Three months already.. another CT scan..

I have been out of communications for about a week. If you were wondering where I had gone well never fear… I was abroad enjoying myself. Pete and I took five days and spent them in New York City Baby!

We had planned to visit there a few years ago but with everything going on had to cancel it and didn’t want to jinx it this time so kept it a little quiet. We also decided not to share much on here or social media because we felt we should try to enjoy each other and the place more. It was a fantastic thing to do and I would highly recommend others do it too. It gives you such a sense of freedom.

New York was sensational. Despite aching legs and feeling tired, we walked miles every day really taking in every inch of the city. We did the touristy things as well as go off the beaten track and thanks to recommendations from friends who have been there and friends of friends who have lived there, we had the time of our lives. I’m a real sucker for TV programmes like Friends and Sex in the City and was thrilled to eat at  the same restaurants and have photos taken at the same fountain.. Sad I know… but simple things please simple people! Ha!

I found plenty of vegetarian and juicing places and had a lovely green juice every morning. There were durg stores selling every single supplement you could find. Amazing!

I totally felt free. The first time in ages I barely thought about canSer and it is was a bit of thud coming back to reality. Yesterday, we felt so tired on our return we had to go to bed for a few hours. To be honest sleep hasn’t been my friend the past few weeks what with the pain in my side and now a chesty cough.

I am so happy though that the pain has lessened in my side (therefore it must be muscular) and although the cough is annoying I don’t feel ill. It’s just sleep has been really problematic and I have been a bit of a zombie since.

I hoped on my return I would have an inbox full of emails from radiologist specialists and dates with vaccination details and so on in them… but sadly no. I am once again chasing and wonder how hard can it be?

I am due to start chemo at my NHS hospital tomorrow. I won’t be going. I am putting it on hold so that I can attend this vaccination trial but I really would feel a 100% happier if I just knew when I had ablation booked. All this waiting around makes me nervous and I try to take on board the teachings from my meditation challenge which says filling your heart with love doesn’t leave room for anything else like fear. Easter has put a bit of kybosh on things I know and people have been taking their well earned holidays including the radiologist consultant. I really hope I know by the end of this week.

Today I had a CT scan. It’s been three months already. To say I am dreading the results is an understatement but I have such positive responses from my facebook page. Over a hundred people all wishing me positive thoughts and sending them my way. And I think I feel it too. CT scans are a doddle but today was a more fun experience with a goofy Australian guy jacking me up with the CT contrast… small things that make things seem better eh?

I don’t know when I will get results. I am booked to see Prof Harris on the 13th May but think I may be away again. And surely waiting all that time for results is so unfair! I am also tempted not to go and get my results. I hate it. I don’t really hate anything but I do hate waiting in the waiting room for results. I would rather they sent them to Pete. He can digest the info and find the good in them.

So lots of things potentially going on. I have to admit I am quite tempted to go and have chemo. It’s the only thing that is solid right now. Everything else is flaky. I so want ablation. I want the little buggers blasted..

I keep thinking it has been two months of no treatment. But then I remember I am still having GcMAF after having had a week intense treatment as well as DC therapy from Nesselhut. I hope, with every part of me crossed that I can report back to everyone with a good result… and also a bloody date for ablation!! Please please please don’t the let the canSer have spread out of the lung area. I need this ablation.

The vaccination trial is called IMM-101: Heat killed mycobacterium obuense. I am not quite sure what it is but once I read more on it and Pete explains it to me I will post in detail for you. But let’s just say its immunotherapy and they have been trialling it on advanced pancreatic patients. I should be starting that next week sometime.

Pete is still very keen for me to have more Dc therapy with Nesselhut and I have been contacting them to go back and have a top up. Pete has been dreaming about it and really feels that I need to keep my body fighting fit and this is the way to do that… OK I hear ya loud and clear…

I’ll leave you with some shots of me in NYC…

The Adventures of Cancer Maverick….

