Forgiving the Soul…

Yesterday I went for my weekly pranic healing session. I know that people think I must be mad but each to their own. I get a lot from it. I suppose it is odd as I don’t have any physical therapy but I am open to believing in anything at this stage. Plus I have a friend who has the treatment and really believes the canSer he has, has reduced due to this healing work.

I take from it what I can. Les, the healer suggested I do a ‘Soul Forgiveness’ prayer and to truly imagine letting go of any resentments or conflicts that I may be harbouring. When you have canSer there are plenty of those and to be honest even when you haven’t got canSer. We all have our hang ups, but I believed I had put a lot of my ‘stuff’ away… let it go and so on. In the last 18 months I have done plenty of soul searching as I believe negative emotions need to be released so that you can truly release a disease or any illness that manifests itself in one’s body.

Les asked me last week, when I was feeling pretty delicate and emotional if there was anything that could be deep within me that I am not letting go off. And my dad popped into my head.

He had called me a few days earlier and left a voicemail. Quite normal I guess for most reading this. But for me my dad has always been a bit of a sore subject.

Being completely honest and laying all my cards on the table for the public to read (I sometimes have to remind myself that this journal of mine is there for all to see) my dad is a big drinker. He always has been throughout my whole life. Having to admit he is an alcoholic is pretty hard. Especially as he is the greatest man that ever lived. Well all dads are to their daughters when they are growing up. Being from the east end of London he is a grafter and ‘Jack of all trades’. He could build anything and regularly did our house and garden up. A truly amazing hard working individual. But this was regularly marred by his drinking habits and the person he turned into when he drank. As with any drinker they all become loud and obnoxious. I have hated seeing him like this all my life. I think mainly because you never knew what kind of mood he would be in when he got home.

Sadly my mum had enough of ‘that’ person a few years ago and decided that life without him was better for her soul. I don’t blame her.

But that didn’t stop me from wishing he would stop drinking and be the dad that I absolutely adored as a child. The thing is if he rings after 1pm I generally avoid the call. 9 times out of 10 he would have been drinking and I really cannot tolerate that person.

I told Les about how I felt about him. That my dad only tells me he loves me when he is drunk. He was never a very cuddly kind of person and it makes me cry every time he says it. I guess because it feels like he has to be drunk to tell me. That’s really sad. There has been many occasions where we have had full blown arguments whilst he has been drunk. Once when I was at a radiotherapy session, I left him decorating my treatment room. I got home to a very drunk excuse of a man. I had only been gone an hour and half. I was devastated. I went nuts. We didn’t really speak for nearly a year. I felt let down and angry. But I suppose I didn’t really consider how he felt about it all. This is no excuse though…

Les felt that I needed to work on the Soul Forgiveness prayer and picture my dad looking all dressed up and healthy and imagine making up and letting him walk away and having no feelings of anxiety when he left.

I have been doing it for a whole week, really picturing my dad and thought it was going well. I told Les that my dad had rung and left a voicemail again but I hadn’t called back. Old habits die hard I guess. Les suggested I go home and call him immediately and see how I felt.

I didn’t. I forgot actually. But last Friday I looked at my phone at 5pm and thought,’I’m going to call my dad’. I knew he would have been drinking but I didn’t feel worried.

So I called. My dad was thrilled to hear me and was overly excited. He had been drinking and was swearing like a trooper and laughing loudly but I didn’t feel any anxiety. I felt happy to hear him. He told me how his winter had been and asked how treatment was going and told me a few secrets. Bless him. Then he said the nicest things about Peter. That Pete is the best thing that has ever happened to me. (I already knew that but how nice to hear it from your dad!) He said that he couldn’t have wished for a better man to take care of his daughter. We talked for about an hour and arranged for him to visit sometime this summer. (To be honest I told him to bring his tools, I so need some work doing on the house!) He kept saying how pleased he was that I had called and that I had brightened up his day.

I have to say I felt great. I felt at peace. I understand that he must be a troubled soul and how lonely he must feel sometimes. I can’t stop him from being a drinker but I can help myself feel better about him.

