Cheeky midweeky…

I had a visit to my local hospital Tuesday to see my oncologist Professor Harris. It has been months since I saw him and apart from emails regarding treatment options we hadn’t had any communication. It was good to see him. He seemed pretty happy. He said that he had received a very nice letter from Professor Dalgliesh. They seem to really like getting letters from each other. It strokes their egos. I think it’s great because I get good service, as it were.

We discussed my current treatment plan and he said it hopefully the other lesions will go. He said there is no point me going on chemo until we know what the ablation and immunotherapy do. I am booked to see him for an update in July and I think I will also ask for a ct scan then to see what is happening on the inside. Fingers crossed the immunotherapy is doing its thang! I had no intention of going on chemo yet (if ever).

What I do know is that the immunotherapy jab I had last Friday is huge and very yucky looking. It’s sore and nasty looking. You can see for yourself in the picture. It’ll all be worth it if it’s working. It is clearly doing something!

 

 

Prof Harris said I have the biggest file of all his patients, especially as they are not treating me… ha ha! He seemed so very pleased and bright. He’s cool in my books.

 

I had an email from Dr Nesselhuts clinic advising me that I need to contact RGCC who made the vaccine for the EBV and to ask for it to be reissued to my home address or to the clinic for my next visit. I replied and told them they need to contact RGCC and request it. Why would I do it? They say that it is the manufacturers fault but I still feel they have to request it. Hopefully when I go in July the vaccine will be there…

 

Yesterday I had acupuncture and auricular therapy. We have been discussing the fact the lesions that are growing are mainly in my right side. My therapist says it could be the liver is stagnant. He loaded me full of needles including in my ear and I lay there for about half an hour. After I felt all buzzy and stimulated. He is such a nice guy…

Last night Pete and I had a lovely meal and overnight stay at a local hotel. We decided having ‘cheeky midweeky’s’ as I call them, are good for the soul and a nice way to keep things fresh and exciting. Then this morning we had a champagne breakfast before we got on with our days. So decadent but lovely…

 

 

 

My friends have posted on FB today that they are going to be climbing Ben Nevis this weekend in preparation for the Three Peak Challenge they are going to do for my chosen charities later this year.

Well I hope the weather improves as it has been tipping it down here today! Has the summer gone already? I only just started wearing my flip flops…

Here is their donating page for anyone that wants to support such a courageous attempt;

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=Kittysclimbers&isTeam=true

 

Phew what a weekend…

Phew a few hectic days…

Friday I had a brilliant acupuncture session with a new therapist recommended by a friend. He did auricular therapy on my ears too which was highly enlightening! It was interesting when he worked on my right side there was a definite resistance but when he placed a row of needles along a corresponding meridian the area was supple and relaxed. Amazing.

I felt great and very chilled after.

BUT then Friday night I awoke with immense pain on the right side of my chest and under my shoulder blade. It got a little worse when I breathed in deeply. I was highly stressed and at 2am awoke Pete who went into calming mode. He said it all sounded muscular and could feel very sensitive. We had tea and put the heat lamp on it. I went back to bed for a few hours before our weekend was upon us.

I was feeling particularly sensitive generally I think. That day I had news that my friend’s canSer had progressed further and it really upset me. I think more so because I haven’t had any conventional treatment and have no idea if GcMAF is working. I didn’t realise I was such a sensitive flower but your mind plays games with you.

Prof Dalgliesh had emailed Friday to say that hopefully by Monday he would know whether I can go on the vaccination trial and that he is still waiting to hear about the ablation date because a theatre needs to be booked for two hours with two surgeons.

I felt really bad about waking Pete up on Friday night as we were both so looking forward to having a lovely lie in since Pete gets up at 5am every morning for the gym before going to work.

During the day on Saturday I took plenty of pain relief to see me through. I felt fine and we had friends visit, so went for a lovely super food salad lunch. In fact it was a day of amazing food as we went to a fine dining Indian restaurant in the evening.

That night I awoke again in immense pain but kept myself calm and tried to stop my mind worrying. At one point I coughed and it felt like a sense of relief. But getting up I felt terrible. Pete said I should call the doctors and get some piece of mind but he still felt it was muscular as I wasn’t having any trouble breathing.