Today was reasonably eventful. Further to my thoughts of going to Germany to have TACE with Professor Vogl I had the opportunity to speak with another person who has been treated by him. Patricia peat from cancer Options gave my number to one of her patients. A lovely lady called me and we discussed all about her and her treatment. She has received 8 TACE sessions which is highly unusual as three to four sessions is usually the maximum. However, Nina needed that many because the cancer was quite advanced and already within her breast, chest, spine, liver and lungs. Phew and I think I have it bad. It makes me realise how bloody lucky I have been so far.

 

Like me Nina didn’t want systemic chemotherapy and opted for Professor Vogl. She said he is great and put my mind at rest and I thought, ‘Right I am definitely going to go and have his treatment. ‘

 

That was until we met with Professor Dalgliesh this afternoon. Prof D has been on our team since I was first told the canSer was incurable. He was the one that referred us to Doctor Nesselhut and introduced us to immunotherapy and the world of vaccinations.

 

We decided that it was about time we had a meeting to discuss what could be done and also to sound off about our recent experiences at Doc N’s clinic in the last six months.

 

We expressed our passion for immunotherapy and that even though in the last six months the tumours have continued to grow despite the vaccinations we do believe that it is keeping me well. My blood tests whilst on chemotherapy never show to be that of someone on chemotherapy! That must have something to do with that treatment.

 

I explained that TACE with Prof Vogl and Doc Nesselhut and further DC therapy was booked for the beginning of April but were wondering if there was anything in the UK we could be part of instead of having travel to the Fatherland. Prof Dalgliesh is of course the head of the Cancer Vaccine Institute and if anyone knows about vaccinations and trials in the UK it is him. He explained that there were no trials for this kind of canSer but, and this is a BIG but (I like big BUTs and I cannot lie… Ha) he did start thinking out loud. We discussed that radiofrequency ablation could be an option and quite effective in my lungs and despite the fact that blasting tumours would mean sending fragments to settle and grow elsewhere combining it with immunotherapy could actually mop the fragments up!

 

He said that he would ask the board and tell them my situation and show them my scan and hopefully I could start that in the next few weeks.

 

I asked how it would work. He said that I would need to go every two weeks to begin with then monthly then two monthly and so on. During which time I would have RFA (radiofrequency ablation)

 

Well Pete and I were all wide eyed and happy at the thought of having treatment in the UK. Whether we pay for it or not it would be load off. The pressure of travelling and being out of work and away from home is a lot to handle but of course essential if it means I can stay well.

 

Prof Dalgliesh said that I was looking great… Yes I have heard that a lot… Ha ha.. Let’s keep it that way!

 

I did explain to him that I had been having GcMAF and he knew all about it. He didn’t have much to say on the matter. He did however say that Professor Vogl is well esteemed and highly rated as an academic, not like Doctor Nesselhut who is lovely and is ground breaking but is not as academic as Vogl.

 

The thought of treatment in the UK left me reeling. What if the board turn me and I have cancelled my trip to Germany? I am obviously very aware that apart from GcMAF I am not having any treatment and technically the treatment I have been having in the past few months have not been working. I am worried that the canSer is growing and that it may spread. I am touching wood as we speak and being ever grateful that thus far it has not got further than my lungs and chest lymph nodes.

 

I am however secretly excited that I am looking to have another month of non invasive treatment (well except RFA but I can handle that!) Prof D said that if we go ahead with his idea that Prof Vogl would be a great back up. This is it then. The Plan.

 

Pete seemed really happy and I feel pretty good about it. I have everything crossed that they accept me and I can get started ASAP.

 

Whilst there we discussed other treatments and the Prof suggested that I ask Professor Harris, my usual oncologist if he can arrange for me to have Zometa infusions and interleukin2 on a regular basis as this would really help.

 

He also mentioned low dose naltrexone. I am already taking that. And actually received a prescription for the next three months from the UK distributor I mentioned the other day.

