Looking on the bright side….It’s sunny and warm there.

It’s been all go this week once again. We flew to Germany very early Monday morning for me to have appointments at Dr Nesselhuts clinic both that day and Tuesday. As usual the system was the same and I received oncothermia, nivolumab infusion, dmso shot, amygdalin infusion followed by Newcastle disease virus and Dc vaccination and ipilimumab.

Dr Nesselhut says that he is reducing the dosage of nivolumab and ipilimumab each visit as he doesn’t want me to have side effects that some of his other patients have had; one having complete kidney failure! It doesn’t put me off. So far I have no side effects so I will keep plodding on.

He was concerned by my haemoglobin levels being so low. He thinks long term it is not healthy and suggests stopping chemo. Right now I can’t stop having chemo in the form of TACE because it is the combination of all my treatments that is assisting the reduction of tumours and keeping new ones at bay. I am hoping that after my next TACE I will be having laser treatment to blast the tumour in my right lung. I do understand what he means and I would like to be healthy again but I have to keep this going as it works with minimal side effects and upset, although expensive. That is something I would like to be able to reduce. The cost.

Although Prof Harris, my oncologist has said my bloods are fine considering I am having treatment he doesn’t seem overly concerned and also said diet won’t be able to help it really. Well we have to try and make a difference so I am eating everything that is rich in iron and that includes liver!!!

Tonight I have the pleasure of my first taste of liver since I was a child. (I hated Saturday dinners- liver and bacon! Yuck… I’m not sure why mum made me have it!) I am going to shield it with lots of other stuff. Unfortunately the other stuff is kale……Oh… Never mind better this than getting sicker.

Any suggestions of improving my iron intake then feel free to comment.

I have noticed more recently that the veins in my left arm are looking lumpy and sore. I use the same arm for everything because the other side of my body had lymph nodes removed. Although only three I really don’t want to risk getting lymphedema. There is so much scar tissue in the vein now but luckily for me it is very superficial.


Whilst we were in Germany we had such a nice time in such a short period of being there. The staff at the hotel Zum Lowen are so lovely and really made us feel like family this visit giving us a Christmas present- our first gift! Pete has been so poorly recently that we decide to use the facilities to ease his discomfort. We used the salt oasis and the sauna with lots of menthol poured onto the rocks. His cough has been causing such upset and he seems unable to get rid of it completely. I am hoping that now it will start to clear. Poor Bear. It was a real treat for me too. I love having some pampering even if it is medicinal!


This morning we woke to such a lovely morning sky. Bright, clear and welcoming the day in. Pete was in a lovely happy mood full of cuddles and cheeriness. Not long after he left I dragged myself from my bed (oh my heavenly bed) and checked out my emails. As you do these days. I had some very sad news once again. This time from our friends in Australia whom we met in Germany over a year ago.
Their daughter had glioblastoma multiforme and she had been keeping the tricky tumour at bay for so many years but had travelled the world and tried so many different treatments trying to keep it bay. She had four brain surgeries and every time came back stronger with more guts and fight than before. She was so young but still found life fun and filled it with love. It seems that the fight had become too much and she had got an infection which the Australian hospital hadn’t noticed and left Jenni in so much pain. It was only when she went to have treatment in America that her oncologist there said they could have treated the infection simply and removed her pain in an instance. The infection was so bad that it had actually eaten away at her skull, so as brave as she was, they removed part of her skull leaving her brain exposed. I can’t even believe I am writing this… But she overcame it. She recently had a new tumour removed and this time it left her with paralysis of her arm and leg and even that didn’t stop her smiling. I am unsure of details and to be quite honest they are irrelevant. All I know is that beautiful, strong, Jenni passed away after years of being a pioneer and finding her way, with the support of her family. I was so shocked when I read the news and I am really choked up. No words can help her family but we are very sad for their loss. I am sure it all must be a blur right now.

With that news I got up and meditated and said a prayer for Jenni and her family. It was yet another shock and I feel so happy that I am doing well but it never makes me forget all the things to be grateful for. You can have everything in the world you have ever wanted but nothing can stop life from taking its own path.

Bear and I feel lucky, so far. The treatments I have had haven’t all been successful but I have been lucky to catch the changes before it has been too late. There are ups and downs in keeping the disease stable or in remission and the future is uncertain- for all of us.