The GP I saw was brilliant and I had my first ever ECG! She felt I should have an x-ray as she couldn’t be sure if I didn’t have a pulmonary embolism.  What?!

We had a quick brekkie with our friends and then spent the rest of the day in Emergency Assessment Unit. After many questions, blood taking and then finally an x-ray it showed that all the pleural spaces are clear, no infection, no collapse and in fact it doesn’t appear that there are any new tumours. In fact it looked like there was almost nothing in my left lung. The right lung you could visibly see tumours in the top and bottom lobe.  Of course a ct scan is better for this but as I have one booked on the 24th April I convinced them to let me go home. They are none the wiser what’s wrong with me but they know what I don’t have. I am relieved as I am going to taking a flight this week and now I know I can relax.

The sun had been shining all day and I felt terrible that poor old Pete had been cooped up with me in doors. Luckily we got back for a few hours of sun and chilling in our blissful garden then got cracking with some work. We mowed and strimmed the lawn washed our cars and made some delicious fresh stew. But we were wrecked. We both had an Epsom salts bath, soaking for twenty minutes then we had to go to bed.

8.30pm and I was sound asleep. I didn’t wake with any pain, although I had taken a 1000mg of pain relief. And this morning it feels much better. To the point where I felt I could do some stretching, yoga and even some cheeky little squats with weights.

I have put on quite some pounds recently, which is good everyone keeps telling me. More of me to fight the disease.

I have felt fine for most of today and have a really busy day working with clients but I now feel drained and my energy is quite shaky. I have a sore throat and feel like I am coming down with something. I know it’s from stress, all bought on by myself. I have been worrying myself senseless.

The next few days I am not working as much and I plan on doing minor chores and getting ready for a trip away. But most of all taking it a bit easy.

I am always surprised with life throws at you and you can never tell what tomorrow may bring.

I kind of think that it was a good thing having this pain in my side and the visit to hospital. I know my lungs are functioning just fine and I feel even more determined that ablation is the correct route for my treatment plan.

On Saturday we had some good news via letter. Prof Harris, my onc, wrote to say he had received a letter from Prof Stebbing who has suggested I have gem/carbo regime and that I would be eligible for two of this trials. Prof Harris wrote that he thought this was a great idea and that we would save Eribulin for the future if needed. Bonus! Prof Harris had turned me down when I asked but now has changed his mind!

So if I do go down the chemo route then at least I am having what I wanted and hopefully no hair loss. I know it’s minor but small things make huge differences.

I just want to send my love to a dear friend who is starting a new regime today… she will feel rubbish apparently but it’s going to work this time!

In the Mood….

I had the weirdest night last night. We went to bed nice and early in order to catch up on much needed sleep. Well that’s Pete who needed it really but you know me always need more! But I couldn’t sleep and didn’t until about 2am.

Whilst lying there the moon poured in through the clouds and I thanked the Universe for everything as normal. I then began visualising. I imagined the lymph nodes being polished and scrubbed to keep them clear. I thought of blue force fields around all other parts of my body so that do not get infected and I imagined me using a really cool Dyson hoover with a really strong pipe nozzle to suck up each and every entire tumour. It’s the first time I have actually seen the whole thing be sucked up and fully removed. Whilst all this was going on I had such warmth in different areas of my chest and back. So much so it was throbbing. First of all I thought it was me perhaps making it happen. But when I got up to go to the bathroom it was really thudding. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I was being healed by someone else, maybe John of God still? I felt really positive about it. I hope that when it the CT scan comes round my feelings are right.

I was reading an article in my therapist magazine yesterday and they have a feature on a lady called Patricia Peat who was an oncology nurse before starting her own business in helping canSer patients with treatment and advice. She helps advice on all aspects of treatments from orthodox to complementary. Some of the information she provided for the article was very in depth therefore I have decided to email her and see if she has any nuggets of advice or treatments that may help me. I am guessing she must know the cutting edge treatments and who provides them. This could be really helpful for not only me but for the other ladies that have been contacting me.