 

So all in all a great result. I now hope that I am not left hang8ing for weeks as, bless the Prof, communicating with him can take time. Something I do have but time is of the essence for me. If I want to stay well and not have any spread then I have to crack on.

 

I want to add that Nina Joy, who I spoke with this morning, has blown me away. I have been reading her blog and her picture shows a beautifully strong women. Wow, what a gal. She has written a book which has just been published. I am going to buy it. If you are interested in her story then please check out;

 

The Adventures of a Cancer Maverick by Nina Joy

 

http://www.oodlebooks.com/ninajoy/

 

Her blog is www.ninajoy.com

 

 

So once again a lot to think about but it just goes to show that the options are still there.  There is still hope too even when the disease has progressed because after speaking with Nina I now realise you can still feel great and symptom free despite having many tumours. It’s living with canSer not dying from it that counts. I intend on doing just that for many years by which time there will be a cure or at least a treatment that will mean I can live until I am old grey  with my man by my side.

 

What a lovely thought…..Night all. X

When you are REAL you don’t mind being hurt….

Just a quick blog.
Firstly to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to Jake, I know you are reading and I know your birthday was on Tuesday but thought I would mention it on here for you…. Hope you had a great day!

 

Yesterday I finally got an email from Prof Dalgliesh. It was short and sweet, much like all the emails from the medical profession.

It said;

‘She has discussed with another colleague who feel that if you have no other disease outside the chest then this would be an ideal approach.
They will be getting back with dates asap.
They have seen responses in non treated lung deposits doing this in other patients of mine
so they are well primed.
Best
Gus’

 

I was a bit excited and also confused. What does this mean? I asked Pete if it is a good thing and he confirmed it was a great thing! We just need to know whether I should be having vaccinations before ablation and when, where and all that stuff.

So I replied with a few questions and have heard… nothing…

We also need to know if I should cancel chemo which is booked for a few weeks time.

Well at least I got some sort of reply… now do I wait another three weeks?!

 

My Bear sent me a lovely little excerpt this morning from The Velveteen Rabbit. He is such a softy. Love him.

 

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

 

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

 

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

 

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

 

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

 

 

 

Light and Love All. X

First day of chemo.. DONE!

I took my first day’s chemo which is now vinorelbine. It’s funny as I don’t think I am nervous. I feel fine, calm but then bam! My tummy gets funny, my sleep is disrupted. It makes me wonder am I holding back my true feelings? This I know is not good for canSer. I think change makes me nervous. What will I feel like on these drugs? Will I get nausea, mouth ulcers, numb hands and feet? Or will my body be amazing like it has been in the last 12 months?

I was offered and adviced to have a flu jab by the nurse on Wednesday as I would be prone to infection with my immunity dropping. I’ve never been offered this before. I was quite excited! But now I need to judge when would be a good time to do it. It may be good as it sparks a response in my immunity. I’m certain once I get over my fear I will be fine. I’m in tip top condition. …  Must stay strong.

The downside in one respect to taking chemo is the anti sickness medication and steroids. Luckily I only take them on the same day as the chemo but we all know these have side effects like constipation and tiredness.  So far so good so hopefully I will be fine.

Holding onto feelings is never advised for anyone, let alone when one has canSer. Being true to one’s self and trusting the Universe is really the only way to fully let go. On reading Louise Hays book I know that the fact canSer is (apparently) in my lungs means I have a fear of letting life flow. This is sooooo true! We must listen to the inner goddess and trust yourself. There is no right or wrong so just go for it!

I have been listening to Deepak Chopras meditation challenge these last few weeks. One particular meditation really stood out for me when he said to imagine a mountain and path which is covered by weeds and overgrowth. Deepak said to imagine the path going all the way to the top of the mountain where it is lush and beautiful. Don’t stray from the path just persevere and remove the debris and slowly you will get there. Imagine reaching the top and the feeling of achievement and serenity. …..Must keep going!

What’s going on in my head?

