What to do next?….Live a charmed life….

Today I feel more inspired. I keep reading and hearing that you are what you think and the law of attraction. I know I am focusing on what to do next, when to do it and if I am doing the right thing all mixed up with emotions of fear. It’s scary, you know, knowing that there is something inside you that is growing, spreading and will kill you given half the chance and all the while you feel perfectly well. I find it hard not to panic and think of the next thing to do. I would like to think that’s me being prepared and being one step ahead of the canSer but in other peoples eyes it can look like I don’t believe the treatment I have had is working and isn’t going to work; such as GcMAF. I am not assuming it didn’t work or isn’t going to work. I just think that it’s going to take What to don nmore than that to stop it. So I guess that is me being negative. The reason is that it’s not just a case of reducing the canSer but actually stopping it in its tracks.

My friend had great news this week that from simply using GcMAF and living a very conscious life involving a ketogenic diet, exercise, infrared sauna, supplements and so on, that the canSer has gone from her lungs and the liver meets have stopped growing. She had faith in what she was doing and didn’t run around looking at other options. She let the time pass and trusted in herself.

A HUGE part of me wants to do that. But I thought I was doing everything right before my scan in January then it really pulled the rug from beneath to be told there had been disease progression and the tumours were that much larger and in my lymph nodes again.

So here I am being told by Dr Hembry to do something like visit Professor Vogl.

I have heard a lot about him and read intensely on the work he does. He offers TACE (transarterial percutaneous chemoembolisation), TPCE ( transpulmonary chemoembolisation), TACP ( transarterial chemoperfusion). More information here; http://radiologie-uni-frankfurt.de/content/e4864/e27/e35/index_eng.html

Basically from what I can gather through speaking to people that have had it, it’s a way of getting chemotherapy into the tumours directly therefore not flooding the body systemically with chemicals. It can be used in conjunction with other treatments such as thermal ablation, microwave, LITT and radiotherapy.

I have been informed that I can have an appointment to have this done in the next couple of weeks.

I already have appointments to see Doc Nesselhut for my next round of immunotherapy at the same time and possibly to treat the EBV virus but I was thinking that maybe this could be more important to really get to grips with shrinking the tumours. It wouldn’t be one treatment either. It would be up to four visits. Last night I was sure that this is what I should do. I know I haven’t had anything to stop the canSer since the chemo I have been having has had no or little effect. And knowing that the canSer is very active I feel like I should do something.

But then it comes back to, am I letting this take control of me? Should I be thinking canSer doesn’t define me and therefore slow down a bit and just live and trust the Universe and myself, let GcMAF work for a while and then see. If I have chemotherapy then the GcMAF really won’t work.

I am concerned as I have a CT scan booked at the end of April and would be due to start chemotherapy again. If I wait till then am I really taking a huge risk of the disease getting out of control?

Another thing is that Prof Vogls’ treatments will cost (clearly) and I could have free treatment on the NHS providing me with chemotherapy. I am shying away from chemotherapy on the NHS because it means it will attack my whole body, I’ll lose my hair (again) and so on… You know the rest.


I would really love someone else’s opinion on this. I hope to see Prof Dalgliesh next week. But anyone can give me their thoughts!? I’m open to suggestions. This is something I really need to consider. Whilst studying this week’s module on the health counselling course I listened to a great lecture by Victoria Moran who talks about creating a charmed life. It was brilliant and funny and she focuses on what you attract into your life. It couldn’t have been more apt really. I completely understand that if you are negative then negative things happen and vice versa. It has inspired me to do more of what I want in my life and try to attract the right things for me. I so want to be happy and carefree. I know, possibly, this won’t happen but I can try.


