Had a great evening with my ‘ma’ and sister (well actually I dragged them round a supermarket looking for Halloween stuff! So rock and roll!)
I spent today with Emma Gibbs, a life and business coach and mentor. Usually when you think of life coach you think of work and goals and huge changes in your life. It would never have occured to me if it hadn’t been suggested, that a life coach could help me out.
Emma’s work surroundings are really intimate and relaxing and I felt at ease with her immediately. Like anything such as this, I normally feel a little bit silly especially when the words like hypnosis and visualisations are mentioned. But I cannot believe how quickly the time went. I spent most of it with my eyes closed and I was almost convinced it wouldn’t work for me but I do try to have an open mind. Through a process of exercises and techniques Emma worked with me to discover how I am really feeling and what is stopping me from ‘living’. We put my negative fears to the background and bought my happy fresh clear headed ‘me’ to the forefront. I had a few odd sensations but really enjoyed the whole experience.
For me the biggest problem is battling my heart over my head. I constantly feel overwhelmed with lots to do (I have no idea why?!) I feel that I should be doing more to battle the disease, more research, updating the website so that it is better than the mashed up state it got put together in July when things were really raw and since then we have found a lot out. I feel that I shouldn’t believe fully that what I am doing is right for my body just incase the worst case scenario happens at my next scan. I have been feeling worried and fearful about everything but mostly that if I don’t believe in myself then how can I ever combat the disease? And I still cannot believe that I have canSer especially when I feel so well. Then if we go deeper; that what if it does get worse -the fear of getting sick…
A lot goes on in my head on a daily basis and what I worry about (yet again) is missing out on this time in my life when every thing is hunky dory.
For some reason I find it hard to visualise clear images. I can only visualise colours. I used a lot of affirmations today which I have bought home with me to use on a daily basis. Affimrations that I feel are useful for me are; ‘I find it easy to discar negative thoughts and attitudes about myself’ and ‘ I feel a deep sense of inner calm’. I am going to add them to my mood board and I think a course of three weeks on the ‘positivity app’ could be due another go. I have decided to write a list that I can refer to, to remind myself of all the good that I am doing that direcly combats the canSer.
I really find it hard removing comments doctors have said, such as it being incurable and ‘time frames’. I can sometimes feel angry that they even told me that! I don’t know why things like that stick in my head. You know if someone told me unequivocally that the treatment I am having would definitely cure me I would believe it. The impossible is possible.
Well seeing as they won’t commit to saying stuff like that I will continue to fight my own battle. The mental battle is the hardest. I like living in my bubble with Pete and my friends and family. I don’t want it to burst with any more bad news but I guess I cannot know the future and have to live for today… I know all the theory and can advice others I just need to practice it more.
I feel lighter, brighter, more positive and look forward to working with Emma again soon. I would highly recommend working with a life coach for anything really as we all have inbalances and pressures. I would definately recommend it for canSer. You don’t need to be face to face at every appointment and it can all be done long distance if necessary.
Here’s Emma’s details if anyone would like to contact her: http://www.facebook.com/
Back home and I’m all alone tonight as Pete and his team are at a corporate ‘do’. I plan on having a soothing bath with dead sea salts and rose otto and a yummy vegan tea. Hopefully the kitty will sit and fluff me later….