Today has been very cathartic. I have cleaned the house from top to bottom and I have been preparing myself doing my normal rituals and really focussing on visualisations as well as a double helping of meditation because tomorrow I have a CT scan.
It has been looming for months and I am doing my best not to feel dread but to think that whatever the scan says is fine. I will deal with it and know that I can move forward from any news given to me. Let’s face it I have done it before and can do it again. However, that’s not me thinking the worst outcome. I actually feel really buoyant about it and have roped as many people into sending me good vibes, praying, visualising or whatever suits them. All I know is the more loved ones who want to help are going to be thinking of me tomorrow morning.
I won’t get the results for a week… but that hasn’t stopped me from making the most of today, getting the last few positive changes and loading up on EFT, meditation, airnergy and heat, and tonight I’m going to do a final session of quantum field healing visualising.
All my friends have been brilliant sending me their thoughts and affirming that they will be doing their utmost. I love their views on it. One friend says she always imagines me doing the conga and has suggested that if I feel nervous that I should hum it to myself. Great idea. Lightens the mood and instantly makes me think of canSer leaving my body.
Is it wrong that I’m not feeling stressed or is it actually testament to how far I have come in the last few months and what a change there has been in me? I feel really well at the moment. I feel balanced, loved and full but not with sadness or negative emotions. I feel excited and proud of little victories. I feel happy and very lucky. My Bear has sent me lots of love today and even sent me an email that I sent to him just after I met him nearly nine years ago. How cute. How quickly it has gone but how it feels like a lifetime ago. So much has changed but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel stronger and so very grateful for the life I have been given and even more lucky that I have the Big Furry One.
Spoke to my dad today. He is living in temporary accomodation for the winter months overlooking the sea. I haven’t heard him sound so happy as I had done today. I plucked up the courage to ask my dad if I could call him ‘dad’. I call him by his name at the moment and apparently used to call him dad until I heard my brothers calling him by his name when I was very young. I was told that calling him by his name meant he was more of a friend rather than a father. As mentioned before I don’t want him as my friend but my dad. I’ve been wanting to ask for years but never felt I could.. a bit too emotional but now I don’t feel like that. I didn’t get choked up and he simply said, ‘ Of course you can call me dad, you used to’. It confuses me slightly as to why I wasn’t corrected when I called him by his name, but there’s no point dwelling on that.
Pete has come home from work in a lovely mood again and I’m looking forward to sitting in the lounge looking at our tree or the grotto as Pete calls it. I think lots of cuddles are inbound!
Early start tomorrow..