A wonderful surprise to start off the week…

Last week was supposed to be a week of chilling out. Under orders from Pete who cleverly suggested that avoiding close contact with lots of clients would be beneficial straight after surgery. I felt initially like I should work as I felt well enough but then I actually felt rubbish all week. Typically.

I couldn’t put my finger on it. I felt incredibly teary, maybe from hormones. I ached where I hit my head and my arm/ vaccination site was causing me issues at night too. I started the interleukin two injections Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and as Prof D informed me I did feel quite fluey at night. This didn’t help sleep either. I just felt pretty miserable and off beat.

I kept myself busy instead of sitting around which wasn’t what I was supposed to do but it meant I could get things done and visit people that I don’t normally get a chance to. In that respect last week was great.

But then I visited Ray, the old man that we have taken care of for too many years! You might remember me mentioning him. He has moved to a lovely, care home where he will never be lonely, without food or a doctor near by should he need it. Peter has been brilliant in visiting him regularly and unsurprisingly Ray is unhappy with his new home. It would be too much to ask for him to be grateful or happy.

Trying to help Pete last Friday I offered to pop in to see him. Pete was maxed at work and I wanted to do something to help the load at least. Well, I skipped into the lovely residence only to be met by Rays locked door and told to bugger off! How nice. He didn’t realise it was me but when he did he seemed really happy to see me. It felt good and I was pleased I had made him smile. But this lasted about ten seconds. He realised he had an audience and proceeded to moan, make up stories and slate me and Pete for about an hour. Now I know old people can be that way but I don’t think is any excuse for that behaviour. Reluctantly I told him I had to leave when he was pointing his finger at me telling me people don’t like me. What can you do eh? I left feeling violated as I had sat there trying not to comment or defend myself. I was red and flustered and poor Pete felt terrible when I told him.

I got home and had some more tears… It must be hormones! It was ok though because soon I had a big cuddle inbound from the Bear. The weekend was chilled as we visited Pete’s sister and then yesterday did some gardening. I felt really happy and could feel the cloud lifting.

We have tried to work out what people like Ray are trying to teach us and why they are still in our life. We have come to the conclusion that you can’t please everybody no matter what lengths you go to.Then I saw this article this morning;

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6934/Are-We-Meant-to-Meet-the-People-We-Meet.html

 

Today I am back to work. I have four new clients and I will be working into the evening. I feel better in myself and I am looking forward to working.

I had a great start to the day when I opened my front door to find a bunch of beautiful flowers and a card from client. She said that after wallowing in self pity all weekend she thought of me and that inspired her to pick herself up and get on with things. I am glad I helped give her a kick up the bum. Sometimes it’s ok to wallow but moving on and getting on with things is the way forward.

The interleukin 2 injections have left quite itchy raised lumps in the injection sites on my tummy. This is a good sign that the immunity is responding. I so hope that it is being reflected inside. My next ct scan is booked for the end of July, so I will find out then.

Right, off I go to get started on lots of pairs of eyebrows!

Light and love!

X

Don’t know what I want.. live in the present or look to the future. It must be the Gemini in me!

Our first weekend home after being away for what felt like eternity was a real treat. I have caught up on the usual chores like washing and ironing. This bizarrely enough makes me feel really good. I like getting things done and being normal. It gives you a sense of what everyday life should be like.

I love my weekends as I get to spend it with my favourite person… my Bear. The weather wasn’t brilliant this weekend so we caught up (I am sad to admit) on TV programmes that we had missed. Now some may frown upon this as someone with my circumstances must want to do so many other things that be bothered by favourite TV programmes but it makes me happy and being happy is one of the ten point plan. In fact it is probably the most important element in healing. Happiness forces you to be stress free. You can’t be stressed and happy can you?!

Today is my first day back at work. I work from home so it’s not really that much of a big thing but I do love putting on my uniform and going to work in my home salon. I have, sadly, had a few cancellations today though. Sometimes I try to see what opportunities these cancellations give me. Often I need the time off to get things done and have more ‘me’ time. I have to admit I am a bit disappointed that I am not fully booked as I can really do with the money what with all the treatments aboard and time off work. Plus I have goals to achieve like getting my kitchen done. I am a long way off of raising the money for that but I have to start somewhere.

But I am not going to stress about it. It has given me the afternoon to get other things done. I have been asked by Nicola Jane lingerie to write a piece on the day in my life so that they can add it to their blog. I found it quite therapeutic actually and enlightening.  My days are very different to most people as I spend so much time during the mornings on me. Most people don’t have that opportunity so I do feel really blessed to be so lucky.

What to do with the rest of my day? I am going to read some more chapters of my book by Dr Lissa Rankin, Mind over Medicine and also dust off the ipad and use my sketches app.

I had a friend come over today for her brows. She is a good friend who looks after my furry animal (not Pete!) when I am away, which let’s face it, is often these days! In return I do her eyebrows for her. A bit of girly pampering is so nice! She is currently training as a reiki healer and has trained as holistic therapist in the past. She said that she feels that I may need to visit or speak to Mark, the hypnotherapist I saw earlier this year. She has a strong feeling that I need let go of things to move on. I have to agree with her. I am dealing quite well with things but I do feel that there is something holding me back from really living. I still fear what is going to happen every three months. I try not to let it happen but I can’t shift that feeling of wanting things to change. In a good way. What I mean is that I would really love it if we didn’t need to go to Germany as much because there is no evidence of cancer. I think I could really feel freer than I am now.

It’s like a block. I have forgotten what life was like before I had this diagnosis. I am sure I worried about pointless things. I really do want to live more in the present. I want to be more mindful.  It’s so weird no sooner have I said I want to live in the present I have a longing to plan for the future! Is this the Gemini in me? Being flighty and needy? Ha!

I received a really lovely letter from a fellow triple negative survivor this weekend that really moved me. It’s so good to hear from others and know that my blogs aren’t boring them to tears. I love hearing about their supportive partners. I feel blessed having my Big One. He is the one that keeps me going. Maybe one day I will meet some of my followers….