The only thing I heard next was, ‘When you next hear my voice you will be alert and peaceful’.

The last couple of days have been pretty stress free. I haven’t had much booked in the diary and have decided to go with the flow. It has been really good. I don’t know where time goes though?!

I have spent a bit of time listening to the new meditation/visualisation cd’s that arrived and have revisited the quantum field healing that I read recently. I actually decided to do it for Pete’s ankle. He did mention that he thought it felt better.

As well as this I have been ploughing through my new books ‘The book of miracles’ and ‘Faith, hope and healing’ both by Dr Bernie Siegel. They feature real life stories of canSer survivors or relatives’ and how they dealt with their own personal situations. At the end of each story Bernie gives his reflection. It is helpful and gives me hope and makes me realise that I don’t have to be cured of canSer to live fully.

I have been really beating myself up in the last 6 months making myself believe that nothing other than being cured of canSer is good enough but when I relate back to Kris Carr, she is living with it just fine ten years on. I suppose I really thought that if it left my life completely then I could really live and plan again but that’s me missing the point again! Now is the only life I have and I cannot simply think once it goes then I can really help others. I thought to myself that once I have proved the treatments and the exercises etc that I do work then I can really help others in surviving. But I am already living proof that it’s working. Ok the scan shows that the canSer has progressed but it is still very small plus my health is in tip top condition other than that. I honestly cannot see at the present time this is going to be my demise. I have to keep remembering that one day we will die and it’s never going to be good and one of us, Pete or I, will be alone.

What has been really nice is that despite the fact that I am reading about canSer I don’t feel like canSer is ruling my life at the moment. The chemo isn’t causing me any distress or ill health (except feeling like I am vibrating and shaking sometimes- I put that down to the chemo doings it’s thang!) I have been planning lots of holidays in my diary not booking as yet but at least there is a plan. I am certainly not thinking I don’t have a long future.

I have pencilled in my diary to go and see the NLP guy, Mark Newey at the end of February. He seems really nice and I could do with some reprogramming to make me let go of past hurts and move forward fearlessly. I actually dozed off this morning listening to some guided visualisation and the only thing I heard next was, ‘When you next hear my voice you will be alert and peaceful’. I hope that it still works when you are unconscious!

It is only over one month till ‘triple negative breast cancer day’ on the 3rd march and I really would like to raise funds and contribute somehow to it. I am not sure where the money should go at present. I don’t want to work too hard on it and feel responsible for it- as I tend to get myself worked up at things failing. (I know I am working on that too!) So I have chatted to a friend who is going to meet me to see what we could do. Any ideas welcome at this stage…. I want to support Coppafeel as they are raising awareness for everyone to start checking themselves from an early age. I want to support triple negative breast canSer but not sure what charity can help that and then I want to push forward the vaccine route as I believe this has a long way to go and could be the future combined with medication.

I believe now (again in hind sight) that all the time I was hoping not to go back onto chemo that in fact this could be the thing that really socks it to ‘em. I was afraid I would feel terrible that my life would be on hold again as you really don’t feel like doing anything  when on chemo but in fact if nature has its way and maybe if God is on my side this could be the thing that knocks it out of the ball park! Please, please, please…. I have everything crossed but know if it isn’t the outcome I want that I will move onto the next thing until it is.

I have been a bit naughty recently buying lots of clothes. I don’t know why I cannot stop.. I love looking and feeling good but I have too much of everything. This is the next thing for me to work on. I drew myself some angel cards and they were all focussing on spirituality and higher consciousness.  I know ‘things’ are not important so why do want them so much?

A lovely follower sent me this link to this news about TNBC. It all sounds exciting but not sure what I can do with it next… just hope the cure for this aggressive canSer is the next one they find!


Off to do be a little bit creative. I haven’t had my creative juices flowing in a while.. I need a fix. X

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