The Bear is back…

Another five days have passed. Time flies when you are having fun! The week flew by actually and I have had more friends arrive and my step son leave. And at last the Bear is back! It’s been an interesting week. I am not the most confident person on the roads abroad and this last week I have been forced to drive, if I actually wanted to leave the villa. I would have been fine driving my little car that is parked outside my house in England but I have been driving Petes car. Parking has been an experience. I was happy for Pete to return yesterday to take over the driving role!

Our friends from Ireland are with us now for a few days. It’s so funny seeing them here. Obviously we don’t get to see them much but taking every opportunity to catch up is brilliant. We are so relaxed, chatting, laughing and loving. Their daughter Marsha is gorgeous and brings us so much happiness. I love her passion for shopping…. A true girly girl!

In the last few days I have abandoned having green juice. I am taking my meds and supps with lemon, bicarbonate of soda and olive oil water. This is much better and I am no longer nauseas. It is also funny how my diet really has changed. I am indulging in everything and anything I want. I am not being lazy. I am not feeling guilty. I am simply going with the flow. I do think it has having a slight adverse effect on my body such as diarrhoea and headaches but I love checking out the menu each evening and thinking, pasta… Yes why not. My friend Patricia said maybe my body is healing and letting it have what it craves is a good thing. I have spent so much time in the past few years doing the ‘right’ thing. I don’t think it will hurt doing what I feel for a while.

I am now going into my, wait for it, third week here in the South of France! I know! Three weeks! I may not be sleeping because of the heat, I may have mosquito bites itching me and I may be putting on some weight… But I feel so free. I have never stayed somewhere like this. I sometimes do my rituals such as enema, meditation and yoga and sometimes I don’t. Isn’t that great? Doing what ever I feel like doing.

What I do religiously is sit in the sun… I love the sun. In fact I have changed colour somewhat… I do love a tan. So I guess my vitamin d levels are quite high. It’s ok though.. I am preparing for the dark winter ahead.

I do have the odd thought about home. I am still planning treatment for my return. I text Carol the nurse from St George’s as I still haven’t had a reply about the next round of il2 injections. Carol, bless her, replied from her last day on holiday and said that if I didn’t hear from her on Thursday to contact her. I’ve text her again. I still have time to organise.

I still have the cough, although annoying, Pete says he doesn’t think it is getting any worse.

When Pete went home he picked up the recent copy of Prima magazine. Why? Because I am in it! I’ve attached a few pictures with the text. It’s so funny seeing myself in a magazine.. It was also very nice the other day to be mentioned in an interview with one of the lady’s from Nicola Jane mastectomy lingerie. My fifteen minutes of fame! Haha!

So what is happening today? Soulful Sunday.. Fresh foods, plenty of sunning myself and plenty of time to be grateful. The main theme of the day… Love.

Tunes are playing by the pool… I amĀ  having lots of cuddles with my Bear (well I need to catch up on the last weeks worth that I missed!) and then tonight we are off to St Tropez…. Darhlink!

Hope you are all feeling the love today.. Happy Sunday!

Do I still have canSer?

Sigh… A weekend of happiness. I didnt blog because I was far too chilled out. My mood lifted and I had a great time. The weather has been cold but sunny so we took a drive to the boat to make sure she is all ready for winter. Pete’s sister met us for lunch and we exchanged Christmas gifts. Then hopped back in the car to home- Pete did his chores- visitng Ray in hospital (Yep, he’s back there again) and shopping whilst I unpacled boat stuff and got our selves ready for a big night in front of the TV.

Sunday, I allowed myself not to do meditation, yoga or exercise. We got up early and out to Reading for some shopping. It was meant to be Christmas shopping (maybe two things were bought for other people!) the rest was for me! It’s weird because only four months ago I thought to myself what is the point of buying anything when I might die. I just don’t feel like that at all now. Even though I ask myself many times a day, ‘ Am I doing things right?’ ‘Do I still have canSer?’ In my gut I just feel that I’m going to be ok. When I was going through chemo around Christmas a few years ago having a chilled loving weekend like I have just had would have got me all teary eyed and upset at the thought of never having that time again, but I just don’t feel like that any more! I feel blessed, happy, excited… I’m like a child! However I do know that Santa doesn’t exist. (Oh poo. I hope there any children reading this!)

I have to admit I really want a break from the pressure of having to be so focussed. I do have my little treats where I do stray from my plan but I think it would be brilliant if I could just know that I am doing enough and that I don’t have to up it at all. I’m already doing really well I think.

Again I feel great today. I do have moments of tiredness but is that this time of the year?

I’ve had some great feedback from people following me. More than anything I long to have good news so that I can help more people get their lives back.

With regards to my results, that hasn’t got to me yet. I know it’s coming and I know there is nothing I can do about it but I do have everything crossed. Part of me thinks, nothing is ever that easy… and the other part of me thinks it has been more than three months since my last scan and a lot can happen in that time. I suppose it’s easier to believe the bad stuff. I totally knwo that there is no point in worrying and as Lindy, my sister in law says, ‘You’re not ill! Look at you!’ I have to agree with her. It’s like some sick joke, being told you have a life limiting disease when I don’t feel at all.

So today I am going to do more drawings, and hopefully get some reading done (after the washing and cleaning of course!) I don’t want to lose my flow and to lose sight of the end goal so I must keep going.

(A little bit of exciting gossip- Pete was at the Estate Agent of the Year awards last week and one of his clients, Haus won an award. A memeber of Haus’s team approached pete and said that she has seen my website. She said that her sister does the same thing.. maybe we know of her? The chairty and website is called Coppafeel! Well of course we know of it and have thought of Kris as a pioneer. You never know maybe we can get our heads together.)