver is seeing your spouse going through the treatments, pain and challenges of having cancer.

“The blessings we received though are all the help we had from our family, friends and church,” he said. “The good part of people around you shines through when you’re struggling.”

Prior to the banquet at Ohio State University’s Archie M. Griffin Grand Ballroom, the couple were interviewed for several hours to allow the “Stefanie’s Champions” staff to prepare a video on their story. The video was shown at the banquet.

Josh Huffman was presented a glass plaque during the awards ceremony. Accompanying the Huffman’s to the banquet were their three children; Laura’s mother, Kathy Green; Josh’s parents, Charles and Jayne Huffman; and his sister-in-law Amber Huffman. Laura’s father, Don, was out of town and unable to attend.

“We had the opportunity to meet Urban and Shelley Meyer, who were the honorary chairs during the ceremony,” Josh Huffman said. “We really enjoyed that. Especially our children.”

The couple said they will continue to advocate for cancer research and urge their friends to get screened for early detection.’


Awww she is a lucky girl as am I. Bless our Bears. Light and Love. X

Full of beans today following a day of being at Hangover central…..

Saturday night was great fun. After checking into our hotel and preparing for the night ahead we made it to our Vintage tea party-A gaggle of girls drinking jasmine tea champagne cocktails, eating scones and cream and tiny little sandwiches with fillings such as rose petals and honey. It was lovely eating things I wouldn’t normally eat and to be around such a great group of girls. Everyone had made such an effort dressing up in some vintage era from the 20’s through to the 70’s. We finished our night at a Brazilian themed club where we attempted to dance. I say attempted because the music was bizarre and we had all had enough to drink! My feet were killing me. I love wearing heels but they don’t like me.

I really enjoy meeting new people. I get a bit nervous beforehand but I am always so pleased I did. Their reaction to me having canSer was so positive too. I didn’t just dump that info on them, they already had been told of my background and some already follow me on my blog and facebook page. They all seemed to think that I looked well and healthy. That’s one thing I have got totally bagged at the moment. It was a great night… but sleeping with that much alcohol in me was a recipe for insomnia!

I was luckily feeling quite well when I got up and thankfully my wonderful man was picking us up the next morning. At this point I felt chipper and full of beans but after a few hours I think I got a delayed hangover. My man took us for a lovely veggie brekkie in East London before delivering us (the bride to be and my other friend and I) all to our respective homes and destinations. Once home I spent the afternoon on the sofa feeling a little sorry for myself. I felt hugely overtired and a little yucky in general. I can safely say drinking like that is no good for me! Luckily I have a Bear that loves looking after me and fed me up (he is a feeder! Ha ha!) And made me healing tea to flush it out of my system quick fast!

I would have thought bed time couldn’t come quick enough but once tucked up I couldn’t sleep! I hate that overtired feeling. You are so tired and sleep deprived you can’t relax. My body was quite shaky and I sweated for most of the night, it didn’t interfere much with sleep though and today I feel full of beans again!

I have felt on such a high for most of today. My mind has been clear and I have got lots of jobs done and things ticked of my ‘mental‘list. I am amazed I feel so well. I was expecting to feel sluggish and had planned on taking things slow today. But no need… I feel fab!

The day started with watching or rather listening to the news. I struggle to open my eyes in the mornings so listening to the breakfast news is as far as it gets. They told of a new trend in couples meshing their names. Instead of the lady adopting her husband’s name or going for double barrelled names they link and combine their names together. For example one couple names were Griffin and Pew so decided to become Puffin. This tickled me pick and I told Pete once he got out of the shower that as my name was Finch and his is Grant we would be Mr and Mrs Grinch!  Oh how we chuckled. He did say that it suited us! Pah! I don’t think so. We are the opposite of being Grinch –like. Still it is very funny.

I decided today that I would make a food plan for our meals this week. Pete is starting at the gym and he will be home later than normal so I think I should get on with cooking the meals. I ploughed through my new recipe books like Sexy Crazy Kitchen, Honestly Healthy and The Guilt free Gourmet and made a list of recipes that I would like to try this week. I have now made myself a shopping list and will buy everything tomorrow. I plan on making meals that will have leftovers for lunch the following day so that Pete can take some to work too. I think this is a good way of sticking to a healthy diet and one which means there is no hassle at tea time. I am very proud of my forward planning.

