Fridays are always such a happy day; the weekend to come and feelings of,’ Yes I’ve got through another week!’ Today however has been even more off a ‘fist punch’ day.
Last night, feeling overly tired we headed to bed early. I didn’t think Ii was nervous or bothered about heading down to the hospital today but clearly I was, as I barely slept, not helped by our naughty cat who keeps meowing at our bedroom window to be let in when she has a cat flap down stairs! Anyway, I got up early despite my appointment not being until 11am in London. I couldn’t hang around and didn’t want to be late so just got myself down there as quick as I could.
Anxiety and feelings of fear got worse as I approached St Bart’s and I started to feel like I was going to throw up. Not great when you are wandering around Smithfield’s. With so much time to kill I headed past all the cafes and salivated at the thought of croissants and crumpets (yes crumpets! I love them, they remind me of my childhood…) but as I walked I thought I cannot avoid going to Beppe’s cafe again. It’s rough and ready like a proper ‘greasy spoon’ cafe. I didn’t think I really fancied that this morning but I felt the magnetic pull of the place. I decided that if there was a table free then I would go in. As I peered through the window someone was just leaving… Right, that was it. As I walked in the lovely chap there was enthusiastically friendly and familiar. Such a nice guy. I’m pleased I went in there now.
By 9am I decided that I would get checked in at the clinic and sit it out. And that I did. Whilst there, a slight lady sat next to me and started talking and telling me about herself. She spoke so softly it was hard to hear everything she was saying. She was so upset, she cried during her story telling. I tried to ask the right questions and wanted to know if she had support, but it seemed she didn’t have anyone. I asked if she could go on forums or visit someone like Macmillan or Maggie’s centres. No. So I just listened. She was very sweet and said how beautiful I was, still. Still?
I popped to the toilet and when I returned she had moved seats. Had I said something? I am so lucky, I thought to myself. I have such a support network and Pete; my rock, couldn’t give me more love than he does.
Anyway moving on, I was seen before my appointment time which was a bonus. Dr Plowman was his jovial self. I really like him. He read my folder and I filled him in on the details of my MRI on Monday etc. He tapped on the keyboard and clicked on tabs and located some of my MRI images. There was no report ready as yet. We looked at the images of my brain together. He said it was a good looking brain and everything looked really good. I asked what a brain tumour would look like and he said an asymmetric dot. He was quite thorough and said that he thought there may be something small on the front at the right but he wasn’t sure. He showed me another image which had reverberations on it. He said that was where I had moved during the scan. I explained how nervous I get and I am slightly claustrophobic. He laughed and said that the image had rings running through my head and that I wasn’t a tree, you couldn’t tell my age from it! Ha-ha….
Dr Plowman then dictated a letter and emailed a colleague which said that I was to get a report of my scan done and that they were to discuss me at the MDT on Monday. They are to consider doing gamma knife or cyber knife on that one lesion, if it is a lesion. He apologised profusely and said that he was so sorry that I have been messed around so much and that nothing seems ready when I arrive. He said, ‘Feel free to hassle my secretary, Emma, as I’m a stupid old man.’ No fear there. I will be on the case….
So I practically skipped out and rang Pete and told him the news that the five tumours are now, none or maybe only one! He won’t mind me saying, but he shed a few tears. What a relief. I will be even happier when I know the next bit but for now this is great! I feel such a sense of achievement and will keep going. Now I just need to know the body is following suit.
Today is ‘Good’ Friday… Not the Easter kind but the ‘Got everything to live for’ kind…. I feel like celebrating just a little bit! I love my friends and I love my family and I love all of you out there. Today, we celebrate small things because before you know it they are the BIG things!
Light and love everyone! XX