I have to admit it I have been a grumpy guts for most of this week. Not outwardly, massively grumpy but I definitely have not been right! I don’t like it. It almosts feels hormonal but that can’t be right. I have been negative and a little bit resentful of stuff.
I also feel a little blocked and uncentred. I have found it hard to relax fully during meditation and haven’t experienced any ‘colours’ during it either. I do know that the scan results are playing on my mind but when I think logically, that I must trust and live each day, then I’m fine again. I need my own pep talk! I put it all down to being tired.
I spent 3 hours wrapping presents yesterday. I didn’t enjoy that either! Bah humbug! I had a great night’s sleep last night so I am feeling much more positive.
On a plus side though Pete has booked me to have session with a lady that does ‘The Journey’ process. I spoke to her yesterday and she was lovely. I have no expectations as I am not totally sure of what will happen and I don’t expect miracles but it could be good to really let loose what may have caused all the canSer?
Today I went to my friends for lunch and had a good natter then I went off to have reflexology. I have been looking forward to it all week! It’s divine and really, Claire Winters is the best. So very accurate and clever. She said that my neck and around my glutes are all very tight. OMG- so very true! She felt that my adrenals were working too hard. She suspects that it’s due to feeling a bit stressed. But overall she thinks my feet look and feel great. She says she can ‘read’ feet too (a bit like reading palms) and even describe things that are going on emotionally at that time! I asked about mine and she said that emotionallly I’m pretty balanced at the moment. She says that my lung area all feels really good too.
I floated home. I feel wonderful!
Pete has been sending me cute messages today again and I’m really looking forward to our weekend together. First though, Friday night.. nothing exciting.. cabbage for tea and an early night! (Rock and Roll!) Just the way I like it.
I have been having a few easy days.. sort of, shopping for Christmas pressies (and me!.. I like that shopping more! Ha ha!) I have been surprisingly normal and upbeat. Or so I thought. Sleep has been hard the last few nights. Not falling asleep but having vivid dreams. Now I would normally put it down to the worry of next weeks results but I actually think it is the Naltrexone that Dr Nesselhut prescribed for me.
I take it before bed every night and then it does it’s job between 2 and 3am. Low doasage naltrexone seems amazing. Here is a link to what it can do;
Therefore I am feeling really tired today. I drove to Farnham for acupunture today and it was really good as usual except it’s going quicker each time as I am getting used to it and relaxing. A few points were really sensitve today, my kidney and liver points, but Michael says my pulse is feeling really good and strong. 🙂
I have to admit I am feeling a little bit weary today. I have had thoughts of stopping my usual rituals for a while to give it break. I think that’s maybe because it’s Christmas coming up and also the thought of having the results. Of course I won’t because I can’t stop now! I know when I am tired that I shouldn’t take any thoughts I have and action them. I did think I may have a little nap today when I got back and I had an afternoon of writing, drawing and reading as well as wrapping all the presents.. but then I got stuck in traffic on the way home and it took nearly two hours to get back.. Grrrr.
I’m trying not to be worried and down about the (I want to say impending doom but that’s not right as I have done everything right and the results should reflect that?!) scan results that are looming. I can’t help but think that the oncologist will sit there with a ‘I told you so face’ and I also don’t want to let myself, Pete and everyone else down. If the way I look and feel reflects my insides then I am going to be celebrating but I always have the fear of not getting too excited just incase it doesn’t go well. I know that’s what I have been trying to change in the last four months but it’s a hard habit to break. I don’t want to have all those huge feelings of panic coming back. I have been loving it recently and long may that continue! Enough of me dwelling. Shaken it off.
Now for the good stuff. I received a lovely bikini in the post from Nicola Jane this morning as a ‘thank you’ for modelling for them. It’s animal print.. they know me well! Plus Pete got a text from his client and friend Chaim, who says that he has been praying for me 3 times a day! Things like that really lift me.. I have to stop saying it but, I can’t believe it!?
I think an aroma bath and early night are in order. I went to bed at 9.30pm last night surely I can’t go to bed any earlier!
o last night was interesting. My friend and I enjoyed the bottle of champagne that the lovely peeps from Nicola Jane had given me and were expecting to be joined by my Bear and his work wife (‘Bootface’ as he is better known at home- they have a long standing bromance that me and his wife have to accpet!) feeling very tired at midnight Bear finally falls through the front door and is sharply put to bed. Followed by his friend at 2am! The stinkers… well it is only once a year I guess that we have birthdays so it is allowed. Ha ha!
Needless to say today I am tired. My friend joined me for meditation, yoga and juicing. It’s so interesting how many people are interested in the new rituals and ‘me’ despite them not having canSer they can see the benefits on an every day basis. We decided to watch rugby and eat hearty vegan food all day. We didn’t leave the house once and spent the day in our ‘slob outs’ as I call them. Great day.. 🙂
When we were in Germany recently the Angel lady gave us an advent calendar. Well today was day one and behind the door was an angel to hang on the Christmas tree! I love this advent calendar- who needs choccies?! So very thoughtful and I get to keep them. (I think the girls in Pete’s office would argue that they have the best advent calendar ever. We bought them one which has cosmetics and makeup accessroies behind each door!) On the advent calendar it says, ‘ Friends are like angels that help us to our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly’. How so very true and such a beautiful way of putting it.
I must admit now Christmas is coming the urge to try mince pies is hard… but I will not crack!
Looking forward to tomorrow!