I will never take anything for granted. I feel very lucky having met Jenni, albeit brief, and receiving emails from her dad Tony. I will take her strength and courage and keep fighting and trying to find a treatment suitable for the masses. It’s out there somewhere. We know it is.


Light and Love and keep looking on the bright side. It’s warm and sunny there.


Bear Rock….


It seems things go wrong just when we are about to go away. This was the case at 4am this morning when we could hear a burst pipe or constant running tap. On investigation we couldn’t find a thing but the worry of the house flooding whilst we are away next week was enough for both of us to get up and start the day. The positive in it was that I got everything done very early and managed to exercise for longer as I felt I had more time. The issue is getting sorted and I feel happy that we won’t come home to a soggy house. Well not at least from a burst pipe. I’m not too sure about the weather though. Everything is damp and moist. (Moist is a horrible word eh?!)

Today I have been getting things ready for the off and have also been working all day with clients. I like to squeeze as much out of my days when I am working. It makes it worthwhile. It’s chemo day one cycle three today. I have reduced the anti sickness down further especially since finding out that dexamethasone affects insulin levels. So far I feel great and haven’t had any signs of an upset stomach at all. Yay!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of chatting to another TNBC survivor. Going back to what I said the other day about synchronicity, well this happened to be one of those moments. I ‘met’ a lovely lady whose story could have been mine. Same timings and exact same way that the canSer spread, to how we both felt in the beginning and the lack of changes we made then, to now. Of course talking to people in the same shoes as I can be humbling and I completely feel how they feel when they are going through mixed emotions and feeling vulnerable and the crazy thoughts that go through your mind such as throwing all your clothes away because you won’t  need them for much longer and so on.

But what it does make me realise is that we are all such normal (and may I say it about myself) ‘nice’ girls. We don’t want much out of life just to be happy. It’s not too much to ask is it?

It gets me every time to think where is the answer to this crazy disease? How can there be so many resources and experts looking for the answer for so many years but to no avail?

I still think the answer is probably staring right at us. Why haven’t we got any great inventors or scientists who can make that great discovery? People deserve to have a fighting chance. And this isn’t just for canSer but also for HIV and AIDS and other debilitating diseases such as multiple sclerosis. Life seems unfair sometimes… But then I think how lucky I am, then I am thankful again.

On chatting at length yesterday it was clear that my new friend has also bagged herself a ‘Bear’. My best friend bought my husband a Christmas present that was only delivered yesterday. It was a painting by an East London Artist, a girl from the area of my birth called ‘Bear Rock’. The picture portrayed a big bear head in choppy seas with a girl with a cat’s head sat on him. I couldn’t believe at how uncanny the painting was at depicting our life. Utterly awesome. But that makes me think that there must be many couples in such the same situation (and of course completely lucky to have themselves a Bear!)

One thing that cropped up during our conversation is how she feels bad and sorry that her husband has to go through all of this. I completely understand and I go through phases of feeling the same. But I think I’d go to the end of the Earth for my Bear, so why feel sorry or bad. We are dealt the cards it what you do with them that really matters. Love conquers all!!

I still have three clients left to do today then I really want to eat and go to bed. My bed has never looked so good! Ha ha! So Ta-ra! X

Fit to Fly?

Phew what an early start I had today. As you’ve guessed it sleep is highly important to me. I can’t get enough. I love being curled up all warm and cosy therefore getting up at 6am hurts me. It was only me that wanted to get up at 6am. I had a Skype meeting booked for 10am and in order not to miss my rituals then I had to get up early. I also know that I will feel great all day in the knowledge that I made the effort and didn’t miss any of the all important rituals that make me feel great.

As mentioned I had a Skype meeting with a fellow student as we are practising doing health consultations with each other before we are let loose on the public! (I want to do one of those ‘Wa ha ha’ laughs… you know the ones that sound all scary? – I’m not sure why?!)

It was lovely meeting a fellow student. We have a lot in common. To be honest I am finding that the majority of the people on the health coaching course are like minded and therefore have similar needs and goals. It’s quite liberating and aspiring to be part of that community.

Star Student!

As part of the course we have to do a test every quarter. I have just successfully passed my first one! Yay. 28/30.. That’ll do nicely.