Yesterday I drove early up to the hospital to have my bloods taken in preparation for starting chemo today. With the weather being so nice I drove in my convertible with the top down. It’s only in termperatures like we have been having when you can truly enjoy a convertible.  Having short hair helps as it doesnt get messed up!

It was the quickest visit to hospital ever. The blood test area is governed by a ticketed numbering system. On walking in I got my ticket and before I even sat down my number was called! Yay! Having bloods doesn’t get any easier and I was left with quite a bruised arm. The phlebotomist said sorry so he knew he had done something wrong this time.

I called the oncology ward this morning and after being asked many questions bout my bowels, hands, feet and infections I was given the go ahead to start chemo.

It’s hot, hot, hot today again and I must admit I am looking a bit red faced. I normally have a cheeky hour before clients reading my book before I start to work but today is toooo much!

I’ve been getting more emails from people on facebook who have been in the same situation as me or have relatives recently diagnosed. I hope I can still offer help and encouragement. I have been feeling doubt and fear in my mind the last few days to a week.

I had a chat with Pete this morning. I don’t want to worry him but sometimes I need to sound it out. I get that sudden feeling of, Oh my god… The enormity of the situation and the fear that it could be forever more that I will have to fight this disease. I get scared that it may well win. When I say it out loud it feels silly as I’m in such a good position right now. I don’t want to miss these good healthy times and create something that may never happen. Pete as always sounds it out for me. He said that I am doing everything right and things couldn’t be better than they were a year ago. It’s ok to have moments and some negative thoughts but not to let them take over. It’s also a good time to keep the body guessing, make some changes and really ramp it up a bit. I know he is right. I don’t know why I have been fretting but it crept up on me and starting eating away at my happy thoughts. I really don’t want to think about it. It doesn’t serve any purpose and doesn’t help in the long run. I just get afraid that I will one day find it has spread then if it ever takes over I could be in a hospice on my last few breaths. I don’t want that- clearly. I just feel that it is all so scary. I am fighting for my life. Technically. Every day is a challenge and having no idea what is going on inside me really. I need to tap into my intuition and start listening to the real me and not my worrying head. Meditation really helps and when I think of all I am doing I realise how much control I have over my life, without having control… if that makes sense!

Yes well.. Like I say saying it out loud seems ridiculous. I know what I must do and how I should be thinking but I wonder sometimes if I want to create drama as there is something missing. I haven’t had any major urge to know what the future holds for a while now which is a breakthrough for me. I’ve been enjoying life. I guess that I sometimes feel sad because everyone else assumes they have ‘the rest of their lives’ to do things and this saying means many, many years to come. I know none of us know how long we have but it’s hard being told that you have an incurable disease and that it is life limiting and to eradicate that wording.

Peter and I heard the other day that one of his friends wife, who we used to see at the hospital, was suffering from leukemia after having quite a turbulent time, has been told, after having blood tests, that there is no sign of disease… Miracles do happen! I want that. I want to be told when I go for my next scan that there is ‘no evidence of disease’. I’m not sure if I will ever believe it but I really have to shake this lingering disease off. It doesn’t serve me in any way. I don’t need it. It’s amazing how the doctor’s words get stuck in my head. If only they would say it could be cured and then the day I am told there is no sign of it that I would believe it. I just need to get that gumption in my tummy to say to every cell in my body ‘I will be cured, I am canSer free’. I do need to re centre myself and really get to grips with my inner self. I must believe that I am safe and I am well.  I want to be free…..

Right I need to remember the saying; Abandon Stinkin’ Thinkin’!

So much to be grateful for!

It feels like I have been away from home for ages already. Having got up at 4am on Monday to get our early flight I have to admit all I want to do is… You guessed it.. Sleep! That’s what holidays are for right? Relaxing, sleeping and so on. Luckily for us we have friends here in sunny Spain. We’ve already made the most of the sunshine.. As expected I’m in my element. Yesterday we met our friends and met new ones whilst chilling at one of Marbella’s beach clubs.