On a completely separate matter I have been taking naltrexone for over a year and have had it provided in Germany at a cost (again) and found out that it is possible to get here in the UK.  What a revelation! I contacted the LDN Research Trust, who asked my details. I sent them proof of my illness and then a doctor called me. He took payment for only £35; this included the consultation and three month supply. This is vastly cheaper than what I have been paying. Now I am waiting for a prescription to arrive and on I go. They advise how to take and when. It’s as simple as that. It’s so nice to finally do something without a hassle. If you are interested here is the website for more information; http://www.ldnresearchtrust.org/


I had a reply from Doc Nesselhut with regards to the immunostat test that worried me as it said the immune system was deactivated. His reply was along the lines of;

‘In this case deactivation of the humoral immunity (TH2) is irrelevant. Deactivation of the suppressor immunity (TH3) is favourable. And deactivation of cell mediated immunity (TH1) is to be expected in cancer patients. Thus, cell mediated immunity is what we aim to enhance with dendritic cell therapy.’


So that’s that then… none the wiser but it sounds ok to me…. I think?!*


I have finished working for the week, have cleaned the fridge (on request of the MD) and think maybe I should try and listen to Mark Newey’s hypnotherapy CD he created for me.


I had a chat with Laura Bond yesterday and she has really been helping me get clarity on a few things in my life (Not making decisions on treatments sadly). She suggested reading a book called, ‘E Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality’ by Pam Grout.

So I mentioned to my hubby that I fancied reading it as well as Victoria Moran’s ‘Living a Charmed Life’. He only goes and buys them for me…Yay!


Happy Friday everyone. X


Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day… fa la la

What a beautiful day it has been! From the moment we awoke the sky has been blue and the air cold and crisp but the sun has had his hat on!

My mission now is to continue doing what I have been doing from the ten point plan but better. Spend more time trying to think and be positive. Who knew doing all this stuff took up so much time. Hilarious really. All most people wish for is to have more time to spend on themselves, only to do that means it gets in the way of doing other ‘stuff’. I can’t decide if its making me feel more stressed! I desperately want to read all these wonderful books that I have. They could change my mind set completely! I wish I could get a balance where I feel happy with what I am doing knowing I am doing enough. I often feel that once the day is complete that yes, today was a good day. But at the time I feel like a hamster in a wheel.

My sister in law said to me on Saturday that the more you do the more low you feel. I would have thought it would be the other way round. Having more time on my hands would give me more time to dwell and think. But I think she is right. The more I rush around filling my time helping myself going to appointments and making my life better and trying not to miss opportunities, I actually feel more withdrawn… By golly, this is quite annoying.

A client called me today to see how I am doing. She said that I have to believe everything I am doing is working until I’m told otherwise. She is right too. I keep trying to use my intution and know my body like I have done in the past and I can only feel well. I do admittedly feel achey from yoga yesterday and I am feeling a little tired although not lacking energy. I think that must be from doing so much in the recent weeks and also Pete is unwell so sleep for us both isn’t great. I really believe that I am getting better. It’s so hard not knowing what is happening inside of me. There’s is no knowing whether it’s working quickly or it has stayed the same. I guess the answer is not to think about it. Everyone else doesn’t sit wondering what is happening inside their bodies. They react once they get symptoms or illness.

I reckon I have got the physical stuff sorted for the moment although my search will never stop. It is the mind I am working on and with about 6 weeks til my next scan I am going to work on my mind. I already play with visualisations and affirmations and whilst meditating I think of golden light rushing into my body, every crevice and healing me whilst breathing out I breath black dark nasty stuff, the disease and negative thoughts.

My current book I’m reading, How your mind can heal your body, says that meditation actually heals the body- physically. Studies show that meditation had increased the prefrontal cortex of the brain- the area that controls concentration, free will and compassion. Thus, when you visualise healing your body,the first that occurs is that you actually change the microscopic structure of the brain. Mind changes matter! I feel like I have mentioned this before. Sorry if I am repeating myself. But it’s good stuff and I really have such high hopes when I think of that.

The rest of this week I have more time at home and amongst doing some chores that have really been nagging me, I am going to try to relax more and enjoy the now. I want to finish my book, update the website, add info to forums and remind myself of the good stuff I am doing to fix myself. Oo aswell as cooking pumpkin dishes as I have plenty of them! 🙂 Tis the season and all that.