After the Skype meeting I got on my way for my pranic healing appointment. As usual it was very relaxing and I feel spurred on by Les, the healer. He says that everything seems very good still and encouraged me by saying that I do a lot of cleansing and detoxing, including my diet, enemas, salt baths, and meditation and so on.  He says things like, ‘you won’t be on chemo for much longer’ and so on. Those sorts of comments ring in my ears. I feel that’s a very confident comment to make. However I will happily carry that with me, being a canSer survivor you have to keep positive and believe, and that is what I base my life on at the moment. I have never felt so ‘normal’. I feel inspired and excited by the future and can’t wait to learn more and help others.

Straight after my treatment I drove to the hospital and had my bloods taken in preparation for chemo on Thursday. As I am going to be away next week I will be taking chemo with me. It’s not ideal but I think I can smash it! I feel awesome. I have no doubt I can deal with it.


I am getting a little further forward with booking to go Switzerland for treatment for GcMAF. They have finally confirmed dates but I need to get a ‘fit to fly’ certificate as apparently some patients have lied about how long they have to live and if they were to die in the clinic then it would be shut down. Understandably really! I guess there will always be people who try to tell fibs when their life is at risk. I guess I will be contacting my doctor tomorrow to sort that out. And no doubt they will charge me for it! The NHS has to make money somehow.

So my week is flying by, I am feeling great and am chomping at the bit for things to happen. Of course I have a CT scan looming this Friday. I remain positive and upbeat. No point in worrying about what might not happen. Still if how I am feeling and looking is anything to go by the results should be good. If it’s not then… Nah.. No point even thinking or discussing it. Till tomorrow when I will have more things to be happy and grateful for.



What should triple negative canSer survivors eat?

This week is flying by and it’s Ffffriday! I have got that Friday feeling and the weekend is almost upon us. Today I had a very early start. In order to get everything done before my hyperbaric oxygen appointment I needed to drag myself out of my lovely bed at 6.30am! Well in fact Pete had to drag me out. He pulled back the duvet… the cruel Bear! But I have to admit I feel great for having got up done meditation, 10 minutes of yoga, 30 minutes of  hard core extreme rebounding ( I sweat a lot, it’s not a pretty sight!) then heat and air for 30 minutes, jumped in the shower after body brushing and saying affirmations then juiced and had supplements.

I was as ever reluctant to go to the hyperbaric appointment, however they are such lovely people there and I kept myself calm and thought an hour and twenty minutes will fly by… (Please!?)

It did until about 15 minutes to the end and then everyone was jittery and looking at their watches. Thankfully the mask I used today was comfortable and I didn’t have any ‘moments’ whilst in there. It’s like anything, the more you do it the easier it gets.

I have since got home, done a coffee enema and had company. That sounds weird right? My kitty decided she would curl up the floor with me whilst I lay there relaxing for 15 minutes. I’ve done a few clients and now I am free for the afternoon preparing for our Burns Night tonight. A night of fun, frolics, tartan and haggis! (Mine’s vegetarian)


More deliveries

I have today received an order of Flor essence in the post. I was urged to buy this after reading many positive things about it. Flor essence is a great brand of Essiac tea. Essiac tea is a well known tea blend of Burdock root, sheep sorrel herb, slippery elm bark, watercress herb, Turkish rhubarb root, kelp, blessed thistle herb, and red clover blossom. It has been featured for many decades as a canSer cure in the early stages of canSer but the reason I bought it is that it is a great liver detoxifier and immune system booster. It can aid people whilst on chemotherapy and also be of comfort to those who are in much later stages of canSer. Laboratory experiments show that the blend possesses such properties such as; antioxidant, immunostimulant, and anti-inflammatory effects.

When the Essiac mixture was originally formulated by a Canadian Ojibwa healer an unknown number of years ago, it was intended to purify the body and maintain balance between body and spirit. In accordance with this, Essiac is frequently used for its antioxidant properties.

Because of it immune strengthening effects, Essiac is commonly used for treating pain and swelling associated with generalized inflammation (such as that associated with arthritis and respiratory tract infections), HIV/AIDS, other infections, and cancer.

I haven’t tried it yet but will let you know when I do.


What should triple negative canSer survivors eat?

