Yesterday I went for my weekly pranic healing session. I know that people think I must be mad but each to their own. I get a lot from it. I suppose it is odd as I don’t have any physical therapy but I am open to believing in anything at this stage. Plus I have a friend who has the treatment and really believes the canSer he has, has reduced due to this healing work.
I take from it what I can. Les, the healer suggested I do a ‘Soul Forgiveness’ prayer and to truly imagine letting go of any resentments or conflicts that I may be harbouring. When you have canSer there are plenty of those and to be honest even when you haven’t got canSer. We all have our hang ups, but I believed I had put a lot of my ‘stuff’ away… let it go and so on. In the last 18 months I have done plenty of soul searching as I believe negative emotions need to be released so that you can truly release a disease or any illness that manifests itself in one’s body.
Les asked me last week, when I was feeling pretty delicate and emotional if there was anything that could be deep within me that I am not letting go off. And my dad popped into my head.
He had called me a few days earlier and left a voicemail. Quite normal I guess for most reading this. But for me my dad has always been a bit of a sore subject.
Being completely honest and laying all my cards on the table for the public to read (I sometimes have to remind myself that this journal of mine is there for all to see) my dad is a big drinker. He always has been throughout my whole life. Having to admit he is an alcoholic is pretty hard. Especially as he is the greatest man that ever lived. Well all dads are to their daughters when they are growing up. Being from the east end of London he is a grafter and ‘Jack of all trades’. He could build anything and regularly did our house and garden up. A truly amazing hard working individual. But this was regularly marred by his drinking habits and the person he turned into when he drank. As with any drinker they all become loud and obnoxious. I have hated seeing him like this all my life. I think mainly because you never knew what kind of mood he would be in when he got home.
Sadly my mum had enough of ‘that’ person a few years ago and decided that life without him was better for her soul. I don’t blame her.
But that didn’t stop me from wishing he would stop drinking and be the dad that I absolutely adored as a child. The thing is if he rings after 1pm I generally avoid the call. 9 times out of 10 he would have been drinking and I really cannot tolerate that person.
I told Les about how I felt about him. That my dad only tells me he loves me when he is drunk. He was never a very cuddly kind of person and it makes me cry every time he says it. I guess because it feels like he has to be drunk to tell me. That’s really sad. There has been many occasions where we have had full blown arguments whilst he has been drunk. Once when I was at a radiotherapy session, I left him decorating my treatment room. I got home to a very drunk excuse of a man. I had only been gone an hour and half. I was devastated. I went nuts. We didn’t really speak for nearly a year. I felt let down and angry. But I suppose I didn’t really consider how he felt about it all. This is no excuse though…
Les felt that I needed to work on the Soul Forgiveness prayer and picture my dad looking all dressed up and healthy and imagine making up and letting him walk away and having no feelings of anxiety when he left.
I have been doing it for a whole week, really picturing my dad and thought it was going well. I told Les that my dad had rung and left a voicemail again but I hadn’t called back. Old habits die hard I guess. Les suggested I go home and call him immediately and see how I felt.
I didn’t. I forgot actually. But last Friday I looked at my phone at 5pm and thought,’I’m going to call my dad’. I knew he would have been drinking but I didn’t feel worried.
So I called. My dad was thrilled to hear me and was overly excited. He had been drinking and was swearing like a trooper and laughing loudly but I didn’t feel any anxiety. I felt happy to hear him. He told me how his winter had been and asked how treatment was going and told me a few secrets. Bless him. Then he said the nicest things about Peter. That Pete is the best thing that has ever happened to me. (I already knew that but how nice to hear it from your dad!) He said that he couldn’t have wished for a better man to take care of his daughter. We talked for about an hour and arranged for him to visit sometime this summer. (To be honest I told him to bring his tools, I so need some work doing on the house!) He kept saying how pleased he was that I had called and that I had brightened up his day.
I have to say I felt great. I felt at peace. I understand that he must be a troubled soul and how lonely he must feel sometimes. I can’t stop him from being a drinker but I can help myself feel better about him.
I told Les yesterday all about it and he was thrilled for me. I am to continue doing the Soul Forgiveness prayer and maybe other people will pop up that I need to forgive or maybe they need to forgive me. Whichever way you look at it is a great way to make peace with yourself and allow yourself to be free.
I have felt brighter ever since I spoke to my dad. I urge everyone to give a go.
Here is the prayer.
I the soul ask for total forgiveness from any person, any being on all levels for any Pain, suffering and any sorrow that I may have caused you in this life or the past.
I also forgive any person any being on all levels for any pain, suffering and any sorrow that you may have caused me in this life or the Past.
We are all souls, we are all evolving I release you please release me, go in peace,
SO BE IT! SO BE IT! SO BE IT!
Whilst saying the prayer imagine the person dressed nicely and happy and let them turn and walk away and go into the distance. Keep practising until you feel nothing when that person or situation is mentioned.
Light and love… I hope your soul becomes calm and happy.