I saw a notification on Google from someone trying to find out what treatments are available to stage four triple negative cancer patients. The message seemed so strained that I couldn’t not help. So I have registered with the forum and given my details and offered my assistance where possible. If I am doing so well surely I can help someone else.

Today has been lovely so far. I dragged myself out of body nice and early to go to an acupuncture appointment. I try to keep all appointments to the afternoon however today was different. I was advised by my acupuncturist that today I had to have it as a morning appointment due to the five elements. This time of year is the Earth element and on this day at 10.30am. By working specific points related to the Earth element balances and nourishes that particular element. Mary called it a ‘harari’ or seasonal treatment. I felt incredibly sleepy whilst having the treatment and I am pleased I haven’t had any clients booked for today so that I can take it easy and let it do it’s thang!

You’ll be please dot know I have got over my grumpyness from yesterday. I have adjusted my mood and now feel totally at ease with starting the nutrition course at the end of October.

So to use my time wisely and plan for the future I have made some changes to my mood board as prompted by Polly Noble. I have altered some things and there is still room for more to be added… As you can see the focus is on healthy mind and body as well as some goals for the future. What do you have on your mood board?

I change like the weather!

I have decided today that despite my negative head that has been lingering for a little while now (I don’t understand it I should be so happy. I am healthy, have so much to be happy about yet still dwell on things. Sometimes I can’t work me out!) That I should try and start making a few changes to make life even better. I am dwindling at a few of the things I should be doing. I am not beating myself up about it but think maybe I should have more control over things and maybe it will keep me focused. I have been doing the same sort of exercise although rotating it for some time now.  The same goes for my morning rituals and my food. I like order but maybe planning things would be better. I have decided that making weekly plans on a Sunday would set me up for the week ahead. I have decided to make a plan of the meals I am to eat during the week. This gives me a chance to experiment and try new things out. Keep it fresh. I will also make a plan for each days exercise. I will do days where I focus mainly on cardio or go for a cycle and another day I will focus purely on weights and so on. I haven’t been doing as much yoga either as I found doing both exercise and yoga was taking too much time in the morning and actually stressing myself out more! Ha ha!

I may even find a yoga class to attend once or twice a week. Maybe that would be good for me. But then I feel the time pressures of having to get there and back. I am a fool to myself. I find things so difficult unless it’s in the comfort of my own home.

I want to schedule doing some art in but then that encroaches on doing work. I can’t schedule everything that would be crazy but I keep forgetting to do things that I love.

I have been feeling a little disconnected recently. I can’t tell whether it’s from being away, feeling odd after having treatment in Germany or if it’s from stopping the anti sickness tablets. All I know is that I want to feel grounded and connected with my spirit. When I’m connected I feel alive and have so much clarity and drive for the future. Today I have felt really within myself again and thought maybe that I spend too much time alone or without talking to someone. When I talk to my clients I forget all my life woes and really enjoy myself. I realised that I actually spend all day without a sound in the house. I don’t play music and don’t have the TV on. So that was it I cranked up some happy disco tunes and did my ironing to them. I felt instantly better. There is a lot to be said about how music affects the soul and uplifts.

I have nothing to be miserable about. I have nothing to worry about. I have to live in the now. Yet I still find my old self dragging me back into the doldrums. It seems so crazy. I have to enjoy now as no one knows what tomorrow brings. I keep thinking it cannot be this easy. I cannot get away with it this lightly. But then I have to adjust myself and think has it really been that easy?! And have I got off lightly at all?! No. I deserve every happiness and the success that comes with it. The old me still thinks I am not doing enough and cuts too many corners. I am not as strict with things like my diet as I have been in the early days but then I was so afraid of everything that I just att greens.