I received an email from a blog

ging friend with a link to a website regarding food for breast cancer. Click the link below and it gives full information on what foods should be avoided and what foods that would benefit for those with triple negative breast canSer. The website Food for Breast Cancer is written by Sarah Charles, a breast cancer survivor with a mathematics degree from UCLA and a graduate degree from Harvard.  The information provided on her site is supported with a lot of scientific research and links to evidence. I have found it really interesting and quite exciting.

Here is the link:


Right enough chit chat I have neeps and tatties to peel and chop, haggis to prepare and I guess I ought to try and practise my Scottish accent. I bet everyone will think I am from Wales not Scotland! Ha ha! Pictures to follow.

Have a great weekend all!

Light and Love.



Frustrating start to the day but I got there in the end…

Phew what a mental day… I had a really early start as I was first in line to see Prof Harris today. I wasn’t sure why I had yet another appointment but all the same I got up to battle the elements. It frustratingly took an hour and half to go a twenty minute journey…Argh! I’m not sure how I am ever going to learn patience. It was all good though seeing the Prof wearing his leopard print tie! It cheered me up no end.

It was good seeing him and he explained that if I can take more chemo then it could be beneficial which is why he upped the dosage. He said if I start to feel rough or my bloods come back depleted then we will reduce it down again. Touching everything wood… I feel great.

The only downside to having early appointments is that I don’t have time to do my morning rituals. Now I know I could get up earlier but last night was such a good night’s sleep. Sigh… we both agreed this morning how good it was. One of those really deep calm sleeps. I put it down to the evening we had yesterday. We had a light meal, a bath listening to some soulful Eva Cassidy then got to bed really early and lights were out by 9.30pm. Bliss. I highly recommend trying to wind down in the evenings before you need to sleep. They say if you fall asleep within 5 minutes of turning off the lights you are sleep deprived.

The rest of the day has also been challenging with annoying phone calls to companies and trying to get things done like home insurance quotes. All necessary things when watching the pennies.

In the midst of all this I have had some great communications with people that have been reading my blog and are offering me advice and further links to more research as well emails from companies who supply products that I am interested in using for my clients; such things as supplements. As I am training to be a health coach and as I use products regularly I can only highly recommend that others do the same. This is an exciting time for me and I hopefully will be able to help many people.

This afternoon though I had time to catch up on my rituals like exercise and heat and air. I tried out Davina McCall’s new exercise DVD and I have to say I was well exercised and out of breath. I then felt that I should do another coffee enema. I don’t usually do them on consecutive days but really felt the urge to do so today. Besides it gives me time to listen to my lectures online.

The course I am doing is really interesting and I learning so many new ideas and diet approaches.

I actually feel quite tired now but I am excited as I have prepared a cauliflower and coconut milk curry for this evening’s meal. I love Thai food and this is going to amazing. Hurry up bear come home!

PET scanning is really good for TNBC…..

I had time on my own last night to soak in the detoxifying tub that I had drawn.  Sometimes when I am alone I think too much so I put on some Adele and sang along with her for while before really trying to tap into my gut feeling and intuition. I have been trying to understand what is really happening to me and which direction should I take.

I am feeling a little frustrated with all canSer related people at the moment. It seems getting answers to thins is such hard work and like getting blood out of a stone. This includes the NHS, the private doctors, the German doctors and even people I am contacting for the first time about potential new treatments. I feel like I am a nagging whining pain in the butt. Part of me thinks I shouldn’t have to keep pounding and trying to get the full picture. It amazes me that this isn’t obvious to all the canSer specialists I am contacting. Someone like me, and there are many of us, want detail especially when it comes to alternative and complementary treatments with very little evidence to show they work.

It is very hard when within this worlds not to get taken advantage of. It sounds sick that someone would even do that to a canSer survivor but they do. They think just by saying it will work that you will hand over your hard earned cash there and then. I know my patience isn’t the best but I do have standards and simple requirements and I don’t feel I am getting taken care of. I deserve better care. The reason for this rant is because apart from many emails I received with little or no information in yesterday, I had received one from Dr Nesselhut’s office stating that following the scan results that the next time I go the protocol will be changed again. NO reason why or what to or anything. I have to know what he means! I want to know what he expected then. Should there have been a marked reduction in size of the tumours? I was led to believe that the increase in the tumours could mean that they are gamma delta cells clinging onto the tumour. That would explain the increase in size. So here I am left hanging again. Now I think all this wonderment can amount to anxiety and stress which we all know is not good for canSer survivors. Picture this I am thinking all of this in the bath… so luckily I felt chilled all at the same time.