I finished my book, Thunk today too. It is quite a hard read as it’s all about clearing your mind using certain techniques and meditation. It has some really good pointers and makes so much sense but I think I may need to revisit the book when I do forget sometimes and become ‘cluttered’. Now on with the other ten books sitting on my shelf! Where to start?

 Today’s research: Pete found more interesting news today from researchers presenting at the AACR Annual Meeting 2013. Paragazole is a novel histone deacetylase inhibitor developed at CU Boulder in the laboratories of Xuedong Liu and Andy Phillips, being tested at the CU Cancer Center. HDAC –Histones play a critical role in cell cycle progression, and developmental events.  In this study, Diamond and colleagues tested the drug against a range of breast cancer cell lines with and without combination with chemotherapies paclitaxel, gemcitabine or carboplatin. Interestingly, it was specifically the cell lines that didn’t express oestrogen – the aggressive, triple-negative cells – that were most affected by paragazole.  

It seems ever since I started fundraising I have noticed there are so many other people making the effort to raise money for different causes too. I met one of the Hen’s friends the other night that is going to being running the London Marathon in a few weeks for Bliss, a charity for premature babies. As her baby was premature she felt compelled to help others. What’s amazing is that she has two small children and also works. She is Wonder Woman!

Here is a link to her blog and at the bottom of it is a link to her giving page if you would like to make a donation. I made my donation earlier today; http://mojomums.co.uk/blogs/sarahs-story/

This is the charity she is supporting; www.bliss.org.uk

So go on spread the love and please help a worthy cause.

Here’s a picture from Saturday night…

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Have a cracking Easter! No chocolate eggs for me though……

Today has been busy! I’ve decided that from now on I will be working a few afternoons a week. The main reasons are to get some normality in my life, for money and because I love it! I have had 7 clients this afternoon all of which have rebooked. I have been so blessed with this business. I am totally passionate about it. I get to chat girly gossip, make women look and feel amazing and I work from my home environment. What could be better?

I’ve been thinking a lot today about the news last night. Researchers have stated that there are 49 new genetic faults that appear to drive the breast canSer. Women who inherit most of these have a 30% chance of developing the disease, more than three times the national average. Some of the faults were only predictive of the most aggressive, and dangerous, form of the cancer, called oestrogen receptor negative breast cancer.

Blimey.. That’s outrageous isn’t it but so very exciting?! Treatments can be individualised and hopefully drugs or treatments can prevent many women from actually getting breast canSer. It does feel like science maybe catching up at las don’t you think?

I have received more mail from my new followers and friends. Helen Whetton is trying to raise one million pence to raise money for breast cancer charities. She seems unstoppable and is not only going to attempt to run the marathon and trying to organise a charity ball but is now organising a quiz night. The poster is attached. I feel all a bit tingly with how many people are raising funds and getting involved with charity fundraising. I just love it.

I started my day as normal with meditation. I am now on week three of the Deepak Chopra perfect health challenge. Today’s centring thought: ‘My little changes amount to big benefits.’ Today’s mantra is; ‘Everything I desire is within me’. I couldn’t agree more!

Tonight Pete is out and I am going to finish work at about 6.30pm so I think a soothing soak in the tub is in order. I still scrub every day and at the same time do my affirmations( I sound mad talknig to myself but hey ho) so tonight I am going to clear my thoughts, soothe my aching back and detox with some Epsom salts.

Easter is this weekend. I won’t be having normal Easter eggs sadly. I have got myself a bar of dark organic chocolate. This is important in the diet apparently so I will indulge a little bit. I won’t be indulging in alcohol though. Pete is on a new regime and I really need not to drink as much, according to the scientists on TV. Sometimes it sucks. I love champagne! Champagne is the answer! Most of the time. I have decided that this weekend to fill our time we will be decorating, creating mocktails Bear style, planning holidays( hopefully booking some- nudge nudge wink wink Pete!) and generally getting things done and not being tempted by anything! We will see how long that lasts…..

Have a cracking Easter break all!

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