I read yesterday about a guy in Australia who writes a blog and also goes to the same doctor as me in Germany. He also goes to lots of others and lives of a ketogenic diet. It sounds extreme and then started to gt overwhelmed. What if I shold be doing that? A ketogenic diet is where you stop all carbs as they create glucose and we know that glucose is turned into sugar and canSer feeds on sugar. This kind if diet has a high protein element and that includes meats and fats. This is so conflicting to how I feel about diet. I don’t feel eating animal is healthy and eating a more vegan/vegetarian diet with the occasional fish thrown is the way to go. I put so much on diet as I really believe it is completely healing but I obviously don’t put that much into as if I did I would do just the diet thing instead of the conventional treatment and complementary route. I do feel a sense of ‘I’ve had enough’ some days. Not that I want to give but I really don’t know which way to turn. I try to remind myself that I must be doing something right as the canSer has gone from my lymph nodes and it isn’t growing that much which for an aggressive form of canSer is pretty good I think. But I want it all. I want no evidence of disease. I want it to be in remission. And I want to be a miracle! Miracles happen every day, I keep telling myself that. But then I think how hard it is for other people. One lady had to go to John of God six times before her illness went completely. But then I don’t know the facts. Was she having conventional medicine as well? You know I could sit here thinking all day long and still come back full circle.

I went for acupuncture today. The lady I see does fifth element acupuncture. Chinese philosophy recognises five distinct elements of cyclical change called water, wood, fire, earth, and metal. These five elements can be related to our four seasons (with a fifth late summer season). The elements can also be related to different colours, emotion, taste, voice and various organs. These can also be related to the selection of food and herbs. Each person’s physical and mental constitution can be described as a balance of the elements in which one or more may naturally dominate. The proportion of the elements in a person determines his or her temperament. Oriental medicine considers the ideal condition as one in which all the five elements are in balance or in harmony. Wood is said to be the mother of fire and the son of water. (Water allows wood to grow, wood provides fuel for the fire). Using these relationships one can describe all possible yin-yang imbalances within the body. The thrust of five element diagnosis is to isolate and treat the imbalanced element, because an imbalanced element is like a weak link in your energetic chain that can undermine the strength of your mind, body and spirit.

At my appointment today I was told that I was either earth or fire. The dominating element is yet to show itself fully as she is still working that out. I am not surprised if it is earth as I often feel out of balance and want to feel grounded.

Mary worked a lot on my digestive system today as I have been feeling out of sync and my appetite hasn’t been normal over the weekend. I desperately want to feel connected to my spirit again and hope that over the next few days I will start to feel like good old me again; full of beans, full of smiles and full of positivity. I don’t suit being subdued. I sparkle when I talk to other people. Maybe it’s the change of the seasons coming I said yesterday that something big feels like it is going to happen and I can’t put my finger on it.

Ever since I have booked to do the nutrition course I have started to worry about getting the work done and have I made a mistake. This is not helped by my state of mind. But maybe it isn’t my ego or fear getting in the way. Maybe I am just being practical? I am going to going to Germany for almost two weeks in October for further treatment and there are many things in the pipeline that could potentially trip me up. On the other hand with winter coming it could be good to get myself stuck into something.

So in order to find out if I should postpone I asked the school if I could delay starting if I needed to. They have said that I can start at the end of October, January, March or May. This is great news. I will think about it over the week ahead. We are off on holibobs again. I know it seems like we are having so much fun away all the time but actually we have only had one week away a month ago. I am packed and ready. Just tomorrows clients to do then we are off for a week in the sun and some time to think or not. I’m not sure thinking is good for me!

I already feel so much better and now I have written this I am back to my old self. It’s crazy.. I would almost say it’s hormonal like…. I am a woman after all! I change like the weather!

 

A night of antihistamines and imodium :(

So the Easter break has passed and we are all back to our routines and reality. I actually like having a routine and as much as I never want to be alone and for Pete to go back to work it does mean I can get lots done and focus on my rituals. It was good to get back to meditating, yoga and exercise. Yesterday was a good day and it was lovely to have the sun shining yet again despite the frosty temperatures.

