Today started again with my rituals and being joined by my friend who today was feeling the pain in her back and hips from all the sitting and stretching. Then she tried rebounding.. it’s so much fun and such hard work!
Then… we went and bought our Christmas tree! EEK! We played Christmas songs, drank mulled wine and decorated the house. This year I am so very excited about Christmas. I have decided not to feel overwhelmed with the buying of pressies and to simply enjoy the time as if I were a child again. That’s when everything seemed so magical. True to his tradition Pete lit the first candle on the advent kranz (that’s wreath to anyone that’s English!) and we sang chrismtas carols (much to the bemusement of our firend I am sure!) on the first Sunday of the advent. This will be done each Sunday in the advent leading up to Christmas. I love Pete’s German traditions. My favourite is celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve and in the past would have been the german sausage with potato salad! My bear has been absoutely wonderful this weekend. He is the host with the most. Bless him. 🙂
We took our friend to the train station this evening and as usual it was sad to see her go. It’s never long enough….
So tomorrow I am going to have a huge clean and then to start preparing myself for the CT scan on Tuesday. Urgh.. It’s weird actually as I have been dreading it for months. Part of me needs to know obviously and the other part of me doesn’t wan to know as I have been feeling so well. I don’t want to feel disappointed and upset if things aren’t the way I want them to be and in particular I don’t want to feel afraid again. I don’t know if it’s the naltrexone that I have been taking which has an uplifting effect apparently but I actually feel pretty calm about it today. Last week I was really starting to stress and I almost didn’t want to post it on here. I guess because if the results aren’t good then everything I have been doing is for nothing? I believe in my gut and in my heart that I am well. Anyway there is really no point in worrying about it as I won’t get the results for a week.
I am going to have one last blast with visualising and have a good pep talk from Pete tomorrow. I am also going to continue reading a book I started recently by Dr Bernie Siegel who is a doctor and has written about exceptional patients, the ones that don’t sit and wait around to prove the doctros right with their diagnosis. I reckon I can call myself an ‘exceptional patient’. Reading stuff like that just reinforces that self induced healing can be achieved and that the ones that do cure themselves aren’t just ‘miracles’ and ‘lucky’. They are the oens that doctors shold be doing stats on as they could hold the answers to the cure for future patients.
I have a good feeling. I think that the combination of the body, mind and spirit work that I have adopted has changed my life forever. I will never be the same again and I have to thank canSer for that. There is still much work to be done but I am definitely on the right track. I don’t feel upset like I used to. I don’t feel resentment and anger as much as I did. I definitely see the good and positive in all things.
I am not sure if I thought to myself that I would be really good as if training for an event right up until the scan date but I actually think I have done the opposite. I have relaxed. I haven’t been hammering the visualisations or been massively strict with not drinking alcohol, for example. I have just let go and enjoyed myself and I know I have said it once but I’ll say it again.. I have done the best I can do at this present time. I have made the best decisions for me, right now. That’s all anyone can do. I am not going to sit here and say I should have done better. If it isn’t the results I want then I will simply carry on until I do get them.
For now I can just be happy with the great memories of this simple weekend and exciting week I have had.
Off to bed.. X
This weekend has been beautiful. Beautiful weather- blue skies, cold air and all the trees looking colourful. But despite the lovely weather conditions I could have been out walking I decided that I was going to make the most of my time to snuffle up to the big Bear in front of the TV. I love Autumn. It means lots of rugby. Now don’t get me confused as a sports fan. It’s purely a spectator sport! Ha ha! (Big boys and their legs!) As well that there has been so many reality tv shows on that ‘One’ must watch and catch up on. And then there was Remembrance Sunday.
We watch it every year either on TV or at a ceremony somewhere. And every year I feel so humbled and so very proud. We as a nation -rock! We wouldn’t be here if all those amazing people hadn’t given their lives so freely. Tears, heart warming and shoulders- back proud! Thank you!
I am noticing the more I get on with living the less I worry about myself. I have to admit that bodily aches and twinges do get me reeling and worrying but only for a short time. With the Louise Hay book I have read I am really believing that anything is possible and that the route of my illness is a combination of so many factors. I have addressed the toxicity of my lifestyle and diet and now I am working on the toxicity of my personality and past. I didn’t think I had any issues or past regrets but maybe I do.