It got me reading and thinking and I remember that a lovely person had emailed and does regularly after having read my blogs offering advice. She said that I should ask for PET/CT scan as they can give more detail. I know my hospital does them but I didn’t think much more of it. Until now. Pete contacted his good friend who is a scientist and doing a study on PET scans and the fluid used to light up the canSerous tissue. He sent lots of info and confirmed that PET scans are very good for triple negative breast canSer and not positive breast canSer. Apparently the cells are different with TNBC and the use of a PET scan could indicate its spread much better and earlier on than a simple CT scan. Blimey if they know this why don’ they use this on all TNBC patients immediately?! It could stop the spread or catch it quickly. PET / CT scans combine both a CT scan and PET scan.  PET scans mean the patient has to have a small amount of radioactive material injected into the body. Pete’s friend assures us that it so small it really isn’t anything to concern ourselves about. The great thing is that a PET scan can actually show the difference between scar tissue and active canSer cells.

Here is more detailed information;

A positron emission tomography (PET) scan is a unique type of imaging test that helps doctors see how the organs and tissues inside your body are actually functioning.

The test involves injecting a very small dose of a radioactive chemical, called a radiotracer, into the vein of your arm. The tracer travels through the body and is absorbed by the organs and tissues being studied. Next, you will be asked to lie down on a flat examination table that is moved into the centre of a PET scanner—a doughnut-like shaped machine. This machine detects and records the energy given off by the tracer substance and, with the aid of a computer; this energy is converted into three-dimensional pictures. A physician can then look at cross-sectional images of the body organ from any angle in order to detect any functional problems.

What problems can a PET scan detect? 

A PET scan can measure such vital functions as blood flow, oxygen use, and glucose metabolism, which helps doctors identify abnormal from normal functioning organs and tissues. The scan can also be used to evaluate the effectiveness of a patient’s treatment plan, allowing the course of care to be adjusted if necessary.

Currently, PET scans are most commonly used to detect cancer, heart problems (such as coronary artery disease and damage to the heart following a heart attack), brain disorders (including brain tumours, memory disorders, seizures) and other central nervous system disorders.

How is a PET scan different from a CT or MRI scan? 

One of the main differences between PET scans and other imaging tests like CT scan or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) is that the PET scan reveals the cellular level metabolic changes occurring in an organ or tissue. This is important and unique because disease processes often begin with functional changes at the cellular level. A PET scan can often detect these very early changes whereas a CT or MRI detect changes a little later as the disease begins to cause changes in the structure of organs or tissues.

I definitely think that I am going to ask for PET/CT scan when I speak to Prof Harris next. Maybe this could give me clarity on what’s going on inside me.


I decided in my bath that I still feel I am going down the right route with all my treatment choices. I just feel a little perplexed as to whether I should consider having mistletoe treatment, high dose vitamin c and cannabinoids etc. This list is endless. I don’t want to make my life more complicated but I want to have a life! I have to be honest I still have fleeting moments of visions in my mind of what it may be like at my funeral. I know, morbid eh? But that’s natural I think. I have had a very big wakeup call again and that all that fear of death is knocking at my door. What I want is to trust one integrative doctor and have them help me rather than trying to piece everything together ourselves.

I spent time in the lovely hot aromas to do some visualisations. I thought me hoovering the tumours up were going to crack it but then I started to ponder that maybe I am hanging onto the canSer. Maybe I should just imagine not having it all. If I let it go and don’t believe in it anymore is that going help get rid of it? I then thought of the Never Ending Story. In the movie the little boy has to be believe in it or the whole of the Universe disappears. Of course in the movie the little boy has to really believe in it for it to be saved but if I completely disregard it I can imagine the canSer just falling apart and disintegrating.

All this sounds mad but it is known that the mind is a powerful tool plus it gives me some kind of comfort and control.