I had my clinic appointment in the morning and it was very efficient and as usual was met with Prof Harris. My appointment was at 12 and I was seen at 12! Wow! That has never happened before. Prof Harris asked me questions about how I was feeling and other than feeling tired some mornings whilst on chemo there was nothing to report. He decided to examine my chest by listening through his stethoscope. I asked how it sounded and he said, ‘Clear as a whistle’. Great stuff. He asked if I had my ct scan yet. No. I haven’t even had a letter with an appointment date. He seems very keen for me to have this but it has only been 7 weeks so far since my last one. I had envisaged it being sometime late in May. But I guess if it comes sooner, then it does.. That’s all there is to it. I am not prepared for it to be sooner. I feel like I need to revise, swot up and put more hours of extra effort in. In what? In visualising and being ‘better’. If I had more time maybe I could have a few weeks of being really good and working every day to blast the little buggers from my body. I am still finding it hard to get my head round that all along I wanted not to worry so much and to have a normal life not worrying and now I am worrying because I’m not worrying! I simply cannot win! I won’t allow myself to be ok with this. I just don’t want to be caught out and crushed if the news isn’t what I want it to be. It’s a lot to go through every couple of months. It ruins the flow of life. I should correct that. I ruin the flow of life as it is me that’s worrying about it.

Anyway moving on with the day I was really looking forward to my tea as Pete was making us Tuna nicoise salad. I love Pete’s food and cooking. The problem is the dish is never the same twice. He is very creative and you never know what flavours you may get. Last night was one of those. We both seemed a bit bemused with the taste of the salad as it was a bit bitter. I felt some tingling in my mouth and I thought it had chilli or pepper coming through. Straight after tea Pete said his eye was itching and it looked really swollen and the fleshy part on the inner corner of the eye had started to protrude. I thought it odd but nothing much else until I started to get a banging head ache. I thought it was really odd as I haven’t had a headache since last July. Then I began to feel really hot and a sense of blood rushing round my ears and shoulders. I looked at Pete and he looked the same too. This is where we began to Google our symptoms (as you do) and found we were having an allergic reaction to something we had eaten. The only things we could think of were coriander and mustard seeds. Apparently when combined with raw vegetables they can react to cause something called and Oral Allergy Syndrome. How weird for us both to get it though? Neither of us are allergic to anything. Our hearts were racing; our bodies hot and itchy and then we got the stomach upset. Then there were hours of diarrhoea. Wow what an exciting night! Eventually after taking antihistamines and Imodium we went to bed where we slept like logs, probably from our bodies trying to repair themselves. I felt terrible this morning. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed. I did eventually manage to do my morning exercise and felt ok.

I had my monthly acupuncture session today which I had been looking forward to for the whole month but I felt so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open to get there and back. In fact I actually had a nap on the treatment couch. I can’t remember feeling so tired. So tired in fact that today has been a spent trying to wake and feeling less than motivated. What I need is a great big sleep! I intend on having this tonight and then I have a lovely afternoon with clients. Yay!

Acupuncture was good (what I can remember of it) and many points felt very sensitive. Michael worked more on boosting my energy and balancing me. He did ask if I was having night sweats and hot flashes. This is worrying as he must tell something from my pulse. He is very good like that. He treats many ladies for fertility and can tell when they are about to have their monthly cycle. If he is asking me about that whilst feeling my pulse my guess is he knows something I do not. I am not going to let this bother me. It does fill me with sadness not having children of our own and in my head I still believe that I will one day stop chemo and be able to have our own. But as it stands I am not stopping chemo as it seems to be working.

I had to wait for my blood results from the hospital before I started chemo this morning. They came back fine as usual and there I go starting day one of chemo again. Fingers crossed that everything carries on as normal.

So tonight’s’ menu is something safe. I don’t want Pete and me to look all scary again tonight! Ha ha!

Letter to CanSer

Acupuncture today. My energy is apparently better than before so the treatment was different. I had some points done in my hand that were working on both sides of my heart?!  Cool. 🙂

I have been saying my affirmations and really trying to say them like I mean it! I feel really well and I don’t want that to change.

I have decided to write a letter to canSer.. so here goes;

 

Dear canSer,

We have known each for two years now and I would like to take this time to tell you that I really do believe it’s time that we parted.

For the most part, I have felt very angry and scared of you and I refused to believe that you were part of me, that my body created you.

In the last few months I have learnt that I have been very angry and upset with my world and have wanted nothing more than to know what was going to happen and to control you- extract you from my life forever. You have dominated my mind and my feelings so much and still do in a way but in a different way- thankfully. I have taken my energy and utilised it to help me rather than help you get stronger.