I told Les yesterday all about it and he was thrilled for me. I am to continue doing the Soul Forgiveness prayer and maybe other people will pop up that I need to forgive or maybe they need to forgive me. Whichever way you look at it is a great way to make peace with yourself and allow yourself to be free.

I have felt brighter ever since I spoke to my dad. I urge everyone to give a go.

Here is the prayer.

I the soul ask for total forgiveness from any person, any being on all levels for any Pain, suffering and any sorrow that I may have caused you in this life or the past.


I also forgive any person any being on all levels for any pain, suffering and any sorrow that you may have caused me in this life or the Past.

We are all souls, we are all evolving I release you please release me, go in peace,


Whilst saying the prayer imagine the person dressed nicely and happy and let them turn and walk away and go into the distance. Keep practising until you feel nothing when that person or situation is mentioned.


Light and love… I hope your soul becomes calm and happy.


Strenghten your intuition and listen your soul…

Yesterday I got up far too early but one bonus was that I had a brilliant night sleep! I felt revitalised and raring to go. I had to leave at such an early hour to get to the hospital for a clinic appointment at 9am. Prof Harris wanted to see me to see how the first cycle of the chemo vinorelbine had gone. I informed him that I felt fine all except having a stuffy nose from the lingering cold. Other than that I hadn’t suffered any side effects. I discussed the fact that I have been reducing the anti sickness down. He agreed that this was fine and that some people need it and others don’t.

He then told me that he thinks we should increase the chemo to the maximum amount any person can have. Now I was led to believe two things. That the amount I was having was suitable for my body mass and the other point was that low dosage chemo was better in some circumstances. The theory that if you hit your body hard the cancer mutates harder and faster and can become more aggressive.  I didn’t see any point talking this over with the prof. I think that I may see how the first week goes on taking the higher dosage. If my bloods get affected or if I feel rough then I will simply reduce my intake. That’s the beauty of oral chemo.

I feel a bit confused though. I obviously am desperate for the canSer to go and I am willing to try anything but I am trying to understand in my self what is best for me. I don’t want to ruin my system and I am fully aware what chemo does to the body. In fact most people get ill from the chemo ravaging their systems and that’s what they inevitability die of; some sort of illness as a result of a depleted immunity such as pneumonia.

Part of me wants to have the confidence to say no to chemo and let’s see what happens. I feel much stronger in my mind and spirit at the moment and I have a strong sense of everything is going to be OK and that I am going to overcome this against all odds.  I have been reading more and more of people with stage four cancer who are now canSer free. I know I am a miracle daily but I think I can do this.

It has always been our theory that the ten point plan includes conventional treatment. But maybe I should dip and out of it. I strengthen my system daily with my rituals and dietary needs. I know I am strong enough to cope with anything but I want it to heal itself. The bodies needs change regularly. This is common with ones dietary needs so maybe it’s true of medical needs. I know the body can do this as there is so much evidence of it.

I guess intuition is something I have to trust and fear has always been the biggest issue for me. I think to be fair it is the biggest issue for all of us. We constantly take advice from others and avoid listening to our gut, our heart, our intuition.

Intuition means trusting yourself and trusting the Universe. Meditating is a great way of listening to your body’s needs. It gives clarity and a sense of well being.  I firmly believe we have the answers we just need to be more in tune with ourselves.

I believe waking with a grateful heart and being happy will bring fulfillment and the answers to our needs. If we all tried to live life by these rules there would be a greater harmony in our day to day living and healing would occur naturally.

I visited the pranic healer yesterday also. He said that my lungs feel more even and the chakras are evening out also. He did however feel that I am stressed. I said that I don’t feel particularity stressed in fact quite he opposite. He said our bodies hold tension and stress without the mind knowing. It’s a constant battle trying to create wellness and harmony. I guess I need to keep listening harder!

