Well what can I say.. Today is one of those days that I have something good to write about.
The day has been looming for a week. Initially at the time of my scan I felt deep inside that everything was going to be ok but as the week wore on I let my head get the better of me and whether its self preservation I started to fear the worst. This morning I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown and I felt so sick on the way to hospital with so much adrenalin rushing round my body.
The journey to the hospital should have been a sign. It took me 20 minutes door to door.. Amazing. All the traffic lights were green and the day has been absolutely gorgeous here, bright and sunny and almost warm enough to sit out in it.
Pete met me there and he gave me a pep talk as usual to calm me down. He said that no matter what the results say we will keep on working, that I feel great and that warrants a lot, I can deal with the disease much better if I feel good, and he reminded me that today is really the only important day to think about, not tomorrow or next week as today is the day we are living… I know he is right. Once I got that in my head I calmed down. In the waiting room, we met an old friend of Pete’s with his wife who has leukaemia. She too looks well and they are having their own battle with what treatment is available to them. They are not t simply taking what one consultant tells them as they have told her she is too old for a bone marrow transplant at 70 years old. They have changed consultants and feel better knowing they have a plan.
We were only there for ten minutes when I had to have my usual weigh in ( to see if I am losing weight- indicates illness) and the nurse asked me who I would like to see today; Prof Harris, Nicky Levitt or Dr Lord (whom I haven’t met before). Well that’s a first and also very kind of the nurse to ask as she must be well aware of how I feel about them. From that list I chose Prof Harris and immediately wondered if I had chosen the right one. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have confrontation and go over old ground. Pete said I had chosen the right one so that was good. No sooner had I chosen we were asked to go through to see him. Wow that is the quickest I have ever gone through to my appointment.
Prof Harris came in looking rather dapper I must say with a purple leopard print tie! I told him I loved the tie.. I couldn’t help myself. He sat down and within an instance told us it was GOOD news!
I turned to Pete whose eyes had already filled with tears (he won’t admit it was tears because he is a bear and they don’t cry- ha-ha!) Prof Harris had printed me a copy of the report which I must say was slightly more detailed than the last I have had. The upshot of it was that it looks like the capecitibine chemo drugs are working. The lung nodes have all decreased in size for example the largest was 14mm is now 9mm. The pretracheal node which measured 23 x 16 mm is now 9 x mm and so too have all the other nodes decreased on size. The pericardial effusion (fluid round my heart) has also decreased. Plus there has been no spread to any other organs or bones that they can see. The overall impression is that it is an interval disease response.
Well whatever you call it it’s bloody brilliant news! I knew it really deep down that it was going to be good news. I had a strong feeling last week but of course doubted myself just in case I was wrong like I have been I the past. I have to listen to my body more.
Needless to say Prof Harris said, ‘Go on then off you go. See you in three weeks.’
I collected my chemo drugs which I start tomorrow and I have never been so keen to get onto them again! This is exactly what I needed. I needed to kick start everything and not get complacent. The Prof said that exercise and eating well is key. He said that my current weight will be helping me with coping with the drugs and combating the canSer.
Well as soon as I left his office whilst waiting to have my bloods taken I text all my nearest and dearest and have been simply bursting with happiness and smiles all afternoon.
I am overwhelmed with the comments and support I have today on facebook too… Brings a happy tear to my eye…. but most of all I just feel like dancing!! So the running man it is in my kitchen. Whoop!