I know that you will never be apart fully and you will always be a part of me somehow but I don’t think that’s a negative. I actually need to thank you now. It may have taken you a few attempts for me to really hear your message but thankfully with your perseverence; your nagging has finally got me to change my life for the better. I have never felt so good. I have learnt so much about myself, the world, people and what I truly want out of life.

For the biggest part I have never felt so much love; love for my Bear, my family and my friends and even complete strangers. As the song goes, ‘Love is all around us’.. not to make you sick but I love that movie! smiley-embarassed.gif)

I am sorry for having ignored you for almost two years and not taking you seriously enough before. I assumed that you would be removed from my life without any effort from me. How wrong I was and how utterly disrespectful of me.

For a long time I have been petrified of you and what you will do to me. I have never been so scared in all my life and I fear that the more I cried the stronger you became. I am grateful to you that you have taught me to be the person I have always wanted to be. I have done things I have never done before and have always wanted to like acupuncture, reflexology, eating really well (and losing weight so I don’t even consider the fat bits! I have never done that in my life.. It’s so refreshing!) I have been trying new foods and being more conscious to what I use and what effect it has on the world. I have been able to share what I have learnt with everyone and I get to write about my thoughts and feelings every day for everyone to see and understand. I have reawakened parts of me that I had buried and rekindled the love of many things like drawing.

I am still very afraid of you and I have a lot to learn. But what I have realised is that I created you, so the strength in this relationship is with me. I can therefore ask you to leave. I don’t do it with hate and I am not trying to kill you but I wish you to move on. I ask you with love. Please.

smiley-innocent.gif

I will continue to grow stronger and my thoughts for you will become less and less once I know it doesn’t matter what the future holds. All I know is that I must trust myself and the Universe to take care of me. I am doing the best I can at this time and I am happy and at ease with every choice I make.

So dear friend.. please pack your bags and get yourself out of me- pronto! Do the conga should you wish.. I think that would be a great way to go!

Light and love

Not yours,

C X

Another CanSer Survivors ‘Crazy Cancer World’…

Had my trip to Farnham for acupuncture followed by yoga with a little bit of healing thrown in too today. Acupuncture was good.. I had a needle put between my eye brows.. felt really bizarre and I bet I looked funny! Michael says today that my energy is feeling pretty good which is a change from my normal stressy pulse he usually takes. He has been working some lung points again as I have had this wretched cold this week, but I have to say I don’t even feel like I have had one at all! I feel really good about it. I actually feel much more calm than normal but lets face it my feelings can be so up and down every day it’s hard to know what has been the norm for me. Anyway, who cares about that except that right now I am feeling pretty settled in myself. I am regularly talking to myself and affirming, which is helping, and reading uplifting inspiring books, as well having lots of fun things to look forward to.

Yoga was great fun and I really feel taller. At one pont we sat opposite each other, Lyn and I, with our foreheads touching, chanting and clearing our chakras! Brilliant and weird how we both felt like one. Such a lovely lady.. I always want to give her a hug. Her voice gives me goose bumps when she is relaxing me or preparing me. She held my face today and said how beautiful I am.. Awww so nice.

A lovely lady contacted me via Facebook who also has breast canSer yesterday. She also does a blog and it was really interesting reading her journey so far. Hers started in July and she is just starting chemo and the whole hair loss thing. I have emailed her to lend an ear and any advice I can offer. She is upbeat and positive and calls it her ‘Crazy Cancer World’. I couldn’t agree more. Crazy….Hopefully I can guide her and give her a better chance of a full recovery.

It’s funny how things can improve and because they are so subtle I almost forget to notice. My fingers and toes have now regained full feeling in them. I think it has been like it for a week or so but I hadn’t noticed till earlier this week and didn’t want to jinx it incase it is was a brief fluke. I’m well chuffed and have decided not to focus on it so as to direct my positive thoughts on something else. I’m not sure why it has returned whether it be the bodys’ natural healing or because of supplements or treatment or what.. I like to believe it has healed because of everything I am doing.

