Letter to CanSer

Acupuncture today. My energy is apparently better than before so the treatment was different. I had some points done in my hand that were working on both sides of my heart?!  Cool. 🙂

I have been saying my affirmations and really trying to say them like I mean it! I feel really well and I don’t want that to change.

I have decided to write a letter to canSer.. so here goes;

 

Dear canSer,

We have known each for two years now and I would like to take this time to tell you that I really do believe it’s time that we parted.

For the most part, I have felt very angry and scared of you and I refused to believe that you were part of me, that my body created you.

In the last few months I have learnt that I have been very angry and upset with my world and have wanted nothing more than to know what was going to happen and to control you- extract you from my life forever. You have dominated my mind and my feelings so much and still do in a way but in a different way- thankfully. I have taken my energy and utilised it to help me rather than help you get stronger.

I know that you will never be apart fully and you will always be a part of me somehow but I don’t think that’s a negative. I actually need to thank you now. It may have taken you a few attempts for me to really hear your message but thankfully with your perseverence; your nagging has finally got me to change my life for the better. I have never felt so good. I have learnt so much about myself, the world, people and what I truly want out of life.

For the biggest part I have never felt so much love; love for my Bear, my family and my friends and even complete strangers. As the song goes, ‘Love is all around us’.. not to make you sick but I love that movie! smiley-embarassed.gif)

I am sorry for having ignored you for almost two years and not taking you seriously enough before. I assumed that you would be removed from my life without any effort from me. How wrong I was and how utterly disrespectful of me.

For a long time I have been petrified of you and what you will do to me. I have never been so scared in all my life and I fear that the more I cried the stronger you became. I am grateful to you that you have taught me to be the person I have always wanted to be. I have done things I have never done before and have always wanted to like acupuncture, reflexology, eating really well (and losing weight so I don’t even consider the fat bits! I have never done that in my life.. It’s so refreshing!) I have been trying new foods and being more conscious to what I use and what effect it has on the world. I have been able to share what I have learnt with everyone and I get to write about my thoughts and feelings every day for everyone to see and understand. I have reawakened parts of me that I had buried and rekindled the love of many things like drawing.

I am still very afraid of you and I have a lot to learn. But what I have realised is that I created you, so the strength in this relationship is with me. I can therefore ask you to leave. I don’t do it with hate and I am not trying to kill you but I wish you to move on. I ask you with love. Please.

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I will continue to grow stronger and my thoughts for you will become less and less once I know it doesn’t matter what the future holds. All I know is that I must trust myself and the Universe to take care of me. I am doing the best I can at this time and I am happy and at ease with every choice I make.

So dear friend.. please pack your bags and get yourself out of me- pronto! Do the conga should you wish.. I think that would be a great way to go!

Light and love

Not yours,

C X

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