IN the last week or so I have also heard and read a lot about low dosage chemotherapy. There is a theory that battling the body hard with chemo just makes the canSer more aggressive and mutate quicker. There is also the theory that if you have insulin injected into your body that has been starved for a few hours that the canSer quickly takes up the insulin. Then following that a low dosage of chemo is injected which goes straight to the greedy canSer cells and killing them. This makes sense really and I like the sound of low dosage chemo. It reminded me that Dr Nesselhut said to reduce my chemo tablets. As per, he didn’t explain as to why and I have to admit I didn’t reduce them. I felt more comfortable taking the proper dosage but maybe he was right. Something else to ask him!

By the end of my bath time I felt better. I felt that I must continue and it all will become clear.I have faith. I jsut need to remember that.

Flapjacks are calling my name!

Every morning this week I have been getting up later than usual and doing meditation, yoga and exercise with my mum. We have been trying meditation with chanting. I actually quite like the repetitive chants and have found I feel quite grounded and alert after them. It’s nice having someone to do it with also.

Yesterday I had clients all afternoon but in the small time frame beforehand I decided to get my healthy cookbooks and experiment with some recipes. We baked some healthy seeded flapjacks made with nuts, dates and agave. Obviously I try not to have any sugar where possible but these looked so good I had to give them a go. In future I will try altering the recipe and add stevia and fewer dates. But at least it is all natural products. We made loads of them and now they just keep calling my name! Ha ha. I also made almond butter. It’s very tasty and a great alternative for me as I do lack things to spread on ryvita or rye bread.

I have seen a lot of research in the last few days of some really positive news on treating triple negative breast cancer of all stages. It seems they are finding that TNBC is very treatable with chemotherapy of different kinds but also that the fixing the faulty DNA is also a great solution.

I have also been hearing a lot about Heidelberg in Germany. Pete and I visited there for a day in June. Pete seems drawn to it. Then on holiday a friend mentioned that her friend was going therefore alternative cancer treatment. So me being me I decided that was enough to look into it further especially when Pete sent me an article on a guy who was told he couldn’t be treated or have surgery by the NHS because the prostate cancer he had was so entwined that they couldn’t operate. He paid £4000 and had the surgery in Heidelberg and he is now cancer free! The website seems to have a lot of information and expertise in treating many kinds of cancers and I can send my medical information along and they will advise me if they can treat me or not. I am not suggesting that treatment I have had recently with Dr Nesselhut isn’t working or that the next step in a few weeks time there isn’t going to work. Quite the opposite. I have a really good feeling about it but it doesn’t hurt to keep my options open. I think when I go to see Dr Nesselhut next I will ask him what he thinks about Heidelberg and their clinics. It gives me more hope though. I think I will fire Professor Harris an email and see what his thoughts are.. If you don’t ask you don’t get.

I have also been sent some info from my friend Wayne who has lung cancer who has seen some really interesting information on photodynamic therapy. This is already featured on my website but I was advised that it was something I couldn’t have here but on reading the article Wayne sent me it could be something worth investigating further. I was told that I had so many tumours that they were so small and too close to airways that it could be dangerous but I think this is worth investigating further also. I now don’t have any in my lymph nodes and the ones in my lungs are so small that it could be a good time to get rid of it?

Mum, Pete and I went out for a cheeky mid weeky meal last night to a local pub. Boy, I find it hard trying to eat vegetarian let alone vegan in so many restaurants. It was also a struggle initially not having an alcoholic beverage. But by not having any by the time I got home I felt really good about myself and know I just don’t need it. Good thing really considering I am now going to be tee total for at least forty days.

I received my herbal remedy from Brazil yesterday with a message from John of God in it. He said ‘Having been a gem miner, I have learned that in order for a precious stone to show its true beauty, it must first suffer the process of refinement, likewise each child, a rare diamond of creation, must be polished in order to realise their superior destination.

Great suffering is generated as consequence of the world going through great transformation. In the midst of this, the ability to sustain our lives and strengths must reside in our trust in the Supreme Being who is God.

Finally I leave you with the words of Christ in the gospel of john (ch.15 v.12) ‘This is my commandment: Love another as I have loved you’.

The remedy is passiflora which is passionflower. I have taken this information from a website;

Passiflora is the perfect herb for nourishing the nervous system, working gently and safely to reduce anxiety.

Many people find the pace of modern life extraordinarily fast, throwing up continual challenges as to how to cope with the continual demands on their physical, emotional and mental resources. This brings up the need for remedies that can soothe and strengthen the nervous system and spare the adrenal glands.