We ventured out yesterday to have our usual brekkie where they make me green smoothies… Sadly it doesn’t open at breakfast any more. 🙁 this posed a small problem so we tried a new location. On the menu was pineapple, mango and kiwi juice followed by a salad sandwich with seaweed! I would normally avoid fruits because of the high sugar content but in some situations you have to make the best options you can. Fruit juice was definitely the best option.

Walking along the beach is so therapeutic and I love being near the sea. Ok not on it in a boat but I do love it! Ha ha!

So far I haven’t exercised apart from walking, I haven’t done any beach yoga and I haven’t meditated. It truly is a holiday from everything. I have to be honest all I want to do is nothing!

Yesterday was my last day of chemo for this cycle. I can now relax knowing I have a week off. Got through unscathed again. Phew…

Today we are going to read, plan our next trips away and generally feel lucky to be alive! I may even try to have a nap.. True kitten style. Then we’re off to see some history and culture in Orange Square being shown the sights by our friends.

So much to be grateful for!

Research me! I’m a living breathing medical trial…..

Had the sad news today that Bernie Nolan has died from Breast canSer. It makes it really hard when a household name dies so young. I hope she fell asleep peacefully. Thoughts and prayers go out to her family.

I got to meet Ellie Copson today who is featured on the specialist consultant’s page. She is a senior oncologist at Southampton Hospital. I have been in touch with her th9ourhg my sister since I was diagnosed with metastasis last July. She was kind enough for me to meet her and discuss my options as they stand. I have concerned with being on chemo for so long and she did things are working and the canSer is stable that she would personally if I were her patient let me more lenient on the time in between chemo cycles maybe extending the break from one to two weeks., especially as I have been on for it more than 6 months.

She said the difficulty in that they have little evidence of patients on immunotherapy so can only base their plan on what they know which is chemo. Obviously chemo strips the bone marrow so it isn’t ideal. The other problem is  if I was to take a longer break of say a few months off chemo is that it could be when I start it again it wouldn’t work any longer. Now I believe that there are no definite answers and they really don’t have evidence of any of the outcomes.

Ellie spoke about some young patients just like me that look really well and are living life to the full. This does make me wonder how many of her patients has she had that are still living years on with a stable disease or maybe no sign of disease? Or have they in fact all died?

There never seems to a finite answer and it does always seem that there is an underlying thing that I will almost certainly die from this disease eventually. God I want to talk or even see someone that is living well ten years on from their diagnosis of terminal disease! I can’t believe that they have all died? Where are they?

Ellie was very kind to me and has said any time I have any questions that I can ask. I pray that my body doesn’t give in and that all that I am doing will win this battle. I am a living breathing medical trial.

I think that if I continue to have good scans and they come back being clear one day that I will have to risk stopping chemo. When I mention the drugs and the reishi I am on, Ellis just looked bewildered. It’s so far out there for a scientist to understand. She is currently researching how breast canSer in young woman especially obese women don’t survive or at least cope as well as those whom are a healthy weight and lifestyle. They are now admitting lifestyle is a factor in treating the disease.

I want to offer myself as a trial for her. Research me!

Anyway hoe today to see my bear. I’m so excited and I’m thrilled we are going to be having a heat wave. Tra la la!

Greens, greens and more greens…..

This morning I dragged myself out of my snuggly bed and got ready to go to hospital for my clinic appointment-The usual appointment to see how I am doing before my next round of chemo. I didn’t see Prof Harris again today but another male doctor who seemed nice. I plucked up the courage to ask him if he thought it would be possible to make some changes to the way I take chemo. Maybe give a bigger gap between cycles or even reduce the dosage. He said that capecitibine is very good for old ladies as it is very well tolerated so I should be fine as long as I don’t have side effects to it to simply just continue with it. He suggested taking it for one week on one week off and that would be a better solution to taking it for two weeks on one week off… I think he was missing my point. He did say he had looked at my scan and there was practically nothing there! That said he feels that even though the CT scan cannot see anything it doesn’t mean canSer isn’t there and that if I was to stop taking the drugs that it would definitely grow back. Humph……

