Goodbye January, Hello February!

It’s February already.. Blow me down with a feather. January was one testing month and after my last blog we have been keeping busy as always. Madly we have been away again to Austria, skiing. I know, we are mad based on my physical health from my last blog, but the holiday had been booked for some months.

The day before we left I was in an awful state. The coughing had made my ribs become really inflamed again to the point of not being able to move without being in complete agony. I have been foxed by this debilitating inflammation over the years of having canSer. Once again it was destined to cause me problems. I really thought, how am I going to walk or sleep as lying down hurt just as much as sitting or walking? I didn’t want to upset Pete but I was very afraid. He was carrying all our luggage and being brilliant. It’s mainly due to him being calm and supportive that overnight the pains really suppressed and I could at least sit without feeling in complete agony on the flight.

I was of course doubtful that I would be able to ski. But with the best will in the world Pete had me out on the pistes the very first day. It was a bit of a disaster though. The weather was awful. I was petrified of hurting myself and we actually couldn’t see the piste! Not ideal at all. We decided that day wasn’t the day to be brave and came home early. It did knock our confidence but the next day and the one after that was beautiful and the conditions improved over the week, as did my condition. I was skiing very rigidly and the air was very thin but I just felt so grateful to be able to get out and be sort of healthy and really enjoy being alone with my Bear yet again.

The apartment we stayed in was lovely, however, and this is a big however, it was up quite a steep hill which in the morning we had to climb stairs to get to the pistes and in the evening had to battle the incline to get home. I actually liked the challenge and was grateful for the extra exercise. That’s what I said after having completed the climb. But before the climb I didn’t have the same sentiment!

We skied about 25km a day and tried to really take it easy and take it all in. Because we were self-catering we were really careful with food and It was the best time to really nourish ourselves. I felt in control and then I got my mojo back.

Pete could tell I was afraid still so bought me a back/rib support. It was amazing. It really helped me get over my fear of skiing and I could relax and follow Pete closely on the pistes like I usually do. Perhaps a little too close on occasions!

I felt so grateful that Pete convinced me to ski. I feel so grateful to the weather turning out amazing and the conditions being fantastic. And now I am home I feel motivated to get healthy and fit again despite the nagging cough and sore ribs.

 

Whilst away I received voicemails and emails from Prof Harris secretary asking me to contact her. Gulp… oh God. I called and there was nothing to worry about. She gave me my brain scan results that I had the week before we went away. All good in the hood! No new lesions and the tiny one that was treated with gamma knife still remains. But as Prof says it could be a blood vessel or scar tissue. Yay! That cheered me up. I was told by the secretary my CT scan results would be given the following week at an appointment with the Prof. Ok…. Good.

So yesterday Pete and I met at the hospital nice and early and the Prof breezed in the room and said everything was looking good. In detail, no new lesions. None in the liver or peritoneum. Spinal lesions still predominantly sclerotic. The Right lung that has been treated with ablation has got a big hole in it. Basically things are changing in there and it will take time to see what occurs. Any other lesions that were remaining are stable and unchanged. Lymph nodes are all subcentrimetre therefore classed as normal. So yay! Although I always walk away feeling a little bemused. It would be lovely to be told that everywhere is clear. It’s never that simple though.

Whilst there I explained the pain I am suffering so Prof examined me and feels that the broken rib I had has calcified and formed a small lump. Under ribs are nerves that sit in a groove or channel. He thinks that the lump is causing the nerve to be unable to sit flat and is getting aggravated causing pain. He has suggested that I see someone to get an injection to stop that nerve pathway. He is writing to the relevant people for me.

Pete is lovely. He says ignore the report stating there are stable lesions. It basically means I have no evidence of disease as they never specify where they are or the size of them. I asked Prof Vogl about the other lesions and he says there aren’t any?! I am at a loss. But the main thing to think is they haven’t changed, they cause no problem so ignore them.

Right now I need the right lung to recover and get rid of the biggest tumour, which I am confident was done during the ablation. I am trying not to cough caused by the ablation. I now know it isn’t a lymph node causing that issue but the damage/healing of the ablation in the lung that is.  It drives me mad…..

I emailed Prof Vogl with the reports and he was really pleased. I think. His emails are so short and sweet and a little hard to understand. But I think the gist was him being pleased.

 

So now we are back we are not going for treatment this month, which is nice to be at home and have us to focus on. I feel motivated to exercise and began my rituals on Monday. Tuesday I couldn’t walk from such stiff legs! Haha! You wouldn’t think I would feel that way after a week of skiing and climbing hills! Yet I cannot walk… Stretches are killing me! Imagine someone walking like they have been riding a horse! Yep, that’s me.

 

So that’s us all up to date. My mind is a whirlwind and the thoughts and emotions change so regularly. I wish I could bottle my motivation and stay in this frame of mind. CanSer confuses me so much and it’s hard for me and Pete and everyone else to have a normal life. What is normal? That’s something I haven’t got the energy to think about right now… I need lunch!

I just want to say a huge thank you once again to all my followers on facebook who have been so supportive through my mad January triple negative breast cancer traumas… I love you all!

XXX

 

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