On Saturday when I was doing my spot of yoga a really odd thing happened. Thoughts popped into my head about my life and I started crying. Not a sad cry, just a ‘releasing’ cry. It was so cathartic. And as the day wore on thoughts kept going round and I did a little EFT on myself to see if I could get to the route of it. I felt better but all day a point in my chest hurt. Now me being me thinks, ‘OMG is this anything to do with canSer?’ But when I rubbed it I realised it was the ‘sore spot’ that is used in EFT. The ‘sore spot’ is close to the lung meridien in Chinese medicine which is associated with ‘letting go’ I have since found out. I find that so enlightening. The pain wouldn’t subside for ages, well, until we went to our friends and we had a proper little giggle.
Was craving eggs, bacon and bread today.. so I did it. I had some. It was lush! I don’t want any more but I really enjoyed. Once upon a time, not long ago, I would have felt guilty about not eating everything correctly, and having pver done it with alcohol (two weekends on the trot) and not exercising enough or doing the correct sort of exercise and not getting enough done..BUT I don’t feel like that any more. I am flowing like a river and i realise that I am doing the best I can do and the decisions I make are the right ones for this moment in time.
The best decision I made this weekend was tucking myself up on the sofa with the fire going and a ‘Butler’ Bear bringing me food and drink! The best home made stews and soups all weekend. Mmmm.
Phew, yesterday was manic. I was feeling really full of cold and yet still determined to not get neurotic and think it worse than it is. I am thinking that on the up side my body is full of anti inflammatories and immune boosting supplements that getting a cold is good for the body really. It could be that my body is getting rid of stuff and preparing for the autumn and winter or it could be a ‘healing crisis’ from the treatment that I have received this week.
Either way I really have to keep it in perspective. loads of other people have colds at the moment and I’m not pointing fingers but you know who you are that gave me this one!
Sadly despite knowing that I should stay at home and rest Pete and I had to work- moving his business to new offices. It was actually really good fun and all the staff were so upbeat and hands on it really made it a wonderful experience and so good to know that when they go to work on Monday that it’s all done and packed away. Every box. I made sure of that! A lovely bunch of people- Pete’s lucky to have them.
Then off to get Ray to take him shopping then home for his favourite (and only meal) I can cook- omelette. He hasn’t been out of the house for a couple of weeks and although he only comes to our house he was so happy. Time flies. Once he had been taken home we were then free.. and bushed! Off to bed at 9pm. This cold really has taken hold and I was feeling really sorry for myself. I knew I would feel better once I had a good nights sleep.
Spoke to my friend from Ibiza yesterday who has a talent for customising clothing. She wants to create a top with our mantra, ‘Light and Love’ on it. She has got the saying in 14 different languages to use. How cool. I cannot wait to see it. 🙂
Today has been filled with love and cuddles and the Bear and I have been discussing intuition whilst he has been cooking a tasty cream of cauliflower soup made with beans not dairy. I love sunny, cold, love filled Sundays like today-my favourite! (oh and watching rugby on TV- oh those big boys and their legs. Cheeky.) I have also noticed a change in our kitty. She actually loves us at last and has been sitting on our laps?! I know. A Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment! Bless her. I knew I’d break her down in the end… maybe she felt crowded and overwhelmed before; what with all the angels in the room! 😉
I’m off for some bear fur, food and rubgy boys legs.. Laters Potatoes… X
This weekend has been a weekend with the girls. Both Pete and I spent the weekend with our ‘bessies’. The boys went off on the boat and no doubt had lots of banter and laughs, whilst us girls chilled in Poole. Saturday the weather was amazing so we spent our time walking on the beach, watching people, getting plenty of vitamin D and unusually there were lots of butterflies. I took that as a positive sign, angels whatever you want to call it. I am bagging anything I can get!