Passiflora is the perfect herb for nourishing the nervous system, working gently and safely to reduce anxiety. Instead of sedating the nerves, which can cause other effects such as drowsiness and a feeling of being disconnected, Passiflora reduces levels of anxiety in the body. This makes it easier to deal with everyday situations that would otherwise be draining.

Passiflora works on the physical body, relaxing muscles to reduce tension and that unpleasant knotted sensation that brings your shoulders up round your ears when you’re tired or stressed! It also works on the emotional symptoms of stress, lessening the feeling of being on edge with a nervous system that’s continually jangling. Keeping things calmer during the day means that the body finds it easier to switch off at night, allowing a more peaceful sleep that will refresh all the systems for the morning. This is extremely important because the restorative action of sleep, both physical and mental, makes the body better able to deal with the demands of the next day. Not sleeping well makes everything far harder to deal with.

Taking this remedy for stress or nervous anxiety and tension is extremely easy because it has no contraindications or side effects. It won’t create physical dependency and doesn’t cause drowsiness or problems with concentration. In fact, as it promotes better sleep, it may increase energy and improve memory and mental focus.

Much of the strain of dealing with on-going pressures can be reduced if you have more confidence in your ability to cope, and this feeling is promoted by seemingly small improvements in areas such as memory and concentration, which come from a better nourished nervous system and more refreshing sleep.

I am sitting here smiling, thinking John of God is a genius. It makes so much sense to prescribe this following his treatments. Anyone going to see him or receive healing is clearly worried and under immense stress or else they wouldn’t want or need healing. I also understand now the need to remove alcohol. I am not too sure why chilli has to be removed but can only imagine that it inflames the body and disturbs sleep.

Well I have a big tub of the remedy and I will add it to my daily supplements.

The week is flying by and mum is going tomorrow… Well maybe… I may just twist her arm to stay another night…



Being all zesty, with a squirrel looking at me.. who am I Snow White?

Sunday was my last day with the Bear on my own. We did our usual bits and bobs then as the weather was atrocious we tucked up to watch England beat Ireland for the first time in ten years at the Irish stadium… whoop! I had a happy boy here.

I spent my time pretending to watch.. I do enjoy it but I get so anxious! So I read my book, Honestly Healthy by Natasha Corrett and Vicki Edgson. It was recommended to me by a friend, what a great book. It is essentially a recipe book but it is based on the alkaline diet. The first chapter explains foods and how to eat alkaline but also how to prepare for a cleanse too. I really like it and the recipes are all so tasty looking and great for me as I long for things such as pancakes. They have great alternatives including how to make nut milks and desserts. The pancake recipe will be used tomorrow as its pancake day! Yay! I will never grow up.

I received the magazine I subscribe to yesterday and it has a make over… I was very pleased to see little old me on one of the first pages.. See the picture at the bottom. They asked, what would your life mantra be?’ I replied by email quite a bit of speel but of course they have condensed it… They asked me to send a picture of me being zesty.. So i did! However I felt a little silly to see the pictures that everyone has featured… oh well they shouldn’t take life too seriously. I certainly try not to. The monkeys liked me as you can see!

I have been doing quite a lot of visualising as usual not for very long. It’s like doing exercise and is so hard to concentrate. But as usual my visuals have been changing. My latest ones is affected by the weather we are having so at the moment it has been snowing so the canSer has been freezing then I either melt it break it like ice. I imagine also the chemo drugs taking away the damaged and canSerous cells and think of many white blood cells and dendritic cells swamping the area making it new. I climb the ladder into my brain which is like a control room and switch off the blood supply to the tumours and then switch on more dendritic cells. I then go down to lymph nodes and watch tem function properly clearing away the fluid from around my heart.and if needs be a i get a towel and help dry my heart off too. I like the idea if my insides being more like control rooms.. I don’t feel that I am being cruel by killing the canSer. I feel that they are confused and damaged and need to leave to become healthy cells.


This came in useful last night as I awoke remembering that today I had a CT scan. The long awaited scan (or not so long). To be honest I am not sure how I feel about it. In myself I think this is it’s going to be gone and then I realise things are never that simple. Well no point sweating over it I have a week to wait for the results and I so want to have good news. Not just for me but for everyone else! I wonder often if I am just silly thinking that this will go away. It doesn’t for so many other people. Why should it for me? I have been told it is incurable. Why do I think it can be cured? Is it just hope? That is the only thing to keep me going. If there isn’t hope then what’s the point?

