A trip to Bristol for my mum and me again today would have been worry free had we not been woken at 4am with the sound of lorries hurling up our road. The noise was nothing we’d ever heard. It sounded like they were crashing through our house. Once awake we found out what had happened. The A34 had been closed both directions at 3am due to a road accident. Bizarrely enough police had stopped to clear a dead badger and a car collided with a lorry and someone had died sadly.
That was a bizarre way to start our day and our plans of getting up leisurely and making our way to Bristol were dashed. All traffic diverts past my house in our little village making it almost impossible to get to the A34 on our journey. We left with plenty of time to make it to Bristol back to the practise where I had been on Wednesday, this time to have blood taken in preparation for the RGCC testing. I know it seems extreme to drive an hour and half (in good traffic) but that’s what you do when your life depends on it. Let’s face it, that’s nothing to the distances we travel for treatment usually.
I rang Dr Nesselhut this morning and he confirmed that the lab says my cells look good and we are to travel to their clinic for Monday’s appointment. Right, all systems go. I need to confirm flights and get a car booked. Tomorrow morning I will check in online and pack my clothes for our fleeting trip to Germany.
So how do I feel? Great, actually. I always feel better having a plan but I still feel anxious at a drop of a hat. Last night for no apparent reason I felt uneasy and unsettled before I went to sleep. I think beneath the surface I am worrying still. I guess I have to remind myself of the recent scan results. I would love to be completely ignorant and just think to myself how good I feel and that everything is fine. But then I guess it is really. I am definitely ‘fuller’ than usual and I wonder if I will continue to ‘fill’ up the more I deal with stuff. It doesn’t get any easier. You just learn to deal with it somehow.
My hubby is absolutely wrecked from working so hard this week. Lack of sleep doesn’t help either… He is home now and the weekend begins… Not much sleep for us though as we will be up at 4am to get to the airport Sunday morning. Life goes on and we do what we can… but we try to make it fun along the way. We are having a yummy Indian meal tonight and watching international rugby with mum. It’s our last night together for a month.
Despite everything I love my life….
Another beautiful day to wake up to and I’m now really pleased we decided not to go away this week. Of course I love being alone with Pete in some exotic location but seeing as he needed to work we couldn’t have asked for better weather home here.
I had an early start at the Churchill hospital having my bloods taken in preparation for starting chemo tomorrow. Round 9 I believe. It was nice enough to drive in my convertible with the top down… so novel in this country!
I got back in double quick time as I really wanted to spend as much time outside again like yesterday. I did some weeding, washing then settled down to sunbathing and reading. I am slowly getting through my book which is progressing onto some really interesting subjects. I read a lot of info on mental imagery which I have been trying to be proactive with whilst laying in the sun…Sometimes it’s hard not to get distracted or fall asleep!
Last night we watched a Panorama program on Burzynski, who has a clinic in Texas. It is very controversial as he claims to be able to cure cancer using antineoplastons.[if gte mso 9]><xml><w:WordDocument><w:View>Normal</w:View><w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom><w:TrackMoves/><w:TrackFormatting/><w:PunctuationKerning/><w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/><w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid><w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent><w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText><w:DoNotPromoteQF/><w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther><w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian><w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript><w:Compatibility><w:BreakWrappedTables/><w:SnapToGridInCell/><w:WrapTextWithPunct/><w:UseAsianBreakRules/><w:DontGrowAutofit/><w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/><w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/><w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/><w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/><w:Word11KerningPairs/><w:CachedColBalance/></w:Compatibility><w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel><m:mathPr><m:mathFont m:val=”Cambria Math”/><m:brkBin m:val=”before”/><m:brkBinSub m:val=”--“/><m:smallFrac m:val=”off”/><m:dispDef/><m:lMargin m:val=”0″/><m:rMargin m:val=”0″/><m:defJc m:val=”centerGroup”/><m:wrapIndent m:val=”1440″/><m:intLim m:val=”subSup”/><m:naryLim m:val=”undOvr”/></m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
Antineoplaston therapy is a complementary/alternative cancer treatment that involves using a group of synthetic chemicals called antineoplastons intended to protect the body from disease. Antineoplastons are made up mostly of peptides and amino acids originally taken from human blood and urine.
Of course there were many people on the program claiming he made them or their relatives worse. I think this is the case with any treatment. Some work some don’t. I guess the biggest thing with Burzynski is that he doesn’t tell you what is in the drug he administers and there is no published scientific evidence to back up his claims. You could say the same with a lot of other alternative treatments. I am lucky enough to have Dr Nesselhut who regularly discusses his treatment on public platforms. But let’s face it chemo and radiotherapies don’t work for very many people and if all Burzynski does is provide hope then isn’t that a good thing?
CanSer makes you do crazy things. The fear of dying and being in pain is so huge. You sometimes feel like it is taking over your life and you have no control. Thankfully I am not feeling like that now. I feel great. I also think I am zapping the last few nodules in my lungs. I can sense they are really small and I am certain they are going. I feel lighter. I am embracing the chemo cycle I start tomorrow. I think this could the last straw for canSer.
I have been visualising a blue force field around all my internal organs and feel protected that canSer will not get at any part of me again. I am conquering canSer I know it……