The amazing low doasge Naltrexone

I have been having a few easy days.. sort of, shopping for Christmas pressies (and me!.. I like that shopping more! Ha ha!) I have been surprisingly normal and upbeat. Or so I thought. Sleep has been hard the last few nights. Not falling asleep but having vivid dreams. Now I would normally put it down to the worry of next weeks results but I actually think it is the Naltrexone that Dr Nesselhut prescribed for me.

I take it before bed every night and then it does it’s job between 2 and 3am. Low doasage naltrexone seems amazing. Here is a link to what it can do;

Therefore I am feeling really tired today. I drove to Farnham for acupunture today and it was really good as usual except it’s going quicker each time as I am getting used to it and relaxing. A few points were really sensitve today, my kidney and liver points, but Michael says my pulse is feeling really good and strong. 🙂

I have to admit I am feeling a little bit weary today. I  have had thoughts of stopping my usual rituals for a while to give it break. I think that’s maybe because it’s Christmas coming up and also the thought of having the results. Of course I won’t because I can’t stop now! I know when I am tired that I shouldn’t take any thoughts I have and action them. I did think I may have a little nap today when I got back and I had an afternoon of writing, drawing and reading as well as wrapping all the presents.. but then I got stuck in traffic on the way home and it took nearly two hours to get back.. Grrrr.

I’m trying not to be worried and down about the (I want to say impending doom but that’s not right as I have done everything right and the results should reflect that?!) scan results that are looming. I can’t help but think that the oncologist will sit there with a ‘I told you so face’ and I also don’t want to let myself, Pete and everyone else down. If the way I look and feel reflects my insides then I am going to be celebrating but I always have the fear of not getting too excited just incase it doesn’t go well. I know that’s what I have been trying to change in the last four months but it’s a hard habit to break. I don’t want to have all those huge feelings of panic coming back. I have been loving it recently and long may that continue! Enough of me dwelling. Shaken it off.

Now for the good stuff. I received a lovely bikini in the post from Nicola Jane this morning as a ‘thank you’ for modelling for them. It’s animal print.. they know me well! Plus Pete got a text from his client and friend Chaim, who says that he has been praying for me 3 times a day! Things like that really lift me.. I have to stop saying it but, I can’t believe it!?

I think an aroma bath and early night are in order. I went to bed at 9.30pm last night surely I can’t go to bed any earlier!


Doing things out of my comfort zone.. Modelling for Nicola Jane lingerie!

Yesterday was a great day at home and my mum arrived for the afternoon. Lovely to see her as always. She had come up to stay overnight as today we had a bit of an adventure…

The day started very early getting a train to London at 7.30am. We headed all the way to Camden in London where I was taking part in a photo shoot.. Yep. you read it right… me modelling!! A few weeks ago I went to London to have a casting and said I’d reveal all later.. well today was it.

A few months ago I was shopping for lingerie online at Nicola Jane mastectomy lingerie and noticed that they use real life models so I decided to contact them and offer my services. I wasn’t sure if I would be good enough or what they were looking for but there were a few reasons for wanting to do it.

What I have noticed when trying to buy lingerie now that I have had a mastectomy is that as lovely as the bras are I really felt that they were targeting an older market. As we all know breast cancer affects all ages and now many younger women are sadly within this age range. I thought that by me doing it may make other women who are similar age feel more comfortable about buying mastectomy underwear.

The other reason was to do something that I wouldn’t normally do; try to go outside of my comfort zone and do ‘once in a lifetime’ things. As we know make the most of the days you have on this earth count. Also what are the chances of me ever being able to model in any other circumstances?!

After having contacted them and sending pictures to them they actually asked me to model for them along with another lovely lady called Suzie, madly enough also from Oxford. Well that was months ago and today finally came, I thought to myself what have I let myself in for?!

Part of me was ok about it all as I didn’t have any expectations but then on arriving and seeing the studio and the gorgeous professional model making it look all so easy I started to feel a tad apprehensive shall we say. I’m much better at ‘doing’ rather than waiting..

After being made over by the make up artist and having the bras fitted and about 3 hours of photos I can honestly say it well worth doing and something I feel proud to have done. I couldn’t wish for a better group of people taking care of us.The hardest part was being ‘relaxed’ and not twitching round my mouth when I smiled! I cannot believe how hard it is and it’s so weird with a group of people watching you!

Throughout the whole experience everyone was supportive telling us we looked great and that we were naturals. The photographer, art director, the boss and all the girls from Nicola Jane were just unbelievably accommodating feeding us, watering us and generally making us feel great! And to top it the photos that I did see looked amazing. (Oh and mum got in a few of them too! Can’t take her anywhere! ha ha!)

The catalogue is out in January 2013. In the meantime though if you want to check out their lingerie go to

To wet your whistles here are a few snaps that we took whilst there. I hope you like them and don’t be disturbed by the fat I am wearing a bra and a pair of jeans with baseball boots. (Rocking a great look!)

I got home in speedy time and mum went home as I went onto collect my lovely friend from the train station. She has decided to have a weekend of Bear and Kitty, good food, drink and laughs with a bit of healthy living thrown in; meditation, juicing and yoga. Then Sunday, we get the Christmas tree and have some fun singing carols.. Excited.

Just home with Leanne, had some tasty food and shared the gorgeous bottle of wine with her that everyone at Nicola Jane had bought me. What a treat and a great way to start the weekend! Hoping my Bear gets home from his night out with his work wife (Adam.. bromance!) soon.. I’m feeling very sleepy and want to dream of the great day that I had being a model! Ha ha! I cannnot take it seriously…