This is where all this gets very confusing and until I talk to Doctor Nesselhut I really don’t know what I should do. I know that at some point I need to know what is working one way or the other. I have a strong feeling that I don’t need to be taking chemo forever but if I should decide to stop I have to take the risk that the canSer will grow back. Sucks really… I’m not great at taking risks and this is one no one can know the outcome of. I’m off to Germany later this week as my next Nesselhut session is on Monday. I will speak to him and see what he says.

I have been reading about ellagic acid today. It is a compound ingredient in raspberries amongst other things like blueberries. Ellagic acid prevents the binding of carcinogens to DNA and strengthens connective tissue, which may keep cancer cells from spreading. Ellagic Acid has the ability to inhibit mutations within a cell’s DNA. Furthermore, it is considered to be a cancer inhibitor which has the ability to cause apoptosis or normal cell death in cancer cells. This is something I had heard of about six months ago but it has popped up again today. I may think about taking this as a supplement as I don’t have much fruit although I do love blueberries and raspberries….mmmm

I’ve been working today and although they say it is 20 degrees I am cold and wearing a cardigan. I have been feeling a bit washed out with a delicate tummy the last few days. I can only put it down to birthday celebrations taking their toll. I reckon a detox is in order but not the best time what with a road trip inbound.

I’m actually looking forward to going to Germany. I’m keen to have the next plan of action.

Whilst at hospital today the doc said that he wants to book me another scan for in July… we’ll see about that. I think I will make it August then it will be three months again. They don’t seem at all worried about radiation. To be honest all I feel when I am there is that they want to say something to me such as, ‘whilst you can tolerate the chemo ‘or ‘when the chemo doesn’t work anymore’… they have a look in their eyes that tells me that I am still a dead girl walking. I wish they had more positive things to tell me and give me. I’m sure they feel like that. NO point worrying about something that may never happen. I wonder if I am cranking up the healing enough or if I am becoming lazy. I think it is all because I find everything so routine these days. Should I crank up my diet and have lots more fresh juices? I currently only have one a day. I find that one has such a diuretic effect on me plus I don’t LOVE vegetable juices. I have to have it like medicine.

Maybe I need to have an evaluation and start readdressing things like making time for visualisations, working more on my diet and other elements.

For now I think I will just focus on tonight’s tea….. Greens and more greens!

P.S Just want to congratulate my friend Donna on completing the London to Brighton cycle ride in aid of my chosen charities! Whoop! X

Time to contemplate, breathe and read….

Poor Old Bear has been poorly sick the last day or so. A tummy bug in the middle of the night. It started with chills then progressed onto projectile vomiting and diarrhoea.. Thank goodness we have a wet room! It makes a change to be the one that takes care of someone (even though I am well I am the one constantly taking tablets and being assessed at hospital) I don’t think Pete likes my kind of care giving. I told him to be quiet when making groaning noises. I didn’t mean it the way it came out. What I meant was that if he stopped groaning he would sleep and he did!

Needless to say it’s not nice seeing someone you love sick. Then to top it off his wisdom tooth cracked and fell out. So off to the dentists he went. Returning with a hamster face, bless him.

I on the other hand am feeling tip top. Chemo started and touching everything wood, I’m feeling brilliant. A bit tired but was from being up with Pete in the middle of the night. I made up for it by going to bed at 9pm last night. Rock n roll! I couldn’t even stay awake for my favourite American TV shows.

Again the weather has been beautiful so after being the dutiful wife doing chores for ray our elderly friend I have spent the afternoon basking in the sun. It gives me much time to breathe, contemplate and read.

I’ve now got to the nutrition chapters of ‘You can conquer cancer’. A subject I really believe in and feel you can have some control over. So far it’s the same as Kris Carr’s advice and I’m feeling slightly chuffed that it reinforces what I’m already doing. I’m feeling healthy mentally this week too. I’ve been particularly good with my meals, not eating excess amounts and really trying to listen to what my body needs.