Tonight I’m having a night on the sofa with the kitty. She has been ultra cute today. This morning she did meditation with me, then followed me into my treatment room where I have the airnergy and heat treatment. She decided she would sit nose to nose with me throughout and even stayed there whilst I was out. Then much to my surprise she even sat on my lap this evening. Who is this kitty? I can’t believe it.. It’s everything I have wanted..Wonder why the change in her? Or is it the change in me she likes so now graces me with her presence? Either way I am very happy for the little moments of love I get and I am grateful.  (It’s hard having a less than loving kitty especially when the Bear comes home from friends who have a 12 week old puppy…. Oh dear poor ol’ kitty can’t compete against that- Pete’s smitten but not with a kitten. :))

Night Y’all. X

Off to Germany for treatment number 3…. wonder if we will see the ‘Angel’ lady?

Yesterday I had acupuncture followed by a one to one yoga session which then followed with a short healing session. I thoroughly enjoyed myself but the happienss was taken a way slightly by bad traffic on the way home. I have to admit ever since the treatments and yoga my head has felt like ‘mash’. I can’t think clearly. Last night we had terrible weather. It was so stormy that it kept both the Bear and I awake. Today I had plans to do some exercise as it has been about two weeks since I have done any. I think my ankle could handle some exercise but not bouncing. But I feel so tired today. I feel a little overwhelmed with stuff to do and it’s not that much really; my usual morning rituals, packing for Germany, clean the downstairs of the house and one client at 12. Nothing is flowing and I feel foggy.

At acupuncture yesterday Michael talked about my visit with Dr. Kate. He suggested that the next time I go we spend some time on ‘focussing’, which is an exercise where I focus on how my body feels and to let it go. He says that my energy is still a bit stressy but he is happy with how it feels at the end of the treatment. He worked a lot on many channels but the most sensitive was the heart channel agian which governs the emotions.

A whole heap of books arrived from Amazon today. More to read.. it will happen in due course. I’m going to start with ‘How your mind can heal your body’. I really believe that I am doing everything I can possibly due physically and I feel so positive most of the time but I do feel that there is something like today that makes me feel blocked and not convinced. I have to actually read a list of the things that I am doing to remind myself. Surely the cold is proof in the pudding that I am well. Today the cold, even though I sound congested is much better. It isn’t affecting my chest at all, which is unheard of for me. It would normally be lingering for weeks.

I read an article in the Daily Mail yesterday regarding the ‘timebomb’ that breast cancer is going to cause in years to come. Apparently because the population is living longer the NHS aren’t going to be able to cope with the amount of people getting cancer. That;s why I cry out now to anyone, make changes now! the client I saw today has taken on board the diet with the juicing that I do and suggest. She says she has now passed it onto 4 other people. Brilliant. Small changes that can change your life for the better.

Friday on Channel 4 is Stand up for Cancer night at 7.30pm. Cancer Research UK is joining forces with Channel 4 to bring you Stand Up To Cancer. The live event will see some of the biggest stars from TV, film and music come together for a fundraising extravaganza. Hosted by Davina McCall, Alan Carr and Dr Christian Jessen, we’ll be inviting everyone to get involved, show their support and raise millions for the fight against cancer. If I was going to be in the country I would watch it so please watch it for me! smiley-laughing.gif

My client gave me the name of a good reflexologist today, that’s two names I now have that I am going to contact. I have a feeling that reflexology could be really beneficial to me. So much to look forward to…..

So not long til I leave with the Bear to get on the road to Germany for treatment cycle number 3, wonder if we will see the ‘Angel’ lady?

We are staying in Maastricht tonight then the weekend in Munich! Should be interesting, let’s hope there isn’t any traffic to hold us up. I could do with a good night sleep.

What a difference a day makes…

What a difference a day makes. I have to admit I have been feeling less than positive over the last few days. I don’t know why. I have had an amazing holiday and a wonderful weekend full of love and happiness with so much to take my mind off things but for some reason I had a massive feeling of fear consuming me. Until yesterday. Then it cleared. Maybe it was because of the knowledge that I now know what my plan is with treatment- Continue with immunotherapy and then in 8 weeks find out what the next step is. Maybe its because I am back at home doing my daily rituals; exercise, juicing, infrared, meditation, yoga, back in my bed! :0) Maybe its because despite challenging issues Pete still comes home cute and happy and puts his heart and soul into creating tasty vegan dishes and eats them too! Maybe its because everyday starts with a big bear hug (usually whilst I am asleep!) a cup of hot water and lemon in bed and it finishes with a big bear hug and the feeling of safety. Or maybe because my mum is here this week and it makes everything ‘alright’ like when you are a kid. Or maybe it’s everything combined.

