It’s been a few days since I’ve written my journal. I had a good couple of days finishing off the bracelets. I have mounted them on little cards I designed which have been printed for me and paid for by Pete, however I buggered up and didn’t proof them right and noticed a spelling mistake- argh! I was devastated. Adam who is our friend and works with Pete kindly went back to the printers and told them what I am making them for and they kindly reprinted them for free. I was well chuffed. I never expected that. I’m always overwhelmed by the kindness of people.
I have posted on Facebook that as of Wednesday I am going to be promoting and selling the bracelets. I have had a big response already from interest in people wanting to buy and sell them for me. One lovely group of sisters who lost their mum to triple negative breast canSer are having a fund raiser and want to have some of my bracelets to sell. I feel good. I knew it was a good idea and be known everyone that each and every one has been made with love.
So I am now in Germany, for round two of my vaccinations. But the weekend started on a high before we even left good ol blighty. England won against France at the six nations rugby tournament. That made for a happy house hold.
Coming to Germany is never a hassle except for getting up at 4am to get a 7.55 am flight. By the time I arrive in Duderstadt I am sooo tired. I was in bed by 7.30pm and slept for over 10 hours! Seriously I love sleeping. The beds here despite being traditionally German (separate) have the best mattresses and duvets… Happy cat today!
So what else can I say except since my great news I have been overwhelmed with the support from everyone. Once upon a time I was so negative and segregated from people. What I mean by that is that I thought I didn’t need anyone for support except my man. I never kept in touch with friends and they would come and go out of my life so quickly. Thankfully my true friends are here now and I have never felt so ‘full’. (I have also cut ties with toxic relationships and I feel good about that too)
In the last few days mum and my friend Liz have been putting pictures of me and her on Facebook from our early years mainly in fancy dress, yes, as a hula girl (and a wind up doll- apparently mum did have other fancy dress for me!) I cannot believe how many friends still keep in touch but boy we were cute! Ha ha…
It is seriously snowing here and after my treatment (which consisted of heat treatment up to 42.5 degrees to confuse and shake up the cells and an injection of Newcastle disease virus) we decided to drive to the Harz mountains again for wait for it….. Cafe unt kuchen which translates as coffee and cake. Ok so not part of my normal diet but weighing up the 80/20 rule it had to be done! Oh my, hot apple strudel and coffee.. I was like Hammy from Over the Hedge after. What a sugar and caffeine rush.. I am going to have a crashing low soon I am sure of it! With all the excitement and energy, I have been getting all excited about holidays and destinations I want to travel to. The list is getting longer as well as my to do list such as watching a Shakespeare play in an open air theatre. I have technically done this when I was 11 years old but not as an adult. Also watching opera and more. I’m so excited about the future.
How do I feel since getting the good news last week? Apart from feeling good and initially nervous that what if I am changing things and it may start growing again? I now feel really calm. Not so calm that I become complacent but calm as in being kind to myself. I am still taking everything seriously and I am trying my best everyday but if I don’t feel like exercise or meditation which on Saturday I felt like having a lie in, then I simply go with the flow. That’s one of my affirmations. Let life flow. It’s important for me. Still take every day as it comes and be grateful for every moment on this earth but make plans for the future. I think the biggest thing for me which goes round in my head is that I have the will to live. That’s the most important thing- I have such strong will to live that I actually believe I can beat this. I have a deep feeling of peace and I know I want to be here more than anything. But I do have to say that I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for my Bear. Truly. It’s down to his hard work, his love, commitment and intelligence. Oh plus his skills at driving! There’s no way I could drive in Germany let alone the snow! Ha ha! So that’s that.. All up to date.. Enjoying life. Of course I would love to have the all clear-NOW! But it could be worse and lets face it I get some more time with my boy all on my own.
Tomorrow is vaccination day then our trip back home. Time flies…. But I have so much to squeeze out of life..
Better get planning