Yay it’s Friday! I know I shouldn’t really mind what day it is because I don’t currently work therefore making me a lady of leisure however Friday means that tomorrow is Saturday… and that means my Bear isn’t working. That then means a little snuggly lie in and lots of snuffles on the sofa! Yay again…
It’s true, life troubles can make or break couples and for me and my man it has just made us stronger. Every single day is different. I mean life’s a battle anyway. I never know how I am going to feel, and that can be hormonal or just because things don’t go as planned, and motivation isn’t bursting out of me. For Pete, his business proves challenging every day, I would imagine. But having canSer or any other long term illness, every day can be a struggle. I spend so much time thinking about how I am feeling and what I am going to do that day such as preparing food, meals etc. I think I am too self involved. It’s ingrained into me now. I need to be very aware of how I am feeling just in case I am missing something. But what I hadn’t noticed is how I feel when I start feel better.
There is no wonder Pete can get down by my constant observations of every little niggle, feeling of nausea, pain in my head or ribs, you name it I’ve had it! He loses sleep and it has a snowball effect.
But yesterday I realised I had sneezed. A really good sneeze. And I hadn’t doubled up in pain, almost passed out and collapsed on the floor. (Ask my friends and family. I am not exaggerating!)
Yes, I had sneezed and felt very little discomfort! What?! In the months that I have struggled turning over in bed (I sound like a little dog being trodden on- haha!), I haven’t been able to do abdominal exercises (this has pained me as I love having great abs!) and felt complete agony doing the hike in Yosemite as I thought my lungs were going to burst as I couldn’t take deep breathes in as my ribs were aching so much.
This is something to celebrate. But it got me thinking. What other things hadn’t I noticed?
Well let’s start at the top eh?
My hair is growing nicely. It looks odd being patchy and dark in colour. My last pelt grew in the summer months so came through sun bleached but hey ho it keeps things exciting and new. Every time it grows back it is different, all except the cow’s lick that continues to show itself off proudly.
I haven’t had any tingling sensations, numbness, headaches, flashing lights or anything remotely head related, therefore making me believe that the little brain tumour gremlins have gone.
My cough has abated completely. I now cough as any normal individual does such as when something gets caught in there or if I inhale my food too fast!
My skin is really good. I have no sign of the dermatitis that I experienced earlier this year.
I can now deep breath without any being hindered by pain. This makes yoga and exercise so much easier. I am loving my little yoga practise every morning but really feel I have to learn more. I need a really good teacher locally. It’s on my to-do list.
I’m feeling more able to exercise since the nausea and feelings of being faint due to low blood levels have subsided. It’s made me feel more motivated to want to do more.
Pete and I went for a three mile walk/hike on Sunday and finished it by climbing Wittenham Clumps, a local landmark. Yes, it was hard but it so worth it. My little head and ears got cold but the views and the feelings of happiness so outweigh those little negative feelings. And the roast dinner to follow was such a lovely homecoming reward. Nom nom nom.
I recently have had damp issues in my house, my treatment room in particular. As I have been off work it has been a perfect time to get it sorted so the room has been turned upside down as we have waited months to let it dry out and finally the room has been completed. New floor, walls, and I have rearranged the furniture so that it feels fresh and inviting. And you know what? I think I am going to return to work part time. It’s such a beautiful space and I feel good when I am in there with the calming music playing, candles burning, twinkle lights twinkling and aromatherapy smells soothing the soul.
You can see where I am going with all this. Things aren’t always that bad. Yes I have canSer. Yes I feel terrible that my hubby, friends and family have to deal with the worry, the fear, and the turmoil every month such as I do. But right now, how do you feel?
There has to be a silver lining to everything. Actually even when I’m throwing my guts up and worrying Pete to bits, the upside is, the reason for the nausea is because I am having treatment which may not be clearing my body of canSer but is only maintaining it at a level where I have few symptoms and can live a normalish life (takes a deep breath…what’s normal anyway?) Well that’s something to celebrate too! I was told I have incurable life limiting canSer. But if we live in the present and be grateful for all the good things that come and go and let the negative things wash over us and try to see that every day of the week has something to feel good about then life isn’t ‘alf bad is it? (I’m speaking in my cockney accent now! Apples and pears an’ all that!)
I’m off to paint my nails pink in my new treatment room. ‘Pinking’ myself up even more, supporting Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
So today is a good day. It’s Friday. I feel like running along high fiving everyone!
Have a great Friday, great weekend and great life.
Love and Light, you lovely lot.