The last couple of days have been a blur. Boxing day was as good as Christmas day and every day got all the more exciting as the numbers on my Facebook page increased. Thursday was a day of organising as we packed to go to Thailand. It’s a long overdue holiday seeing as we booked it for October 2011. However the floods in Bangkok meant we couldn’t get there. I booked this holiday back in June when I thought by the end of the year I will be well shot of canSer and all the treatments, I will be feeling good I thought. How bizarre life is! It is in fact the perfect time to go away still. More determined than ever this trip couldn’t have come at a better time. I have no idea what is going to happen in the new year and what a perfect way to end this one and see in 2013.
I have to admit that I still think that 2012 has been one of the worst yet most wonderful years of my life. Ours lives- both bear and I. I won’t go into that now as I feel I will save that chat for the last day of the year so that I can reflect on it all.
We have left mum house sitting well actually kitty sitting. So I feel really happy knowing everything is good at home. We also know Ray is safe in hospital and is not going to be discharged whilst we away. Again another relief and load off for us especially Pete. He does worry. He has the world on his shoulders. I’m not sure if that will ever change. Even if/ when I’m cured of canSer I will still be his first and last concern. Bless him.
I have to admit I have been praying a lot more recently and its hard to know if it’s working especially as I like things very black and white. Of course the results I longed for didn’t happen and I did pray, plead, and beg for them to be amazing! But these things have a way of sorting themselves out. Most times what we think we want isn’t really what we need to happen to make things ok. We just think we know what we want. For me I want to be canSer free. 100% totally canSer free. For me nothing but that is acceptable! But I have had a few people say but surely if it stops growing and never grows again then that’s a result! I know they are right but I really think that life would be better for me, knowing its cured. But will it? Will the worry ever fully go whatever the outcome?
Off to the airport and everything was going swimmingly. I prayed (bizarrely enough) that the flight wouldn’t be delayed, that we’d be seated nicely near nice people (or not near anyone!) the flight time was scheduled to be 11 hours 25minutes. We slept for more than half of the journey (never heard of!), the people who were seated next to us moved to some other seats so we didn’t have any neighbours and the flight arrived in Bangkok an hour early!! Going by those signs I’d say praying may be working!
Another example of my praying-I was driving home from Stan the reiki man in Essex a few weeks ago and I prayed that I would be safe, no accidents, breaking down etc. I was being very careful in the horrendous weather leaving ample space and a white van hopped infront of me. No matter, I slowed and left a big gap. All of a sudden the white van man slammed on his brakes to a stand still- I did too but knew I was only just going to make it without crashing- knowing this I was screaming to myself in my car thinking I was going to be hit by the car behind me. Luckily I wasn’t but heard an almighty crash- the car behind me was hit. Now that’s a close call and one I was thanking him upstairs for all the way home!
So I was getting excited about the holiday but quite frankly it was nowhere near as exciting as the influx of followers and support from everyone on that day! We slammed it! I wished for a 1000 followers on Facebook by the end of New Years Eve. Having started this campaign Friday before Christmas by seven days later it was smashed. I truly and honestly cannot express the feelings knowing I have so many people willing me and thinking about me!! The biggest thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart. And it goes on- the Facebook page insights says that my page reached more than 15000 people! That is incredible. Of course I don’t want it to stop there. Now I will be working on ways of spreading the word, spreading the love and gaining info so that hopefully we can save lives. And it won’t be me doing it- it will be each and every person who has supported me who will be responsible. Its team work! I couldn’t do it without everyone’s love and support. So I’m going to be getting my thinking cap on and will be letting everyone know soon my thoughts.
So we are now in Bangkok and after having watched the movie, Hangover 2 (and not just for Bradley Cooper!) before we arrived, we are living and breathing the whole experience. So far we have done lots of eating thai food (mmm), far too much walking and loads of sightseeing and spreading the light n’ love with the Buddhist monks at temples.
Yesterday was my last day of chemo tablets until my next cycle in about two weeks. Phew and double phew for not having side effects yet…. 🙂
Sadly last night I simply couldn’t sleep but not with worry bout all the nasty stuff but in excitement for what can be done for Triple Negative.. I know can you believe it? I simply cannot switch off. However some stinking great ideas were popping up. I’ll let you into my head another time but for now I’ll say, ‘La korn’. Im off for dinner on the top of a 61 floor building. A different kind of al fresco dining. Tonight was not the night to experiment with my hair! 🙂