Here are six ways to strengthen your intuition;

Try these easy ways to boost your inner strength and listen to the whispers of your soul written by Dr Kirsten Harrell

1. Clearing your mind

It is easier to hear the whispers from the soul when your mind is quiet and open. You likely have lots of thoughts running through your mind at any given moment. You probably spend much of your day multi-tasking. All of this “noise” makes it difficult to hear your intuitive voice. It is important to find some ways to quiet your mind. You can’t shut off your thoughts completely, but you can learn to slow them down. Let all the distracting thoughts flow out of your mind. Let them go. Picture your thoughts floating away on a cloud. Focus on your breathing and allow your mind and body to relax more with each breath. You might even try counting down from 10 to 1 and allow yourself to relax more with each count. Once your mind is clearer, you can then access your intuition.

2. Meditation

 There are many forms of meditation and all are excellent ways to get centered and quiet the mind. Even a few minutes of meditation daily can increase your ability to hear your intuitive voice. Meditation is like priming the pump. As you get used to being in a meditative state, you will find that it is easier to hear the whispers from your soul and to distinguish these messages from other mental chatter. If you are new to meditation you might try sitting quietly and focusing your attention on a candle flame. When your awareness drifts (and it will), simply bring your attention gently back to the flame. You can also try focusing your attention on a short phrase or word (mantra) that you repeat over and over to yourself. Remember that the key is to gently bring your mind back to your focus point. Getting frustrated will only interfere with the process.

3. Imagery

 You can use imagery to help you access intuitive answers to your questions. Imagine yourself in a quiet place in nature, surrounded by beauty and wonder. Make this image as vivid as possible by using all of your senses. Spend a few moments simply enjoying this place in your mind’s eye. Then, imagine a treasure chest nearby. You feel excited as you approach the chest because you know that the answer to your question is inside. Take a deep breath and imagine yourself opening the treasure chest. Don’t try to control this, let your intuitive mind guide you. Trust that whatever is inside the chest is your answer. You might receive a very clear answer or you might get a symbol that doesn’t make logical sense to you. Either way, it is exactly what you need. Trust that if the answer is not clear right away, it will become clear over time. Over the next few days, be open to feelings, songs, conversations, or any synchronistic events. Be patient! If you become frustrated or try to force an answer, you will block the flow of intuition.

4. Dreams

 While you are sleeping and your conscious mind is at rest, your soul has the opportunity to bring intuitive information to you through your dreams. When you are working on a problem and looking for your intuitive guidance, take some time before you fall asleep to ask for an answer to come to you through your dreams. Be sure to keep a journal by your bed so that you can record your dreams the moment you wake up. Your answers may come symbolically and may need some interpretation. Look for the emotions and themes of your dreams and see if this sheds light on your problem. If the answer still is not clear, be patient and remain open. You may find more clarity with time.

5. Affirmations

You can use affirmations to focus your mind. It is best to use affirmations with some form of relaxation (such as deep breathing) in order to get the combined effects of a relaxed body and focused or centered mind. Affirmations are a terrific way to tap into the power of your subconscious mind to help you reach your conscious desires. Affirmations should be concise sentences stated in a positive way. When creating an affirmation remember to state what it is that you want, not what you don’t want. Another important guideline is to always use the present tense when creating your affirmations. The following are a few examples of affirmations to increase your intuitive abilities. I trust my intuition. My intuitive voice is consistently accurate. I access my intuition easily.

6. Practice

It is important to practice using your intuition. When you first start practicing you may want to begin with small issues that do not have a significant impact on your life. For example, try to guess who is calling before you pick up your phone. Guess which elevator will show up first when you are standing in front of a bank of elevators. Practicing with these simple issues will allow you to stay relaxed and focused without too much distraction from fear or other mental chatter. As you practice, you will get better at recognizing your intuitive impulses and you will gain confidence in using this skill. The more confident you feel about identifying your intuitive voice, the more you will trust it and be able to act on it. As you practice using your intuition and build your skill, you will find that your intuitive voice is a precious resource – an indispensable gift. You can use this inner wisdom to guide you in all of your decisions at work, at home, and at play. The more you use and trust your intuition, the stronger it will get and the more confident you will feel about it. The whispers from your soul will always guide you to the path that is for your highest good.

I’m off to start practicing and start listening!