It’s the Wimbledon Final and we settle down in front of the telly with 100s of articles, papers and web links to try and get our thinking into some sort of order so that we can make the changes we need to.
The first as most important thing is to change our thinking. This is hugely helped by a long telephone conversation with an amazing lady, who despite suffering terribly with chemo and several re-occurrences has found the strength to say not to chemo this time and to invest in non-drug therapy with a holistic approach guided by sound science.
She confirmed our feeling that this isn’t about cure but living until a cure is found. It seems strange that with such huge resource and so many dedicated scientists that we are not there now.
We immediately implement the first three points of the plan, physical fitness, mental fitness and complete nutritional change.
Claire went to her close cousins wedding for 3 days with her Mum. This gave me literally 22 hours a day to research, plan, communicate and understand and the difficulties over those days is probably what created this web site. If you are already on day 6, I am so sorry that we didn’t get this to you sooner.
To be able to come to one place and understand Carboplatin, Bevacizumab in Triple Negative Untreated Metastatic Breast Cancer and Radio Frequency Ablation is why we all need to share.
The result of 3 days research and huge amounts of good luck and the kindness of people who help in every way they can and to whom Claire and I are more grateful than could be thought possible, resulted in our first 10 point plan, which is on the website.
It’s about now that we come to the stark realisation that most of what you read and research is totally negative. We need to start thinking in a different way and doing it fast as when Claire comes home she will need to not just know but understand that everything will be alright.
I base the plan on three factors, which most seem to agree, contribute to the huge number of cancers affecting the western world
- Toxins in our environment. (We live in the country so hope this may be a little negated)
- Food processing. (We have removed anything non organic, pre-processed and not traceable to source. All foods are now driven by known anti carcinogens)
- Processed sugar (This is the biggest contribution to cancer growth and we have completely removed this. Which is not as easy as it seems)
We started to move into the light. I had a conference to attend, which I left after about 30 minutes as my mind was a blur. This could not be happening and my thoughts were a complete jumble, where to start?
First thing was to decide if we should tell anyone. Our theory on this, was, that is someone asked they cared and if they cared we would not pretend to them. In this way surprisingly on day 2 most of our friends were told – just goes to show how many people think of you all the time.
The day I had always dreaded. Claire called me up at work and tried to sound chirpy, but failed miserably. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news” She said.
The good news is that I don’t have to have any more Chemo “Whooo hoooo”. Then the bad news came. I don’t think I really heard anymore after that. Just a smashing in my heart, that shared the space with odd words, like lungs, tumours, untreatable and life expectancy.
Claire asked if I could talk to Dr Miranda Payne. I called and she kindly returned my call, with a lot more of the same, just more detailed. Again the 2 year life expectancy raised its head (how many times have I read that since about almost every cancer). The end of the call left me with no hope at all and is perhaps an over management of expectation because the one thing we have left is hope and unless there really is NO HOPE then it’s cruel to crush so fully.
Not sure how I drove home, alternately screaming at God to not take my Baby and crying for myself utterly selfishly knowing that I simply can’t live without her.
That evening was tears, hugs and exhaustion – It was the darkest time.