Ah…. as I sit here and sigh and think back on the past eight days. It feels so odd having not written anything for that whole time when I could have given such great detail every single day of how I felt and what I had been doing but then that would just be gloating! Ha ha!
Looking back over the last week I have really had an awesome time with my husband and step son and really couldn’t have asked for more. But at the time whilst living it I was having all sorts of emotions. I think Christmas can do that to you.
When we left last week I felt rushed and a bit stressed. I am always nervous of leaving for many reasons. You would think I get used to it with all the travelling I do but still I felt fretful.
Things couldn’t have gone more smoothly with checking in our luggage the night before and flights all leaving on time. A few minor hiccups at our destination airport but nothing to spoil our mood. The weather was what I consider perfect for a winter holiday. Bright sunshine in a crisp cold atmosphere. We were staying in high altitude resort that had plenty of snow so our wishes to God and the Universe had been answered. Visibility was clear and our moods were great. I love to ski ever since Pete taught me. I know he is a man of many talents eh? Josh was fearless and kept up with us both very well. In fact a few times he took it upon himself to show us what he really was made of when he flew past on a scary black run with everything rattling and look of excitement and fear all over it! We lasted the week almost injury free. I remarkably had nothing to complain about and Pete had a few lumps and bumps that he accrued on the very last day. (That’ll teach him for being adventurous!)
Then when our wish for fresh snow was made we had the biggest snowfall of about a meter over night. Conditions were a bit tastier but I didn’t mind for the views that came with the weather. I have huge respect for the mountains. I am nervous of the changes that can happen so quickly and I will never take advantage of its good nature. Skiing became more challenging but this is good for us and taught us to dig deep and embrace the snow! It was like being a kid hurling ourselves around in it.
As usual I miss home terribly when I am away and I think because it was Christmas whilst we were away I felt a bit un- Christmassy. Our hotel owners did their best to engage us in their celebrations with carol singing and the nativity play followed by a five course gala meal on Christmas Eve. At least this year’s Christmas was memorable. I will never forget the awesome views and feeling I had on Christmas day whilst we three sat legs swinging from a chair lift high above Obertauern in Austria.
I did miss my mum on Christmas day. I guess once a kid always a kid and I always want mum to share in my happiness but it was nice to know she was spending it with my sister.
I’m filled with such overwhelming joy as sit remembering the utterly amazing views and feeling of being so alive as I skied harder than I ever have before. We skied approximately 30 kilometres per day and had plenty of stops for a tea and gluhwein as well as eating the hearty Austrian food. I have no regrets just complete happiness.
I did however have my moments whilst away. I cannot explain why they happen. My head became clouded one night. Firstly I just want to add that we were so exhausted every night that we were tucked up in bed by 9pm and didn’t get up until about 7.30am most mornings! That’s an epic time in bed to have. Our bodies clearly needed to replenish.
But this long night’s sleep was interrupted more than once from my thoughts. One night in particular I became hugely afraid and very upset. I was scared of not being with Pete. I know I shouldn’t have but I woke Pete and inadvertently worried him too. He said he already knew I was feeling uneasy. I guess that’s how close we are that he can feel the shift in my emotions. I felt quite emotional for a few days after. Before I went away I was informed of a potential new treatment that could be a game changer and for one other TNBC survivor who is in a similar position to me now only has scar tissue on her lungs. Knowing this I felt confident that 2014 is going to be an epic year. But then I started getting emails from the company regarding the treatment and that started worrying me and made me think maybe this isn’t the answer to my prayers. One word of advice to anyone before they go away… Don’t start making any huge life decisions. Leave it until you have the time to find the answers and communicate when businesses aren’t closed for the Christmas break!
Anyway, I got over myself and remembered that I was the luckiest girl alive and that living rather than dwelling is all that is important. I do not feel ill. I, as far as I am concerned will not be ill and can continue as normal as possible for as long as possible.
Now that I am home I am grateful for my life even more so than ever. Pete and I agreed that we are different to many. Most people hate coming home from holidays as they don’t want them to end. I LOVE coming home. I love my life. I love doing my rituals of exercise, meditation, heat and air and everything that makes me feel good about myself. I love my home and my kitty, which incidentally is too cute for words. I put that down to my friend Sarah who lovingly looks after her every single time I away. Now that’s commitment! I am sure if Kitty wasn’t so feline she would tell Sarah how thankful she is… to be fed! Ha ha! I can’t wait to get back to my life here and over the next week or so, in between Pete going to work we will visit friends and family and finish the year and start the new one with a huge outlook of love and happiness. Much the same of this year really, only better than before!
I feel refreshed, invigorated, excited, and ready for Christmas presents! We have waited until our return to open them.. Today we are having a mock Christmas Day with a lovely dinner and an afternoon or watching Christmas TV. A perfect Sunday afternoon back at home with my Bear and Kitty. Happy Sunday everyone!
I love Bears everywhere! Here’s one I couldn’t resist saying Hello to Bibo Bear.
Light and Love.