Hi this is Bear,
I started writing this as an email to Tom, whose loved one is a survivor, but as Claire is feeling a bit under the weather I thought I would step in and make it a blog for all the Bears. Husbands, lovers, brothers, sisters, children and friends who are helping a brave lady through this terrible time in their lives.
And there it is. The first thing to point out, we always say “terrible time”, but the most important thing is to make it the greatest time, none of us know how long we may be given on the earth and we are all, after all “terminal”. So Claire and I have tried in everything, to make the demands of canSer fun and exciting but I feel that the best advice I could give, is to look at life within simple elements.
The most important thing is to have a plan. We created the ten point plan on day 3 of diagnosis and so far although the components have changed the plan is still the same (https://www.triplenegative.co.uk/tenpointplan.aspx ). Having a plan gives you strength and helps to adjust as better treatments evolve.
Then you have to LIVE. It can be easy for canSer to consume. For every thought and action to be related to the disease. Whilst you are fighting, you have life and the opportunity to do what you can to make sure that you drain every drop from that life. Leave no regrets and live with canSer as a perceived issue don’t live a life of canSer.
Live in gratitude for all things. I know that platitudes are painful, but we both truly believe that life is not measured by the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away. We have been so blessed, in love and friendship, in the opportunities we have had and the life we have been able to live. Things that for many who live until 90 will never be achievable. Every breath of wind on a sunny day, the kindness we see around us, all of these things help us to face every day with love and light.
And finally – don’t compare. Never look at statistics they mean nothing. If 1 person out of 100 survives then that is 100% survival for that person. Be that person. canSer is the disease, which we try and classify, but we should be looking at every patient and as far as I know everyone is different -so never compare.
I hope that in some small way this helps. I wish you all love and never forget that we are million strong and that the medical world is changing quickly. In as little as two years we could have a cure – let’s all make sure we are here to see that day.