Spending all this time in the garden I get to see things change daily. I can hardly believe in 4 weeks it’s a year since my ‘bad’ news or life changing news to make it more positive.

I’ve been getting new bookings this week for my business. I’m always amazed that if I ‘put it out there’ I usually get more bookings. The Universe usually gives you what you need.

With all the sickness I think we are going to be having a very quiet weekend. Pete has been burning the candle and needs to ‘love’ himself. That pleases me. I love downtime. Let’s face it, my whole life is quite chilled these days…Just like I like it.

Bloods taken in preparation for chemo cycle 9

Another beautiful day to wake up to and I’m now really pleased we decided not to go away this week. Of course I love being alone with Pete in some exotic location but seeing as he needed to work we couldn’t have asked for better weather home here.

I had an early start at the Churchill hospital having my bloods taken in preparation for starting chemo tomorrow. Round 9 I believe. It was nice enough to drive in my convertible with the top down… so novel in this country!

I got back in double quick time as I really wanted to spend as much time outside again like yesterday. I did some weeding, washing then settled down to sunbathing and reading. I am slowly getting through my book which is progressing onto some really interesting subjects. I read a lot of info on mental imagery which I have been trying to be proactive with whilst laying in the sun…Sometimes it’s hard not to get distracted or fall asleep!

Last night we watched a Panorama program on Burzynski, who has a clinic in Texas. It is very controversial as he claims to be able to cure cancer using antineoplastons.[if gte mso 9]><xml><w:WordDocument><w:View>Normal</w:View><w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom><w:TrackMoves/><w:TrackFormatting/><w:PunctuationKerning/><w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/><w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid><w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent><w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText><w:DoNotPromoteQF/><w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther><w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian><w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript><w:Compatibility><w:BreakWrappedTables/><w:SnapToGridInCell/><w:WrapTextWithPunct/><w:UseAsianBreakRules/><w:DontGrowAutofit/><w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/><w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/><w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/><w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/><w:Word11KerningPairs/><w:CachedColBalance/></w:Compatibility><w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel><m:mathPr><m:mathFont m:val=”Cambria Math”/><m:brkBin m:val=”before”/><m:brkBinSub m:val=”&#45;-“/><m:smallFrac m:val=”off”/><m:dispDef/><m:lMargin m:val=”0″/><m:rMargin m:val=”0″/><m:defJc m:val=”centerGroup”/><m:wrapIndent m:val=”1440″/><m:intLim m:val=”subSup”/><m:naryLim m:val=”undOvr”/></m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>

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Antineoplaston therapy is a complementary/alternative cancer treatment that involves using a group of synthetic chemicals called antineoplastons intended to protect the body from disease. Antineoplastons are made up mostly of peptides and amino acids originally taken from human blood and urine.

Of course there were many people on the program claiming he made them or their relatives worse. I think this is the case with any treatment. Some work some don’t. I guess the biggest thing with Burzynski is that he doesn’t tell you what is in the drug he administers and there is no published scientific evidence to back up his claims. You could say the same with a lot of other alternative treatments. I am lucky enough to have Dr Nesselhut who regularly discusses his treatment on public platforms. But let’s face it chemo and radiotherapies don’t work for very many people and if all Burzynski does is provide hope then isn’t that a good thing?

CanSer makes you do crazy things. The fear of dying and being in pain is so huge. You sometimes feel like it is taking over your life and you have no control. Thankfully I am not feeling like that now. I feel great. I also think I am zapping the last few nodules in my lungs. I can sense they are really small and I am certain they are going. I feel lighter. I am embracing the chemo cycle I start tomorrow. I think this could the last straw for canSer.

I have been visualising a blue force field around all my internal organs and feel protected that canSer will not get at any part of me again. I am conquering canSer I know it……