I have been having a few easy days.. sort of, shopping for Christmas pressies (and me!.. I like that shopping more! Ha ha!) I have been surprisingly normal and upbeat. Or so I thought. Sleep has been hard the last few nights. Not falling asleep but having vivid dreams. Now I would normally put it down to the worry of next weeks results but I actually think it is the Naltrexone that Dr Nesselhut prescribed for me.
I take it before bed every night and then it does it’s job between 2 and 3am. Low doasage naltrexone seems amazing. Here is a link to what it can do;
Therefore I am feeling really tired today. I drove to Farnham for acupunture today and it was really good as usual except it’s going quicker each time as I am getting used to it and relaxing. A few points were really sensitve today, my kidney and liver points, but Michael says my pulse is feeling really good and strong. 🙂
I have to admit I am feeling a little bit weary today. I have had thoughts of stopping my usual rituals for a while to give it break. I think that’s maybe because it’s Christmas coming up and also the thought of having the results. Of course I won’t because I can’t stop now! I know when I am tired that I shouldn’t take any thoughts I have and action them. I did think I may have a little nap today when I got back and I had an afternoon of writing, drawing and reading as well as wrapping all the presents.. but then I got stuck in traffic on the way home and it took nearly two hours to get back.. Grrrr.
I’m trying not to be worried and down about the (I want to say impending doom but that’s not right as I have done everything right and the results should reflect that?!) scan results that are looming. I can’t help but think that the oncologist will sit there with a ‘I told you so face’ and I also don’t want to let myself, Pete and everyone else down. If the way I look and feel reflects my insides then I am going to be celebrating but I always have the fear of not getting too excited just incase it doesn’t go well. I know that’s what I have been trying to change in the last four months but it’s a hard habit to break. I don’t want to have all those huge feelings of panic coming back. I have been loving it recently and long may that continue! Enough of me dwelling. Shaken it off.
Now for the good stuff. I received a lovely bikini in the post from Nicola Jane this morning as a ‘thank you’ for modelling for them. It’s animal print.. they know me well! Plus Pete got a text from his client and friend Chaim, who says that he has been praying for me 3 times a day! Things like that really lift me.. I have to stop saying it but, I can’t believe it!?
I think an aroma bath and early night are in order. I went to bed at 9.30pm last night surely I can’t go to bed any earlier!