Three month scan already here! Urgh.. I don’t like this day. Everything can change.

The weather this weekend has been a tad windy to say the least. We went to Brighton to see our friend and check on our boat… Oh the poor boat. It is being bashed and thrashed by the elements. Worse still we had to sleep on her through the stormy winds and waves too.

It made for a very unsettled night but by morning despite the wind it was very crisp and bright. It certainly made us feel alive. My hair looked a state but I felt the stinging on my ears from the cold wind and it made it all the more comforting to go into a warm house.

On arriving at home we decided to settle down catching up on TV programmes all snuffled in our winter lounge. It sounds like we have a mansion… we don’t but we do have two TV areas. The snug is my favourite. Small, cosy and seaside themed and then our lounge where it is womb like and earthy. In preparation for the week ahead and the end to the weekend we both had an Epsom salt bath, with lovely aromas from incense and chilled tunes playing. You’d think that after that I would be floating away but I became really unsettled. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I can only assume it was because of the dreaded CT scan that was booked for today.

It doesn’t matter how much self talking and pepping I do I still get anxious before the three month scan. It’s because I worry about what may be. I think you have to be a very strong person to be able to stay calm and not fear the future. I am good most of the time… just not last night.

It didn’t stop me from sleeping probably because I was so wrecked from the lack of sleep on the boat (that I was sure was going to sink!)the night before.

Today has been great. I love getting back into exercise and all my morning rituals. Today I did rebounding and I find it such hard work which is great. I love knowing it working every cell in my body.

I try to weigh things up in my head. I know there are things I am slack on but then I think of all the things I do religiously. Ever the perfectionist, it makes life difficult staying positive and not being critical. I’ve tried to think if I know deep down what is going on inside of me. I have had funny sensations in my chest recently but then when I think when they happen it is usually when I am feeling a little stressed, so could be nothing.

The CT scan came and went today. It is always so fast and I don’t get time to really think long and hard in the hope that I willing my body to reflect itself as being in perfect health. I hope so very much that my results are good. I won’t get them for a week. As always this coming week will be a tough one. I am going to work harder at meditation and hope to buy a new mediation cd from the pranic healer tomorrow to start using a fresh. It’s good to keep things interesting. A bit like changing supplements and diet every now and then. The body likes change and it keeps it guessing. Variety is the spice of life and all that.

It’s done now… I say the same things every three months. It just goes to show that it never gets easier. Well it doesn’t for me as I care so much. I think I make such an effort that nothing less than success is enough.

Success is what I currently have I know. But I want more! At least I will keep trying for more but feel very satisfied with what I have. I don’t want to look back and feel disappointed. The key is to live in the present and be grateful.

Pete is great when I’m uneasy. He held me so tight last night that I couldn’t move. Just how I like it. I’m his teddy bear!

This week is a good one with a lot to look forward to so I am simply going to put the scan tot eh back of my mind and know that everything is going be ok…. It always is.

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