The afternoon we spent grazing on vegan foods and discussing almost everything – it was nice to express how I’m feeling and found that my friends feel I am being too hard on myself. The constant need to feel like I am getting everything done and seeing things that should be every day rituals as chores and putting more pressure on myself rather than going with the flow. My friend Emma has loaned me her book, ‘Dont sweat the small stuff’. At a glance it is so me. In todays society we just keep loading ourselves with more and more commitments and anxiety increases causing symptoms such as stress, irritable bowel syndrome and so on. A lesson so many of us should learn is to not sweat the small stuff and learn that let life flow. That is essential in dealing with cancer and even preventing cancer I believe.
I indulged in some ‘bubbles’ and let my hair down (so to speak). Proper girly togetherness is so soulful. I think it is a must for every relationship to have down time with their friends. I have to admit though I missed my Bear at night. Back home now and planning the week ahead. Pete looks tired but has a wry smile on his face with memories of the weekend. ‘What happens on ‘Sunny’ stays on ‘Sunny’!’ Off to Germany Tuesday for my next round of immunotherapy. I have a feeling of excitement as I really want to believe that the treatment is working but I want it to work fast!
Time to catch up some Bear cuddles.
This weekend has been great. Apart from having a long weekend as its bank holiday it really has given Pete and I time to catch up with friends, relax and breath in fresh air.
Following on from my meeting with Dr Kate James she sent me lots of information with regards to certain elements of the diet and other factors she takes into account. Of course the alkaline diet plays a huge role but she also takes into account traditional chinese medicine and their role in the foods consumed too. Yin and yang is well known to us all but I had never considered how yin and yang foods can affect us too. Yin food characteristics can be seen as cold and cooling and yang are warm in colour and comforting, for example. Apparently building the Yin is particularly important when trying to create a balanced and healthy environment. This can be done by foods and by what we do.
What I found to be really interesting was reading how to nurture our Yin; being by the sea and water, enjoying a quiet retreat, taking a quiet walk in nature. I have really been enjoying spending time by the river in Germany and this weekend we went for a long walk in the New Forest which I really loved (Pete might think I didn’t enjoy this much as after 90 minutes of walking I started to moan quite a bit! :)). I think it’s like being a child again. It might also explain why Pete sleeps so well on our boat. The energy is so relaxing.
Its funny (haha not peculiar)how so many things are decided and happen so intuitively. Having not known any of the facts about Yin we both have been having instincts of wanting to be closer to the coast and to the woods and outdoors. Of course the other obvious factor is exercise and fresh air perfect for my lungs and for oxygentating my body which is the key here.
The key to my whole life and the plan moving forward is the ten point plan. That reinforces the need to make it as hard as possible for canser to live inside my body. Let’s hope its working.
The weekend was lovely and relaxing yet I still feel very emotional- impatient, and full to the brim. I can’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I guess it could be the new diet clearing out all the toxins. Its been a few weeks now but only 7 days since I have really followed a plan. I am not looking forward to having a colonic treatment this week but feel that will really help get the toxins out of me. To assist with breathing and meditation I felt that I needed clearer airways so I bought a neti pot. It’s bizarre. I simply pour saline solution through one nostril to clear out the other- the results are amazing! I haven’t been able to breathe so clearly in forever. I’m ordering curcumin as advised by Mohi from Natural Biosciences. Curcumin is the main active ingredient in turmuric. it is proven to help with cancer and prevent cancer. The only thing is you need black pepper and oil to help it to be absorbed into the body. I have ordered Life Extension Super Cucumin with Bioperine. Mohi is going to email other supplements to try as soon as possible as I have another CT scan at the end of August. He is keen to see if it has a positive effect.
Will be trying the infra red lamp tomorrow…X
Saturday morning was spent doing chores together then exercise and smoothies then off to our retreat, the boat, to be alone and close to nature and to spend some time doing some serious reading. The weather improved slightly and we spent the afternoon rugged up. I managed to complete the Crazy Sexy Diet. It is so inspiring and exciting to think that I am in charge of my body. The author focuses on meditation and yoga. She also spells with an S like this, canSer. This is to take its power away. I like that. I may have canSer but I truly believe that I am making a difference and it will not control me. I am in control it and if I have to live with it then I will respect it. But it’s not ‘my’ canSer. Although I am doing yoga I really do need to find myself a class or teacher to learn more to become more spiritual and in tune with myself. I thank my best friend Lizzy Beans for introducing this book and way of thinking.