Off again…

I haven’t been ignoring you but I have been having fun… again. Even amidst all the drama we have plans and I aim to keep hold of those for as long as I can.

Pete and I had planned to visit friends in Ireland this weekend and the booking had been in place for months. I was worried that things would clash but even if they did i would’ve moved them in order to visit our dear friends.

Pete and I had a long weekend in Cork and were treated like royalty. We laughed, danced, ate (a lot) and drank…Each day was different and on Sunday we drove to the beautiful Inchydoney beach and stayed at the beautiful spa there. Oh it was blissful. Yesterday we flew home and as ever reluctantly said goodbye to our wonderful friends.

Friday morning whilst at the airport over breakfast Pete and I got chatting about what to do next. I had already been in contact with Professor Vogl in Frankfurt regarding having TACE. It had been pencilled in for Wednesday 15th, tomorrow. I wanted Pete to email as he is German and to tell him it wouldn’t be feasible because of timings etc, but having spoken to my friends last week and also because I am acutely aware that I really need to get some treatment started Pete said we must go.

He checked with his work diary and made so many changes and that was it I started booking the Eurotunnel and hotels. Emails exchanged between Pete and Prof Vogl and we have agreed that I will be there tomorrow morning at 7am to see him and have treatment that same day.

Right… it’s all a whirlwind and whilst I have an hour before we leave I decided to update the blog.

I feel really weird right now. I have been contacting many clinics and having many email exchanges and I believe that whilst I can I should. The worry of logistics and money are always there and the upset this is causing Pete really worries me. I wish it was different but I have to try. Things will fall into place.

So this is how it stands. Today we leave and drive to Frankfurt. Tomorrow morning I have TACE then we drive to Belgium for an overnight before driving back to the Eurotunnel to get back to the UK.

 

Friday I have booked to see Dr Julian Kenyon on the referral of Dr Nesselhut to discuss Photodynamic therapy. We have heard a lot about and my pal Peter Trayhurn had good results in his lungs with this treatment. I think it is definitely worth a consultation. Julian actually said to get an appointment for Friday, on his day off to get this sorted. I called this morning and have booked for 11am in Twyford.

Next Monday I have an appointment at the Churchill hospital to have glomerular filtration rate which is apparently to see the functioning of my kidneys. Eh? I contacted the secretaries at the hospital who told me this in preparation for having the carboplatin chemo on the NHS. OK right. Well I will go for that even if I won’t be starting that imminently. I am booked and have signed the consent for carboplatin and gemcetibine chemo but I may postpone for a few weeks.

At the beginning of November I have DC therapy booked at Doc Nesselhuts and may also squeeze in more TACE with Prof Vogl AND even have insulin potentiation therapy with Dr Seibenhuner. I have emailed Dr Seibenhuners clinic to find out more but as yet haven’t had a reply.

After that I may decide to go for NHS chemo. I think it could be a good way to go for a short while…

Next Wednesday i am booked for the immunotherapy vaccine at the London Clinic and think it could be good to still give that a go.. Another hole in my arm but what the heck. On that same day I am also booked at another clinic in London to have a discussion about having Mebendazole prescribed.

It all sounds mad but maybe this combination could be good.

I am still waiting for a reply from St Barts but just now had an email from the secretary at the Churchill hospital who says she had a contact at the gamma knife department at St Barts who says they will be in contact soon. Not soon enough for my liking… get these buggers out of my head!

I feel actually a lot better in many ways but worse in others. Over the weekend my cough was annoying to say the least but then it turned into an actual infection on Sunday night. I actually feel better coughing up phlegm than I do just having a dry cough.

I feel less sketchy than in my head. I definitely felt like I had cognitive difficulties the week before but now I have clarity and can think of what I want to say. I am a little dazed with the steroids I take but I am managing them well. I will soon change the dose again as suggested by Dr Oliveros.

So that’s where we are. By the end of this week Pete and I will need to catch up on Strictly Come Dancing and The X factor and hopefully normality will resume… sort of. For Pete this is a nightmare. We are creatures of habit and nothing feels right. All we have is each other but with me having symptoms and feeling constantly emotional it is the hardest thing for him to deal.

Tempers flare and emotions pour… I find it hard not feel guilty and wish that every day could be different. I can’t and I refuse now to try to change that. I have to do this and try. I can still be canSer free and I just want to prove that.

 

I have taken the big job of contacting all my current clients that are booked in my diary and have told them honestly that i will not be working. My job is to get better and when I get more time at home I will return to exercise and more meditation. I long to feel well and eat better and live cleanly. I am not moaning about the food I have been eating recently. I feel nourished and actually have a huge appetite which I think is great. I put on 3 pounds over the weekend and I don’t care!

I have tried to balance my diet this morning by having a veggie smoothie, an alkalising lemon drink and bravo probiotics yoghurt with fruits. A good start I think!

My bags are packed and my kitty is being cared for by wonderful friend Sarah once again. I don’t know what I would do without her. Hopefully everything will go smoothly over the next few days…It’s going to be an experience that’s for sure…

I’ll keep everyone updated.

Light and Love. XX

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