I haven’t blogged for a few days partly because it was the weekend and it was so fun filled and fully packed that I just didn’t get time but also because I had actually forgotten. This surprised me. I love blogging/journaling. But I guess it’s a sign of how I feel at the moment. I am living rather than contemplating. On the one hand I think it is good but on the other I feel it makes me lazy as I think writing my thoughts and feeling every day is important to reflect what is I going on in my life.
The weekend as mentioned was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.. Great company, food, drink and lots of love. Yesterday was spent cleaning and getting my life back in order. I love my weekends but I love control and order and feel all a bit floopy until get myself all back to black again. Well that was achieved yesterday. Amongst cleaning, ironing, changing beds as well as my rituals it was a good cathartic day…..mostly.
Today hasn’t been flowing quite so much but mainly because I had to be at the hospital at ten for my bloods and clinic appointment. I’m due to start round five of chemo tomorrow. I saw the Prof today again and he had a junior doctor with him. Prof asked me to tell the little doctor all about my website and blog and said how inspirational I am! Whoa.. Me and the Prof getting on and him bigging me up. He actually said he saw me in the Oxford Times magazine. Yep, I was featured again in the oxford Times. I’ve attached it for you to see.. (not the best picture- they always do that don’t they? Anyway being less critical and moving on…) He did say that provided my next scan shows no growth then i would probably go on another 6 cycles of the same chemo. Now I don’t feel bad about this but also it just makes me realise that they think it is simply chemo stopping the growth and that without it I am well… going to get sick and die. I still find it all so hard to grasp. I really cannot understand and probably refuse to. I really truly believe that I am going to be free of cancer without needing chemo for the rest of my life. I know mad, naive whatever you call it.. Optimist I say.
Yesterday I started Deepak Chopras 21 day meditation challenge. This time it is about perfect health. Perfect for me! The meditations are only short but is good to do something different and if you are new to meditation a great place to start. Here’s the link if you fancy trying it out;
I’m feeling really well at present . My hands aren’t even a bit sore and apart from being sleepy and dragging myself out of bed every morning I really do feel great. I have been feeling a bit lazy recently and maybe taking things for granted but for once in a while it’s nice to revel in the knowledge that I am doing fine and according to my last scan very well…. Then I get to thinking that I should be trying harder. I shouldn’t let the visualisations slip and that it’s time to really focus. I’m struggling with that at the moment. This week is pretty busy and if my routine is all over the place things just don’t flow. I wonder if that now I am feeling less strict about things that I am actually achieving a perfect balance in life. I am enjoying as much as I am trying and I keep thinking of being kind to myself. I have been a bit relaxed with my eating over the weekend and it doesn’t worry me too much purely because it feels right. I do love to have control so I think that maybe coming back to where I know works for me is that right thing to do.
I have been doing my homework that Mark Newey gave me after my visit with him last week. It has been quite interesting but hard at the same time. I had to list my values. What’s important in life to me? I had to list 30 then whittle them down to my top ten. It’s harder than you think. I have sent it off to Mark and will chat with him at some stage to discuss what he thinks. I received my hypnotherapy cd’s this morning that he recorded also. I look forward to using them when needs be.
On Saturday I got two interesting letters. The first was an invitation to a presentation at the John Radcliffe hospital about up and coming treatment, research and surgery with the cancer and haematology department. I was surprised to be invited but of course have booked both Pete and I for it. Should be interesting and can’t wait to tell you all about it.
Then the second letter was a copy of the letter that has been sent to my doctors following my recent clinic appointment. It’s the best I have ever got. It says that my scan results are excellent and that I am at my ideal weight and very fit and healthy which has been shown to help with combating breast cancer. I want more of these letters please!
Regarding being fit and healthy I have been trying to finish my book, ‘Getting well again’. I have been slacking with the reading but got plenty of time to catch up today whilst waiting at hospital. I read that exercise teaches our body to pay attention to our body’s needs. The feeling of vitality and health that you get from regular exercise helps you see your body as friend, a source of pleasure, something deserving of your care and attention. If exercise can bring about physical changes in your immune system and the psychological attitude that contributes to the quality of life then exercising is well worth it. I couldn’t agree more. Yet I still feel I should do more of it.
One of my jobs yesterday was to make more bracelets. Yes.. They have all been distributed and people are requesting more. I am on a roll. I made another 70 and will be giving them to a friend tomorrow as she has pre orders plus has an agreement with a shop to sell them for me?! Cool!
I am still overwhelmed by how many people are wanting them and how they say they like them. I knew it was a good idea but not this good! Eek! So far I have made £1785 on Virgin Giving plus I have cash home here and then there are my little sellers out there all making lots of bundles of cash.. I really hope we can keep going!
This afternoon I am working and I am loving it. I have been doing facials and HD brows and I really can’t get enough. But it’s all about balance. I must be happy and must feel calm. The moment I think I am doing too much my head goes to mash. It’s all about balance.
The days fly by and I hope I am still feeling as grateful for every day that I am given. I am still planning the future and really trying to keep my head clear so that I don’t let neggy thoughts creep back in and making me worry. I want to be given a clean bill of health and know that I am cancer free. Asking too much? Nope. It’s a no brainer…..X