This is the longest I haven’t blogged before but it has been a busy week. Having friends over last Thursday our little trip and ‘holiday’ started with a lovely meal that evening. Friday morning we had a really early start to the Eurotunnel hoping to hop on an earlier train. Sadly it was ultra busy and we didn’t get to France until about lunch time. We decided this time for our visit to Germany for my treatment that our friends could come too and we could make a little ‘holiday’ out of it. Of course the trip took many hours in the car and I was happy for someone else to be navigating!
We had a day in Brugge where we took a horse and cart ride and climbed hundreds of steps up the clock tower, ate chips and mayonnaise (apparently that’s important in Brugge) and drooled over Belgian chocolate!
The next day we drove to Reims the champagne region in France. Here we went to the Notre Dame cathedral and took a champagne cave tour… oh and drank champagne!
The day after we took a long journey into Germany and stopped in Heidelberg a bustling touristic town and had a break in the sun (albeit fleeting) then we cracked on our way to Duderstadt where we would be for the next few nights. There was a small hiccup as the hotel didn’t have our bookings but luckily they had two rooms for us… phew…
During all of this there was plenty of banter and many laughs. Pete seemed so happy touring around and didn’t once get tired… bless him. During our visit to Duderstadt we showed our friends around the local town and we made use of the spa… bliss. We travelled to the Harz Mountains, ate German sausage and went back to the river that Pete and I found last August. It seemed different though this time. It was incredibly peaceful with little movement and very little water. Many rocks were exposed so we decided to climb across them and have a little explore. It was here that all the excitement started. I noticed that another part of the river seemed much more energetic than where we were and then I noticed that it had gotten really noisy where were standing.. Thinking nothing much of it we heard someone shout from above but didn’t understand what he said. Then Pete noticed that water was rising and that the channels we had crossed were filling up! Making a dash for it across slippery rocks we made our way back to safety but only just. Pete got a little caught up in it and wanted to save the camera rather than himself! It was exhilarating but scary at the same time! Right before our eyes the river started to fill up. Then the rain came and we got soaked. It was moving being back there again after the year we have had… Pete and I had a cuddle and soaked up the atmosphere of our little special place.
Treatment went well as usual. Dr Nesselhut senior was on vacation so we saw his son Jan this time. He said that since I have been having two injections each time they will run out of my cells and serum to use after my next trip there. Because they hadn’t planned in advance I couldn’t provide any new serum there and then as they needed to do a hepatitis blood test again therefore I have to pay an extra 300 Euros for a donor serum. There are pros to this apparently. It seems by having a donor serum means they have different antibodies which could be very effective when trying to fight infection and of course canSer inside.
I have booked for August as I will now be going Bi monthly. They advised against monthly as this could over stimulate the cells in my body therefore creating canSer and seeing as it is working bi monthly is the way forward then this may be reduced to every three months. They have advised me that I am to provide more cells when I go back in October. This means that I am to have leukapheresis (remove all my white blood cells) all over again. Now I know what to expect I am little nervous! But I have plenty of time before that.
After our two days in Duderstadt we made our long journey back. We stopped off in Brussels the night before last and that should have been a lovely little evening in the city checking out their nightlife. The traffic however had different plans. Our seven hour journey ending up taking eight hours and all of us left feeling very fractious when our sat nav kept changing its mind. Sally Sat nag as I call her let us down… I was actually shaking with stress from it and Pete’s head was going to explode. Luckily for us Pete has a natural homing pigeon programmed into him and found his way round the city despite Sally Sat Nag.
We have driven something like 2000 miles in five days. I felt a bit bad for our friends who were really looking forward to a relaxing time away… I guess it was in many respects… sat in our car driving across Europe! We certainly squeezed a lot into a few days and it was a lot of fun.
I also made the most of our time away by breaking my dietary rules. I ate meat, I ate sweets and cakes and drank alcohol and as fun as it was at the time I feel rough. I did eat plenty of garlic though as mentioned in my previous post. This pleased everyone in the car for the last five days! Ha ha! My tummy has been in a state and I was so pleased to be back on my juice this morning. Yesterday we went shopping and bought a trolley full of veg…. mmmm. Oxygen rich foods that will cleanse my polluted body which has clearly put on weight.
Once we got home we got our lives back in order and Pete is now back at work and I have been back working with my clients. I love normality and I love coming home. Kitty has been ultra affectionate too. Leaving her with Aunty Sarah must be making her feel loved and safe. Normally the cat can be very feisty and weird on our return but she sat with me this morning during meditation, yoga, exercise and whilst I was having my heat and air. Bless her.
I have been feeling mentally a bit weak recently. I am happy and positive but I have been having confused thoughts too. What I want is to be told that I can be canSer free. I know it shouldn’t matter if it’s said to me or not as it’s up to me to keep that thought process but I guess I feel a bit beaten at times when doctors simply say that once canSer has spread from its primary site to other parts of the body it is incurable. I just find it hard to believe. I have read so many stories of those that have done just that; had incurable canSer and no longer have any sign of it in their bodies. I don’t know why it’s bothering me now though. I want to feel that I have a future and can plan my life for many many years…. I know it doesn’t matter as no one knows what tomorrow may bring but for all those with children you plan your life to bring them up and give them the best life you can. You never imagine that you may not be there for them one day. Life isn’t like that. I want to be living for 40, 50 more years well and happy. Its pointless thoughts but never the less I am not in the position that I was two years ago when I had the chance at being fully canSer free…supposedly.
It makes for planning your life and what you want from it so hard. Everyone rests easily or in ignorance that they will have their retirement plan and wherever they want to be all planned out. Most of the time I am like that now but I feel the nagging knowledge that at my next scan everything could be different. Pete just says to enjoy now and not think about anything else but my life has always been about the next thing otherwise what do you do you every day? What’s the point of working and doing courses if you live day to day? I think I need to work on my head and what really makes me happy. Maybe I am forgetting to be thankful and grateful and just really happy to be alive and well right now. I get a bit lost not having any major plans. And always being good and thinking about my diet and making sure I exercise although being really good for me sometimes I just want to forget it all. Just for a fleeting moment. What I need to do is actually just forget that I have a chronic disease. It’s by someone telling me that I have it that I know about it. Ignorance is bliss and it would be so good to not know….sometimes…… I need to read some positive books. Hey ho…..
I have had the loveliest clients in today. They have all given me such a big kiss and cuddle. I feel very loved. It makes everyhting semm worthwhile.I can’t wait for my Bear to come home. More cuddles. X