Laughter is the best medicine

Laughter is the best medicine. All part of my ten point plan- mental fitness, staying happy is right up there in getting well and staying well. Life is far too serious even more so when you have canSer or live with someone who has canSer. I’m sure there are statistics and studies on how laughter actually increases the immune system and helps heal a person. Instead of boring you with those facts I just want to tell you from my own experience- Laughter definitely makes you feel good, full of beans and let’s you forget your worries. A bit like being absorbed in a movie, a bit of escapism and forgetting your own woes. (I do this watching The Holiday with Jude Law in it! Nudge nudge, wink wink girls- Emma and Liz you know what I mean! Ha ha) Last night Pete, myself and friends watched a live comedy show, Mickey Flanagan actually. Oh my how my cheeks hurt from laughing so much. An awesome show. I think I like him and his material so much because of my east London roots and the way Mickey talks. (No I am not from Essex Mr G! I lived on the outskirts, right on the boundaries.. I cannot express enough I am not an Essex girl even if I do act like one sometimes! 🙂 )

I laughed for nearly three hours solid. I can’t remember the last time I did that! I’m still buzzing with happiness. 

Right now I’m sat in a hotel near Heathrow airport. We fly out to Germany tomorrow for my third round of dendritic cell therapy and Newcastle disease virus. I’m already missing my kitty and being at home but I keep thinking that maybe if I’m strong enough that next month may be my last for a while. As much as I am thrilled that I am able to have this treatment going every month can be quite demanding not to mention so expensive. 

Once I have had all four vaccines I will have a ct scan to see if it’s all working still if not better than before. I can’t help but think how good I feel mentally and physically. Ok I have had days of tiredness but other than that I can’t complain. The only other thing wrong with me is my butt aching! I did a thirty minute legs routine yesterday followed with thirty minutes of yoga… Seriously ow! Squats, lunges and high kicks. Well it must have raised my metabolism as I have been hungry and eating loads since and I’m sure I’m not increasing weight!( I know weight isn’t something to worry about unless I lose a lot but old habits die hard!)

So the Bear and I will hopefully sleep really well. Better than one of our other airport hotel stays I hope. We were woken at 2am by the fire alarm. I love hotel beds. The covers are soft and luxurious and the beds are usually huge….. Must not sleep yet!!! I’m really looking forward to the hotel in Duderstadt. It’s different to our usual one- a bit of a treat with a pool and sauna. If the weather is as dreary as here then tomorrow I will enjoying the facilities! Yeha!

I’ve been getting more emails from other canSer survivors. I really do feel comforted, empowered and ever more driven to keep going. I owe it to them all! And I’m so pleased people find comfort in my blogs. Silly really as all I’m doing is writing my journal….

So things to do more of; drawing, make bracelets and sleep! Oh and cuddles with my man. Where is he? 

Xx

Flowing like a river with a butler Bear looking after me!

This weekend has been beautiful. Beautiful weather- blue skies, cold air and all the trees looking colourful. But despite the lovely weather conditions I could have been out walking I decided that I was going to make the most of my time to snuffle up to the big Bear in front of the TV. I love Autumn. It means lots of rugby. Now don’t get me confused as a sports fan. It’s purely a spectator sport! Ha ha! (Big boys and their legs!) As well that there has been so many reality tv shows on that ‘One’ must watch and catch up on. And then there was Remembrance Sunday.

We watch it every year either on TV or at a ceremony somewhere. And every year I feel so humbled and so very proud. We as a nation -rock! We wouldn’t  be here if all those amazing people hadn’t given their lives so freely. Tears, heart warming and shoulders- back proud! Thank you!

I am noticing the more I get on with living the less I worry about myself. I have to admit that bodily aches and twinges do get me reeling and worrying but only for a short time. With the Louise Hay book I have read I am really believing that anything is possible and that the route of my illness is a combination of so many factors. I have addressed the toxicity of my lifestyle and diet and now I am working on the toxicity of my personality and past. I didn’t think I had any issues or past regrets but maybe I do.

On Saturday when I was doing my spot of yoga a really odd thing happened. Thoughts popped into my head about my life and I started crying. Not a sad cry, just a ‘releasing’ cry. It was so cathartic. And as the day wore on thoughts kept going round and I did a little EFT on myself to see if I could get to the route of it. I felt better but all day a point in my chest hurt. Now me being me thinks, ‘OMG is this anything to do with canSer?’ But when I rubbed it I realised it was the ‘sore spot’ that is used in EFT. The ‘sore spot’ is close to the lung meridien in Chinese medicine which is associated with ‘letting go’ I have since found out. I find that so enlightening. The pain wouldn’t subside for ages, well, until we went to our friends and we had a proper little giggle.

Was craving eggs, bacon and bread today.. so I did it. I had some. It was lush! I don’t want any more but I really enjoyed. Once upon a time, not long ago, I would have felt guilty about not eating everything correctly, and having pver done it with alcohol (two weekends on the trot) and not exercising enough or doing the correct sort of exercise and not getting enough done..BUT I don’t feel like that any more. I am flowing like a river and i realise that I am doing the best I can do and the decisions I make are the right ones for this moment in time.

The best decision I made this weekend was tucking myself up on the sofa with the fire going and a ‘Butler’ Bear bringing me food and drink! The best home made stews and soups all weekend. Mmmm.

I’m on a journey.. (I hate saying ‘journey’- I sound like someone on the X Factor!)

This morning started with an epsom bath, meditation and yoga.

Second day at Doctor Kates. I wasn’t sure what we would cover today but again it flew by!