Yet again I have been receiving so many supportive messages, heart pictures and even cards and heart necklaces in the post (Thank you Auntie Sandy and Uncle David 🙂 ) I have constant postive feedback and support on Facebook and emails from clients. I have many friends arranging lunch dates and even one friend organising a concert to raise awareness of Triple Negative Breast Cancer (don’t worry- I’ll give you all a heads up in due course)

It’s amazing and fulfilling knowing in that just 3 minutes of informing clients that I am going to start work again and taking bookings albeit limited appointments, I had booked up a whole day.

I feel FULL! I am full of love and when I close my eyes all I can see are hearts…. Now thats a sign.

Talking of signs, on our holiday we met a couple at dinner one evening. Within 5 minutes we find out that the lady knows Michael my acupuncturist. Is that a coincidence, small world or a sign?

My mum came with me today to acupuncture. Lyn, Michaels wife was there. She is a yoga teacher and has also given me a healing session before. I always have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to hug her. When we left, mum said they felt like they had known eachother for years and felt so comfortable talking to eachother. How amazing. Some people are enriched with healing and goodness. I feel safe whenever I am there.

Long may this feeling of love, light and life stay. I just want to live and focus on the future. The Ten Point Plan. 🙂

P.S Thought I’d share a really funny story. Today started even better than normal- this is a post I put on Facebook this morning;

Best start to morning ever. Bear wanders in from getting my hot lemon drink as always and says, ‘ Well that was an exciting start to the day.. Kitty(cat) and I were sitting in the snug when we heard some scratching on the roof. We went outside to see a stork on the roof and fly away into the sun!’ As they watched it go they saw two squirrels also watching the stork agog. Then they ran off with their tails fluffing. ‘It’s like Disney here!’. I then went downstairs and came back also stating what an exciting start to the day I had too. I went to sit on my study chair to check emails and found a big brown pile of diarrhoea on my chair! haha! 🙂

Night Y’all. X

‘Sending you much love and positivity’

Yesterday I went for another acupuncture session. The points that were manipulated were tender this time but I actually quite liked that. The feeling that something is being done, I guess. Michael, the acupuncturist said that my energy/pulse has improved since my first treatment. He did say my stomach and spleen feels a bit stressy and the lung was weak but overall better. He stimulated my energy and calmed my emotions as well as boosting immunity.

I am still astounding every time I log into Facebook how many people are sending me ‘heart’ pictures. It feels with me with happiness and it’s so comforting to know that people care and that I am in their thoughts. I received a card today from a friend from primary school, saying ‘sending you much love and positivity’ and another friend bought me lovely wicker heart decorations and heart wine glasses! So generous and overwhelming but most of all so brilliant to see her (I won’t embarrass you any more Amanda.:)). Infact I have received many cards from friends and clients. One client sent me an e-card with a difference- it is brilliant:) I feel so alive today!

I was forwarded an email from a friend yesterday with a recommendation to contact a doctor who advises and consults on alternative treatment too. I am going to be having a skype appointment with her tomorrow. It will be good to know if I am doing the right things and also to see how else she may be able to assist me. On her website it says she uses many techniques, one of them being Emotional Freedom Technique. This really interests me as I think the hardest thing for me to maintain is positivity( believe it or not). Some days I can become very intravert and worry relentlessy. I do try to eliminate stinkin’ thinkin’ but I get consumed. If I could stop that and just live then I would really be happy. I am happy when I’m busy. Life seems normal. But I can’t be busy all the time. I’ll keep you posted as to how that goes.

I love skype by the way! I had a great chat with my man this morning over skype. It’s so lovely to see him at the office….Bless him. He is becoming a convert to the alkaline diet. I send him to work with freshly squeezed juice, and alkaline water. Big kisses for him.. Mmmwwaahhhhh. XX