Do I still have canSer?

Sigh… A weekend of happiness. I didnt blog because I was far too chilled out. My mood lifted and I had a great time. The weather has been cold but sunny so we took a drive to the boat to make sure she is all ready for winter. Pete’s sister met us for lunch and we exchanged Christmas gifts. Then hopped back in the car to home- Pete did his chores- visitng Ray in hospital (Yep, he’s back there again) and shopping whilst I unpacled boat stuff and got our selves ready for a big night in front of the TV.

Sunday, I allowed myself not to do meditation, yoga or exercise. We got up early and out to Reading for some shopping. It was meant to be Christmas shopping (maybe two things were bought for other people!) the rest was for me! It’s weird because only four months ago I thought to myself what is the point of buying anything when I might die. I just don’t feel like that at all now. Even though I ask myself many times a day, ‘ Am I doing things right?’ ‘Do I still have canSer?’ In my gut I just feel that I’m going to be ok. When I was going through chemo around Christmas a few years ago having a chilled loving weekend like I have just had would have got me all teary eyed and upset at the thought of never having that time again, but I just don’t feel like that any more! I feel blessed, happy, excited… I’m like a child! However I do know that Santa doesn’t exist. (Oh poo. I hope there any children reading this!)

I have to admit I really want a break from the pressure of having to be so focussed. I do have my little treats where I do stray from my plan but I think it would be brilliant if I could just know that I am doing enough and that I don’t have to up it at all. I’m already doing really well I think.

Again I feel great today. I do have moments of tiredness but is that this time of the year?

I’ve had some great feedback from people following me. More than anything I long to have good news so that I can help more people get their lives back.

With regards to my results, that hasn’t got to me yet. I know it’s coming and I know there is nothing I can do about it but I do have everything crossed. Part of me thinks, nothing is ever that easy… and the other part of me thinks it has been more than three months since my last scan and a lot can happen in that time. I suppose it’s easier to believe the bad stuff. I totally knwo that there is no point in worrying and as Lindy, my sister in law says, ‘You’re not ill! Look at you!’ I have to agree with her. It’s like some sick joke, being told you have a life limiting disease when I don’t feel at all.

So today I am going to do more drawings, and hopefully get some reading done (after the washing and cleaning of course!) I don’t want to lose my flow and to lose sight of the end goal so I must keep going.

(A little bit of exciting gossip- Pete was at the Estate Agent of the Year awards last week and one of his clients, Haus won an award. A memeber of Haus’s team approached pete and said that she has seen my website. She said that her sister does the same thing.. maybe we know of her? The chairty and website is called Coppafeel! Well of course we know of it and have thought of Kris as a pioneer. You never know maybe we can get our heads together.)

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