Ha ha! Me feeling balanced?!

I had acupuncture today and although I thought I was feeling pretty good Michael said he thought my pulse seemed stressy but not for long.. as once he had finished he felt it was strong again.

I had a double appointment with him today as the second half of the session was on ‘focussing’. Once explained it seems that focussing is very similar to the techniques in the book I have just read called ‘The Journey’. Fundamentally focussing means you listen to how your body feels and not your head. I closed my eyes and Michael relaxed me by talking me down a bit like meditation. Then asks me if anything comes up, anything I want to pay attention to, any feelings, visions or anything. Things like this are really hard generally. Some poeple have lots bubbling inside and others don’t. For me I found it quite difficult probably because I am feeling quite balanced at the moment (Ha! That’s laughable with all the spontaneous tears but for me I’m feeling quite balanced! :)) Once really trusting myself I did start to feel things. Initally I felt like my heart and blood were rushing round my body, really loud in my ears and almost like my body was moving in time with it. Then I felt really excited, fit to burst! I don’t know why I couldn’t explain it but I had lots of colours and the picture of pegasus bursting right out of me with bright golden light! (I know, I am weird!) Then once that passed I felt like energy was moving downwards from my tummy to below my navel. I started to feel sadness, and teared up (no surprise there then!) Then moving on I felt tired and my legs and arms were having like I had been exercising. There a few moments of peace and calmness and I did feel better. It sounds like the feelings were very obvious but they weren’t- it was all very subtle. I don’t know if things like it work but I do understand that we create habits and personalities with things, that we say and do and trying to release ‘old’ emotions let’s us move on and become happy and free.

I really believe in that. I believe that my fear of public speaking and not wanting to do games or anything that will embarrass me comes from some hang up I must have created when I was younger. And it could be that it isn’t the fear of standing up in front of people and making a mistake or blushing but that it could be a fear of not being perfect and being criticised. The blushing thing happened once probably and because I associate it with public speaking or taking risks and being out of my ‘comfort zone’ I now blush every time I am in that situation. In fact the problem probably just lies with me not wanting to try that bit harder and that people aren’t being critical.. (Tell you what that fear is going to get a hammering later this month! Eek!) That’s just an example.

Now I am not one to ever say I had any traumas as a child, I always I say I had the best up bringing a girl could want. I have 4 brothers and 1 sister and you would think that would mean I got all the hand-me-downs but because of the age difference when we relocated when I was 11 years old it meant I was like an only child because all of my siblings had moved out. Bonus! Spoilt rotten. 🙂 But was it all hunky dory? Why is it then that I cannot get my dad out of my head? And why was it that the medium asked me twice if my father is in the spirit world? Oh crap.. what ‘stuff’ do I need to get rid off to release myself and change old thoughts and habits?

Anywho… I felt today was really good and a great skill to use regularly on each other- yes Pete -sorry your turn next!

I have finally received a reply from Professor Dalgliesh regarding the microwave treatment. After two months of having my scan, the radiologist has decided that ‘due to proximity of the lesions that the treatment would not be useful at this time’. I am of course not surprised. I had a feeling that now was not the time for it. But, I keep plugging with things that may help me long term. I think for now I will just focus on my plans over the next few weeks; Germany on Monday and Tuesday and then reiki the following week as well as acupuncture, reflexology and reading and self development. I plan to drink less alcohol as I am sure that cannot be doing me much good stripping me of my goodness (nutritionally not personally!)

I am willing this all so much that I don’t want to forget to enjoy myself. I have been feeling so much love and happiness I really don’t want my head to take over and ruin all the fun! The point of it is this; I am to focus on how I feel NOW. That is easy, I feel great. I am to focus on what I do each day is the best that I can do- Great I can answer that- I feel much calmer and less hard on myself. Infact I haven’t written a list of to-do’s in a few weeks! I must ignore what the next scan I have says to some degree because now is that matters. Keep it simple. My biggest rule in life. The only thing I need to drum into my head is to trust myself. I am doing everything right at the best of my ability.

I love to draw so here’s a little pic I did last night ‘The importance of a cat in meditation’… 🙂

Night! X