We discussed in detail the supplements I am taking. I have been feeling overwhelmed with the quantity and have decided to drop a lot and replace a few of them with new ones. They are all very much immune boosting. Kate discussed the effects of foods on the body. A lot of what I have currently been eating and drinking are having a ‘downward’ effect which means they are hugely metabolising and although they are massively antioxidant and immune boosting the overlap could be making my body work harder. (it makes me think of my favourite saying ‘Keep it simple’) It’s funny because she mentioned how sometimes I may be drawn to warm rather than raw foods. She really taught me to learn what foods help certain organs. I have come away with many recipes, info and yet more supplements and tonics.

Kate discussed the scientific evidence some of the supplements have, in particular reishi (especially for triple negative breast cancer) and reishi spores. Reishi spores are difficult to obtain but a well know Chinese doctor swears they will fix canSer!

She discussed a lot about how although I feel better and well, that my pulse was weak in places. That I have to start stopping! I mustn’t do any hands on treatments as I’m too depleted. She recommends I start recieving more treatments particularly acupuncture and reflexology. She urged me to have more baths but to use dead seal salts and pink himalayan salt not epsom, and to place crystals in them. I get the feeeling that she is suggesting things that wil be softer, nurturing and kinder to me.

I discussed that I used to be so holistic and somehow I have moved away from it. She believes I know a lot and I am already doing and making the right positive changes but I must try to listen and trust my heart.

She played devils advocate by asking, ‘What would happen if you just stopped worrying about your next scan and whether the canSer had got bigger? I said I had to know so I could deal with the next problem, She replied, ‘ because there will always be a problem?’

We did EFT to release the feelings of anger I have against the comments from the specialists at the hospital over the last year. She made me look at everything with a different view. I do feel ‘lighter’ now.

I feel her strong sense of belief with the reishi spores and acupuncture is amazing. I didn’t think she could really teach me much but she has, and now I have a clear plan- 6 weeks on reishi, reishi spores and chaga then 4 weeks off. If by my next scan things haven’t improved, the dose will be doubled.

Kate said she woudn’t normally notice with other people but she felt and could see, that I am protected. She said, ‘Whether you call them light beings or angels, whatever, you are being protected.’ OK- that got me. She hasn’t seen and doesnt know about my blog. She said that I have a lot of glow and great energy. 🙂

I do feel that the things I have been drawn to are right, although I may not have thought they would benefit me in a such a way, such as youga, acupuncture and meditation.

So there it is- I’m on a journey, the fog is lifting, things are becoming clearer. I have to trust, believe and be kinder to myself or if I don’t then I won’t be strong enough and cope as well as I could. (I hate saying ‘journey’. I sound like someone on the X Factor!)

There are miracles out there but Dr Kate really does think combining conventional treatment such as surgery, chemo and radiotherapy with alternative treatments such as tradional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, herbs, nutrition will give individuals the best possible chance of remission. and that;s the whole pint of my ten point plan!

My battle isn’t with canSer it’s with myself….

We discussed what I’d say to canSer. Do I believe that it is part of my body, since the body created it? No. So I told the canSer that I repsected it but it’s not welcome.  She tried to calm me by saying that having the tumours stop or slow right down in growth is probably better that them going altogether as this makes it a stable disease. Kate said that a study of 80 people who died from other ways than canSer, all had autopsies and over 5% of them had primary canSers that they didn’t know about. They had lived happliy with canSer but hadn’t known. I know she is right and I know I have to cope with living properly in the knowledge that it’s there, possibly- it may have already gone! 🙂  But as long as I spend time worrying about it and wishing for it to go and trying to control it, it’s winning because I am giving it power and energy.

So a summary- I need to be kind to myself. I need to listen to my heart and be more intuitive. And I have to over come the constant need to know what is going to happen to somehow change the outcome. I must continue with my plan and really help myself in every positive way. That’s an action plan I think anyone would struggle with but I am game on! True control comes from doing nothing. That doesn’t mean stopping trying to help myself. It means letting go. I can only do the best at that time and trust it is the best thing for me.

Gratitude is the Attitude

I had yet another good nights sleep. We have been using frankincense on our burner in our bedroom. Frankincense really calms the diaphragm therefore forcing you to relax and breath deeply. It smells divine and really works.

Today I had a one to one yoga session with Viktoria. Her web details will available on our resources page in due course. She focussed on relaxation and meditation as well as flexibility and alignment. Where I have had surgery my right side is very tight and restricted and it has affected not only my side by my ribs and my arm but also my hips. By gaining correct posture over time will really assist in my breathing and opening up my chest and lungs. My bones clicked so much. I sounded like an old woman! As I can’t go for a few weeks Viktoria will provide me with a document showing moves for me to pratise.

Todays focus is ‘Gratitude is the attitude’. I really believe that. Gratitude puts you in a position of having instead of wanting. Notice what you have instead of focussing on what you don’t. The thing with yoga and meditation is it all focusses on love, loving and being loved. It makes so much sense. I feel calmer and less angry that’s for sure. I am so grateful for everything in my life and I don’t feel hard done by. I’m just grateful that I have such great support and the opportunity to try to fix things. I know life will never be the same again. It changed the day I was told I had canSer. Until now, I guess I have just been going through the motions but now I can really live with purpose.  What goes through my mind often is, ‘No one ever said it was going to be easy’. Whoever said it, was not wrong!

Tomorrow I don’t have any new things to try out-but I will be spending time with a good friend for the day. Can’t wait. X