Any way the scan was so quick- in and out in less than 5 minutes. So that’s that till next week.

Before I went I called Professor Andrew Tutt who is directing a trial and is a well known specialist in breast cancer including triple negative. The trial he is heading up focuses on triple negative and the immune system. Apparently it has now become evident that the immune system plays a dual role in cancer.  While on one side the immune system can fight the tumour by destroying its cancer cells, some immune cells can support the tumour by establishing an environment that facilitates growth.  This information scares me! What?! Surely not…

The project aims to help identify TNBC patients who are more likely to either relapse or remit by looking at their immune cells and genes present on tumour cells.  They would like to understand how these breast cancers gain the ability to evade the immune system and which molecules in the tumour environment have to be present to destroy these tumours.  They think that this seems particularly important in defining the prognosis in Triple Negative Breast Cancers.

If they can discover which elements of a “successful” immune response (e.g. destroying the tumour) is missing or is not working properly in those patients with a bad prognosis, then they may be able to develop a treatment to help them.  A similar approach has already been very successfully applied in treating skin cancer, whereby a receptor (“antenna”) called CTLA-4 is manipulated with a targeted drug called ipilumimab (anti-CTLA-4) to remove its inhibitory effect on the immune system.  In this study, they will focus on an immunity receptor or “antenna” called NKG2D which has been shown to be important in other cancers.

Currently there is no treatment which specifically targets Triple Negative Breast Cancer. Consequently nearly all patients are treated with chemotherapy and many have an unacceptably poor expectation of survival.  This research project could bring us closer to developing a specialised treatment which will save lives.

The more we learn about this type of cancer, the more accurately they can predict how it will respond to treatment.  This has several implications for improving patient care:

·         It can inform doctors about which patients need drug treatment to get better and who may only require surgery and radiotherapy. This will help to determine which patients need chemotherapy, rather than simply treating every patient in the same way.

·         It is also of psychological importance to patients and their families to have a reliable prognosis as early as possible in their treatment.

·         It may also affect the intensity of follow up appointments later in their care, making sure that we target those who need extra treatment. This will facilitate more efficient, cost effective treatments which is especially important for women receiving treatment in developing countries.

·         Understanding more about how the immune system affects tumour development will help us to develop bespoke treatments for TNBC and potentially other forms of cancer.

I know a bit scary eh? I am of course worried that the immune system is now making it a hospital place for canSer to grow?! But if I think back to before my immunity was shot to bits and still the canSer grew. Surely now that my immunity is better and has changed that it will in fact combat the disease? Oh please.. Surely the fact I was ill a lot and now I don’t fall sick at all must show that something is changing for better inside me?

Well this is the reason for booking to see Andrew Tutt. I want his opinion and what he suggests I do next if needed- maybe my immunity can be tested? So many questions..  Anyway this isn’t until the beginning of March.

A thought just popped into my mind. Made me chuckle. This morning I meditated and it was a particularly good session. I see myself in blackness floating like in the universe and sometimes I go inside and feel the source of all energy as a calming environment. I opened my eyes to see a big fluffy squirrel right outside my back door looking at me! Sometimes I think I must be Cinderella, no, Snow White! Ha ha ha! Cute little squidger.. Off he ran! I felt blessed and he made me smile.

I have today made the first 30 bracelets that I am making to sell for charity. It is going to take a while to get all 500 odd done but I aim to have them done by the end of this month in time for Triple Negative Breast Cancer Day.



Fifteen minutes of Fame

Found out last night that Pete and I are featured in the local newspaper. Pete went straight out this morning and found the article which had been written about us in the Oxford Times Limited Edition magazine. I hope you like it. I don’t think my kitty wanted to be part of it! Ha ha!

We want to raise awareness of this website and hope that we can draw many references and experiences so that it may help people like me with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. If we can get more intel and hopefully achieve in stopping the spread of canSer then we can help many many women before they get to my position.

Let me know what you think and go out and buy it or tell everyone you know and let’s get a huge following and strength in numbers!! Whoop!!