Had a terrible night sleep. bear was poorly and it was ultra hot. Such a shame too as it was my last night with the Bear for a few days as I’m visiting mum in Dorset. We didn’t get to see each other on my birthday and it’s hers this week. We always have such a lovely time together. As per we got stuck in doing jobs as soon as I arrived! This afternoon we did a spot of gardening and then chilled reading for an hour. Mum is always keen to eat like me when I am down so this evening we had a plate of veg! Sounds basic but that’s essentially what we had. I really feel the need to eat well as I feel I’ve been polluting my body. The problem is I constantly feel like I want to celebrate or have a treat! I need the switch in my head to go so that I become really strong and focused. I need will power.I need to stop wanting treats and realise that giving myself pure foods is giving myself pure foods is giving myself a treat. It goes back to Kris Carrs’ theory that sugar and white starchy carbs are like crack cocaine! So addictive. I think I’m a bit hard on myself though…I just know I could be better.
Ive been reading about death- facing it, preparing for it and dealing with it. I’m trying to understand that death doesn’t have to be something we are afraid of. By dealing with those thoughts make life even more exciting and worth living. I want to feel calm about it. I think if I dealt with the fact that we all di eventually and that there could be something very blissful and exciting ahead of us then I could let it go. No need to expel thoughts, fears or worries in it. I’m starting to get it. I’m afraid of there being nothing. And fear of never seeing or feeling my loved ones again. I don’t want to be without them…or be alone and scared. It gives me more drive to be alive and to to accept and prepare fro death mentally and spiritually. Bear isn’t afraid. He’s so sensible. I miss him. I know he misses me. 🙂